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⭐️👧

Last night I had a dream about visiting Clock River; the 11th Doctor’s adventure with Amy and Rory; my mom ordering me a Pokémon t- shirt from an online shop; geocaching near my parents’ home; going on a cruise ship; going to a sauna…
I woke up early, about at six o’clock in the morning. I slept later, and had even more weird ass dreams that completely warped my sense of reality.

I woke up when my mail slot clattered. I got up and went to see what I had received, it was the Etsy order from months ago! I knew it was the menhera kei pill rosette.

I continued sleeping all the way to two o’clock in the afternoon. After I finally got up, I took my morning medicine, put deodorant into my armpits, got dressed, and pinned the rosette onto the strap of my dress. I left immediately, and ran into Eleclya who had been grocery shopping.

It was a cloudy, chilly, and windy day. I enjoyed it.
I also noticed that my delusions have started bothering me again.

I traveled to Hell City, and went to Twinkle café. Mella wasn’t there, only the couple of regular visitors. We had a good time, nonetheless; I drank cocoa and ate Jaffa cakes.

After the group, I traveled to downtown and visited one of my favorite clothing & accessory shop to look for new necklaces and bracelets.

I called my mother and told her I am coming over to collect the weekly allowance, she said it’s okay. I traveled to Quarry City and walked to my parents’ home.

Once there, dad was also home. Mom gave me the money, I ate some feta cheese and drank orange juice.
I kissed and hugged both mom and dad, and then I left.

I traveled to my home town. Once at the station, there was a football on the driveway, so the bus driver got off the bus, kicked it off, and continued driving.

I decided not to buy anything. I just went home, Eleclya was already there watching Mako and the Mermaids on Netflix.

I took such a huge dump, it made my butt hurt.
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⭐️👧

I slept on Eleclya's sofa- bed in the balcony, once again.
I had a dream where I traveled to Finland in the 22nd century, where Instagram had evolved to replace government.
In another dream, I visited this museum of natural science where I saw scorpions and star- nosed moles. In the same dream, i saw a scorpion trying to sting a young girl, and I stomped it. For some reason, the girl got angry at me.
Very often I have those kind of dreams where women and girls are angry at me, and in some dreams we fight.

I woke up very early to the same burning feeling in my throat I had yesterday morning. I seem to have the same heartburn every time I know I have chocolate in my home.

It was pretty chilly outside, and the days are getting shorter. Autumn is arriving.
It seems like summer and winter are the basic seasons, and spring and autumn are in between; during spring, nature prepares for summer, and during autumn, nature prepares for winter.

I got up, took my morning medicine, ate some Oreo chocolate from the fridge where I keep it so it won’t melt in the summer heat. Then I went back to sleep.

About at noon, first Suavecita and then Odessa came to visit me. I managed to heave myself up from the bed, brush my teeth and wash my face and put three kinds of prescribed lotion on my troublesome skin, and get dressed.

Later that day, Suavecita and Odessa and Eleclya went to Hell City and visited a sushi restaurant where Eleclya’s biological father works.

Me and Mirette stayed, I managed to wash a huge honkin’ pile of dirty dishes all by myself. I have also taken up the habit of washing other utensils that are rarely washed, such as my toothbrush mug, scissors, plastic combs, and stuff.

I was wondering why my care worker didn’t visit me, and then I started recalling that we had agreed not to meet today because all the care workers are on summer vacation.

I helped Mirette pack hir stuff, then we went to Subway and bought sandwiches. It was the first solid meal I have had for a while.

We traveled to Mirette’s home town on a bus, and I helped hir haul the carrier bags to hir apartment. I stuck around for a while, watching BraveStarr episodes on my YouTube app, and then I traveled back home.

I went to the supermarket and bought a pound of sugar, a pound of coffee grounds, and a bottle of freshly squeezed orange juice.

I went back home, where Eleclya was waiting for me.

I washed a load of laundry and took them downstairs to the drying room, and fetched the dry laundry at the same time. Then I took out the household waste.
I replaced my towels and bed sheets, and washed them.
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⭐️👧

Monday, August 13th:
My care worker will visit me at twenty minutes to three o'clock in the afternoon (2:40 pm). I will wash the dishes during the visit.
After that, I will go shopping. I need to buy new shoelaces, greeting cards, and postage stamps. 

Tuesday, August 14th:
I will go to the Twinkle cafe. After that, I will go visit an art museum.
I will go see my mother, she will give me the weekly allowance.

Wednesday, August 15th:
I will have an appointment with my physiotherapist at three o'clock in the afternoon.
After that, I will go to movies to see BlackKklansman.

Thursday, August 16th:
Me and Mirette will go to a park in Hell City.

Friday, August 17th:
I will receive money.
I will have an appointment at the foot specialist at two o'clock in the afternoon.
I will buy groceries.

Saturday, August 18th:
Me and Mirette will go to a grand opening of a culture center.
I will do the weekly housework.

Sunday, August 19th:
I will go visit my parents. If the weather is alright, I will walk my bicycle there and back.
Once at my parents' home, I will call my granny. 
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And now I can continue to knit again!

Last night I had a dream about the new HBO TV show Heathers; I made friends with Veronica Sawyer, and we went to play in an old abandoned mansion that was full of mud and clay. Mind you, I don’t have an HBO account, and I have only seen the trailer for the show as an advertisement on YouTube videos.
I also had a dream where I moved into my granny’s old apartment near her current home (even if she, in real life, used to live in a detached house in Badger Mountain before moving into a suburban apartment), so I could be close to her.
In another dream, I watched two cats mate and yowl very loudly in my parents’ living room.
In yet another dream, two anime robot girls started making fun of me while I waited for a bus next to a shopping mall.
In yet another dream, I rode my bicycle into a Vietnamese town where I had a good time.

I woke up early to a horrid burning feeling in my throat. I got up, took my morning medicine, and got dressed into a simple Minute Maid dress.

Me and Mirette and Eleclya went to see Suavecita who had been shopping for groceries. It was a lovely weather, it didn’t rain and there was a lovely chilly temperature.
We went to visit Rige together. Rosie the beagle yowled and barked loudly, so Rige took hir out for walkies.

My mother called me and told me that she is at a nearby coffee shop with my brother, and she wanted to see me so we could go shopping. I excused myself, and went to the coffee shop.
My mother was there, and so was my brother who smelled like month- old dung. He is still struggling with alcoholism, so it seems.

We went to the supermarket where my mom bought me two basic black Sloggis that were in discount, and a spool of knitting yarn with white, green, dark green, and dark brown stripes. It looks like the aromantic pride flag.

After that, my brother left and went to his own home, and me and mom went to my parents’ home. Mom walk- pushed her bicycle, and I walked along with her.

Once at my parents’ home, dad gave me 20 euros. I ate feta cheese, an apricot, a tomato, and drank coffee.

Later the day I traveled back to my home town, and went to the same supermarket to buy shampoo meant for greasy hair. Here’s to hoping it actually works.

Once back at my own home, I washed my hair and also washed a load of laundry. I didn’t bother with getting dressed again, I just wore my panties.

When the other girls came over, I surprised them by standing at the door of my apartment naked save for my panties, and we all had a hearty laugh.
I made coffee, and we had a good time together.

Later Suavecita and Rige went to their own respective homes, Eleclya and Mirette stayed for the night.
I took the laundry downstairs to the drying room, and then I took the suitcase that Eleclya had borrowed to the storage room.

In the evening, I started feeling anxious to the point of feeling panicky, and then I started feeling devastatingly depressed. I thought it was a sign of a low blood sugar, so I made myself a couple of cheese sandwiches.

I went to sleep on the balcony. I got myself a proper cotton blanket, and wore the Minute Maid dress as a nightie. At some point I should get myself some proper nighties. 
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⭐️👧

Last night I slept on the sofa- bed in the balcony again.

I woke up early in the morning, and had a dream about whales flying in the sky and video games about deadly viruses escaping from laboratory.

I got up, took my morning medicine, got dressed, and then we went to see Suavecita who was waiting for us at the parking lot.

We drove to Hen City, and we went to the grand opening of a new army surplus store.
There were balloons and cotton candy, and children crawling all over an old tank.

We joined people in the line queuing to go inside, there were so many customers that the line was almost a kilometer long and people were let inside in groups.
I don’t like queuing, but I got to pet cute dogs and take photos with my friends.

Once inside, we looked at the products for sale, my favorite was the spork. I might buy one soon.

Suavecita drove us to the shopping mall, the other girls went shopping and I went back to my own home. I took a long nap on the balcony, and only got up when the others came over.

We had a good time, and later the day Suavecita left and Odessa came over with hir dog.

Tomorrow I will go visit Rige with my friends, and then I will go shopping with my mother.
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⭐️👧

Last night I had a dream where I was flirting with Tex Hex from BraveStarr as I rode past him on my bicycle. In another dream, I lived in a place like District 12 in Panem from The Hunger Games, and I got some spaghetti and Bundt cake in a Tupperware box from a night school I was attending in the dream, and tried to sneak it away and eat it all by myself.
Then I had the usual sexual dreams, and then I had a dream about geocaching near my parents’ home. In all of the dreams, it was a cloudy, clammy, ethereal autumn afternoon.

When I woke up, I asked Eleclya what time it was, because today had a schedule. I got up, took my morning medicine, got dressed, had coffee, and used my smartphone to log in to my online bank account. Yes, I had received my weekly allowance, and it would be spent soon.

I went out and noticed that I still had some of my most usual delusions, and they were making me moody.

I went to an ATM machine to withdraw cash, and then I went to the dressmaker to pick up my dress. The dressmaker was wearing a handmade t- shirt that said “World’s Greatest Dad!” It made me smile.
The dress was a black Dirndl pinafore with tiny white dots, I had it narrowed around the bodice and the hem shortened. I also have about three Dirndl dresses that need to be mended; two that need to be widened around the bodice, and another one that has a cleavage that needs to be sewn shut.

After that, I went to the toy shop in the shopping mall, and bought a Star Wars backpack. I pondered if I should buy a Queen Elsa or Spider- Man backpack, but I settled for Star Wars.

I went back home, put the dress into my laundry basket, and took my belongings out of my Jack Wolfskin backpack and put them into my new one. The new backpack is much smaller, but my stuff still fits inside. I hope the backpack doesn’t break too soon.

I decided to take a proper shower. I washed my hair and face and armpits, and used the 12- step Korean skincare regime. I slathered myself in cortisone lotion, eczema lotion, and basic lotion, and put on clean clothes. I felt good after that, and my hair felt like fine cotton wool.

I traveled to Hell City. Once there, I saw two gothic punks and told them they had an amazing style, and they thanked me. Then I said, “Hope you have a nice day!” and this creep of an old man said “You too!” because he seemingly believed that I had said it to him. I felt the chills run through me, and changed my direction and walked away as fast as I could.

I went to the nearest Starbucks coffee shop, where me and Mirette had agreed to meet.

There was a festival at the shopping mall. On the third floor, where the children’s clothing and toy shops are resided, there was a person dressed as “Supermarsu” (marsu = pet guinea pig in Finnish). Supermarsu is a famous and loved Finnish children’s book character about a young girl who turns into a human- like guinea pig and is basically a superhero. We both got to hug hir and get high fives and take photos, and then we went to different shops and then we went downstairs, there was a concert.
I visited the supermarket to buy two small blueberry pies, and iced mint espresso to drink. I also mailed a few greeting cards.
One of Mirette’s favorite musicians played hir guitar and sang. Mirette took a photo with hir, and I have hir a hug.

We traveled to my home town, and went to a women’s clothing shop where I looked for underpants; I have about four Sloggi underpants left, and they all have a hole for a pubic ponytail.

We went to the supermarket to buy groceries, and as soon as we were back at my home, it started raining heavily.
Eleclya was at my home as well. Zie and Mirette looked through my wardrobe and laughed at my clothes, and I laughed along.

In the evening, I took my meds and drank some peppermint tea with sugar, it tasted good.
I went to sleep on Eleclya’s sofa- bed on my balcony. I watched The Good Place on Netflix, and BraveStarr on YouTube, and knitted.

Tomorrow me, Mirette, Eleclya, and Suavecita will go visit an army surplus store, there is a grand opening. After that, me and Mirette will go to a park in Hell City.

On Sunday, I will go visit my parents. If the weather is fine enough, that is, it doesn’t rain too heavily and the temperature is cool enough, I will walk there and back. I have to call my granny as well, I don’t remember calling her since June.
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Booooooo-ring

Last night I had dreams about studying in Hogwarts, and visiting Diagon Alley. In another dream, I went to visit a bar or pub or café meant for young witches and wizards.
In another dream, I went to visit a huge water park, and in another, I went to visit the holiday resort for children sick with cancer, the same I used to visit when I was underage.

Sometimes I believe if studying in Hogwarts would actually be nice; there are dangerous doors and stairs, you cannot use electronic appliances or the internet, there are dangerous animals in the woods and the magic animal class or whatever it is called. And what if you have depression, or ADHD, or get pregnant, or have your period, or get bullied, or you have to use crutches or a wheelchair?

I decided not to go to the pesky meeting, and slept all the way to noon. Then I got up, took my morning medicine, dabbed lotion on my skin, and got dressed.

I spent the afternoon doing a little bit of this and that, and feeling like I should actually do something.

Sometimes I believe I am actually torturing myself by having too much of a good time; I barely eat anything at all and drink coffee all day, stay up late in the evenings and sleep late during days, and I don’t exercise at all. And I don’t actually go to art shows or theaters or cafes or actually have a good time. I feel like I am trapped in amber.

I decided to head to Hell City, but first I took three bags of second- hand stuff to the charity shop container.

I went to the pharmacy and brought a small plastic bag of old medicine to the pharmacy to recycle them. I also “bought” a tube of hydrocortisone lotion, “bought” because I get all my prescribed medicine for free because my financial worker pays for them.

I took a bus to Cross City, then a subway to the city center, and then I decided to leave. I didn’t feel too happy, I felt like I was treading in treacle. I had eaten a Mars bar just to cheer myself up, but instead, it made me feel sick.
I decided to head to Quarry City to look at the street art that was painted on the walls at the station.

I decided to walk to the city center, and I tried to keep my back straight and breathe through my nose.

Once back at the city center, I visited a few shops and then I went back home. I took out the recyclable waste; carton, paper, metal, and glass.

I forgot to take my evening medicine, so I took it about at midnight.

Tomorrow I will receive money. I have to go to the dressmaker and fetch my mended clothes from there, and bring a kitchen towel to be mended.
After that, I will go buy a new backpack from a discount sale at a toy shop.
In the afternoon, I will go see Mirette. There will be a happening in Hell City, and I am going to be there with hir.
happysun

Why have I started feeling this way?

For about half a week by now, I haven’t had any delusions. Or actually, they have been minimized to taking about less than ten percent of my time now, but I can tolerate them. And also, it’s about the same day in 2005, the beginning of August, when my delusions begun like a lightning out of the clear blue sky. It took me 13 years till I felt better.
But for some reason, I don't feel exactly happy; I feel like I don't want to do anything else than just stay at home, drinking coffee and watching BraveStarr episodes on YouTube.

Last night me and Eleclya couldn’t sleep, because we were too busy telling jokes and laughing at them. I laughed so much that my stomach hurt, and tears flowed from my eyes.

I had pretty nice dreams about geocaching and actually succeeding, but I woke up early when my nurse called me and told me that zie has booked an appointment with a social worker for tomorrow, at half past ten o’clock in the morning. It’s too darn early, I think I won’t be able to go there.

I wanted to sleep as late as I could, because I didn’t have anything special to do today and besides, I was already in a bad mood because of the phone call.
Later that day, my best friend Suavecita called me and asked if zie can come for a visit. I said yes zie can, and already felt better.

It gave me a reason to get up, took my morning medicine, and drank some coffee.

After Suavecita came over, I took a shower and took a proper look at the awful lot of pimples and rash all over my shoulders and neck; I sweat a lot because of the unholy heat wave, and I also don’t like dressing in light clothes during summer because they are too revealing.
I have been prescribed special cortisone lotion for the eczema, but due to the heat wave, it’s hard to put lotion on my skin because it’s damp with sweat.
Which reminds me, I should pick up a new tube of the cortisone lotion from the pharmacy, I have renewed the prescription but I haven’t remembered to pick it up.

Suavecita brought a can of gazpacho, and three cinnamon rolls. We drank coffee, took selfies, cracked jokes, and had a good time.

After Suavecita left, I went out. I took about five or six full plastic bags to the charity shop container, and then I went to LIDL to buy a liver casserole for Eleclya.

I also visited a few shops just for the fun of it, and then I went back home.

The rest of the evening was spent quietly.
  • Current Mood: weird weird
  • Current Music: Weird Al Yankovic - Yoda
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Having a good time

Last weekend I was feeling kind of speedy, the way they felt in the 1980’s – 1990’s. I had to take a tranquillizer and then I felt kind of mellow, like they did in the 1960’s – 1970’s.

On Monday, my HoivaOnni worker came for the weekly appointment. Eleclya and Mirette were visiting me during that time, we all got along very well. I managed to wash a week’s worth of dirty dishes.

After that, I helped Mirette pack hir stuff and take them to hir apartment. Once there, I ate a few fun- size Bounty bars and drank cocoa in rice milk. We had a good time.

Last night I woke up somewhere between midnight and small hours, and I felt weird. I felt like I usually do when I have night terrors about lying in a deep grave, dead as a stone, without salvation and Heaven, but this time… oh, I don’t know.

I got up half past noon, took my morning medicine, took a shower, put on clothes and a necklace.

I had an appointment with my own nurse, and a nurse student.
After the appointment, we had to book another appointment all the way to November, because the nurse will be on a vacation.

I traveled to Pole City and went to Twinkle café, my mother was there as well. She gave me the weekly allowance. I drank so much cocoa that I got sick in my stomach.

After the visit, I traveled to Rock City and went to a second- hand comic book shops. I found out they had some Lobo’s Back’s Back comics, but I couldn’t afford them.
I went to an eco- shop and bought concentrated laundry detergent, and four packages of Fair Trade paper tissues. I also visited the vintage thrift shop, but they didn’t have any clothes that would appease me.

I traveled back to my home town. Once there, I put my shopping to their rightful places, and then I asked Eleclya if zie needed anything from the shops. Zie asked me to buy tortilla chips, and gave me hir coin purse.

I took out the trash, and took four plastic bags full of second- hand stuff to the charity shop container. Then I went to the grocery shop and bought a box of panty liners, and a big bag of tortilla chips. I also mailed a couple of greeting cards.

Once back at my home, we ate the chips with guacamole, and then I washed a load of laundry.
  • Current Mood: weird weird
  • Current Music: Blues Brothers - Raw Hide
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The situation right nao

I have a new cartoon crush, or as I like to refer to them; a "husbando"; the undead villain Tex Hex from the forgotten 1980's cartoon BraveStarr. The cartoon was published in 1987, a year before I was born. I became a BraveStarr fan about seven years ago, but didn't care about Tex Hex until now.



On Friday, me and Mirette went thrift store prowlin', I bought only one gingham Dirndl dress because all the best clothes were already sold out. Fortunately there will be a new selection next week, I might buy one each week instead of waiting for the discount sales every month.

We met Eleclya and Suavecita who were coming from the movies. We hung out together, and went to a Japanese restaurant for sushi.

I ordered a new pocket mirror from Etsy.com.



I also received one of my orders from eBay, a pink retractable Hello Kitty measuring tape.

I wish it rained soon. There has been a horrid heat wave for about one and half months now, and it's getting on my nerves.

I feel like I am pregnant, my stomach is bloated, I feel pukey, and I also have cravings.

Our mutual friend Odessa visited me today, we all had a good time.

I haven't had delusions for a while. 
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Lapland dreams

Last night I had a dream about how my parents reacted when the doctor told them that I have leukaemia when I was a baby. I almost woke up crying.
I also had a dream about traveling in Lapland.

I woke up early this morning, about a little before five o'clock. I took my morning medicine and went back to sleep.

Later that day, I got up. I didn't bother with taking a shower, because I would just get sweaty again.

I threw on some clothes, and drank coffee.

I had physiotherapy today. We did some simple exercises, and I felt very fresh and energetic after that.

Once back home, I washed a load of laundry and took out the trash.

Me and Eleclya went grocery shopping, and ran into my mother at the shopping mall.

Eleclya bought me a Subway sandwich, it tasted absolutely scrumptious! And not to mention that I haven't eaten a solid meal for a while. I am not starving myself, it's just that I don't have a healthy appetite.

Once back at my home, I spent the rest of the day inside.
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Expressing my feelings through writing

Britney Spears once sang; if there is nothing missing in my life, then why do these tears come out at night?

I would like to ask the same thing. Last week I went to movies twice with friends, and I still have the apocalyptic angst.
Of course, it's my poor mental health that causes my bad feelings. I'm a little thundercloud.

One of my closest friends, Eleclya, whom I have known since junior high and who is a part of F4nt4stic 4, moved in as my roommate. I have been doing fine, I love helping a friend out and I appreciate the company.

Sometimes I wonder why I am still plump as a partridge and I don't get fatigued easily, considering my poor nutrition and lack of exercise.

I have decided to start exercising once the awful heat wave is over, and once I have purchased proper gym clothes.
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How many showers do I have to take?

Last night I had another dream about the summer cottage, and another dream about geocaching, and a dream where I picked a fight with Elysion and Mella. Never mind any horrid nightmares, but I hate the kind of dreams where I end up fighting with my friends. I always wake up with the feeling that I should call them and apologize.

I got up at 10:49 in the morning. It was exactly the same time I got up yesterday.

I took my morning medicine, brushed my teeth, washed my face, and dabbed lotion on my sweat- slick skin. Then I got dressed, put on jewelry, and had coffee.

I called my mother and asked her if we are going to the café in Hell City today. She said no, because it would take plenty of time and she knew that my HoivaOnni worker would visit me in the afternoon. So, we are going there later this week. Thursday would be preferable.

I managed to wash half of the dirty dishes, I couldn’t manage to wash them all because my drying cupboard was full.
I also couldn’t manage to iron the laundry, because my home would have been terribly hot and humid after that. I have decided not to iron laundry before the heat wave is over.

Later that day, my HoivaOnni worker came for the weekly appointment. We had a good time, talking and laughing. After the appointment, we decided to meet again next Monday at 2:40 in the afternoon.

After zie left, me and Mirette chilled out for a while and then we left together. Mirette had had a sleepover at my home, like every weekend. Eleclya had been at Mallard’s house.

We went to a café where I bought a slice of key lime pie with a single blackberry on it, and a goat cheese bagel. I also bought a donut from another coffee shop; the donut was covered in purple coating and Smarties, five mint- chocolate puffs and an Oreo cookie.

We traveled to Hell City, where we went to a stationery shop. I bought an orange and a black magic ink pen. I have never owned an orange magic ink pen before.

We also went to our favorite clothing shops, but I couldn’t find black corduroy trousers in my size. We also went to other shops, but I couldn’t find anything worth buying.

I traveled with Mirette to hir home, and then I traveled back to my home town.

I went to the supermarket to buy a bottle of freshly squeezed orange juice. I drank it all in one sitting, and then I went back home.

Eleclya was already home. We ate popcorn and talked about Japanese urban legends.
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My plans for Monday, July 30th - Sunday, August 5th

Monday, July 30th:
My HoivaOnni worker will visit me at 2:40 in the afternoon. I will wash the dishes, and iron the laundry during the visit.
After that, I will go visit my parents so they can give me the weekly allowance.

Tuesday, July 31st:
I will have an appointment with a foot specialist to have a pedicure.

Wednesday, August 1st:
I will have an appointment with the physiotherapist at the psychiatric center.

Thursday, August 2nd:
Nothing special yet.

Friday, August 3rd:
I will receive money. The first thing to do is to renew the virus protection, Spotify Premium, and Microsoft Word, and to buy a week's worth of groceries.
Me and my friend Mirette will go visit our favorite vintage thrift stores to buy new clothes.

Saturday, August 4th:
I will start doing the weekly housework.

Sunday, August 5th:
I will go visit my parents. I will call my granny during the visit.
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Movie weekend

Last night I had a dream about the summer cottage again. I seem to have plenty of those dreams again.
I also had a dream about solving crimes with Sherlock Holmes in the Victorian era.

I woke up early, but my internal clock was about half past three o’clock in the afternoon. I was a bit worried about missing the movie I had planned to go see today, but fortunately it was only quarter to eleven o’clock in the morning.

I got up, took my morning medicine, took a shower and washed my hair, dabbed lotion on my skin and put on clothes and jewelry, brushed my teeth, and drank lots of coffee.

Mirette had had a sleepover at my home.
Later that day, we traveled to Hell City and went to the movie theater to see a Finnish children’s movie. The movie was amazing, but the sounds were a bit too quiet.

After the movie, I decided to go see my parents and Mirette headed to a beach. I met Laufey on the station, we traveled on the same bus.

Once at my parents’ home, mom and dad were both home. I got the weekly allowance from both of my parents.

I ate salmiakki- flavored chocolate waffle bites, cherry tomatoes, feta cheese, and drank orange juice and coffee.

I traveled back to my home town, and texted Mirette that zie can come over.

I went back home, did a little bit of this and that, and later that day Mirette came over.

I managed to wash all the dirty plates and bowls on my kitchen counter. I really should consider washing the dishes more often, I only wash them once a week when my HoivaOnni worker comes over.

A little before nine o’clock in the evening, I took my evening medicine and brushed my teeth. I have decided to take up the habit of brushing my teeth every time I take my morning and evening medicine.
I also took a cold shower to cool down, and to motivate myself to dab lotion on my skin.
I ended up being so sweaty that I wetted the fresh bed sheets with my sweat, when I went to sleep.
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Ant- Man and the Wasp

Last night I had a dream where I played in an all- woman Team Fortress 2 LARP. I mainly just bumbled and goofed and fell on Heavy Weapons Gal five times in a row.
In another dream, I went geocaching, and actually succeeded.

I got up in the morning, took my morning medicine and drank plenty of coffee. I took a shower and slathered cortisone lotion on my itchy skin.
I threw on some clothes, and put on jewelry.

I did some housework; scrubbed the toilet bowl, replaced the towels, and took the sheets off my bed and washed them.

Later that day, me and Mirette traveled to Hell City to go see the movie Ant- Man & Wasp. We had to change trains because the trains were delayed.

Anyway, we made it to the movie theater in time, and agreed that the movie was amazing.

After the movie, we went to a pharmacy to buy painkillers for Mirette because zie had a migraine due to the immense heat.
Then we went to a grocery shop and bought something to eat and drink, and traveled back to my home.

Once there, I did some housework; I hoovered the visible part of the floor, took out the trash, fetched the laundry from the drying room, took some stuff to and from the storage room.

Tomorrow me and Mirette will go see a Finnish children's movie, after that I will go see my parents and then I will call my granny.
Once back home, I will do more housework. 
  • Current Mood: hot hot
  • Current Music: Emo the Musical - You cannot leave me
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Why do I feel this way?

Last night I had a about the summer cottage, and the psychiatric ward where I stayed for a while, and a very emotional fanfiction that I read during the last decade. For some reason, the dreams were somehow happy, full of bittersweet nostalgia. Then I had the usual embarrassingly pornographic dreams.

I had slept on the balcony again, this time on Eleclya’s old sofa- bed. I woke up about a little before nine o’clock in the morning, got up, took my morning medicine, and dabbed cortisone lotion and basic lotion on my body.

I washed three loads of laundry, and I couldn’t put on underwear because they were all hanging on the drying rack.

I went to the shopping mall and visited the supermarket to buy a few liters of milk.

Once back home, Mirette left. Zie was heading to a beach with Rige.

I washed all of the eating utensils, and took out the trash.

I took a long nap on my bed with my teddy bear draped over my face, and woke up with a start when Eleclya called my name.

I went downstairs to the storage room to fetch my suitcase, Eleclya was going to borrow it because zie was going to stay in her adoptive mother’s house for a week while the mother is away to visit hir relatives.

I went to see my parents quickly to pick up my weekly allowance from my father. I had to take a bus because there was no way I could walk or bike in such a terrible heat.
Once back at my home, my mother seemed to be angry at me, but I didn’t feel like asking why. I just took the money and ran.

I traveled back to my home town, and went to the stationery shop to buy a new notebook, five postage stamps, and a greeting card for a friend. I also went to the pharmacy, and bought two small tubes of lotion for the skin between my nose and upper lip, it gets inflamed every now and then.

I went back home, Eleclya left later in the evening. I did a little bit of this and that, watched Netflix, and wondered what am I going to do for the rest of the day.

Hopefully tomorrow is better.
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We're having a party

The past few days have been a stressful, surreal blur. There has been many good moments, but I have been unhappy.

This morning I got up early, took my morning medicine, tried to take a shower, and noticed that my skin has started itching again.

Later that morning, I went to the pharmacy and picked up a tube of cortisone lotion.

I went to the supermarket, and bought two boxes of strawberries and raspberries, a tube of ice cream sauce, and a spray bottle of whipped cream, two cans of guacamole, and about seven tubs of ice cream.

I went back home, and felt sorry for myself.

Later the day my friends came over, Rige, Mirette, Eleclya, and Suavecita.

My home was a mess, I had a headache either from the heat wave, or drinking too much water because of the heat wave.

Later that day, most of the visitors left. I had to throw up because I had eaten so much treats.

Eleclya and Mirette stayed for the night.

I had to take a soak in the shower, and then go sleep on the sofa on the balcony.

Hopefully tomorrow is better. I won’t have anything special to do, but I hope I feel calmer and content.
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It might save my skin, but it won't save my soul

OK, so here's what I have been up to.

One of my closest childhood friends, Eleclya, lost hir apartment because zie didn't pay hir rent, and zie will move in with me until zie finds an apartment of hir own.

During the night, there were three of us; me, Mirette, and Eleclya. Mirette slept on my bed, and Eleclya slept on the sofa- bed.
I slept on the inflatable mattress.

Before I fell asleep, I was in a hilarious mood and kept on giggling and laughing. I get those moods every once in a while.

I woke up early in the morning, and got up at ten o'clock. I took my morning medicine, took the quickest shower ever, and got dressed in my fanciest clothes, a polka- dot blouse and a Dirndl dress.

I called my mother and asked hir if I can come over to collect the monthly allowance, she said it's okay.
I decided to take a bus, it was a heat wave outside and it looked like it was going to rain.

I had to wait for fifteen minutes for the next bus to arrive. It feels like a long time when you are waiting for a bus to go visit your parents.

Anyway, once at my parents' home, mom answered the door. She was supposed to give me 60 euros, and 40 euros next week, but she gave me 100 euros. I didn't mind it one bit.

I kissed my mother on both cheeks, tucked the crisp bills into my coin purse, and left, feeling like sweet like honey.

I caught a bus back to my hometown, and went to the supermarket to buy two chocolate bars as a gift for Jerry, and two packets of cardboard cups and two packets of paper napkins for the summer party tomorrow.

I headed back home.
We were bored, we didn't have anything to do and we were all bored.

Later the day we headed to Stone City station, Suavecita picked us up on hir car. Zie drove us to Sadie's and Jerry's home.

To put it this way, the party was a disaster. Everyone acted like a brainless budgie on crack, and I felt devastated.

Suavecita drove us back to Stone City station.
Me and Mirette traveled back home. Eleclya went to Odessa's home to sleep, and later Elysion and hir friend came over to my place to sleep.
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I wish to visit Hotel Transylvania

It's annoying when you have a dream about fleshing out a plot for a book, and when you wake up, you are all "Gah, that's ridiculous! How could I ever write such inane rubbish!", like when I had a dream about writing a book about a man rollerblading among yellow flowers. or when you have a dream about composing an amazing poem, and wake up and don't remember it at all, like when I had a dream about writing a poem about international female friendship.

I have been having vivid dreams for the past week. I also seem to wake up early, this morning I woke up about at 3:40 and decided to keep on sleeping; I know that getting up early in the morning is good for your health, but then again, getting up in the small hours is a tad bit too early.

I got up at ten o'clock in the morning. I took my morning medicine, brushed my teeth, took a shower, and used the 12- step Korean skincare regime (at some point, I have to buy the oil- based face cleaner, and face serum). After that, I put lotion on my skin, got dressed, cooked oatmeal porridge for breakfast, drank coffee, and ate a couple of fruits.

Later that day, I slathered myself in sun protection lotion before heading out. I traveled to Pole City and went to visit Pearl House, and stayed for about an hour before going to the movies.

I wanted to go visit my favorite shops on a certain street, but I didn't have enough time.
I went to the movies to see Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation. I loved every moment of it; the characters, music, plot, and everything.

I still had plenty of time after the movie, but I was feeling rather peckish so I traveled back home.

Once back, I made a couple of sandwiches and drank some coffee. I spent the rest of the day inside, doing a little bit of this and that, but mostly drinking coffee and updating my Facebook. I also watched the Lobo webseries on YouTube.

Tomorrow I will have an appointment with the physiotherapist at one o'clock in the afternoon. After that, I will go visit Hell City and some of the shops.

On Friday, I will go help Eleclya when zie moves out of hir apartment. Then I will go visit my parents, my mother will give me half of the monthly allowance.
I will go buy the basic food; bread, milk, vegetables, fruits, frozen meals, and cans of soup. I also have to buy clothes; three pairs of gym shorts, three pairs of gym tops, and biking shorts (so I don't have to wear leggings in this smoldering heat, and also don't have to feel my thighs chafing).
I also have to buy treats for the summer party I am holding on Sunday; different flavors of ice creams, nuts and berries, guacamole, crisps, and other summery treats.

On Saturday, me and my friends will go to Sadie's home, hir fiancee Jerry has hir birthday party. As for the rest of the day, I will do housework so my home is clean for the party.

On Sunday, I will host a summer party at my home. It will be just people hanging out, drinking and eating treats.
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My plans for Monday, July 16th - Sunday, July 22nd

Monday, July 16th:
I will go visit my parents. I will walk there and back.
My dad will give me the weekly allowance, I will buy a box of butter, an eyelash brush, and a ice cube tray.
As for the rest of the day, I will do housework; I have to wash the dishes, and iron the laundry, and wash another load of laundry.

Tuesday, July 17th:
I will have an appointment with a nurse at the health center at quarter past one o'clock in the afternoon, I will talk to hir about healthy lifestyle, nutrition and exercise.
After that, I will go to Twinkle cafe.
I will go visit my mother, she will give me the weekly allowance. I will go to movies to see Hotel Transylvania 3.

Wednesday, July 18th:
Nothing special. I will visit a couple of museums.

Thursday, July 19th:
I will have an appointment with the physiotherapist at the psychiatric center at one o'clock in the afternoon.

Friday, July 20th:
I will receive the weekly allowance from my financial worker, and half of the monthly allowance from my mother. I will buy food, and something to serve at the summer party I am hosting on Sunday.
Also, my friend Mirette will come for a sleepover, I will give hir the money I got from returning the bottles. We will go to movies to see Solo: A Star Wars Story.

Saturday, July 21st:
Me and my friends will go to a birthday party for our mutual friend's fianceé.

Sunday, July 22nd:
I will hold a summer party at my home.
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Fun day with friends

I have been sleeping very late in the mornings, all the way to the afternoon.

Last night I slept on the sofa- bed, because I didn't feel like putting fresh sheets on my bed, and besides, I had to hoover my bed and mattress before that.

I got up at noon, took my morning medicine, and took a quick shower. I still felt dirty after the shower, and my skin still itched after I had put lotion on it.

I went to see my best friend Suavecita today. I traveled to Stone City, and zie picked me up on hir car. We went to return some paper waste, and then we went to a small grocery shop to buy milk, cookies, and ice creams for us.

We went to visit Suavecita's cousin Lita and hir dad, they live in a small cottage near Suavecita's own home. The cottage had an amazing cozy old- timey 1970's furnishing and wallpapers and stuff. We had coffee and cookies, and me and Suavecita looked through Lita's stuff; zie is moving away, and is giving away some of hir old stuff zie doesn't need anymore.

I got books and mugs and drinking glasses. The tropical heatwave was making me dizzy, and I started feeling sleepy.

Lita had two dogs, and they kept on asking for kisses and hugs and rubs. I gave them plenty of them.

Suavecita drove us to hir home, there were another two dogs asking for kisses and hugs. Lita took a shower in a bathroom that had been recently tidied up, and I ate so much food that I felt like I was pregnant.

I took a short nap on a sofa.
Suavecita gave me three gifts, a Jigglypuff doll, and a Chansey keychain, and a Hello Kitty plushie.

We went outside to pet Suavecita's dogs, and zie took a photo of me with Jofa.



Later the day Suavecita drove me back to Stone City, I traveled back to my home town. Once at home, I took my evening medicine and went to bed right away.

Tomorrow I will go visit my parents, my dad will give me the weekly allowance. 
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My week so far :3

On Thursday, I had a dream about being sexually assaulted twice.

I had an appointment with a doctor, zie told me that the reason behind my itchy anus is piles.

I went to see my friend Eleclya, and help Odessa clean up hir storage room. When I was waiting for the train, I was sexually harassed by a Finnish man.
I am never safe, not even in my dreams.

Anyway, I had a good time with my friends. Odessa gave me some of hir old stuff, such as jewelry and artefacts.

On Friday, I slept all the way to half past one o’clock in the afternoon, because I had nice dreams.
In one dream, I had watched a movie based on my favorite Finnish author’s book, and it encouraged me to move to a huge apartment in Helsinki.
In another dream, I rode my bicycle through Finland in summer. I had a good time.
I also had dreams of being married to the DC Comics character Lobo. Those dreams were so nice that I didn’t feel like getting up yet.

I got up eventually, took my morning medicine, took a shower and used the Korean 12- step skin care program, minus oil- based face wash and face serum. I haven’t bought them yet, but I will soon.

I got dressed, and drank coffee. I checked my online bank account, I had received money.

I received a coupon in the mail for recharging my travel card. I went to the municipal service point to have it recharged, and then I went shopping.

I bought a week’s worth of food, and also went to a thrift shop. I bought four books, two gifts for Zoya, and a blouse for myself. I went to a stationery shop and bought greeting cards, postage stamps, and two magic ink pens, one red and one dark blue.
I also went to a supermarket and bought three tubes of toothpaste, a biodegradable toothbrush, and a new pair of insoles. At some point I should buy a new pair of sneakers to wear during the hot season, my current ones are falling apart.

I took my belongings home, did a little bit of this and that and made some coffee.
Later that evening, I decided to go for an urbane adventure because I was feeling bored.

Once back home, I was tired and achy, but I felt better once I went to bed.

On Saturday, I slept all the way to three o’clock, because I was still having good dreams.

I got up, took my morning medicine, had a wash, brushed my teeth, and got dressed.

I spent most of the day inside, except when I took out the recycling. I also took my filled- up diary to the storage room, and fetched a new one.

I scrubbed the bathroom, and hoovered every square inch of the floor.
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A nice day!

Last night I had nice dreams. In one of them, I visited a museum that was dedicated to a Finnish multi- talent artist. In another, I vacationed in Lapland with my mother. I also had dreams of Doctor Who.

I got up at noon, took my morning medicine, made coffee, and had a wash. I got dressed, and didn’t bother with brushing my teeth, or putting on jewelry, or having a decent breakfast.

Later that day, I went to the psychiatric center where I had an appointment with the physical therapist. Once there, my green magic ink pen ran out of ink when I wrote into my diary, so I nicked a lead pencil and an eraser, I am going to return them tomorrow.
Once at the physical therapist’s office, we discussed my current lifestyle, and how could I convince myself to exercise more and eat healthily. The therapist was really nice and understanding, and not a bit condescending. I told her that the only thing stopping me from starting a healthy fitness regime is that first I need to purchase proper gym clothes, I might purchase them on Friday. Hennes & Mauritz sells proper shorts and tank tops for a cheap prize.
After the appointment, I went straight back home.

I received mail today, two notices about packages waiting for me in the local post office. I was going to fetch them later today.

In the afternoon, my best friend Suavecita came for a visit. Zie brought a pillow shaped like Piglet’s head, two adorable pillowcases, two Australia- themed place mats for my dining table, lots of spoons and knives and forks and other kitchen equipment, and this draining board where you can put all the eating utensils after you have washed them.
Zie also brought a box of chocolates, and a tub of lime & raspberry gelato ice cream, and a carton of cranberry juice. I brewed a pot of coffee.
We had a good time together. We agreed that we are going to meet again tomorrow and go to Eleclya’s home to help hir with moving, and on Sunday we are going to visit Suavecita’s cousin.
I brushed my teeth, and we took a few friendship selfies together.

We went to visit the library, and then we went to the shopping mall; we visited a toy shop (I am going to buy a Star Wars backpack as soon as possible), two clothing shops (there are lots of gorgeous clothes for sale), a thrift shop (I am going to buy lots of things from there on my next “payday”, including some gifts for Zoya), a candy shop, and a stationery shop where Suavecita bought me a light blue magic ink pen.

I also went to the post office to fetch the packages; there was this shiny green bum bag with rainbow- striped zippers, and three sports brassieres, I had ordered them from Wish.com. I was so happy that I had finally received them!

I went back home, took off my clothes, turned on the fan, and took a short power nap because I was feeling exhausted and my back and arms hurt. I watched The Good Place on Netflix, or actually just listened to the sounds.

Tomorrow I will go back to the psychiatric center to return the writing utensils, after that I will have an appointment at the health center at fifteen minutes to one o’clock in the afternoon (12:45 pm). I will talk to the nurse about my general health problems.
Right after the visit, I will go visit Eleclya so I can help hir with tidying up hir apartment before zie moves out.
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Internet connection, why you no connect?

Last night I stayed awake very late, I was frustrated because my smartphone charger was broken, and I couldn’t use the internet because my smartphone had run out of batteries. Not only that, the internet was disconnected when I was playing Pokémon: RED, and I had just raised my Dragonair to level 48.
I went to sleep eventually, but my rancid farts kept on waking me up.

I had many nice dreams, and I felt empty and sad when I had to get up because the dreams had kind of ruined my perception of reality, and also because the dreams were so amazing that I had wanted to simply stay asleep. In one of the dreams, I was DC Lobo’s wife.

Anyway, I got up about at noon. I took my morning medicine, and put on underwear and my bathrobe and went downstairs to fetch my newly bought green- and- purple Dirndl dress from the drying room. And what do you know, my mother was at the front door.
She told me that I had not answered my phone, but how could I, considering that it was out of battery. We were supposed to go buy a new charger today, and that’s why she had come to visit me.

I fetched the dress, and once back home, I put it on with other clothes. Mom snooped around my apartment and let me know if there was something wrong.

We went to the utilities store where mom bought me a new recharger, and then we went to a café where we shared a cinnamon roll, mom got coffee and I got cocoa. She told me she is proud of me.

I went back home, took the smartphone out of the package and recharged my smartphone. I took a shower and washed my hair, and put my clothes back on. I was supposed to use the 12- step Korean skincare regime, but forgot the face scrub so I only used face wash, face tonic, face cream, and eye cream. At some point I should purchase an oil- based face wash, and face serum.

I decided to go to Twinkle café, even if I had planned on skipping it.
Once there, Mella was there, and zie was really happy to see me. Zie told me that people have been asking hir, when is that Little Miss Sunshine going to visit?
I drank coffee and ate plenty of treats, so much that I got an acute bout of diarrhea. I had to take a dump two times.

After I left, I traveled to Ore Mansion and walked back home.
Once back home, I had to take another dump.
I hoovered the floor, and washed the dishes. I watched The Good Place on Netflix, slathered lotion on my dry cuticles, brushed my teeth, fetched the laundry from the drying room.

My best friend Suavecita called me, we agreed to meet tomorrow.
Also, our mutual friend Eleclya lost hir apartment, so I agreed to take hir as a roommate to my own apartment. Zie will stay here until zie finds a new apartment.

Tomorrow I will have an appointment with a physical therapist at the psychiatric center at two o’clock in the afternoon. After that, Suavecita will come for a visit.
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Ape- calypse

Last night I woke up early after having a dream where the world was taken over by apes and monkeys, and all the humans were enslaved. It reminded me of the Planet of the Apes franchise.

I slept a bit later, all the way to half past one o'clock in the afternoon.

I woke up when my mail slot clattered. I got up and went to see what I had received, it was a cute little envelope. I knew it was from a Finnish Tumblr friend who had promised to mail me something nice; it was a set of two hair clips and two hair bands, baby pink with tiny, cute, pink plastic octopus figure with a huge smile and a cute little red bow.

I took my morning medicine, and drank some coffee. I washed my face and put lotion on my skin, got dressed and put on jewelry and one of the octopus hair clips, and still didn't bother with brushing my teeth or having a decent breakfast. I ate a clove of raw garlic, and a yellow kiwifruit.

I was already ironing three week's worth of laundry, when the home worker came for the weekly appointment.
We had a nice talk while I ironed, and after the appointment, I was still not done ironing.
I mopped the visible part of the floor, at some point I should also hoover and mop it from under the furniture, and also in the bathroom.

I called my mother and asked her if I can come over to collect the weekly allowance, she said yes.
I decided to travel to my parents' home, I didn't feel like walking.

Once there, mom gave me the weekly allowance. I drank coffee and orange juice, and ate strawberries, cheese puffs, and a cinnamon roll, and also a couple of breath mints.

I walked back to my home town, and I was in a surprisingly good mood.

I went to the shopping mall and bought ecological toilet cleaner, laundry detergent, and dish- washing liquid, a carton of milk, a birthday card for a friend, a stack of envelopes, and some salmiakki- flavored breath mints.

I went to the pharmacy and got a refill of my prescribed anti- psychotic medicine.

I went back home, and recharged my smartphone, and accidentally broke the recharger.
I called my mother and asked her if she can buy me a new recharger, and she started yelling at me.

In the evening, I took my meds and ate some berry pies I had bought from the supermarket.

Tomorrow I will go to Twinkle cafe, mail a birthday card to a friend, and then I will go buy the new recharger with my mother. I also have to wash my hair, it's getting greasy again. 
  • Current Mood: grumpy grumpy
  • Current Music: OutKast - Land of a million drums
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Now how did that happen?

I woke up very early in the morning, grabbed my blanket and pillow and went to sleep on the sofa- bed. Later the morning I woke up and felt bewildered about what I had done. I went back to sleep on my own bed.

I had all kinds of weird dreams, but mostly they were nice.

I felt like I had slept pretty late, all the way to the afternoon. I got up, took my morning medicine, took a shower, and got dressed.

I spent some time drinking coffee and scrolling through my Facebook feed, and then I called my mother and asked her if I can come over. She said I can.

I had enough spoons, so I decided to walk to my parents’ home. Of course the delusions bothered me, but not as badly as usual.
Once at my parents’ home, both mom and dad were home.

I drank orange juice, and coffee. I ate a single plum, the rest of the grapes, and some cheesy puffs.

Dad gave me the weekly allowance, and mom gave me a spool of knitting yarn. I seem to get along with my parents pretty well now that I have moved away, and my dad has mellowed out in his old age.

I decided to walk back home, even if it looked like it was going to rain. It didn’t rain, after all.
I walked to Stone Hill, to my old grade school, and noticed that the courtyard has changed a lot. I wanted to go to the forest where a boy attempted to rape me in second grade, but there were some young girls playing ring-around-the-roses so I decided to keep on walking.

I walked through the park and to the Quarry City train station to check out how the street art paint work was going on. I took a train to my home town, and went to the shopping mall.

All the shops were closed for the weekend, so I went to the supermarket and bought a bag of multi- colored hair bands, a smallish tube of face cream, a shower cap, and a roll of plastic trash bags.

Once back home, I put my new belongings to their rightful places, and washed a load of laundry. I also took my underwear off the drying rack, and put them into their respective places.
I went downstairs to hang the laundry in the drying room, and fetched the dry laundry at the same time. I also took out the recycling.

I wish there was a plastic- recycling point near my home area, there are a few in my home town but not near me.

Tomorrow my HoivaOnni worker will come for the weekly appointment at twenty minutes to three o’clock in the afternoon. I will wash the dishes and iron the laundry during the visit, and then I will go see my mother so she can give me the weekly allowance. I need to go shopping after that.
  • Current Mood: anxious anxious
  • Current Music: Lordi - Supermonstars
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My week so far :3

Ever since last Sunday evening, I have been a bit down in the dumps. Fortunately I started feeling better by Thursday.

On Monday, my HoivaOnni worker visited me. I managed to wash the dishes, but didn't have enough spoons for ironing the laundry.

On Tuesday, I took a loooooong nap instead of going to Twinkle cafe.

On Wednesday I went to the health center to make an appointment; my butthole itches despite frequent use of aa specific salve, and I also want to get some advice on how to control my weight.
(I have decided that I am not going to start losing weight; of course, I will eat as healthily as I can, and exercise as often as I can, but only because of my own mental and physical well- being, and out of self- love. I'd rather be fat and happy and content and well- fed, rather than skinny and hungry and unhappy and hating myself).

On Thursday, I went to see my friend Eleclya. Zie made me coffee, I ate two kinds of puddings, and my best friend Suavecita had left some gifts for me from hir thrift store prowling; a plastic Hello Kitty coin purse, a Hello Kitty key chain, and a Hello Kitty hair clip, and a princess Anna Pez dispenser. I was so happy, thank you very much!

On Friday, I received money. I ordered a rosette from Etsy, and went to my favorite vintage thrift store and bought a purple and green Dirndl dress, and went to movies to see Sherlock Gnomes.

I have been doing alright. 
  • Current Mood: content content
  • Current Music: Weird Al Yankovic - Dare to be stupid
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A nice day, I guess.

Last night I had a dream where I was being treated in the Clock River psychiatric hospital. I was so homesick that I almost cried in my dreams.

I woke up when my momsie called me at half past ten o'clock and asked me when am I coming over to collect the allowance, I said soon.
After the call disconnected, I tried to sleep some more, but couldn't sleep so I got up, took my morning medicine, and put on clothes; two slinky cotton dresses, one longer and one shorter on top of it, and drank some coffee.

I called mom and told her I am coming over, she said it's alright. I had promised to ride my bicycle, but I was quite low on spoons so I took a bus instead. Once at my parents' home, I was still in a bad mood.

Mom gave me 20 euros, and I had some coffee and ate a plum, and then I left. I walked to the station, and took a train to my home town.

I went to a cheaper grocery shop instead of the supermarket, and bought three bags of sugar (they were in discount), a box of coffee grounds, rye bread, tomatoes, avocadoes, kiwifruits, oranges, and a cucumber.

I went back home, put the shopping to their rightful places and did a little bit of this and that, and then I went out again.

I decided to go to Hell City, so I caught the bus %&= to Shire City and then a subway to Pasture Cape. I was supposed to get off at Rock City, but forgot. I went to the nearest eco- market and bought a bar of hemp oil soap. From now on, I will use bars of soap instead of shower gel and a sponge; it's all part of the Zero Waste challenge.

I went to the modern art museum, and then I traveled back to my home town.

Once back home, I started doing housework; I scrubbed the toilet bowl, and bagged the trash.

Later the day I went out for a little discreet shopping; I bought a new t- shirt from my favorite clothing shop, and a box of dish rags from a utility shop.

I went back home. I washed a load of laundry, knitted, wrote into my diary, did a little bit of this and that.

I took off all my clothes because my breasts were itching. I walked around in my apartment in the buff, and really enjoyed it.

Later the day it was time to take the evening meds and go to bed; for some reason, I had such an anxiety attack that I felt like I was shaking all over, but it was over when I took a hot shower to calm myself, and went to bed.

Tomorrow I will go see my parents, this time I will either walk or ride my bicycle. I will call my granny once I am there.
Once back at my own home, I will do more housework. 
  • Current Mood: thoughtful thoughtful
  • Current Music: Britney Spears - Lucky
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If there is nothing missing in my life, why do these tears come at night?

I guess I am living the year 2012 again. I crave for chocolate, visit my parents every day to soothe my loneliness, get aimlessly on and off buses around downtown, shower obsessively every day, and feel depressed, lonely, bitter, frustrated, jaded, and uncomfortable all the time.

Today I almost burst into tears, and I don’t even know why. My period ended a week ago, so it can’t be PMS.
I don’t have anything to be sad or depressed about, so why am I so miserable all the time?

I have decided to improve my life by cutting all fat and sugar and dairy out of my diet, and wean myself off my prescribed medicine.
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My plans for Monday, July 2nd - Sunday, July 8th

Monday, July 2nd:
I will go to the municipal service point to recharge my travel card.
As for the rest of the day, I will do the rest of the housework.

Tuesday, July 3rd:
I will go to Twinkle cafe.
I will go visit my mother, so she can give me the weekly allowance.
Once back home, I will do whatever housework there is left to do.

Wednesday, July 4th:
I will mail my father's name- day card.
I will go visit a couple of museums.

Thursday, July 5th:
I will go visit the health center, I have some health issues I want to talk about; my anal are itches even if I use proper lotion for it, and I want to know whether my double chin is fat, muscle, fluid, or a swollen lymph node or thyroid gland.

Friday, July 6th:
I will receive money. I will pay my Microsoft Word subscription, and also order something from Etsy.
I will go grocery shopping.
I will go to movies to see Sherlock Gnomes

Saturday, July 7th:
I will do the weekly housework.

Sunday, July 8th:
I will go see my parents, if it doesn't rain too much I will ride my bicycle there and back.
I will call my granny.
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Tremendous coughing fit

Yesterday evening I woke up approximately at eleven o’clock, when it was still sunny outside, to a tremendous coughing fit, and a feeling that life was meaningless and we are all going to die.
I took a hot shower to calm myself and soothe my throat, and went back to bed.

I had a dream about riding my bicycle along sunny roads, but this time I didn’t force myself to wake up.
In another dream, I went to a newly constructed apartment house named “Behemoth” in the forest next to my parents’ home, there were some Wish.com orders that had been delivered to me. I had ordered some plasticine, so I could form Starlight Express characters out of it.
In another dream, I had adventures with the Eleventh Doctor, and in another, we were married.
In yet another dream, I attended school and was bullied.
I had a dream where I woke up in my old room at my parents’ home, but then I woke up properly and noticed that I was in my bed. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep a bit more, but the itching on my left thumb kept waking me up.

I got up, took my morning medicine, had a wash, and put on clothes. I drank coffee and surfed on the Internet.

Later the day I went to see my parents. I called my mother and asked her if I can come over, she said yes.

I decided to walk to my parents’ home, which proved to be a mistake; the delusions kept on bothering me, and I was in a raging bad mood.
Luckily I mellowed out when I made it to my parents’ home; mom answered the door, dad was home as well.

Mom taught me to knit properly.
I took a long nap in my old bed, and woke up feeling energized and refreshed.

Later the day I traveled back to my home town, went to the shopping mall to hang out, and then went back home.

I decided to go bicycling, for the first time in two years! It was fun, even if I was bothered by the delusions. I couldn’t ride my bicycle for long until I was out of breath and had achy muscles, but I have decided to go bicycling every day so I will get physically stronger, and then I will be able to ride my bicycle for a longer time.

Once back home, I rested for a while and then I went to the shopping mall. I was thinking of just hanging out, but I ended up buying three oranges, a garlic, a bar of chocolate, a roll- on deodorant, and two lip balms. I also went to the pharmacy to order a batch of my anti- psychotic medication.

I started feeling sad, for no reason at all. I guess it was either low blood sugar, or exhaustion, because I had had a nice week.

Once back home, I had a little supper, took my evening medicine, and went to bed.

Tomorrow my HoivaOnni worker will visit me, I will wash the dishes and iron the laundry. I will go to the municipal service point to have my travel card recharged.
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Can't sleep, won't sleep

Last night Suavecita came home about at one o’clock in the morning, zie had been to a music festival. I was still awake because I couldn’t sleep, I was in such a happy, fizzy, funny, and jazzy mood, and besides, I had drunk one cup of coffee too many.
We ate sour candy and talked about Pokemons and laughed at an online sex toy shop selection; after Suavecita went to sleep, I played Pokemon: RED but got frustrated because I couldn’t find Tauros from the Safari Zone in Fushcia City, or perform the Professor Oak fight glitch, or raise my Dragonair into Dragonite, especially when I learned that it evolves at level 55 and not at 50 as I had thought before.

I stayed awake for most of the night, until in the small hours I took my morning medicine and fell asleep.

I got up about at eleven o’clock in the morning, Suavecita was awake as well. I brushed my teeth and had a proper wash and got dressed, and made some coffee for both of us.
For brunch, we had raw tofu forked out of the package.

I accidentally broke one of my fridge magnets, but with a quick dab of glue, it was good as new.

I managed to do a bit of housework; I took out the trash, set the dirty dishes to soak, scrubbed the toilet bowl. fetched the laundry from the drying room and folded it and put it to the cupboard, and put the ironable ones on the ironing board.

We decided not to go to the Pride march, because we were both feeling a bit lazy. Instead, we went to the shopping mall to hang out.

We went to clothing shops, I decided to buy lots of new clothes once I get my allowance. We also went to a cosmetics shop, I decided to purchase a membership card to the aforementioned shop so I can get discount on getting proper skin care products for my Korean 12- step skin care regime. We also went to a thrift store, from where I bought a hand- made Hello Kitty shoulder bag, a small green wooden box with two sunflowers painted on the lid, and a book by one of my favorite writers.
We went to a houseware shop, and tested the sofas. I also bought a glass mug, so that when I go to cafes and order drinks on the go, I don’t have to get a single- use cup.
We went to a pet shop, and adored all the cute critters, bunny rabbits and guinea pigs and mice and rats and hamsters, and the cute chirpy cheery budgies and parrots and lovebirds that preened each other and sang beautifully.

We were heading to the supermarket, when I called my mother and asked her if I can come over, she said I can. I hugged Suavecita and left, and traveled to my parents’ home. I didn’t have enough spoons for walking, and I didn’t feel like whipping out my bicycle.

Mom and dad were both home, mom gave me the weekly allowance. I talked with them both about funny school memories, ate some of the strawberries and cream that mom had prepared, and drank coffee and orange juice, and ate feta cheese and a couple of saltines.

Later the day I traveled back home. It was chilly outside, and hot inside the bus.
There was this girl wearing the tiniest emerald green lace top. I told her she is beautiful, she laughed and smiled and thanked me.

Once at my home town, I went back to the shopping mall and bought a purse where I can keep the glass mug so it won’t break; I also bought three roll on deodorants, two pump- action bottles of hand wash, a jug of milk, two greeting cards, a roll of plastic trash bags, and a lip mask.

I went back home, put everything to their rightful places, made coffee, and started working on the greeting cards; I wrote the addresses and greetings, and put the postage stamps and return address stickers on them.

I made an attempt at putting on the lip mask, it was practically slathered in lotion that kept on dripping off. I couldn’t make it stick to my lips, so I threw it away.

I don’t know what to do for the rest of the evening, it isn’t even that late yet. I might just drink coffee, take my evening meds, and go to bed in the sun’s good time.

Tomorrow I will go visit my parents again, I will ride my bicycle and back. I will call my granny once I am there. My mom also promised to teach me to knit properly.
I will go to a clothing shop in Hell City, I am going to buy this t- shirt I have had my eyes on for a while.
  • Current Mood: awake awake
  • Current Music: Ariana Grande - Break Free
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Back home again!

I sure love my darling granny, but sometimes she just gets on my nerves with her uptightness and her religious beliefs. Of course, she loves me as much as I love her, and she just wants my best.

Last night I had one of the most recurrent dreams I have these days; I was riding my bicycle, and then I realized that this must be a dream because there’s no way I would have enough spoons for riding a bicycle, and I had to wake myself up. But what do you know, the dream went on and I woke up at my parents’ home.
I also had a dream where me and the RED Scout from the first- person shooter game Team Fortress 2 were traveling in the TARDIS on a planet populated by dark elves.
In another dream, I was on my way to a swimming club. For some reason, I had to make my way there through Quarry City, grouching naked in mud and snow.
Once at the swimming club, my parents were there as well, and suddenly it was a dark but warm summer night. A short- haired woman pickpocketed me, I retaliated by pushing her in the swimming pool and grabbed her bag and stole her Anna & Elsa- themed plastic jewelry.
In another dream, I was watching the TV show The Good Place; in the dream, the character Tahani Al- Jamil died in a sailing mishap, and in the same dream, the Bad Place demons invaded the Good Place.
In yet another dream, I was fetching my bicycle from my parents’ home yard because I wanted to go geocaching, but a huge beetle with huge pincers attached itself on my bicycle and wouldn’t let go.

I woke up early to the sound of raindrops pitter- pattering against the windowsill of granny’s bedroom window, it sounded like a machine gun.

I got up at ten o’clock after granny told me to get up. I took my morning medicine, got dressed, and had Grecian yoghurt with blueberries and coffee for breakfast.

I helped granny with tidying up her apartment by dusting the carpets on the balcony, sweeping and mopping the floor, and I also took the sheets off my bed and granny soaked them in water to get rid of my period blood stains. I was absolutely soaked with sweat and in desperate need of shower.

I had lunch and coffee with granny, and watched the news on the television with her. She gave me some frozen strawberries and Karelian pies to take home with me.
In the afternoon, I packed my stuff, hugged granny and thanked her for the loving care, and left.

It had rained a lot in the morning, but by now it was a bit sunny. I dragged my suitcase to the station, and this elderly person who seemed a bit subdued, asked me for money for a cup of coffee. I gave hir some, because I had some spare change.
I and took a bus to Hell City. On my way there I used my laptop to order a bum bag and three sports brassieres from Wish, I also paid the monthly gym membership fee and paid for my Spotify Premium.
I listened to music on my smartphone Spotify app.

Once in Hell City, there were already rainbow flags everywhere. It made me very happy.
I went to the supermarket to buy a little sustenance, and then I traveled to my home town.

Once back home, Suavecita had already been there (Mirette gave hir the spare keys to my home so zie can have a sleepover; Mirette wouldn’t need them hirself because zie has gone for a vacation to hir home country. And Suavecita was going to a music festival, and tomorrow we would go to Pride march together). Zie had brought some of hir own groceries, spare clothes, hygiene products. and stuff.
And what do you know, zie had left me my favorite chocolate, and also a pretty greeting card saying “Thank you for being my friend all these years!” I almost threw three somersaults in the air, out of pure happiness and love for my best friend.

I put all my belongings to their rightful places, and took a quick shower. I also washed my face, put scrubbing gel on it, and after drying myself, I put on face tonic, then cold cream, and then eye cream.

I started doing housework; I washed three loads of laundry, hoovered the sofa- bed and put clean sheets into it so Suavecita can sleep on it tonight; I took out the trash, took my suitcase to the storage room downstairs, and after the laundry was done, I hung the underwear on my drying rack on the balcony, and took the clothes downstairs to the drying room.

I took three bags full of stuff to a charity shop container, and went shopping to the mall. I bought two new pillows from the supermarket, a purple and a green magic ink pen from the stationery shop along with a card for Suavecita, and three notebooks from discount.

I went back home, and continued doing housework. I also ate all the chocolate, a box of roasted tomato- flavored saltines, and two sandwiches.
I hoovered my own bed and mattress, and put clean sheets into it.

Tomorrow me and Suavecita will go to the Pride March, after that zie will go back home. I will continue doing housework; I will return the empty bottles and cans and give the cash to Mirette once zie returns.
I also have to hoover and mop the floor including in the bathroom, and under the furniture.

On Sunday, I will ride my bicycle to go see my parents, they will give me the weekly allowance. After that, I will go to movies to see Sherlock Gnomes, and go shopping for hygiene products.