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Last night I had plenty of dreams, but the dreams were so weird that I don't know how to write about them.

Anyway, I was already awake and in a sour mood before my alarm clock rang. I turned off the alarm before it rang, and then I got up.

I took my morning medicine and biotin supplement, had coffee, and took a shower. I washed my hair, armpits, and face, put deodorant into my armpits, applied face tonic, face serum, face cream on my face and put castor oil on my eyelashes. I might stop doing the eyelash routine, because it makes my eyelids swell.
I put lotion on my skin, and put on a pretty frock.

I went to the library, and made it there in time. I volunteered as a reader in the knitting group.
Irina welcomed me to the group, and there was also a dirty old man who kept on talking about himself, but he left before the group began.

In the middle of my reading, an old drunkie started talking loudly to his phone. Irina went to him and told him off, and he called her a cow and a whore.

I managed to read the novels I had chosen, but I felt anxious because of the men who had harassed us. After I had read the novels, I read a couple of poems too.

After the group, I went home. I was supposed to brush my teeth and do some stretches, but I forgot.
I called my mama and asked her if I can come over, she said I can. I took a bus to my parents' home, mom answered the door.

I drank coffee and orange juice, and ate cherry tomatoes and buttered oat bread.

I went to my old room, lied on the bed, and farted a couple of times. It was noisy and smelly, but fortunately my mother didn't notice.

I stayed over until it was time to go to the youth group at the church. I took a bus to my hometown and went to the church.

I had a good time at the group.

Later that day I left and went to the shopping mall. I visited a few shops, and then I went back home.

I had many bouts of diarrhea today.

Once back home, I took my evening medicine and sprayed Nasonex into my nostrils. I made a few sandwiches and then I watched The Good Place on Netflix.

I feel strangely happy and content.

Tomorrow I will receive my weekly and monthly allowance from my guardian of interest. I will order Christmas gifts from Wish.com.
As for the rest of the money, I will go shopping at the local mall. I need to buy this month's and next month's greeting cards and proper postage stamps for them; a small glass jar for storing homemade toothpaste; a toilet brush; toilet paper and household paper; face tonic and face scrub; a bottle of apple cider vinegar, bicarbonate of soda, raw organic coconut oil, and turmeric. I will use the apple cider and bicarbonate of soda to clean my toilet bowl, and the coconut oil, turmeric, and bicarbonate of soda to make toothpaste.

On Saturday, I will do the weekly housework; replace the towels, and scrub the toilet bowl.

On Sunday, I will go see my parents. I will receive the weekly allowance from my father, and I will call my granny. 
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Why am I unhappy, if I have no reason to be unhappy?

Yesterday I had a dream where I was geocaching in my neighborhood, and finally found the cache I had been looking for. Then I woke up, you can imagine my disappointment when I realized it had been a dream.

I woke up feeling unhappy, but I still managed to take a shower, wash my hair, and do the twelve- step Korean skincare regiment.

My care worker came over when I was wearing a coffee- and- silk protein face mask. I talked to her about my problems, but I didn't have enough spoons to wash the dishes.
Then I went to the bathroom to rinse my mask off, and put lotion on my skin, put on nice clothes, and some jewelry.

We made a new appointment on next Monday at 1:30 pm. When we both left, Mirette came over.

I traveled downtown and went to the parish. I drank coffee, talked with the priest, and paid assorted kindnesses to other people. It made me feel happier.

I also went to a few shops, and then I traveled back home. Mirette was there, making new reflectors.

Later that evening I took a depression shower, put on a nightie, and went to bed.
Mirette went to her own home.

Last night I had a dream where I was visiting a friend who lived in a gorgeous old- timey mansion.
In the dream we watched Pokémon cartoons where I learned that Pokémon were slaughtered for food, and it made me cry and I decided that I am going to become a vegan.
I asked my friend for some new clothes, and she gave me a 1980's terrycloth jumpsuit, purple with a pink baby seal pattern.
My friends Suavecito, Eleclya, and Mirette were there as well.

I got up about at noon, took my morning medicine and biotin supplements, and did the everyday skincare regiment; face wash gel, face toner, face serum, cold cream, eye cream, and castor oil on my eyelashes.

I made some vanilla- flavored instant coffee.

I went to the health center, I had an appointment today. I talked with the nurse about my assortment of pimples and rashes and scabs, and that I need an appointment for a mammography. At some point I should get a flu shot.

The only appointment for my doctor was available on January 27th at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. I decided to accept it.

After that, I traveled to Twinkle cafe. Mella and Raija were there as well.
I ate four pastries, six sandwiches, a handful of cherry tomatoes, and two cinnamon rolls. I also drank cocoa and a cup of coffee.
No wonder I had such a diarrhea.

Later that day, I took a tram and two buses to my parents' home. Mom wondered a bit why I was so late, but I couldn't answer because I had to dash to the bathroom.

Mom gave me the weekly allowance. I ate some buttered oat bread and drank orange juice.

Later that day, I took a bus back to my hometown, and deposited the allowance into my bank account so I could pay for my Netflix subscription.

Once back home, I watched Green eggs and Ham on Netflix, I liked it very much.

Tomorrow I will go to Fountain House, then I will go shopping for new winter shoes with my mother. We decided not to buy shoes from the supermarket anymore, they break easily.
In the evening, I will go to the pharmacy to order more of the anti- psychotic medicine and ask for some kind of calming lotion for my red and swollen eyelids.

On Thursday, as soon as I get up from my bed, I will wash my hair so I will look fresh when I volunteer as a reader at the local knitting & novel reading. In the evening, I will go to the social group at the local library.

On Friday, I will receive both the weekly and the monthly allowance from my guardian of interest. I will go see a Finnish movie, order Christmas gifts from Wish.com, and buy greeting cards for the rest of the month and December, along with proper postage stamps. I will also buy a suit coat, and a proper scarf to wear during spring and autumn.

On Saturday, I will go see another Finnish movie, and I will also do housework; take out the recycling and change the towels.

On Sunday, I will go see my parents. My dad will give me the weekly allowance, and I will also call my granny. 
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Last night I had a dream where I watched a production of the musical or the movie Carrie where the titular character Carrie White was Jewish.

I also had a dream where I studied in junior high with all my former classmates, despite being in my 30s, for some bureaucratical reason. In the dream, summer break began and I walked home, singing softly “We don’t need no education” and “School’s out for summer”.

In another dream, I rode my bicycle through a forest to my first high school, and the forest turned out to be really creepy and scary. In the dream, I was invited to an “anarchy festival” and my friends Suavecito, Eleclya, and Mirette came there as well. I grabbed a “guinea pig care package” which included treats for guinea pigs and an information booklet. In the dream, my parents had adopted a new guinea pig right after the last one died.

In another dream, I was in a shopping mall looking for a new backpack.

In yet another dream, I was in some sort of a festival, babysitting a friend’s kids. We both fell in love with a special treat, crispbread with mint chocolate candies.

In another dream, I was in a thrift store looking for new clothes, and I bought a miniskirt made from some sort of shiny fuschia fake leather.

I woke up early, in the small hours, and noticed that I had slept for about two hours and already felt like getting up. I continued sleeping and got up about at noon.

I took my morning medicine and biotin supplement, brushed my teeth, did the skincare routine, put lotion on my skin, got dressed, and put on jewelry.

I called my mother and told her I am coming over, she said it’s alright.

I was thinking of walking but decided to take a bus instead.

Once at my parents’ home, mom answered the door and dad was also home. I was given the weekly allowance.

I drank coffee and cocoa and orange juice, ate some buttered slices of oat bread and cherry tomatoes and cinnamon buns.

I was thinking of walking back home, but it was raining hard. I took a bus back home, and went to the shopping mall to buy a biodegradable toothbrush, ecological hand wash liquid, a big bar of chocolate, and an eyelash brush.

I went back home.
I bagged the trash, folded the laundry, and put some castor oil on my eyelashes.

Later that day I called Eleclya and asked her if I can come over, she said I can.

Once at her home, Cherry and Eddie were there as well. I had bought milk so I could make cocoa.

We told jokes to each other and talked about scouts, Eleclya had been a girl scout for a while when she was a kid. She even got an honor badge from making knots.

Later that day, I traveled back home and mailed a birthday card to a friend. I hope it will be delivered in time, the postal workers here in Finland are on strike.

Once back home, I took my evening medicine and sprayed Nasonex into my nostrils.

I called my granny, we talked for a while. I felt happier after talking to her.

For the past few evenings, I have felt so angry that I feel like there’s a fire burning myself from the inside. I guess it’s my PMS.

Tomorrow I will take a shower and wash my hair and do the 12- step Korean skincare regiment.
My care worker will come for the weekly appointment at half past one o’clock in the afternoon, I will wash the dishes during the visit. After that I will go to the library, and then to a museum.
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Last night I had a dream where I was in some sort of a special school for children who used sign language. It resembled one of those 1990’s game arcades; most of the games were a bit scary, and one of them had this animatronic swan head and neck, and it nibbled you when it was “Game over”.
In the dream, I noticed I was in a part of the downtown, but it had turned into a farmland. I was desperately trying to find my way back home.

In another dream, I played one of those kids’ PC games I used to play in the library of my hometown when I was a kid, but it annoyed me how I never advanced in that game. It was almost impossible to beat.

I woke up early, about at ten o’clock in the morning, and felt already finished with this day. I shooed the banana flies away and continued sleeping.

I got up at half past one o’clock in the afternoon, took my morning medicine and biotin supplements. I got dressed and dabbed lotion on my face and put on a necklace.

I had received two things in the mail; a package which was an order from Etsy, and a greeting card from a friend.

I was grumpy because I didn’t have any milk so I couldn’t have coffee, but then I realized that I could have gone to a café now that I had money.

I went to an ATM machine and deposited 10 cents into my bank account, so I could withdraw a proper amount of money. When I turned away and left, an elderly lady said “Hi!” to me. I greeted her back and asked her if she knows me from somewhere, and she rudely snapped “Well duh, I am the one who is next in line to use the ATM! Are you blind or something?!”
It made me feel a bit sad, I didn’t understand why she had stalled me if she was in such a hurry to use the ATM?

Nevertheless, I went to another ATM and withdrew the cash. I went to my favorite coffee shop and ordered an iced coffee and a stuffed bagel. It cheered me up a bit.

I traveled downtown, when I was walking along a street there were some church members offering free coffee. I got some and talked with them.

I went to the hairdresser, fortunately I made it there in time. I had my hair shampooed twice, and then I got an argan oil mask and scalp massage.
After my hair was dried, I had my hair cut evenly in layers and the dry split ends cut off. I also had my fringe shortened.

After that, I just hung around downtown and then I went to an organic shop and bought castor oil to put on my eyelashes.

I went to the Red Cross youth group. The others played Trivial Pursuit, I didn’t take part in it but I knew answers to most of the questions.

After the group, I traveled back to my hometown and went to a supermarket to buy a birthday card and a proper postage stamp for it.

I went back home, took my evening medicine and painkillers and sprayed Nasonex into my nostrils. I put all the trash into recycling, and all the stuff I had bought into their rightful places. I worked on the greeting card.

In the evening, I started feeling anxious once again. I also felt terribly angry, like there was a fire burning my body from inside. Then I started feeling sad and depressed.
Soon I also started feeling cold, so I put on my new bathrobe. Then I started feeling sleepy. but I boldly decided not to go to sleep before I have finished my evening routines. Besides, I need to fetch a fresh nightie from the drying room before going to bed.

I guess it’s the dark and cold season making me fatigued all the time. Somehow I feel like I am not trying hard enough.

I went downstairs to the drying room; I went down the stairs instead of using the elevator in order to prove to myself that I am not as lazy and unmotivated as I might think I am.

Tomorrow I need to do housework; I need to replace the towels, take out the recycling, and wipe the weird stains off the kitchen and bathroom floor.
I might also go visit a museum or two.

On Sunday, I will go visit my parents. My dad will give me the weekly allowance, and I will call my granny.
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Last night I had a dream where I was in the special education class when I was a kid; we went to some sort of a camp, and I looked exactly the same I look like right now, I was a grown up.
In the dream, I lost my clothes and walked around naked. I was sexually harassed by an old man. I hate having dreams where I am harassed, I cannot stay safe in real life and either in my dreams.
In another dream me and my family visited the summer cottage, and in the dream I was glad that I had finally made it there after dreaming about it so much.

I woke up early, but continued sleeping until it was time to finally get up. My mother had told me yesterday that I was supposed to pick up the new laptop she had ordered for me before she leaves at 2 pm.

I got up to pee, dug some fresh clothes from the laundry pile, and dabbed lotion on my face. I called my mother and told her I am coming over, she said it’s okay.

It had snowed during night, everything looked blessed outside. I took a bus to my parents’ home and remembered that I had forgotten to take my morning medicine.

Once at my parents’ home, mom answered the door. I took my morning medicine, ate some cherry tomatoes and drank orange juice. Mom made us afternoon coffee.
I love my darling momsicle so much, and I am really glad that she is pretty wealthy in my standards; there was no way I could afford my new winter coat and laptop all by myself.
While I was sitting on the sofa, I remembered my summer cottage dream and realized that I still haven’t made it there.

I took along my laptop, and then I left. I took a bus back to my hometown, once back home I set up my new laptop.

Once back home, I set up my laptop, and it works like a charm. I took my painkillers and biotin supplement.
I didn’t find anything special to do, so I called my friend Eleclya and asked if I can come visit her. To be honest, I really should have gone to a museum or someplace else; I mean, visiting Eleclya is nice and she always welcomes me, but I really should stop always bothering her. It’s not her job to cater to me.

Anyway, once at her place, I ate some leftover treats from the Halloween party, and cuddled Eddie. He kept on sniffing and nibbling on my dress.

Later that evening we left. Eleclya went to the grocery shop to return bottles and buy something for Eddie, and I traveled back to my hometown.

I went to the church, there was the youth group. I ate cheezy puffs and cherry tomatoes and drank cocoa, and then I left and went to the shopping mall. I visited a couple of shops, planning what to buy; I saw a gorgeous Star Wars t- shirt at Hennes & Mauritz, and tried on some eyelash serum at a cosmetics shop.
Then I went back home, I didn’t bother visiting the library.

Once back home, I watched The Good Place on my laptop, and washed the laundry that was left in the laundry basket right after I had washed it on Wednesday evening; I couldn’t hang it on the drying racks because my apartment is full of my friend’s stuff after they lost their apartment; I couldn’t take it to the drying room downstairs because the drying room is tidied up every Thursday afternoon, and I didn’t want my laundry to be on the way.

In the evening, I took my evening medicine and sprayed Nasonex into my nostrils.

Tomorrow I will receive money.
I will have an appointment with a hairdresser at three o’clock in the afternoon, I will have an argan oil treatment and have the ends of my strands cut neatly and evenly.
After that, I will go to a museum to buy a mental health awareness ribbon, and then I will go to the Red Cross youth group.
As for the rest of the money, I will buy the Star Wars t- shirt and some Christmas card.

On Saturday, I will do the weekly housework; change the towels and take out the recycling. I might visit a museum or two.

On Sunday, I will go visit my parents. My dad will give me the weekly allowance, and I will call my granny.
We will celebrate Father’s day, in my home country it’s celebrated on the second Sunday of November.
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Me in my witchy Halloween dress, writing into my diary. It looks a bit like I'm writing potion recipes into a spellbook



Me wearing my new winter coat that my mother bought me and my friend Eleclya took the photo
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helloweenkitty

I just want everyone to be happy 🥺

Last night I slept on a mattress on my apartment floor; Elyseé and her boyfriend slept on the couch. Mirette had a sleepover at Eleclya's home.

I had a dream where I was physically lying on my mattress, and went to my family's former home at Broad Meadow. I went to the nursery and lied on my old bed, while I was warned not to move while sleeping because my soul wouldn't be able to return to my body when I awoke. It was amazing.
In another dream I traveled to the roaring 1920's, and made friends with some jazz musicians and jive turkeys.

I got up, took my morning medicine and biotin supplements, and got dressed into the same witchy dress I had worn yesterday.

Later Elyseé and her boyfriend left and went to see Elyseé's mother. I gave Elyseé my home keys so she could come back before me.

I left and traveled to Eleclya's hometown. She didn't answer her phone, and neither did Suavecito. Fortunately they let me in when I rang the buzzer and then the doorbell.
Mirette was also home, and Eleclya's housemate Cherry was also there.
Cherry specializes in making collages by sewing, she gave me one for free. Thank you so much!

Suavecito drove us to Sadie's home, Jerry and Annie were already there and Suzy arrived later.

We all had a good time. Later that evening Suavecito drove us to Mallard's house where me and Mirette traveled to my hometown.

It was raining and the dusk had fallen. It was like the Otherworld in Silent Hill.
My autumn shoes had holes in them, and my socks got damp.

Mirette let us in with her keys, Elyseé and her boyfriend are later.

Mirette cooked mac n' cheese for supper.
I took my evening medicine and sprayed Nasonex into my nostrils. The other visitors watched Netflix, and I went to sleep.

Tomorrow I will go visit my parents. If it doesn't rain, I will walk there and back.
My dad will give me the weekly allowance, and I will call my granny.
In the evening, I will go see a Finnish movie, and then I will go visit the cemetery where my grandma and grandpa are buried.
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Like I mentioned, I had a sleepover at Eleclya’s home. I slept on her sofa, or at least tried to sleep. I didn’t get much sleep because I was distracted by my smartphone, and sometimes I have trouble falling asleep in a place else than my home.

In the morning when Eleclya got up, she shooed me away from the sofa. I went to sleep on her bed instead, and she didn’t mind.
Her care worker came for a visit, I didn’t listen to what they said because I was too busy having dreams.
I dreamed of being kidnapped by space pirates and being saved by Lobo, in another dream I cuddled with baby seals.

I got up, took my morning medicine, put lotion on my body, and got dressed.

I left about at noon and took a train to my hometown. I went to the supermarket to buy milk and cocoa powder, and then I went to the library to pick up my requests.
I talked with the nice librarian and volunteered as a reader at the knitting & novel reading group.

I went back home, where Mirette was taking a nap. She had the flu, I had to say “Bless you” many times because she sneezed a lot.
I was overjoyed when I noticed that she had washed the dishes because almost all of my cutlery and utensils was dirty, and some of them were moldy and attracting banana flies.

I washed laundry, clipped my nails, drank cocoa, put on earrings, and did a little bit of this and that.

Later that day, I received two packages in the mail; my Etsy order, a plastic bead necklace, and another order, a matryoshka scarf.

We took a bus to downtown. We walked by a suburban area and took photos of the gorgeous autumn colors, and then we went to a forest nearby. The forest was really thick, Mirette got plenty of thistles stuck on her hoodie and I got burns from the nettles through my leggings. We had to make our way through bushes and grasses taller than me, and then we almost fell in a ditch. I thought it would be a good time to join the scouts.
We wanted to walk on a hill, but it was surrounded by a fence and there was a sign saying that it was turned into a landfill.
We walked past a park and a mansion, then we took a bus to a station, and then another bus back to my hometown.

Once there, I went to the library and asked if they have the Stephen King novel Carrie in the original version or the Finnish translation. They didn’t have it, but they put it on hold for me.
I picked two books and borrowed them, and then I went to the pharmacy to pick up two packages of Nasonex.

I went back home, where Mirette had already returned from the grocery shop.
I hung the laundry that had been washed, and then I washed Mirette’s laundry.

I took my evening medicine, sprayed Nasonex into my nostrils, and brushed my teeth.

In the evening, I put lotion on my skin and put on my nightie.
When I was eating feta cheese right out of the jar, I accidentally spilled olive oil on my nightie. I took it off and put on a bathrobe instead.

Tomorrow me and Mirette will go to the grand opening of a new shopping mall, we will watch the fireworks.

On Friday, I will receive money. I will order a ticket to a candy festival, pay my monthly gym membership fee, renew the Spotify Premium subscription, and pay a commission to a friend.
I will go to the book fair with Mirette, after that I will buy November’s greeting cards and postage stamps.

On Saturday, I will do the weekly housework.

On Sunday, I will go to the candy festival with Mirette. After that, I will go visit my parents; my father will give me the weekly allowance, and I will also call my granny.
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On Saturday I went to see my friend Rige. Mirette, Eleclya, and Suavecito were there as well, we had a good time eating treats, drinking coffee, laughing and talking about boobs and farts and dildos and butts, just girly things.

On Sunday, me and Mirette went to the health and wellness festival downtown. We had a good time together and got plenty of free samples of ice cream and chocolate and other stuff. I put some glitter on my temples and said, “Glitter is the cocaine of fairies”, and Mirette said “No, it’s unicorn poop!”. She bought this cushion you are supposed to stand on to improve your posture, we are both going to use it.
After that, me and Mirette and Perry and Eleclya went to an amusement park to look at the fireworks. It would have been amazing if it wasn’t for the fact that it was raining so hard and there were plenty of people around.

On Monday, I slept all day.

Last night I had a dream where me and one of my friends were eating ready- made salmon soup and watching a movie named Silent Hill 3, which isn’t actually a thing yet.

I got up begrudgingly, took my morning medicine and biotin supplements, put deodorant into my armpits and cream on my face, and then I got dressed.

I went to see my own nurse today; we had an appointment. When I walked to the psychiatric center, I saw a woman accidentally drop her glove, and I handed it back to her.

During the appointment, we talked about things and stuff. We made a new appointment on November 26th at half past one o’clock in the afternoon.
After the appointment, I went to the group that was held in at the clinic. We were given cards with pictures and then we were supposed to pick one and tell each other how it reminded us of our relationships. I picked a picture of two people partying, I said it reminds me of how I always have fun with my friends.
I drank coffee and ate cinnamon cookies and chili nuts.

After that, I caught a train to downtown and went to Twinkle café. I had a good time there as well, even if I was in a bad mood. I got a fancy vest from Mella.
I drank cocoa, ate a few sandwiches and eclairs.

I went to see my mother; I caught a train and then a bus to my parents’ home, once there she gave me 20 euros and a free ticket to the book fair on Friday.
I had coffee and ate a few dark grapes and gave one knitted square to my mother.

I took a bus back to my hometown and went to the health shop to buy a beeswax lip balm, and then I went to the supermarket to buy milk.
I went to my home to pick up some stuff, and then I took a train to Eleclya’s hometown.

Once at Eleclya’s home, I plugged my laptop and smartphone to a charger. I made some cocoa.

Tomorrow I will go back home and do some discreet shopping. I will take a shower and use the twelve- step Korean skincare regiment.

On Thursday, I will go to a couple of museums.
In the evening, I will go to the youth group at the local church.

On Friday, I will receive money. I will pay my gym membership fee, renew my Spotify Premium subscription, order a ticket to a candy festival, and pay a commission to a friend.
I will go to the book fair with Mirette, after that I will go to the local stationery shop to buy all of November’s greeting cards with proper postage stamps for my friends. I will also buy a hairdryer.

On Saturday, I will do the weekly housework; take out the recycling and replace the towels.

On Sunday, I will go to the candy festival with Mirette.
After that, I will visit my parents. I will walk there and back.
My father will give me the weekly allowance, I will also call my granny.
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My day was amazing. Why do I still feel rotten?

Last night I had an absolutely ghastly nightmare. I was in high school, and this creepy boy wanted me to sit next to him in philosophy class. The actual high school looked like my old junior high school building, which has been demolished by now.
The sunny courtyard was half submerged in slushy water, and I tried to drown myself in order to get away from the boy. A German shepherd dog saved me, and then the boy asked me to take part in a role- playing game where you had to sacrifice a baby.
My parents saved me, but they blamed me for getting myself into trouble by rejecting the boy.

In another dream, I was in a holiday resort town with my parents. In the dream, the siren started wailing and the town descended into Otherworld. I guess it was like Silent Hill.

When I woke up, my lower back hurt and my underbelly felt slimy. I put a finger inside myself and it came out bloody, I knew it was my period.
I went to the bathroom and put my keeper inside myself. I also took a depression shower, and took my morning medicine and biotin supplement. Then I went back to bed.

After getting up, I got dressed and put on a necklace. I had received the weekly allowance today, so I ordered a ticket to the health and wellness fair.

My mother texted me and told me to meet her in front of the utility shop at three o'clock in the afternoon so that she could give me the cash.

I went to the shopping mall and bought a caramel latte and a Finnish snack, rye bread sandwich with smoked salmon. I also bought some milk so I could make cocoa.

I went to a clothing shop and bought a sunflower yellow autumn coat, and put my neon green safety vest over it. I think I looked nice, and I will look nicer after I get the blue mathroska scarf.

Once back home, I threw up after drinking too much cocoa.

I went to see my mother, my brother was there too. I tried to amuse him by telling him that there is going to be a guinea pig show this Saturday in the local pet shop.

My mom arrived later, she beamed at us and then started clucking about the safety vest and told me to take it off.

We went to a cafe, I got a slice of blueberry pie and regular coffee.
Mom gave me 120 euros, which was my weekly allowance from my father (20 euros) and the monthly allowance from my mother (100 euros). I wanted to ask my mom why the monthly allowance was larger than usual, now that she is a pensioner she usually gives me 80 euros every month.

I immediately left and went to the info point to recharge my travel card.

I took a train to the new shopping mall.
To put it this way, the new mall is a bit hard to navigate in. Nevertheless, I found my new favorite clothing shop and bought a new shirt.

I took another train downtown and went to another clothing shop, where I bought a long- sleeved purple blouse.

I took a train back home and went to the shopping mall. I bought a berry tart from a baclava shop, or balaclava shop, as I like to call it.

I went to the stationery shop to look for Christmas cards, and then I went to the organic drug store and bought a lip balm.
I went to the supermarket to buy paper tissues, panty liners, Pink Ribbon oat milk, Pink Ribbon toilet paper, and something that I forgot.

Once back home, I put everything to their rightful places, took my evening medicine and sprayed Nasonex into both of my nostrils, and shaved my chin fluffs.
I listened to Carrie the musical on Spotify Premium. I can actually listen to the whole album and feel like I am watching the musical.

Tomorrow I will go to the guinea pig show in the pet shop, and then I will go see my friend Rige. I will give her a birthday card for her daughter.
In the evening, Mirette will come for a sleepover.

On Sunday, I will spend half a day at the health and wellness fair, and another at the light festival at the amusement park. 
  • Current Mood: thoughtful thoughtful
  • Current Music: Girls United - U.G.L.Y.
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Today was slightly better :)

Last night I cried myself to sleep; I was sick and tired of arguing with my delusions all day. I have realized that I have come to some sort of crossroads in my life; I need to start fighting against the delusions and do my best.
Perhaps I would be less depressed and anxious if I exercised more and ate healthy food, but it’s exactly my depression and anxiety that prevent me from exercising and eating healthily.

I had weird dreams. I got up about before midday and took my morning medicine and biotin supplement. I drank coffee and scrolled through my Facebook feed.
I did the skincare routine and got dressed.
I called my mother and asked her if I can come over, she said yes. I decided to walk to my parents’ hometown.
It was such a beautiful weather outside; the sun shone, and the autumn colors were gorgeous.

Once at my parents’ home, my mother answered the door. She noticed that my t- shirt was sweaty, so she advised me to take it off and let it dry. She gave me one of her t- shirts to wear instead. She also gave me the weekly allowance.
Mom made me an omelet with some tomatoes. I also ate a couple of slices of buttered oat bread, a couple of chunks of feta cheese, and some green grapes. Then I drank orange juice and had coffee with mom.

Mom told me I can take a shower here and gave me a clean towel. I washed my hair and put some conditioner in it, and then I washed my armpits. After shower, I put on deodorant, put lotion on my skin, and mom put styling mousse in my hair, blow- dried it, and then sprayed hairspray in it. I looked dashing!

I hugged her and then I left. I walked to the train station and took a train to downtown.
I walked to Twinkle café; Mella and Raija and another woman were there.
I made myself a cucumber- and- cheese sandwich and ate a couple of slices of carrot cake (yum, my favorite!). We had a nice talk with each other.

I combed my hair and accidentally pricked the tip of my nose with the tooth of the comb; it started to bleed, and I had to put a band- aid on it.

Later that day I left. I took a tram to downtown and then a train back home. I went to the dressmaker and paid him for the mending of my clothes, then I went to the thrift store next door and bought a new nightshirt.
I went to the supermarket and bought two spools of striped knitting yarn, a reflective Pink Ribbon shopping bag, a box of coffee grounds, a packet of cocoa powder, and a bag of sugar. Then I went back and bought late birthday gifts for Mirette; shower gel, shampoo, and conditioner.
The last thing to do was to go to a department store and buy a neon green safety vest with reflective stripes.

I went back home, put everything to their rightful places, sorted out the recycling, and washed a load of laundry.

In the evening I went to the library and returned some books. I used four computers, one laptop, and one tablet to make the daily donations on Greater Good.
After that, I went to the shopping mall and visited the organic drug store to buy five pocket- sized packets of bamboo paper tissues.

Once back home, I hung the laundry on the drying racks, and washed another load. I took my evening medicine and sprayed Nasonex into my nostrils.

I cut my own fringe, because I couldn’t afford the hairdresser. I will call it tomorrow to have the appointment cancelled.

I cleaned my teeth properly; flossed, brushed my tongue, and then brushed my teeth.

I made an online appointment at the health center, I have a lots of health issues; both of my breasts have started hurting, this time worse than ever. My breasts usually get a bit tender before my period, but I also have a lumpy feeling in my right breast.
My right shoulder has also started hurting again, even if I have taken my painkillers as usual.
My neck is a bit crooked, it looks as if it leans to my left. I want to know if there is something wrong with my spine.
Another thing is that I constantly sniffle and blow my nose, I might be allergic to something.

Tomorrow I will go to the library for the usual charitable business, and then I will go to the pharmacy to pick up more Nasonex. In the evening, I will go to the knitting & novel reading group in a library downtown.
I also need to call the hairdresser and have Friday’s appointment cancelled.

On Thursday, I will go to a knitting & novel reading group in the library in my hometown. After that, I will do the usual charitable business.
I will meet Mirette, we will go to the grand opening party of a new shopping mall downtown. After that, I will go to the youth group in the church in my hometown.

On Friday, I will receive the weekly allowance from my guardian of interest. I will order a ticket to the health and wellness fair, and then I will go to the supermarket to have my travel card recharged. I will go to the library for the usual charitable business.
After that, I will go see my parents so that my mother can give me the monthly allowance along with my father’s weekly allowance because I won’t be able to pick it up on Sunday.

On Saturday, I will go visit my friend Rige. I will give her a birthday card that she will give to her daughter who has her birthday next week. After that, Mirette will come over for a sleepover.
Once back home, I will do the usual housework; replace the towels, take out the recycling, and tidy up the bathroom.

On Sunday, I will go to the health and wellness fair with Mirette. In the evening, we will go to the amusement park a short walk away from the fair. I will go to my favorite rides.
  • Current Mood: anxious anxious
  • Current Music: Carrie the musical - Evening prayers
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Baba Yaga or Howl?

Last night I had to get up early because I had a horrid need to pee, serves me right for drinking so much water.

I had a dream about a house that moved on legs, like Howl’s moving castle or Baba Yaga’s cottage. I lived there with three dog- sized guinea pigs who had human- like compassion and reason, who tried to do good deeds but ended up accidentally causing a few people’s death and had blood on their paws.
I woke up with my face scrunched up in sorrow, because I missed my beloved pet guinea pig so much. It made me think if there is an actual Heaven, and if there is, will I go there, and will I meet my guinea pig there?

I fell back asleep and had dreams about attending my first high school (the one that has been demolished by now because of all the mold inside) in my thirties because I didn’t want to let go of the memories. In another dream I was in the nightmarish town of Silent Hill; I wasn’t as scared as in another dream where I was in a café or restaurant of some sort, I tried to squeeze myself out of a narrow door to the sunny street which resembled the street where my grandma and grandpa (my maternal grandparents) used to live, and some force tried to pull me back inside; it was a realistic version of Tex Hex, who is, by the way, not my husbando anymore.

I woke up when I got a text message; it was my care worker, telling me that she had the flu and couldn’t come over today, and she also suggested that we meet again next week on Monday at half past one o’clock in the afternoon. I texted her back saying that it was alright, hope you feel better soon, see you again next week.

I got up, took my morning medicine and biotin supplement, put lotion on my face and got dressed. I put on the rose quartz necklace I had gotten from Elyseé, and also stud earrings into my ears.
I drank coffee until I almost got a psychosis.

Later that day I left and went to the library for the charitable business; I used two computers and one tablet to make the daily donations on Greater Good.

I went to the supermarket to buy a bag of Karelian pies and a box of grape juice. I took a bus to downtown and went to an art museum, I noticed that there was a café built inside the museum. I might visit it soon when I have more money.

I was thinking of heading to the aquarium, but instead I went to visit an island. I took a bus there and as soon as I had walked over the bridge, I lost all my interest and turned back. I felt a bit sad about not being able to visit the aquarium and the island, but then again, I should have been happy that at least I tried.

I traveled back to my hometown and went to the supermarket to plan what am I going to buy this week. I need a new autumn coat, there is one in discount at a clothing shop.

I went back home and made some coffee, and took two painkillers for my achy shoulder, it has started hurting again.

In the evening, I put basic lotion on my face and brushed my teeth, took my evening medicine, put on my nightie, and went to bed.

Tomorrow I will receive my monthly allowance from my guardian of interest. If the weather is fine, that is, if it doesn’t rain too heavily, I will walk to my parents’ home and back so that my mother can give me the weekly allowance.
I will go to the library in my hometown for the charitable business. After that, I will go to the dressmaker and pay him for the mending of my nightshirts; they had huge side- thigh cleavages and I wanted them to be sewn shut.
I will go to Twinkle café, and then I will go shopping. I will buy myself a new autumn coat and some knitting yarn.

On Wednesday, I will go to a gym belonging to a private chain in my hometown; there is a happening where you can walk on a treadmill or use the cross- trainer or rowing machine, and as many kilometers as you walk or row, as many euros will be donated to the Pink Ribbon charity.
In the evening, I will go to a knitting & novel reading group in a library downtown.

On Thursday, I will take part in a knitting & novel reading group in my hometown.
In the afternoon, I will go to an opening party of a new shopping mall downtown; me and Mirette agreed to meet at the local train station and go there together.
In the evening, I will go to the youth group at the church in my hometown.

Friday will be a busy day, as usual; I will receive the weekly allowance from my guardian of interest, along with the monthly allowance from my mother and the weekly allowance from my father (I won’t be able to visit my parents on Sunday, so that’s why I will receive the allowance today). I will walk to my parents’ home and back.
I will have an appointment with my usual hairdresser, I will have my fringe shortened.
I will also recharge my travel card so I will be able to travel in the metropolitan area for about a month, and also purchase a ticket to the wellness & health festival on Sunday.
As for the rest of the money, I will save them until weekend.

On Saturday, I will do the weekly housework; take out the recycling, replace the towels, and scrub the toilet bowl.
In the afternoon, I will go visit Rige and give her a birthday card so she can give it to her daughter.
After that, Mirette will come for a sleepover.

On Sunday, me and Mirette will go to the health and wellness fair, and then we will go to an amusement park a shortish walk away. I will buy myself a ticket that allows me to go to all of my favorite rides, and I will also buy myself some treats.
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Me and my friend Eleclya. I'm wearing the rose quartz necklace that Elysion bought me 😊

On a train, my hair looks funny :3

At the health and wellness fair; Suavecito on the front, me in the pink dress, Mirette with the blonde hair. Eleclya is sitting behind me, and Odessa is sitting behind Mirette.

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My plans for Monday, October 14th - Sunday, 20th

Monday, October 14th:
My care worker will come for the weekly appointment at half past one o’clock in the afternoon. I will wash the dishes and iron the laundry during the visit.
After that, I will go to the local library for the charitable business. Then I will go to a museum and then to an aquarium, and if it doesn’t get dark too early, I will go to a park.

Tuesday, October 15th:
I will receive the monthly allowance from my guardian of interest.
I will go to the local library for the usual charitable business, and then I will go visit my parents’ home so my mother can give me the weekly allowance. She will give me the weekly allowance, and then I will go to the library in her hometown for the charitable business.
I will pay the dressmaker for the mending of my clothes, and then I will go to Twinkle café.
I will buy shampoo, conditioner, and shower gel as a late birthday gift for Mirette.

Wednesday, October 16th:
I will go to a private gym, there is a Pink Ribbon happening where you walk on a treadmill and as many kilometers as you walk, as many euros the gym will donate to the Pink Ribbon charity.
In the evening I will go to a library downtown, there is a knitting & novel reading group.

Thursday, October 17th:
In the afternoon, I will go to the local library; there will be a knitting & novel reading group.
I will go to the opening party of a new mall downtown, and in the evening, I will go to the youth group at the local church.

Friday, October 18th:
I will receive the weekly allowance, and I will also go visit my parents’ home so my mother can give me the monthly allowance. I will walk there and back.
I will visit the library in my hometown, and the library in her hometown so I can do the charitable business.
In the afternoon, I will have an appointment at my hairdresser, I will have my fringe shortened.
I will recharge my travel card and purchase a ticket to a health and wellness fair on Sunday.

Saturday, October 19th:
I will go to the library for the usual charitable business.
In the afternoon, I will go visit Rige. Mirette will come over for a sleepover at my home.
As usually on Saturdays, I will replace the towels and wash them, scrub the toilet bowl, and take out the recycling.

Sunday, October 20th:
I will go to the local library for the usual charitable business.
After that, I will go visit my parents. My father will give me the weekly allowance.
I will go to the health and wellness fair, and then I will go to the amusement park. I will buy a ticket so I can go to all rides that I fancy.
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A nice day with a bad ending :c

Last night I had a dream about geocaching, celebrating the ending of my junior high, and other stuff. I was still in deep sleep when Elyseé and her boyfriend got up and left.
I woke up and had a strange feeling that I had misplaced my arms. I also felt like it was Friday. All my thoughts were a bit muddled.

I got up, took my morning medicine and biotin supplement, and went back to bed.

I woke up when my smartphone rang, it was my mother. I straightened my back, cleared my throat and answered.
My mother asked why I had not come over, considering that it was Sunday, the usual day when I visit my parents. I answered truthfully that I had thought that they wanted to rest, considering that they had just returned home from Rhodes.

I told mom that I will come over in a couple of hours after doing housework; I just slept for a couple of hours, then I got up and got dressed.

I went to the library and used two computers and one tablet to make the daily donations to Greater Good.

I walked to my parents’ home, once there my mother was very happy when I arrived. My dad had gone out for errands, but he had left me the weekly allowance. Later that day he came home, he hugged me and told me I was pretty.

I drank coffee and orange juice, and ate feta cheese, slices of bun loaf, and a tomato.

Later that day I caught a bus to my hometown and went to the supermarket. I bought three pairs of black cotton underpants from the clothing shop where I am a regular customer; they cost only 6,95 euros because I had points worth, and then I went to the supermarket and bought three birthday cards and two postage stamps. I bought something else I probably have forgotten by now.

I went home, put everything to their rightful places, drank some cocoa, and did a little bit of this and that.

In the evening I felt anxious, I attempted to call a crisis helpline but no one answered. I made myself a big bowl of porridge to even my blood sugar, but after I had finished eating it, not only I felt anxious but I also felt furious to the point of being murderous. I went to bed and cried myself to sleep.

Tomorrow my care worker will come for the weekly appointment at 1:30 pm, I will wash the dishes and iron the laundry.
After that, I will go to the library for the usual charitable business, then I will go to an art museum and then to an aquarium. If it doesn’t get dark too early, I might go visit a park.
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Geocaching dreams

Last night Elyseé came for a sleepover. She slept on my bed while I slept on the sofa- bed. I kept on farting silently because I was a bit gassy and didn't want to disturb Elyseé.

I had a dream about going geocaching, and in the dream I realized that I was dreaming, and I tried to do it as well as I could because I knew I would eventually wake up.
In the dream, I parked my bicycle next to a forest near my parents' home, and held my smartphone in my hand and opened the geocaching app. It showed some sort of profiles like a dating app, and I desperately tried to make it work.

But that was when Elyseé's smartphone alarm rang, and actually I was happy about it. I got up, took my morning medicine and biotin supplement, cleaned my teeth, did the skincare routine, and put lotion on my skin. Then I got dressed.

Later in the afternoon Mirette came for a visit, she picked up some of her ice tea bottles.

We left at the same time, first we stopped by the newsagent so Elyseé could buy a bus pass. Then we caught a train and then a subway to downtown and went to Girls' House.
There was a pre- party for the Girls' Day. I ate plenty of party food; spicy salad that made my mouth hurt, chunky fruit salad (and gave the pineapples to Mirette. I don't like pineapple because I hate the sensation of how it digests my mouth), and half of every bun and cake slice. I also drank coffee and talked with the others.

Me and Elyseé left at the same time, we stopped by a gothic tattoo & piercing parlor that sold all kinds of amazing jewelry and stuff.

We caught a subway and then a bus back to my hometown, and instead of going to the youth group at the local church we went to the supermarket to buy groceries.

Once back home, I made cocoa, recharged my smartphone, and made the daily donations on Greater Good.

Tomorrow I will receive the weekly allowance from my guardian of interest. I will pay the dressmaker for the mending of my clothes, buy a ticket to a theater play I am going to go see on Saturday, and pay for my Netflix subscription.
I will go to an art museum downtown, then to a Red Cross youth group in the same town.

On Saturday, there is a health and wellbeing fair in my hometown. Lots of my friends will go there too.
In the evening, I will go see the play.
After that, Elyseé and her boyfriend will come for a sleepover.

On Sunday, I will probably try geocaching once again. If I won't find anything, at least I will get plenty of fresh air and exercise. 
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A meh day.

Last night I had horrid nightmares; in one of them, I had died and if I wanted to go to Heaven, I had to walk through my own personal Hell that was made of things I am afraid the most. Incidentally, they were pictures of horror movie monsters, not real- life scenarios that cause me the most anxiety.
it made me so unhappy that I didn’t feel like getting up this morning. I slept till half past three o’clock in the afternoon, got up, took my morning medicine and biotin supplements, and got dressed.

I went to the supermarket and bought a big bar of my favorite chocolate. I started eating it as soon as I had paid for it, and then I went back home, muttering angrily to myself.
I felt better when I ran into Laufey who was on her way home from work. We talked a bit and hugged each other, and then we went out own respective ways.

Once back home, I made some cocoa. Later that day I went to the library for the charitable business, then for a long walk all the way past my parents’ house and through the area where my first high school (I dropped out of that high school when I was taken into the psychiatric ward in 2006, and in 2008 I started in another high school but soon dropped out as well, and went to a night school instead) building used to reside, but it has been demolished by now because of the mold. Here’s the thing about modern Finnish architecture; there are plenty of buildings that have a mold problem. My last apartment was so moldy that I had the flu every month.

I felt actually happy, even if the delusions were still bothering me. I was happy to see all the gorgeous autumn colors.

I didn’t feel like walking anymore, so I took a bus to my hometown and went to the church, there was the youth group today. I had a good time there, ate plenty of treats and joked with the others.
I also did a good thing today; I found a fiver on the floor by the doors, and instead of pocketing it, I asked the youth worker if someone has dropped it, and she gave it to a boy who had walked through the door a few seconds ago and said that it must have dropped from his pocket.

I went back home. I took a very impressive dump, called my mother, and made some cocoa.
In the evening I took my meds and brushed my teeth and sprayed Nasonex into both of my nostrils.

I feel a bit bloated right now, which I guess comes in natural after eating chocolate, cheesy puffs, and salted peanuts all day. I feel it mostly around my stomach and face.
I should start exercising more in order to fight my depression and anxiety and to keep my body healthy, but I don’t have enough time.

Tomorrow I will receive the weekly allowance from my guardian of interest; I will order omnibus tickets to my granny’s hometown and back, and also pay the monthly membership fee to the physiotherapist company.
I will take a shower and wash my hair and do the twelve- step Korean skincare regiment. I will pack my stuff; I will only take spare clothes, my toothbrush and my laptop into the suitcase, and as for the medicine, nutritional supplements, smartphone, charger, and diary, I already keep them in my backpack.
After leaving, I will buy two bagels and a bottle of orange juice as sustenance. I will meet Mirette at the local Starbucks, she will keep me company while I wait for the omnibus. The bus trip takes about two hours.

On Saturday, I will go for a long walk in the neighborhood and visit the library and museum. In the afternoon, I will go to the sauna with granny.

On Sunday, I will return home. My bus leaves at ten past four o’clock in the afternoon.
Once back home, I will unpack my suitcase and wash laundry; I also have to buy a new toothbrush, toothpaste, knitting yarn, and biotin supplements.
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Before I woke up, I had plenty of colorful dreams.

I had slept fully clothed. When I woke up, I felt like I was never going to be able to get up.

When I finally got up, I took my morning medicine and biotin supplement, and then I went back to bed.

I got up later, and went to the library to do the usual charitable business. Then I took a bus to another town, I was supposed to go to the local museum but it was closed for building another show.

I took a train to downtown and went to the modern art museum, then I went to the museum shop looking for new pins and badges.

I went to visit a psychiatric hospital that has been renovated as a museum, but it was closed as well. I was glad to see that the cafe had mental wellness ribbons for sale, I must buy one.

I called Eleclya and asked her if I can come for a visit, she said yes and also said that Suavecito was visiting as well. I took a train to her home, once there her roommate Cherry and her pet bunny Eddie were also home.

We had a good time, talking about boobs and farts and other stuff. Later Suavecito left, and me and Eleclya went outside to meet Odessa.

I walked to the local shopping mall through a forest- like park that really creeped me out because it was already dark, but then I thought that this park probably looks gorgeous in the daylight.

I went to the shopping mall and visited Body Shop to give them an old shampoo bottle for recycling, and then I took a bus to another part of the town. I listened to the song Grandma got run over by a reindeer for the first time in my life.

I have felt a bit icky today after learning what the wording "angry inch" meant in the musical Hedvig and the Angry Inch; an ad on Facebook saying that we can learn a lot of a baby's health from their poops; reading a thread on a forum saying "I licked my own butthole and it tasted good"; and after seeing a video of BBQ ribs being made.

I took a subway to the city center and bought some groceries. Then I took a bus to my parents' hometown and met Odessa on a bus stop.

I took a bus to my hometown and went back home. I started watching the Netflix show Creeped out, it turned out to be a pleasant surprise. I knitted while watching it, and now I am running out of yarn once again. 
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Last night I had a dream where I was naked, save for a pair of panties, doing the Naruto run in a park in downtown. It was a misty afternoon, the first snow had fallen thick and heavy, and there were still autumn leaves in trees. I was panicking when I thought that someone could see me, but then I realized that I was having a dream and would wake up soon.
In another dream, I was geocaching as usual. In yet another dream, I ended up next to a shopping mall in Mallard’s hometown on a dusky winter morning. Usually when I have dreams where I have to go someplace, I usually end up next to the same shopping mall.
I also had dreams about travelling with the third Doctor, and a dream about studying in Hogwarts.

I woke myself up approximately at noon, when I realized that I should get up because my care worker is coming for the weekly appointment in half an hour. I got up, took my morning medicine and biotin supplements.

I changed from nightie into bathrobe, and soon my care worker came over.

I ironed a month’s worth of laundry while talking to her. We made a new appointment for the Monday after next week at half past one in the afternoon, and then she left. I continued ironing until I had ironed all of the laundry.

I took a shower, washed my hair and armpits and face, and then I put on toner, serum, cream, and eye cream. I put basic lotion on my skin and deodorant into my armpits and got dressed.

I went to the coffee and bakery shop and bought a cold- smoked salmon bagel and an iced coffee. After finishing my afternoon snack, I collected some discarded trolleys and took them to the supermarket.

I went to the library and used two computers and one laptop and one tablet to make the daily donations on the Greater Good website. I was in a bad mood and felt simply furious; I guess it’s my PMS.
I took a bus to downtown. I was supposed to go to an art museum but it was closed for building a new art show. I didn’t mind, I took a bus to a park and walked around and actually felt good.

Then I took a bus back to downtown and went to a few shops. I looked for new clothes and other stuff, and also bought three pairs of black cotton panties.

I took a bus back to my hometown, where I went to the pharmacy to pick up a new batch of tranquillizers and painkillers. Then I went to the furniture shop to look for a new pillow and blanket; my old pillow is flat and lumpy, and my blanket smells bad.

I went back home. I folded my clothes and put them into the cupboard. I washed a load of laundry and hung it on the drying rack. I packed the clothes I am going to take along to granny’s home. I took my evening medicine and sprayed Nasonex into both of my nostrils.

Now I feel strangely wired up, both mentally and physically exhausted but still energetic. It’s making me anxious because I am supposed to go to bed, but I don’t feel like removing the comfortable cocoon of my clothes.

I decided to head for an urbane adventure, and buy some chocolate milk from a shop that is open 24/7. Once back home, I fell on my bed fully clothed.
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Daylight come and me want go shopping

Last night I had a dream about the movie The Ring 2; after escaping Samara’s well and making it back to the real world, for the sake of journalism Rachel decided to admit herself to the same hospital where Samara and her adoptive mother were treated.
In the same dream, I turned out to be a patient in the same mental hospital. It was somewhere between winter and spring, there was still snow but it was melting and turning into small brooks, the willows were blooming, and there were ant colonies.
I also had a dream about the dinosaur exhibition in the science center I visited, and another dream where I was dating the DC Comics character Lobo.
I had a dream about the movie Hellboy II: The Golden Army, but I woke up when I heard my neighbor making noise in the corridor.

I got up about at half past noon and took my morning medicine and biotin supplement. Then I had some poppy seed bagels and chocolate milk for breakfast, and then I took a shower, washed my hair, and did the skincare regiment. I put lotion on my skin, got dressed into the clothes I found from the ever- growing ironing pile, and put on my new sunflower necklace and earrings.

I paid for my monthly gym membership fee and Spotify Premium subscription, and then I left.
I went to the library and used two computers, one laptop and one tablet for charitable business. There were a few Red Cross people collecting money, so I gave them some of my change.
I withdrew cash at an ATM machine.

Me and my brother and my mother had agreed to see each other next to the utility store, so she could give us both the next weekly allowances, considering that she is going to the Rhodes with my father.
Our mother arrived and took us to a café. I had a Karelian pie and a glass of orange juice.
Mom gave me a hundred euros; my father had given me a little extra. I knew she would have wanted me to save them, but bugger, I couldn’t afford it.

After we were done, I went to the dressmaker and paid her for mending my clothes. I also brought two of my nightshirts with side cleavages that I wanted to be sewn shut.

I went to the masseur to have my face, neck, and head massaged. It felt nice but sometimes he massaged a bit too hard. I didn’t feel any difference in my muscles, but at least I tried it.
From now on, I will continue using the face muscle exerciser, and when I go see my granny, I will use the face ampoules.

I went to the stationery shop and bought five greeting cards and the equal amount of postage stamps, then I went to the supermarket and bought a new smartphone charger, a new cosmetics bag and a hairbrush.

I took a bus and then a subway to downtown and went to one of my favorite thrift stores to buy a new scarf. They had plenty of amazing long- sleeved and long- hemmed Marimekko nighties for sale, but I couldn’t afford them. I will buy all of them as soon as I come home from visiting my granny.

I traveled back home on a bus. I washed a load of laundry, and then I went out again; I went to the shopping mall and bought a big bar of chocolate and a grape- flavored juice box. Sometimes I feel the need to go someplace else than my home.

I went back home, hung the laundry on the drying racks, took my evening medicine and sprayed Nasonex into my nostrils.

I felt very anxious for no reason at all; I felt like my eyes were bulging out of my head, my heart was beating fast, my arms and legs felt like they were being wringed, and my whole body felt wobbly and uncomfortably bare.
I took an Oxamin tablet and did some hand exercises and stretches.
For about two weeks, I have had this weird pain in my joints; fingers, wrists, elbows, shoulders, ankles, and knees; I have the need to stretch and bend them.

Tomorrow I will do the weekly housework; take out the recycling, replace the towels, wash even more laundry, and tidy up the bathroom.
I will go to the library to do the charitable work, and then I will mail a couple of greeting cards.

On Sunday I will have all day to myself, considering that my parents will be away. I will probably go visit a museum.
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Swimming pool

Last night I found it hard to fall asleep, once again; I was feeling strangely content watching Transformers cartoon episodes on Daily Motion.

I fell asleep about at midnight, but as a result, I found it hard to get up in the morning. I woke up to a terrible need to pee, so much that my stomach was hurting.

I went back to bed and found myself thrifting in and out of sleep. I kept on checking my smartphone to see when I was supposed to get up because I was supposed to go see my friend and go to the swimming pool with her, and I was thinking of bailing because I felt so sleepy. But then again, I didn’t want to disappoint her.

I finally got up, took my morning medicine and biotin supplements. Then I wondered what to wear, until I finally settled for a pair of corduroys and a long- sleeved shirt.

I left and went to the swimming hall, where my friend was waiting for me. We went to the café where I drank a cup of coffee to feel better, and then we went to the swimming pool.

We swam a couple of laps and talked a lot, and I actually felt like everything was alright. We went to the jacuzzi, and then we went to the sauna.

I washed my hair, and after that I put lotion on my skin and got dressed.

Me and Pinky went to Burger King, I had French fries and an orange juice.

I went back home and thought about going to the photography museum and do tons of chores, but instead I took a nap. It begun with me lying on my bed with my feet on my pillow, staring at the ceiling.
I very rarely have moments like that when I do nothing, I always need some distraction like my smartphone. This time, all I needed was my bed and my own thoughts.

I napped a bit without actually falling asleep and cuddled with my teddy bear at the same time.

I got up in the evening, and by then it was too late to go to the museum.

Instead, I went on an urbane adventure. Once back home, I took my evening meds and went to bed.
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Last night I found it hard to fall asleep, once again. I guess I should consult my doctor about it.

I had another dream about being at some sort of holiday resort with my mother.
In another dream, I went to a small shop in a department store that has been demolished by now.

I woke up at ten o’clock in the morning and fell back asleep. I kept waking up, checking the time, and falling back asleep.

About at noon, I woke up properly and continued lying on my bed and staring at the ceiling.

For some reason or other or another, I have found myself feeling uncomfortable with sleeping because of the sensation of staring at the inside of my eyelids.

At one o’clock in the afternoon, I was finally forced to get up because it was getting late. I got dressed into another recently bought thrift store dress.

I called my mother and asked her if I can come over, she said yes.

I took a bus because I didn’t have enough spoons for walking.
Once at my parents’ home, my mother gave me the weekly allowance.

I had coffee, orange juice, a tomato, and a couple of chunks of feta cheese.

I walked to the station and took a train to downtown. I walked to Twinkle café and made it there a bit late but made it there anyway.
Once there, one of the visitors lent me two DVDs; Evil Dead and Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

I had cocoa and Karelian pies, chitchatted with the other visitors, and later I left.

I took a bus to another part of the town, but the bus was so full that I got off and took another bus and then a subway.

I went to a tattoo & piercing parlor and had a new piercing ring fitted into the third hole in my right ear.

I bought a pink ribbon and a juice box. I took a subway and then a bus to my hometown.

I went back home, did a little bit of this and that, and then I went out for errands; I mailed a couple of greeting cards, visited the library for the charitable business, and then I went to the supermarket.

I walked around a bit, wondering what I should buy, and then I went back home.

Once there, I took the laundry to the drying room, took my evening medicine, quarreled with my delusions, put basic lotion on my skin, and then I went to bed.

Tomorrow I will go to the swimming pool with my friend Pinky.
I will also go to the library for the charitable purposes, and then to a photography museum.

On Thursday, I will go to the library and then to Fountain House to iron my laundry. In the evening, I will go to the youth group.

On Friday, I will receive the weekly allowance. I will go see my parents; they will go on an overseas holiday and want to give me the weekly allowance before they leave.
I will pay for my monthly gym membership fee and renew my Spotify Premium subscription, and then I will go to the masseur to have my face and head massaged.
I will go shopping; along with the usual groceries, I will go check out the new selection at my favorite thrift stores and buy all the clothes I like. I will also go to the dressmaker to pay for the mending of my clothes, and then I will leave my nighties to have the side cleavages sewn shut.
I will buy a new cosmetics bag, a new hairbrush, a new smartphone charger, eight new pairs of underpants, and a new Dosett.

On Saturday, I will do the weekly housecleaning; replace the towels, take out the recycling, and scrub the toilet bowl.
I will go to the library for the usual reasons.

On Sunday, I will go visit a couple of museums. I won’t go see my parents because they have already gone to their holiday.
I will make the weekly phone call to my granny.
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Last night I found it hard to fall asleep, but I took two tranquillizers and managed to fall asleep just fine. I even felt like my body was shutting down and I was about to die.
I had pretty nice dreams, nevertheless.

I got up at noon, took my morning medicine and biotin supplement, cleaned my teeth (used interdental brushes, tongue brush, and then brushed my teeth), did the skincare regiment (face wash, toner, serum, lotion, eye cream), put basic lotion on my skin, and got dressed.

Later that day, my care worker came for the weekly appointment. I managed to wash the dishes, do stretches, and have a nice talk with her.

We made a new appointment for Monday next week at half past noon. We left at the same time, I took out the biological and household waste.

I went to the library and used one laptop and one tablet to make the daily donations. Then I went to the health center to ask them why my painkiller prescription has not been renewed, and the receptionist told me they would send the prescription to the doctor on call.
I also went to the pharmacy to pick up my mood controllers, and then I went back home.

I watched the second season of The Good Place on Netflix and continued my knitting. I hate it how all the grandma squares I knit turn out to be lumpy and wavy, while my mother makes perfectly smooth ones.

I was thinking of going to the aquarium, but I decided to go to the gym instead. I put on my gym clothes and went there.

I did some stretches, but I felt like I didn’t do them properly, and I also felt like I was supposed to do all the stretches; arm, back, legs; on the same day.

I walked on the treadmill for about twenty minutes and then I simply got bored. I would have walked for a longer time, but it was also getting late.

Now I feel weird. My head hurts and my eyes are all bulgy, I drank too much water and now my stomach goes all glub glub glub. The delusions also bother me, I feel like yelling and screaming at them.
I also feel bad for staying awake so late, I should go to sleep but I am not exactly sleepy or barely even exhausted.
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A nice day

I was supposed to go visit one of my friends today, but she texted me and told me that she has the flu. Hope she will feel better soon.

I got up at one o’clock in the afternoon, took my morning medicine and got dressed in one of the second- hand dresses I had bought a week ago from the discount at the thrift store. I had to wear a pair of used underpants because all of my panties were in the laundry basket. I need to buy new ones soon, preferably before I go visit my granny.

I called my mother and asked her if I can come over, she said I can.
The first thing to do was to go to the library (fortunately it is open on Sundays as well) and used one laptop and one tablet to click all the free daily donation buttons on the Greater Good website.

I took a bus to my parents’ home, because I was already feeling tired and didn’t feel like walking. I really should take up the habit of walking to my parents’ home, but here’s the thing; I get delusional if I walk in broad daylight from places to places, and the delusions make me feel angry and exhausted. And I don’t feel like angering myself for no reason at all, I don’t need that kind of negativity.

Mom answered the door. My dad gave me the weekly allowance.

I drank orange juice and coffee and ate cherry tomatoes and a slice of a bun loaf.
I used my mother’s laptop to make the daily donations on Greater Good.

I felt a bit sad about my cruddy appearance; if I don’t have pimples, I have eczema. I knew I should have done the skincare regiment in the morning, but I didn’t feel like doing it.

Later that day, I left and as soon as I stepped outside, I smelled the crisp and chilly autumn air and noticed that there was strange beauty in the nature.
I walked to the bus station and caught a bus to downtown.

I went to a department store to buy a tube of face mask, a small tin of Nivea cream, and an organic deodorant.

I caught a bus back to my hometown and went to the supermarket to buy Cif cleaning cream, toilet paper, and cocoa powder.

Once back home, I put all my shopping to their rightful places, sorted out the trash, washed two loads of laundry, and disinfected my keeper by popping it into a pot of boiling water.

I took a shower and washed my hair and did the twelve- step Korean skincare regiment. I put basic lotion on my skin.

I was out of fresh nighties, so I decided to sleep in my bathrobe.

Tomorrow my care worker will come for the weekly appointment at half past one o’clock in the afternoon. I will wash the dishes and iron the laundry.
After that, I will go to the pharmacy to pick up my mood controllers, and I also have to call the health center and ask them why my painkiller prescription hasn’t been renewed yet. I will also go visit the library.
In the evening, I will go to the gym and walk on the treadmill for an hour.
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Last night I stayed awake all the way to five o'clock in the morning. I guess I was distracted by the second season of The Good Place finally being added to Netflix.

I really should consult a doctor about my insomnia. Even if I fiddle with my smartphone late into the evening, at some point the sleepiness takes over and I actually fall asleep.
I have given up coffee, and I always take my medicine in time.

I took my morning medicine in the small hours, and fell asleep. I woke up to a horrid headache, I felt like there was a band squeezing my head.

Mirette came for a visit to pick up some of her stuff, and Odessa called me to ask if I am coming to the amusement park today. I had to decline because I was feeling absolutely terrible.

It seems like the more a activity I have planned for next day, the more I sleep.

I got up in the evening and went to the grocery shop to buy oat milk so I could make cocoa, but I ran out of cocoa powder and didn't feel like going back to the shops.

I made some coffee instead, and then I ate the rest of the cucumber in my fridge. It resulted in a horrid taste in my mouth.

I was thinking of heading for an urban adventure, but it was getting late.

Here's to hoping that tomorrow will be better.

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A better day :)

Last night I probably had dreams that I have forgotten by now. Mostly these days I have had dreams of days when the earth is covered with snow that is as fluffy and white as the clouds in the sky, and perhaps about geocaching and still attending school after graduating, just to please my mother.
I got up in the morning before my smartphone alarm was supposed to ring. I took my morning medicine and biotin supplement, dabbed lotion on my face, and got dressed; I wore one of the second- hand dresses I had bought from the thrift store last week.

I sat on my bed, but for some reason I didn’t feel like lying down and going to deep slumber. For some reason, every time I go back to bed after taking my morning medicine, I sleep all the way to the evening.

I called my mother and asked her if I can come over to collect the monthly allowance, she said I can because she was just walking home from the ATM machine.

I went to the nearest ATM machine to withdraw the money I had received today and bought a cold- smoked salmon bagel and gave the bakery worker a tip. I also gave some change to an African charity.

I walked to my parents’ home; once there, mom gave me the monthly allowance. We had coffee together.

I walked to the newsagent and recharged my travel card. Then I caught a train to another town, where I bought a fancy mug of cocoa and gave the coffee house worker some tip.
Eleclya arrived later, we went to a restaurant where Mirette was having a scrumptious cheese salad; after she had had her fill, we ate the rest of it. I just made a mess on the table and played with the plastic potted plant on the table.

We went to a science center, there was an exhibition about dinosaurs. I learned that carnivores were smaller and more agile, and herbivores were larger and clumsier. I also got to use virtual reality goggles where I saw the world through the viewpoint of a hatching dinosaur baby; when my dino- mommy looked at me with adoration in her reptile eyes, I almost melted with happiness.

Then we went to another exhibition about the function and health of human brain. There was a room where you could dance, another room where you could lie down and watch electric canvas flowers bloom in the ceiling, and another room where you were supposed to pick a small piece of dark chocolate from a glass jar and let it melt in our mouths; I picked a handful and stuffed them into my mouth.

After the science center was closed, we took the same train to our respective homes. I got off at my stop and went to the supermarket where I bought a pair of fancy gloves, grey with lighter grey lace trimming and a small tuft of fur. I also bought some greeting cards.
I also bought some postage stamps, and then I went to the stationery shop to buy a big packet of refills for my ink pens.

I went to the library and did the usual charitable business, then I went to the grocery shop to buy the basic groceries.

I went back home, put all my new belongings to their rightful places, and put the trash into recycling.
Then I started working on the greeting cards that I am sending out tomorrow.

I took my evening medicine and sprayed Nasonex into my nostrils, and then I brushed my teeth, shaved my chin hairs, and emptied my MoonCup.

I ran out of knitting yarn, but my mom will give me more on Sunday.

I must say, today I felt calmer and happier. I didn’t have the slightest bit of an existential crisis, or the wish to be someone else or the wish to be somewhere else.

I spent the rest of the evening watching the second season of The Good Place.

Tomorrow I will do the weekly housework; I need to tidy up the bathroom, take out the recycling, change the towels, and wash laundry. I also think I should take up the habit of doing the housecleaning twice a week, on Wednesdays and Saturdays. I will tidy up the bathroom and take out the recycling.
I also need to go to the pharmacy to pick up my painkillers and mood controllers, send the greeting cards I bought today, and then I will go to the library.
I will go to the amusement park to check out the Halloween vibes; I will dress up as a witch.

On Sunday, the first thing to do is to go to the library to do the charitable work.
I will visit my friend Rige, and then I will go visit my parents.
My father will give me the weekly allowance, and I will call my granny.
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Why do I keep on feeling this way?

Last night I had an absolutely ghastly nightmare; Nazis won the World War three, and all people were enslaved.
Then I had nicer dreams that cleared my mind from worries.

I got up at two o’clock in the afternoon, because I didn’t feel like getting up earlier. I missed the knitting & novel reading group at the local library, but I didn’t feel like getting up.

I got up in the afternoon and took my morning medicine and biotin supplement.

The first thing I noticed was that I had a pimple the size of Jupiter on the left side of my chin; I squeezed it so hard it splotched against my bathroom mirror, and then I did the skincare regiment; face wash, face toner, face serum, face cream, and eye cream. I also put basic lotion on my skin and got dressed into a dress I bought from the thrift store last Friday.

I called my mother and asked her if I can come over, she said I can. I took a bus to my parents’ home.

Once there, my mother answered the door. We had coffee together.
I ate cherry tomatoes, dark grapes, slices of bun loaf, and a sandwich.

Later that day when I left, my father came home as well. He gave me a hug.

I took a bus back home, and now that I think about it, I really should take up the habit of walking there and back; I would become fit, and I would see many beautiful landscapes and smell plenty of fresh air.
Too bad that my bicycle has a flat tire; the back tire has become flat again, even if my dad fixed it. I would love to ride my bicycle like in that Queen song.

Anyway, once back at my hometown, I went to the youth group at the church.

There were plenty of treats; popcorn, chocolate, salted peanuts, watermelon, and crisps.

Later that evening, I left and went to the pharmacy. I bought more of my anti- psychotic medicine and basic lotion.
I learned that the prescription for my second painkiller still hasn’t been renewed, and I also forgot to pick up my mood controllers.

I went to the library and made all the Greater Good donations on one computer, laptop, and tablet, and also checked out the books I had requests.

Once back home, I felt a bit sad and unhappy.

I took my evening medicine and sprayed Nasonex into my nostrils.

I decided to go outside; I took a bus to downtown, bought some crisps and chocolate bars, and then I traveled back home. Nothing and no one threatened me, but at some point I accidentally pooped my pants a little when I tried to fart.

Once back home, it was past midnight. I watched the second season of The Good Place with Finnish subtitles.

I feel like I don’t enjoy anything anymore. When I was younger, my life was much, much unhappier, but still amazing.
I think it is because I am 30 years old already; nothing is new to me, and I have nothing to look forward to except the next check.

I hope that tomorrow will be better.
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Last night I stayed awake till half past two o’clock in the morning. I went through DeviantART and blocked all the bizarre fetish artists I could see; I didn’t leave any flames or trolling comments. I just hate seeing my favorite characters wearing diapers or being tickled.

I finally went to sleep and had some pretty nice dreams; the dreams were so nice that I slept all the way to three o’clock in the afternoon. I guess it was also because I stayed awake so late, and I didn’t bother getting up because there was no milk in my fridge so I couldn’t have my morning cocoa.

I got up, took my morning medicine and biotin supplement, put lotion on my face, got dressed, and then I left.
I went to the shopping mall to buy a bar of chocolate, then I went to the library for the usual charitable business.

I took a train to downtown, on my way there I played the FreeRice game on my smartphone app and donated 1,000 grains of rice. I went to a library; there was a knitting & novel reading group. I managed to finish one quilt square and start on another. I had a few cups of coffee.

After the group, I took a train back home. I fetched the laundry from the drying room downstairs and brought it to my home.

I took my evening medicine and sprayed Nasonex into both of my nostrils. I took a shower, washed my hair and face, put peeling cream on my face, washed my armpits, and put lotion on my skin. I put on a fresh nightie.

Tomorrow I will go to the knitting & novel reading group in the local library. After that, I will go to an art museum.
In the evening, I will go to the youth group at the local church.

On Friday, I will receive the weekly allowance. I will go visit my parents as soon as possible so that my mother can give me the monthly allowance.
I will go to the nearest municipal service point to recharge my travel card, and then I will go to a science center with Mirette and Eleclya.
We will go to downtown, so I can buy myself a new coat, and then we will go to a tattoo & piercing parlor so I can have a piercing ring fitted to one of the holes in my right ear.
I will go shopping for groceries.

On Saturday, I will go to an amusement park as soon as it is opened and buy the kind of ticket that allows me to go on all rides.

On Sunday, I will visit a friend. Then I will go visit my parents; my father will give me the usual weekly allowance. I will call my granny.
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Another nice day

I almost stayed awake the whole last night but managed to fall asleep.
I woke up early, took my morning medicine and biotin supplements and some cocoa, and went back to bed. I played Free Rice until I had donated 1,000 grains.
I got up and went to the bathroom to take a pee and noticed that I got my period. I had been expecting it.

I went back to bed and slept all the way to one o’clock in the afternoon, which is technically morning to me. I got up, got dressed, dabbed lotion on my face, called my mother and asked her if I can come over, she said yes.

I went to the library and used three computers, one laptop, and one tablet to make the daily donations on Greater Good. I also read some books I had requested, without realizing that I could have checked them out.

I took a bus to my parents’ home. Mom answered the door, she gave me 20 euros. I had coffee with her. I did some simple stretches.

I took a train to downtown and went to Twinkle café. There were plenty of new people, and I got to talk about horror movies with this dude; he told me he is going to lend me his Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Exorcist DVDs next week.

I had to leave early because I had to make it to the movies. I visited a nice clothing shop called Housewife, they had an amazing coat in discount! If they still have it by Friday, I will buy it. I have been looking for a new coat, anyway.

I went to see the new Stephen King movie IT 2. I am not going to spoil it for those who haven’t seen it; it was about overcoming your own personal fears, growing up, and the importance of friendship and memories. And Pennywise is the best monster I have seen for a while.

After the movie, I took a train back home. I went to the supermarket to buy a birthday card and two boxes of my favorite grape juice.

I went back home, took my evening medicine and sprayed Nasonex into my nostrils. I dabbed some lotion on my face and made cocoa.

I took a very impressive dump a while ago and it made a comical Plop! noise, like a toilet plunger.

Tomorrow the first thing to is to fetch my laundry from the drying room and sort it to the ironing and the rest. I will go to the library to do the usual charitable work and then check out my requests.
I will take the ironing to the Fountain House; my small apartment will become all steamy, humid and hot if I iron it there.
In the evening, I will go to a knitting & novel reading group in a library.
I will also do stretches and play Free Rice until I have donated 1,000 grains.

On Thursday, I will go to the knitting & novel reading group in the local library.
In the evening, I will go to the church for the youth group.

On Friday, I will receive the weekly allowance from my guardian of interest, and the monthly allowance from my parents. I will go to the municipal service point to recharge my travel card.
I will go to a science center with Mirette and Eleclya, after that I will go to downtown to buy a new coat. I will also go to a tattoo & piercing shop to get a new piercing ring put into my right ear.

On Saturday, I will go to the amusement park and buy myself a ticket to go to all the rides I want, except the ones where you go upside down, I don’t like them.

On Sunday, I will go visit a friend, and then I will go to my parents’ home. My dad will give me the weekly allowance, and I will call my granny.
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What a nice day!

I spent the entirety of yesterday evening washing laundry, it took a long time because even when I use the program that only takes half of the time, it still takes about an hour and 45 minutes, boo yah. I still managed to wash plenty of laundry, and I was supposed to take it downstairs to the common drying room; but I was feeling so psychotic and anxious that I almost wobbled on my feet.
I took one Oxamin pill and called a helpline; we discussed the problem and agreed that I should try just turning off the lights and lying down on my bed. If the problem persists, I should visit the psychiatric clinic tomorrow, and if it worsens, go to the emergency room.
I took a depression shower, it made me feel slightly better.
I slept pretty well and had dreams that were nice enough, even if I don’t remember what they were about.

I got up about at ten o’clock in the morning, took my morning medicine and biotin supplement, got dressed, and went to visit the grocery shop to buy some oat milk. I also mailed a hand- written letter and a name- day card to my friends.

Once back home, I took the laundry that had been sitting in the laundry basket to the drying room downstairs. I made some cocoa, then I took a shower and washed my hair and armpits. I put on deodorant and basic lotion. I got dressed into the same clothes I had been wearing, and also put on a necklace.

I did some stretches, and then I started washing the dirty dishes before my care worker came for the weekly appointment. I washed the rest of the dishes, and then Mirette came over to pick up some of the baking paper she had left.

Me and my worker agreed to have next week’s appointment on Monday at 1:30 pm. We left at the same time; I went to the library to pick up my requests and make the daily donations on one laptop and one tablet. All of the computers were taken.

I went to see my friend Pinky, we met at the shopping mall like we had agreed. First we went to a grocery shop to buy a bar of chocolate, and some lactose- free milk for coffee, and then we went over to her place.
We ate chocolate and chili nuts and drank cocoa and coffee. We both took a nap, me on her sofa and she on her bed. I fell into deep slumber, but when I woke up, I felt refreshed and cheerful.
Pinky gave me an inflatable tub for foot baths, and we talked a bit about stuff and then I left.

I went to the pharmacy and picked up a new batch of my anti- depressants, and I also ordered two packages of my anti- psychotic medicine.
On my way back home, I went to the supermarket and bought my favorite drink; a box of grape- flavored juice that donates 10 cents to the protection of seals.

I went back home and noticed that Mirette had taken the carton and plastic waste to recycling before she had left. Thank you so much!
I put all the stuffs to their rightful places and the trash to recycling, scrubbed the toilet bowl and wash basin, bagged the biological waste, clipped my nails, and wiped the worst stains off the kitchen floor.
In the evening, I took my medicine and sprayed Nasonex into both of my nostrils. I renewed a few medicine prescriptions online, sent a few text messages, and then I cleaned my teeth.

In the evening, after going to bed, I watched some 1980's - 1990's cartoon intros on YouTube, trying to recall my childhood memories. I also played FreeRice until I had donated 1000 grains of rice.

Today was such a nice day! Even the delusions were nice to me.

Tomorrow I need to call the health center to make an appointment for a mammogram.
I’m going to take a bag of useless stuff to a charity shop container, and then go to the library to return a book and use a laptop and a tablet and as many computers as I can to click all the free daily donation buttons on the Greater Good website.
If the weather is fine, I will walk to my parents’ home and go see my mother; she will give me the weekly allowance.
I will go to Twinkle café, and then I will go see the movie “It: Chapter Two”. After the movie, I will buy a birthday card and a “Welcome to your new home!” card to my friends, and proper postage stamps for them.
I will also do the daily stretches, play FreeRice until I have donated 1000 grains, and wash the dishes. I will do that every day of the week.

On Wednesday, I need to fetch the laundry from downstairs; the cleaners will come to tidy up the drying room on Thursday morning. Out of respect, I want the room to be empty so they can do their work in peace.
I will go to the library for the usual charitable business, then to the pharmacy to pick up more of my prescribed medicine, and then to the Fountain House so I can be motivated to iron the huge pile of laundry.
In the evening, I will go to another library to a knitting & novel reading group.

On Thursday, I will go to a knitting & novel reading group in the local library and do the usual charitable business there. In the evening, I will go to the youth group at the church.

On Friday, I will receive the weekly allowance from my guardian of interest. The first thing to do is to go to the library for the usual charitable business, and also to pay my library fees.
Then I will go visit my parents so that my mother can give me the monthly allowance. I will recharge my travel card and pay the local dressmaker for the mending of my clothes.
Me, Eleclya, and Mirette will go to a science center together. After that, they will accompany me to a tattoo & piercing parlor and get a new piercing ring fitted into my right ear.
Then I will go shopping; I need to buy a bigger Dosett and proper bag for it; three brassieres and fourteen underpants; a Zero Waste shaving blade; all of the next month’s birthday cards, name- day cards, and proper postage stamps for them; and the basic groceries.

On Saturday, I will do the weekly housework; I need to change the towels, scrub the toilet bowl, and take out the recycling. After that, I will go to the library for the usual business.
In the afternoon, I will go to the amusement park and buy myself a ticket that allows me to go on all rides.

On Sunday, I will go visit the library for the usual reasons before I visit my parents. My father will give me the weekly allowance, and I will call my granny.
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My plans for Monday, September 16th - Sunday, September 22nd

Monday, September 16th:
The first thing to do in the morning is to take a shower and wash my hair.
My care worker will come for the weekly appointment at 1:30 pm. I will wash the dishes, including the scissors, spork, toothbrush mug, and other stuff.
I will go see my friend Pinky at the shopping mall. After that, I will go for a few errands; I need to go to the social security institution and request a form to prove that I am a pensioner. I will also go visit the pharmacy to pick up a new batch of my prescribed medicine. Then I will go to the library to pick up my requests, and make the daily donations on Greater Good.
I also need to mail a name- day card to a friend, and also buy a "Welcome to your new home" card to a friend who recently moved into another apartment.
Once back home, I will finally iron the laundry that has been sitting around for a while. I will also take out the recycling and tidy up the bathroom.

Tuesday, September 17th:
I will visit the library, and make the daily donations on Greater Good.
I will go visit my mother, she will give me the weekly allowance.
I will go to the eco- shop downtown and buy some shaving blades.
I will go to Twinkle cafe, and then go to movies to see the new "Stephen King's It" movie.

Wednesday, September 18th:
I will go visit the library and make the daily donations on Greater Good.
I will go visit a couple of museums.
I will go to a knitting & novel reading group at a library downtown.
I will fetch the laundry from the drying room downstairs.

Thursday, September 19th:
I will go to the knitting & novel reading group at a library in my hometown; after that, I will do the usual daily donations.
In the evening, I will go to the youth group at the local church.

Friday, September 20th:
I will receive the weekly allowance today. I will donate at least 20 euros to a charity, perhaps Meals for Heels.
I will go to the local library to do the daily donations.
I will go visit my parents, my mother will give me the usual monthly allowance. The first thing to do is to recharge my travel card.
I will go visit a science center with Eleclya and Mirette, I will buy a membership card for myself so I can visit that place for a year.
After the visit, I will buy the basic groceries, and then new underwear; two pairs of brassieres, and ten pairs of underpants. I also need a bigger Dosett for all of my medicine and supplements. I also need a proper bag for the Dosett.
I will also take up the habit of buying next month's birthday and name- day cards on my "monthly allowance" day.

Saturday, September 21st:
I will go to the amusement park as soon as it is opened, and buy myself the kind of ticket that allows me to go to all rides, and I will also buy all kinds of treats from the cafes and such.

Saturday, September 22nd:
I will go visit the library before visiting my parents. I will make the usual donations to Greater Good.
Once at my parents' home, my father will give me the weekly allowance. I will call my granny.

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There's a horrible farty smell, and it's definitely from my bottom!

My apartment smells like fart, even if I haven’t been that gassy. I guess I should take out the recycling.

Anyway, this morning I got up in time, took my morning medicine and biotin supplement, and drank some cocoa. I put on deodorant, dabbed lotion on my face, and got dressed.

I re- checked the bus timetables and noticed that there was no way I could make it to the buses that were going to take me to another part of the town where I was supposed to take part in the sponsored charity walk.

Well, at least now I could go see my parents straight away. I called my mother and asked her if I can come over, she said I can.

I went to the library; it’s opened on Sundays but there are no librarians, you’re supposed to use the check- outs and other machines all by yourself. I used two computers, one laptop, and one tablet to make the daily donations on the Greater Good website.

I took a bus to my parents’ home because I’m too lazy to walk. My mother answered the door.
My father was home too, he had the flu. He gave me the weekly allowance.

I ate a tomato, a slice of a bun loaf, and two of my mother’s home- made bread rolls. I also drank coffee and orange juice.
I felt anxious, psychotic, and disturbed, but still managed to act all cool and collected. I used my mother’s laptop to make the daily donations on Greater Good.

Later that day I kissed and hugged my mother, and blew my father a kiss, and then I left.

I walked to the station and took a bus to downtown. I took a tram to another part of the town and walked down the street to a thrift store, trying to find a new scarf.
Then I remembered that I still have my pink PLO scarf at home, so I left when the shop was closed. I went to the nearest Starbucks and bought a cold- smoked salmon bagel and a pumpkin spice latte.

I took a subway and then a bus back to my hometown. Once there, I went to the supermarket and bought dish- washing liquid, a name- day card for a friend, and two postage stamps.

Once back home, I put everything to their rightful places, put all the trash to recycling, put the worked on the post cards, washed a load of laundry, and took my evening medicine and sprayed Nasonex into both of my nostrils.

As of writing this, I am washing the third load of laundry. I should take the laundry downstairs to the drying room, but I feel too psychotic to do anything.

I have been feeling manic and speedy all day. I guess my period is due.
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Carrie the musical

I stayed awake the whole last night, watching Carrie the musical on YouTube. Then I listened to the entire soundtrack on Spotify, and then I watched the Riverdale episode with the musical rehearsals on Netflix.

In the small hours, I took my morning medicine and biotin supplement. I decided to go to the gym; I put on my gym clothes, packed my backpack and left.

It was dark and misty outside. I went to the gym, did a few stretches, lifted weights in order to improve my posture, and walked on the treadmill for twenty minutes. And still felt like I hadn't accomplished much.

I took a shower, washed my hair with beautifying shampoo and my armpits with olive oil soap that made me smell like cinnamon. I put deodorant into my armpits and put basic lotion on my skin.

I left and went back home. The sun was getting up.
Once back at home, I took a nap to sleep all the sleep debt off. When I was supposed to get up, I felt like going back to bed.

I got up when I had received my weekly and monthly allowance from my guardian of interest. I tried to pay my Microsoft Word subscription for a month, but they only allowed a year- long subscription and that cost too much, so I didn't pay it after all.

I left, went to an ATM machine to withdraw the cash, and then I took a bus to downtown.
I visited two of my favorite thrift shops that had a discount sale; all clothes 5 euros at maximum! I bought a few dresses and two nightshirts.

I took a tram to downtown and then a train back to my home town. Once there, I cut all the price tags off the clothes and put them to recycling, and put the clothes into my laundry basket.

I left again, and went to a coffee and bakery shop. I bought a caramel popcorn donut, and then I went to a thrift store in order to buy a new skirt, but it was already sold.

I went to the supermarket and bought a biodegradable toothbrush, a bottle of shampoo, and a grape juice box that raises funds to protecting seals. Then I caught a train back to downtown, and went to my favorite eco- market to buy tooth- whitening charcoal powder.
Then I went to a clothing and jewelry shop and bought a new piercing ring, because one of the rings in my right ear had loosened and gone missing.

I went to me and my friends' usual meeting place, and then Mirette texted me and told me to go to the shopping mall nearby, we would meet there.

I took a subway to said meeting place and went to a juice bar. While waiting for the others, I bought a carrot- orange juice.

Later Mirette, Eleclya, and Perry arrived. Mirette bought a smoothie, but she didn't like it so she gave it to me.

Perry drove us to the zoo, but it was so badly crowded and I was feeling almost psychotic after staying awake the whole night, so I left and took a bus back to downtown.

Once there, I took a train back to my home town and went to the shopping mall. I bought two pairs of black leggings and the basic groceries, then I went back home.

I put my new belongings to their rightful places, and then I brushed my teeth with the charcoal powder. It didn't make my teeth as white as I would have guessed, but it was alright.
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Such a nice day

I have been meaning to update plenty of times, but I have always fallen asleep first.

On Monday, I went to the masseur to have my neck and shoulders massaged.

On Tuesday, I went to Twinkle café.

On Wednesday, I went shopping for new autumn shoes with my mother. I also went to the first knitting & novel reading group of this autumn.

Anyway. Today I got up, took my morning meds and biotins, dabbed lotion on my face, and got dressed. I also washed a load of laundry.

I went to the library; it was raining hard. I did the daily donations on one laptop, one tablet, and two computers. I also asked about the knitting group, they told me it will be held next week.

I went to downtown and visited the national museum and the museum on natural science, it was very educational. I wanted to visit two historical museums and one art museum, but I was getting tired.

I went to see Eleclya. Our friend Odessa arrived later.

I traveled back to my hometown and went to the church group. I had a good time there, and then I was supposed to go see the theater play. I went to the culture center, but the doors were closed, and no one came to open even if I rang the door buzzer.

I went to the shopping mall and bought some oat milk. Once back home, I made cocoa, took my evening medicine, and sprayed Nasonex into my nostrils.

Tomorrow will be a busy day; I will pay for my Microsoft Word subscription to be extended for one month, and also donate to a charity walk that I am attending on Sunday.
I will go to the library to do the charitable work. After going grocery shopping, I will go to thrift store shopping. I also need to buy charcoal powder for whitening my teeth from the local eco- shop.
Me and Mirette will meet at our usual meeting place, and then we will go to the zoo.

On Saturday, I will go to a funfair as soon as it is opened. I will buy a ticket that allows me to go to all rides.
Along with that, I need to replace the towels, take out the recycling, and scrub the bathroom.

On Sunday, I will take part in a sponsored charity walk, then go visit one of my friends, and then go visit my parents. My father will give me the weekly allowance, and I will call my granny.
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Last night I had a dream where I went to a town in my home country with the girls from the Netflix show Derry Girls. I lost my clothes and had to walk around in nothing but panties in a rain of sleet, I was also wearing a plastic Queen Elsa crown they sell in toy shops but one of the Derry Girls snatched it and put it on her own head. I tried to run as fast as I could and find a station, omnibus station or train station, so I could find my way back home.

In another dream, it was like an 19th century Spanish drama with the Nuclear family from the Netflix show DC’s Titans. For some reason they were after me, and there were plenty of omelets sizzling.

In another dream, I was celebrating Halloween while rowing a boat on a frosty lake.

In yet another dream, I was in a small part of my hometown which had partly gone under water, but I didn’t mind because in the dream I turned into a mermaid and could breathe under water. I had a good time riding the waves even if the water was brownish- grey.
In the same dream, I ended up in a forest next to the same town. I could take three routes back home; the scary one, the pornographic one, or the one where you had to take part in a sponsored charity walk for LGBTQIA people. I chose all three at the same time.

I got up about at noon and noticed that my shoulders were in knots. I took my morning medicine and biotin supplement, drank coffee because I had run out of cocoa, and got dressed. I put two kinds of prescribed lotion on my face and noticed that I had also plenty of pimples on my freshly shaved chin.
Sheesh! My face is never dewy or glowing, it either has pimples, scabs, flakes, or eczema.

I changed the towels, washed a load of laundry, and bagged the trash. I decided that after I have hung the laundry, I will go visit the library and then go to a couple of museums.

I hung my underwear on the drying rack, and then I took the rest of the laundry downstairs to the drying room, and then I took the household waste and biological waste to recycling.

I visited the library and used two computers, one laptop, and one tablet to make the daily donations on the Greater Good website.

I took a train to downtown, then a subway to one of the art museums. But then I kind of lost my interest because I was already in a bad mood after quarreling with my delusions to the point of screaming my lungs out in the afternoon, it was raining and I didn’t have my raincoat, and I couldn’t find the museum because I had exited the subway station on the wrong side.

Anyway, I took a subway and then a bus to my home.

Once there, it was getting a bit late, but I still went to the shopping mall to buy a bag of cocoa powder and mail a few birthday cards.

Once back home, I scrubbed the toilet bowl.
I made an appointment for neck- and- shoulder- massage on next week’s Monday, because my neck and shoulders still hurt.
I finished knitting another blanket square.

About at eight o’clock in the evening, I took my medicine and sprayed Nasonex into my nostrils.

I watched a Finnish children’s movie on DVD, then I watched Derry Girls on Netflix, and then I started watching Fantastic Beasts: Crimes of Grindelwald.
I remember going to see the movie in theaters, I had a terrible need to pee and I didn’t remember who was who and what happened.

Tomorrow I will wash my hair, I will go visit the library and return the DVD I watched today, and make sure I know where the culture center is so I can go watch a theater play next week.
I will visit the museums I didn’t visit today, before I go see my parents.
My father will give me the weekly allowance. I will call my granny and give my mother the knitted blanket squares and the rest of the spool.
I will use the allowance tomorrow when I go to the masseuse on Monday.
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What a nice day! :D

Yesterday I washed my hair and did the twelve- step Korean skincare regiment, something I haven't done for a while now because I wanted to see how long I could hold out not washing my hair. I forgot to use the face scrub, and I couldn’t use face mask because I had run out of it.
I went to the youth group at the church and had a good time there. I ate salmiakki drops, popcorn, crisps, plums, and drank coffee and lemon iced tea. I had a nice talk with one youth worker about God and religion.

Last night I had dreams but forgot about them as soon as I woke up.
I got up before my smartphone alarm woke me up. I took my morning medicine and biotin supplement, put serum and cream on my face, got dressed, put on a necklace and earrings, and left.

I went to the ATM machine to withdraw cash, but the one near the grocery shop could dispense only 50- euro bills. I went to another that could dispense only 20- euro bills, withdrew cash, and then I went to the grocery shop to buy food. I went back home, had a little snack and cocoa, and then I left again.

I went to the psychiatric clinic where I had an appointment with my own nurse. We talked about this and that, now that I no longer feel too depressed or anxious I no longer have anything special to talk with her. We decided to keep the meeting short, and to have the next appointment at the end of October.

After the appointment I went back home, did the daily donations on Greater Good, and then I left.

First I went to the library and used two computers, one laptop and one tablet to make the daily donations on Greater Good, then I went to the convenience store and bought a cup of coffee. Which reminds me, I need to buy a reusable coffee cup.
I took a train to downtown and bought a Big Issue magazine.

I took a subway to east, and called the zoo in downtown and asked them if it’s possible for me to get pensioner discount from purchasing the membership card, considering that I am practically a pensioner. I was told that I need to get a printed and stamped paper form from the social security institution. I am going to go there on Monday and get the form, and take it along to the zoo when I go there next Friday.

Me and Mirette met at her favorite restaurant. We took a subway to her former hometown and caught a bus to Rige’s hometown.
There was a block party today, Mirette’s favorite singer was going to be there.

I ate a crepe, a plum, and a cinnamon roll. I shooed a bee away, talked with the others, danced with Mirette, and soon Perry and Eleclya showed up.
I asked a Red Cross worker about first aid classes; I want to attend them, but they cost a lot. I was told that I might get discount since I am a pensioner. I want to learn all first aid classes there are, in my quest of becoming a better person.

We all had a good time. I decided to leave a bit early because I felt a bit chilly.

I bought a small packet of crisps and caught two trains back home. Once in my hometown, I took a discarded trolley back to the supermarket, and then I went to the eco- shop to buy four packages of ecological tissue boxes.

I went to the supermarket and bought three birthday cards and two postage stamps.

I went back home, worked on the birthday cards, took my evening medicine, sprayed Nasonex into both of my nostrils, shaved my chin fluffs and armpit hair, and plugged my smartphone to the charger.

As of writing this, I have a weird feeling in my underbelly. Like there is an air bubble between my labia, and I can't queef it out.

Tomorrow I will do the weekly housework; change the towels, wash laundry, tidy up the bathroom, and take out the recycling. Then I will go to the library and two museums.

On Sunday I will go visit the library, and if it doesn’t rain, I will walk to my parents’ home and back. My dad will give me the weekly allowance, and I will call my granny.
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Visit to the dentist

Last night I went to bed already feeling restful, and had no trouble falling asleep despite that I had had an anxiety attack.

I woke up when my mother texted me about going to the shopping mall to buy new autumn shoes for me. I told her we will do it next week.

I got up, took my morning medicine and biotin supplement, brushed my teeth, put lotion on my face and noticed that I have an awful lot of whiteheads on my chin.

I got dressed, and later the day I left and took a train east. I went to the dentist, where I had an appointment for having my tooth fixed; a molar on the upper right side of my jaw had a filling that had chipped.
The dentists were very nice to me, even if the fixing hurt a bit it was alright and I managed to joke a little.

After the appointment, me and the dentist discussed my dental hygiene. I told them that being a spoonie, I might not always be able to brush my teeth even if I understand the importance of regular dental care. She also told me that the next appointment for a check- up will be in 2022, which according to my knowledge is the year where the movie Soylent Green is resided.

I called Eleclya on my way home, I asked her if I can come over for a surprise visit and she said it’s okay.

I took a train to her home, once there we had cocoa together and Eleclya took photos of me.

I took a train back home, once there I had cocoa and a few crispbread sandwiches for supper, and then I took my evening medicine and brushed my teeth. I had to take a very impressive dump after my stomach started rumbling, and I was about to throw up as well. I guess it’s the lactose.

Tomorrow I have to take a shower and do the twelve- step Korean skincare regiment. I will also go to the library and then to the youth group at the local church.

On Friday, I will go visit the library, and then I will have an appointment with my own nurse at the psychiatric center. After that, I will go buy the weekly groceries.
I will go to one of my favorite thrift stores downtown, and buy all my favorite clothes.
Me and Mirette will meet downtown and go to a block party in another town.

On Saturday, I will go to the library, and do the weekly housework.
I might also go visit a museum.

On Sunday, I will go visit my parents. I will walk there and back.
I will receive the weekly allowance from my father and call my granny.
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My plans for Monday, September 2nd - Sunday, September 8th

Monday, September 2nd:
I will pay my membership fee for the physiotherapist company.
I will go to the anniversary party of Fountain House.
I might also go to the aquarium downtown.
I will go to the library for the charitable purposes.
I need to fetch the laundry from the drying room.

Tuesday, September 3rd:
I will go to Twinkle cafe.
After that, I will go see my mother, so she can give me the weekly allowance. I will buy all of September's birthday and name- day cards and proper stamps for them.
I will go to the library for the usual reasons.

Wednesday, September 4th:
I will have an appointment at the hospital where my mother birthed me, so I can have a mammogram.
I will go to the library.
In the evening, I will have an appointment with a dentist. Before that, I will brush my teeth properly. I will have the molar on the right side of my upper jaw fixed, the filling has been chipped. I will also ask about cleaning my teeth, and if my tongue is alright because it's yellowish- white.

Thursday, September 5th:
I will go to the youth group at the local church, and I will also visit the library.

Friday, September 6th:
I will receive the weekly allowance from my guardian of interest. I will order a few tubes of Nuud deodorant from their official website.
I will have an appointment with my own nurse at the psychiatric center.
In the afternoon, I will go to the physiotherapist company to have a facial massage.
I will buy the weekly amount of groceries.

Saturday, September 7th:
I will do the weekly housework, and visit the library.

Sunday, September 8th:
I will go to the library.
I will go visit my parents, my father will give me the weekly allowance.
I will call my granny. 
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Still questioning sleep

Last night I stayed awake all the way to two o’clock in the morning because I suffered from insomnia, or as I like to call it, questioning sleep.

I managed to fall asleep and had dreams about nice things. I got up at four o’clock in the afternoon.

I took my morning medicine and biotin supplements and got dressed.

I called my mother and asked her if I can come over, she said I can.

I took a bus to my parents’ home. My mother answered the door, dad was also home.

Dad gave me the weekly allowance. I ate bun slices, feta cheese, yellow plums, and cherry tomatoes, and drank coffee and orange juice.

Later that day, I took a bus back home. I went to the supermarket and bought laundry detergent and a bar of soap, and then I went to the grocery shop to buy oat milk.
I picked up trash and took some discarded trolleys back to the supermarket.

Then I went back home. I washed a load of laundry and put my shopping to their rightful places.

I took out the recyclable waste, and then I took a shower and washed my hair and used the new bar of soap.

I called my granny, we talked about what we have been doing and how the weather has been. We agreed that I am going to visit her in October.