Don't get me wrong, I am not suicidal, but I sometimes wish I had never been born at all. I will die some day, and it scares me. Going to Hell is scary enough, but Heaven is even worse. Wouldn't you get bored of neverending bliss? I wish I had never been born so I wouldn't have to die.
I went to sleep and had a dream where I moved into an ecological commune.
I got up and took my morning meds and changed from nightie into a bathrobe, later changed into clothes and made coffee.
I called my mother and asked her if I can come over, she said yes.
I went to the convenience store and recharged my travel card.
I walked over to my parents' home, my mom let me in and dad was home as well.
Later that day I took a bus back home.
I was worried how pallid I looked, so I took a shower. I put conditioner into my hair and washed it, and put a hair mask on.
After the shower and three cups of coffee, I left and took a bus and a subway to another town.
I visited a pharmacy and bought a nasalspray for my congested nose. I went to a knick- knack store and bought fudge filled chocolate buttons.
I traveled back home, took my evening meds and made coffee.
Tomorrow I will receive money. I will go visit my favorite hairdresser and have my eyebrows done and my bangs shortened. I will buy a Netflix gift card, and order ecological laundry detergent from an online shop.
On Saturday, I will do the weekly housework; take out the recycling, change the towels and bed sheets, and clean up my bathroom. I will go visit my friend Rige.
On Sunday, I will go visit my parents; they will give me the weekly allowance. I will call my granny.
Last night I had a dream where I studied in Xavier Academy and had cuddly sex with Nightcrawler. He was covered in blue fuzz.
I got up and took my morning meds and changed from nightie into a bathrobe, and made coffee.
I changed from bathrobe into clothes. I scrubbed the toilet bowl, changed the towels and pillowcase.
My care worker came for the weekly appointment, I washed the dishes and talked with her.
We made a new appointment for next week's Wednesday at three PM.
I called my mother and asked her if I can come over, she said yes.
I walked to my parents' home. Mom let me in, dad was home as well.
Later that day I traveled back home through an urbane adventure.
Once back home, I took my evening meds.
Tomorrow I will take a shower, condition and wash my hair and put on a hair mask. I will recharge my travel card, and walk to my parents' home.
On Friday, I will have an appointment for having my bangs shortened and my eyebrows done. I will buy a Netflix gift card, and order a box of ecological laundry detergent from Tru Earth.
On Saturday, I will do the weekly housework. I will go visit my friend Rige.
On Sunday, I will go visit my parents, and walk there and back. My parents will give me the weekly allowance. I will call my granny.
I got up in the afternoon, and the first thing to notice was that my keeper was overflowing. I went to the bathroom to take my morning meds, emptied my keeper, and then I got dressed.
I got dressed and called my mother and asked her if I can come over, she said yes.
I took a bus to my parents' home, my mom let me in and dad was home as well.
My lower back started hurting extremely badly, I had to order a taxi to the ER. They gave me pain killers.
I took a bus back home in tertible pain. Once there, I took my evening meds and went for a walk.
It was completely useless, the delusions bothered me the entire time.
I changed into a nightie and went to bed.
My back and head hurts, and I feel delusional.
Tomorrow my care worker will come for the weekly appointment; I will wash the dishes, fold the laundry, scrub the toilet bowl, change the pillowcase and face-, hand-, and kitchen towels. I will go visit my parents by walking there and back.
On Thursday, I will receive money for recharging my travel card. I will take a shower, put hair conditioner into my hair and wash it and put on a hair mask. I will walk to my parents' home and back.
On Friday, I will have an appointment for shortening my bangs and having my eyebrows done. I will order a box of Tru Earth laundry strips, buy a Netflix gift card, and go visit the vintage thrift stores.
On Saturday, I will do the weekly housework.
On Sunday, I will walk to my parents' home and back. They will give me the weekly allowance. I will call my granny.
I wonder why I always sleep late into the afternoon, no matter how early I go to bed in the evenings.
I also wonder why my eyes run for no reason at all.
Today I managed to take a shower. I put hair oil into my hair tips, washed my hair and put conditioner into it. I still couldn't be bothered to brush my hair.
I am weaning myself off the pain killers.
I still need therapy. I have decided that right after the corona crisis is over, I will go to psychotherapy. I am the happiest I have ever been in my life but I still need to talk to someone.
Today I have felt like nothing, and everything at the same time.
Monday, April 12th: I will take a shower, put hair oil on my hair tips before washing and hair conditioner after washing my hair. I will buy a new reflective plastic cover for my travel card. If it doesn't snow, I will ride my bicycle to my parents' home. After leaving, I will visit the library and return all the items I have. I will travel downtown and visit the nearest Body Shop to recycle the eye cream I bought once, and go to a shop to buy a birthday gift for a friend, and mail it to him. I will also go visit "everything costs a euro" shop and buy air freshener. I will call my friend Elysion.
Tuesday, April 13th: I will ride my bicycle to my parents' home. If the weather is fine, I will go visit two beaches and one park.
Wednesday, April 14th: My care worker will come for the weekly appointment at half past two o'clock in the afternoon. I will wash the dishes, fold the laundry, change the pillowcase and face / hand / kitchen towels, and scrub the toilet bowl. I will go visit my parents. If the weather is fine, I will either ride my bicycle, or walk there.
Thursday, April 15th: I will take a shower, put on hair conditioner and then wash my hair and put on a hair mas. I will recharge my travel card. I will go visit my parents.
Friday, April 16th: I will receive the weekly allowance. I will go to a milkshake bar to taste- test mint chocolate milkshake. I will buy four pairs of titanium earrings of the same size, and have them fitted into the holes in my earlobes. I have three in each one, and I want to have numbers two and three fitted, and the first hole left bare so I can put other earrings in. I will also buy a Netflix gift card and biotin supplements.
Saturday, April 17th: I will do the weekly housework; change the towels and bed sheets, take out the recycling, tidy up the bathroom.
Sunday, April 18th: I will go visit my parents, they will give me the weekly allowance. I will make the weekly phonecall to my granny. As for the money, from now on I will do grocery shopping on Sundays.