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(no subject)

I slept pretty peacefully last night, feeling neutral and calm. I had a dream about the forest near my parents' home; there was a huge wooden building where you could have fun, and you could ride a mine wagon there.

I really hate waking up because the first thing I feel is anguish and anxiety and the knowledge of my impending death.

I got up about at nine o'clock in the morning, took my morning meds and biotin supplement and went back to bed. I got up again after midday, and logged in to my bank app. I had not received the weekly allowance.

I applied basic lotion on my skin and got dressed.

I called my mother and asked her if she can give me some money, she told me that my dad has given me 20 euros. I took a bus to my parents' home, my mom answered the door. She made me an omelet and coffee.

We left at the same time, mom went for a walk and I took a train downtown. I went to the shopping mall, and went to a cafe to eat an onion- tuna empada and a glass of orange juice. I also bought a new sleeveless shirt, blue with red cherries.

I kept on logging on and off to the bank app, but I didn't receive the money. I was feeling unhappy.

I went from shop to shop, bought myself a cup of coffee to take my evening meds with, and then I took a train back home.

Once home, I put the cortisone lotion on my scalp, except that most of it ended in my hair. I took a tranquilizer because I was feeling rather speedy.

I still haven't received the weekly allowance.

I'm feeling rather subdued. If the allowance doesn't arrive tomorrow, I don't know what to do.

Tomorrow I will do the weekly housework; change the towels and bed sheets, take out the recycling, hoover the floor, and tidy up the bathroom. In the evening, Mirette and I will go to a concert.

On Sunday, I will go visit my parents; they will give me the weekly allowance. I will call my granny. I will go visit my friend Jani so that I can give him gas money for giving me a ride.
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(no subject)

Before going to bed last night I had Miss Evening Anxiety visiting me, but she left when I played Pokemon. I managed to catch and evolve plenty of different pokemons, but also ran out of poke balls.

I had plenty of weird dreams of places I have never been before. I also had a dream where I was visiting my grade school, I met my old teachers and told them that I have never succeeded in my life.

When I woke up, I yawned and my jaw immediately protested.

I got up, took my morning meds and biotin supplement, applied basic lotion on my skin, got dressed, and made coffee.

I called Elisa and asked her if I can come over, she said I can. She is house- sitting for her adoptive mother because she has gone on a vacation.

I took a bus to her home. Her doorbell plays the first stanza of Jingle Bells, and Hipsu barked loudly when I rang it.

We had coffee and candy and played Pokemon.

Later that day Jani came over. He gave us a lift to the supermarket where they bought plenty of food, and then he gave me a lift to my parents' home.

Once there, mom let me in and dad was home as well.

After a while, I took a bus back home.

Once home, I took my evening meds and did the evening skincare regiment.

Tomorrow I will have an appointment at my psychiatric center at two o'clock in the afternoon. I will take a shower and clean my teeth before that.
After the appointment, I will wash all the dirty laundry I have.

On Friday I will receive the weekly allowance. I will pay my Microsoft Word subscription and renew my Free Kibble membership, and then I will go shopping for stuff I need.
In the afternoon, I will go to a beach with Mirette and Elise.

On Saturday, I will do the weekly housework; change the towels and bed sheets, scrub the bathroom, take out the recycling, and hoover the floor.
In the evening, Mirette and I will go to a free concert.

On Sunday, I will go visit my parents. They will give me the weekly allowance. I will call my granny. I will go visit Jani and pay him gas money for giving me a ride.
In the evening, I will go to a funfair and buy myself a ticket that allows me to go on all rides for the last three opening hours of the funfair. I will go to all rides I like. 
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(no subject)

Last night I had a dream where my parents and I went to an “introduction day” to a high school that was built like a very colorful tower. In the dream, I ended up in the basement at a graduation party, and I was given “silly juice”, some sort of drink with drugs in it. I met Michael Myers, who was really possessive of me.

In another dream, I visited a feminist bookshop where I got free chocolate lollipops and books about gender theory. It was the nicest dream of them all.

In yet another dream, me and some Looney Tunes characters ended up in a strange town, and I had to ask Mater from Cars, and then Hound from the Transformers movie Age of Extinction to take us out of there, and finally we got a ride in the War Rig from Mad Max: Fury Road.

I got up, took my morning meds and biotin supplement, got dressed, and called the dental health service. I got an appointment for today at half past one o’clock in the afternoon.

Once at the dentist, I told him about the persistent ache on the right side of my jaw, right under my ear. He inspected my mouth and told me that my teeth are fine, but it’s the joint in my jaw that’s causing the pain. He recommended me to use some sort of gum contraception that I can order online, and also Google jaw exercises and use some sort of heating pillow to ease the ache.
He also made an appointment for a regular check- up, but due to the long queues in the dental service, it’s at the end of November near the town where Elisa’s adoptive mother lives. That’s fine by me, here’s to hoping I make it there in time because it’s at 10:30 am.

I went to the library, and then I went back home.

I took a shower, washed my hair and put conditioner and hair serum into it, used body scrub, and did the 12- step Korean skincare regiment. I put lotion on my body, shaved my armpits and put on deodorant, and also shaved my chin fluffs. I used body scrub on my hands and put hand cream on them.

I cleaned my interdentals, scrubbed my tongue, brushed my teeth, and used mouthwash. I should repeat the same routine about once a day, because usually I don't have enough spoons to do it twice a day.

I washed laundry, including my underwear and the new clothes I had bought.

I left and took a train downtown and went to the parish for free coffee, then I mailed some greeting cards. I went to a burger joint and bought a veggie- cheeseburger.

I took a couple of buses further and went to walk in a forest. I had a good time there.

I took a bus back home, once there I took my evening meds and hung the laundry.

I did the evening skincare routine, and put Bemetson on my scalp.

Tomorrow I will go visit my friend Elisa, then I will go to a free concert with Mirette. Along with that, I will wash the rest of the laundry.

On Wednesday, I will do the weekly housework; change the pillowcase and small towels, scrub the toilet bowl, and take out the recycling.

On Thursday, I will take a shower again, put conditioner into my hair and wash it and put on a hair mask.
I will have an appointment with my nurse at the psychiatric center at one o’clock in the afternoon.
I will wash the laundry, I will do it every Thursday from now on.

On Friday, I will receive money. I will order the jaw thingies from an online shop, and also buy myself one of those pillows that you can either warm up or cool down, to help me with the jaw exercises.

On Saturday, I will do the weekly housework; hoover the floor, tidy up the bathroom, take out the recycling, change the towels and bed sheets.

On Sunday, I will go visit my parents; they will give me the weekly allowance. I will call my granny.
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Why am I anxious if nothing bad happened today?

Yesterday I had a couple of friends over; Riikka, Elise, Marjut, Anton, Ansku, Mirette. We had a good time, ate treats and Riikka brought me a potted orchid.

In the evening I went for a walk.

Last night I had a dream where I went to an escape room. I was chased by two electronic Chip and Dale plushies, the other introduced himself as Adolf Hitler and the other as Plague. It kind of reminded me of the Bakshi movie Wizards.

I got up in the morning, took my morning meds and biotin supplement, got dressed, made coffee, and called my mother to ask her if I can come over. She said yes I can.

I decided to take a bus because I didn't have enough spoons for walking. Once at my parents' home, mom let me in.

She had cooked a salmon fillet and some boiled potatoes. The salmon fillet was really spicy.

Later that day dad came home, and was in a bad mood.

I left and took a train downtown. I bought hand disinfectant and tissue boxes.

I took a bus to another town, where I met Mirette. We went to a Italy- themed festival, where we got free samples of Italian food. We had a good time.

I took a subway back to downtown and then two buses back to my hometown. I went to the pharmacy and bought a small tube of restorative skin cream.

I went back home, took my evening meds, and called my granny. She was doing fine.

In the evening, I went to take the recycling out, and then I picked up some trash and took some discarded trolleys to the supermarket. I also visited the pharmacy again, to pick up my cortisone emulsion for treating my itchy scalp.

Once back home, I went to bed. I was feeling anxious again, like I kept on having these "shocks" where my whole body tenses and I start gasping.

Tomorrow I will take a shower, wash my hair and put conditioner and hair serum into it, and then do the 12- step Korean skincare regiment, and also use body scrub. I also have to shave my armpits and my chin.
I will call the health center and ask them for an appointment, and then I need to call the dental health service and ask them for an appointment.
I need to mail plenty of greeting cards. 
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(no subject)

I wish I had more motivation to update every day.

Prepare for angst, because I am a bit of a sad kitty right now.

Yesterday was nice, I guess. Miretre and I went thrift store prowlin' because there is another discount sale at one of the thrift store chains in my home country. Mirette bought me a knitted dress and a lingonberry- patterned shirt to settle a debt, and then we went out for pizzas. 

I have started taking my meds at 9:45 pm instead of 8:00 pm, and it has resulted in me staying awake late and sleeping till four o'clock in the afternoon.

I got up at half past six o'clock in the evening today, mainly because I saw no reason to get up and because I was having nice dreams.

Sometimes I actually hate having nice dreams, because when I wake up to reality, it is ever so boring. I wish I could just fall asleep and never wake up, and have all the nice dreams.

I managed to get up, take my morning meds, and get dressed. I didn't bother with taking a shower, even if I would regret it later.

I went to see my parents. I called my mother and asked her if I can come over, she said yes I can. I took a bus to my parents' home.

Mom had cooked dinner, and left some salad for me.

In the evening I left, walked to the bus station, and caught a bus back home.

Once back home, I took my evening meds and some coffee, and almost threw up.

There is an aching spot on the right side of my jaw. It's either from stress grinding, or a wisdom tooth. If the pain does not go away by Monday, I will have it checked out.

I wish my body was healthy. Like, I wouldn't puke or have the squirts every day, my skin wouldn't itch all the time, and my head wouldn't hurt. I know the only way is to eat nutritious food and exercise, but I don't have the energy for that.
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(no subject)

Last night I had a dream where me and my best friend Anton were in an abandoned kindergarten. Anton found an apron and showed it to me, telling me it's the same I had when I was a kid.

I also had a dream where an entire street in the neighboring town was flooded, and people quickly got adapted and used inflatable pool toys and other stuff to move. I got some sort of Segway that went over water.

In another dream, I met Michael Myers in the same youth ward I used to be treated in when I was younger. In the dream, I took him to my apartment and drew a bath for him and washed his overalls. I found a disposable menstrual pad and some playing cards from his pockets.

I got up late in the afternoon, took my morning meds and biotin supplement, cleaned my teeth, and did the morning skincare regiment. I got dressed and put on earrings.

I watched the movie Halloween 6 on DVD.

I called my mother and asked her if I can come over, she said yes. I caught a bus to my parents' home, my mom answered the door. She was making dinner, boiled potatoes and boiled eggs and mushroom stew.

She gave me the monthly 100 euros. I stayed for dinner, and then I left.

I caught a bus back to my hometown and deposited the cash to my bank account. I paid for my Netflix subscription, bought groceries, and then I went back home.

I didn't even realize it was so late; it was already 7 o'clock in the evening.

I decided to go for an urbane adventure, so I took a bus to downtown and went to a burger joint. I had two cheeseburgers, French fries, and a large orange juice.

I took a bus back home, and went to the supermarket to buy a small tube of face cream and a hairbrush.

I went back home, took my evening meds, did the evening skincare regiment, and went to bed. 
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Another nice day

Last night I had a really painful feeling; I was covered in cold sweat, I saw a strange stain dancing in front of my eyes the way you see when you stare at the Sun; and my jaws were aching.
I realized it was because I had forgotten to take my evening meds on Saturday evening.

I fell asleep and had a dream about the Harry Potter franchise; in the dream, Lily Evans saved James Potter from being caught by the police. I got to peek at Lily's passport and it said her full name was Lily Tel Aviv Evans. I also had a dream where I visited a kind elderly woman who was trying to hide to elephant- human hybrid children (yes, I have watched the Netflix show Sweet Tooth), and in another dream, I visited an eco- commune in a nearby town, and in another dream, I was in a bus with punk- goth girls.

I woke up pretty early but continued sleeping because my bed felt so nice.

I got up, took my morning meds and biotin supplement, and then I took a shower. I washed and conditioned my hair and put hair serum into it, used body scrub, did the 12- step Korean skincare regiment except for the face mask because I thought I would start sweating and that would make the mask run. I didn't put basic lotion on my skin for that reason.

I got dressed and put on earrings.

I called my mother and asked her if I can come over, she said yes. I caught a bus to my parents' home, mom let me in and gave me the 20 euros she owed me.

I took a bus to Maija's house, Elisa saw me coming and let me in. Anton, Mirette, and Marjut arrived later.
Elisa, who once studied as a hairdresser, shaved Anton's head into a mohawk, and we had coffee and Karelian pies. Anton gave me two Halloween DVDs, the fourth one and the sixth one.

The others went to an escape room in the nearby entertainment center, and I went to the bus stop. I saw that the bus had already left, so I used my spare time to pick up garbage from the grass verge.

I took a bus to another town, and then I took a train to downtown and went to the shopping mall. I bought two t- shirts from my favorite clothing shop, and then I took a train back home.

I went to the supermarket to buy groceries, and then I went back home.

In the evening, I took my meds, did the evening skincare regiment, and went to sleep, still feeling a bit weird.
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(no subject)

Last night I had a dream where I talked with Nightcrawler about religion, especially Catholicism.

In another dream I was visiting the

I woke up with my jaws aching, I thought they were dislocated. I took my morning meds, got dressed, and called a taxi to the ER. Once there, the nurse checked them out and told me that my jaws aren't dislocated, they're just a bit achy.

I ordered a taxi to my parents' home. Once there, mom answered the door.
Mom gave me 40 euros from granny, and dad gave me 20 euros. Mom told me she would give her allowance tomorrow because she didn't have enough time go to the ATM.

I had coffee and orange juice and raspberry chocolate and feta cheese.

I left and walked to the station. I caught a new Pokemon while playing the game.

When I was walking down the street, a man called after me and said he wants to talk to me, but soon he left me alone.

I took a train downtown and went to a shopping mall. I visited a convenience store and bought ten postage stamps, then I went to one of my favorite clothing shops and bought clothes from the discount. Then I went to another clothing shop and bought two articles of clothing.

I took a bus to another town and went to another shopping mall, and visited another shop to buy fifteen postcards.

I took two buses back home. I put my shopping to their rightful places, and then I washed three loads of laundry. I hung it all evenly on the drying rack, and took the rest downstairs to the drying room.

I took my evening meds. Soon I am going to wash the fourth load of laundry.

I should purchase two drying racks with wings and another drying rack for underwear, so I wouldn't have to use the drying room.

Tomorrow I will take a shower, wash my hair and put conditioner and hair serum into it. I will do the 12- step Korean skincare regiment.
I will go visit my parents, my mother will give me the weekly allowance.
I will go visit Elisa at her mother's home. Elisa and some other friends are going to an escape room.
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(no subject)

Yesterday when I went to bed, the left side of my head hurt really badly, including my left ear and the left side of my throat.

Last night I had a dream where my mother and I moved into a nicer apartment. Then I woke up, and thought “What is the point in having dreams if they are better than reality?”

I also had a dream where I was stuck in some sort of a factory where I tried to escape.

I got up and took my morning meds and biotin supplement. I brushed my teeth, did the morning skincare regiment, applied basic lotion on my body, and got dressed. I even put on earrings.

I changed the towels, took the sheets off my bed, bagged the trash, and scrubbed the toilet bowl.

Mirette came for a visit, we were heading to Elise’s home.

We took out the trash after leaving, and walked to Elise’s hometown. We met her at the train station, and then we went grocery shopping. I bought a salmiakki lollipop.

We went to the group home where Elise currently lives. She warned us that some of the other residents are a bit weird, and I agreed. Elise seemed to be the most healthy one.
We went to the kitchen to warm out frozen pizzas, and then I had coffee.

We went to Elise’s room, talked about stuff, and then I left. I walked to the shopping mall and visited Hennes & Mauritz to look for new clothes. I didn’t see the clothes I had wanted before, I guess they were out of stock.

I went back home and made coffee.

In the evening I went for a walk in the nearby forest, and then I took a bus downtown, bought another lollipop, and took a bus back home.

Tomorrow I will go visit my parents, I will ride my bicycle or walk. They will give me the weekly allowance. I will call my granny if I remember this time. As for the money, I need to buy postage stamps, greeting cards, and at least one article of clothing from the local Hennes & Mauritz.