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Barbie dolls and seagulls

Last night my friend Mirette came for a sleepover. At first zie was supposed to go visit Rige, but zie hadn't opened the door for Mirette; we suspected that zie was in such deep slumber because, well, it was pretty late in the night, and Rige is a heavy sleeper. So Mirette came over to my home, and we slept pretty well.

I had such nice dreams that I didn't feel like waking up.
When I finally got up, it was 11:58 am and I was amazed because my internal clock felt like three o'clock in the afternoon.

I took my morning medicine, washed my face, got dressed, and had coffee and oatmeal porridge for "breakfast".

Later that day, me and Mirette went to Lidl to buy calzones, and then we traveled to Helsinki.
There were a flock of seagulls fighting over a piece of bread on the bus road, so I took it and threw it on the pavement so the darling seagulls wouldn't be flattened and could enjoy their shared meal in peace.

We went to the national museum, there was a special exhibition about the history of Barbie dolls. It made me feel nostalgic. I think my favorites were the 1980 - 1990's All American girls, and the Peaches and Cream, and the ones in fluffy pink dresses.

I used to own a Trolli Barbie, who came with small Trolli dolls with detachable hair tufts that you could decorate the Barbie's hair, and I cut the aforementioned doll's hair because I naïvely thought it would grow back. It didn't, so I gave it to my brother to use as a hero's sidekick.
I also owned a Butterfly Princess Barbie and another who came with typical 1990's dress and crimped hair. But my favorite was the one who came with these beads with letters on them, and you could put the beads into the doll's hair and spell words with them. I named it Elisabeth and carried it along everywhere.
Most of my dolls were named after Viking Line cruise ships; Amorella, Cinderella, Rosella, Mariella, Gabriella...

After the visit to the museum, we went to a cafe and ordered orange ice tea as a refreshment. Then we traveled back to my hometown, and on the way there we met a person who was walking their dog, a tiny fluffy black cutie. We asked hir if we could pet the dog, and after given the permission, the dog yowled and snapped its teeth at me. I guess it was scared.

Once in my hometown, we went to the local shopping mall. I mailed three greeting cards, and then we went to the pet shop to look at the darling birbs and guinea pigs and bunny rabbits.
We visited a thrift store, I bought a baby pillow for the crib I am assembling for my teddy bear. I shall buy them a proper Baby Born crib, and knit a blanket as well.

Once back at my home, we chilled out for the rest of the evening. I continued my knitting, Mirette made pizza for us.

Tomorrow I have to be awake early in my standards, because at one o'clock in the afternoon, I will have an appointment at a foot specialist. It's kind of like pedicure, but more efficient.
After that, I will buy June's birthday and name- day cards and enough first- class postage stamps to mail them, and then I will buy hygiene products. As for food, I have to go visit Lidl.
In the evening, me and Mirette will go to the Finnish Red Cross youth group.

Appelsiini Kaakao

Last night I had a dream where I was in my hometown's station on a dark winter evening, and noticed a bus that said that the destination was "Appelsiini Kaakao" ("appelsiini" means the fruit orange, and "kaakao" is "cocoa" in my native language). Out of curiosity, I boarded the bus, and noticed that Appelsiini Kaakao was a youth hangout for girls and women, residing in my family's old summer cottage. I had a good time there, but at the end when I wanted to go back home, no one could help me, such as tell me where the nearest bus stop or station resides or the bus timetables, and that kind of ruined the dream.

In another dream, I was watching the classic Doctor Who episode The Sea Devils on a shattered iPad in my grade school's cafeteria. In that dream, it was a sunny afternoon.

I slept pretty late, almost all the way to two o'clock in the afternoon, because I was having such nice dreams.

I managed to get up, take a shower, and get dressed. I called my mother and asked her if I can come over; she and my dad will be away the next week, so she wanted to give the next week's allowance. She said it's okay, so I left immediately.

I took a bus to my parents' home, my mom left me in.
We had coffee together, and mom gave me the allowance.

After I left, I traveled to Helsinki and went to a Marimekko shop to buy a new coin purse. It's green with a white and yellow daisy pattern.
Then I traveled back to my hometown. I wanted to go to the nearest supermarket, but it was closed because there had been some sort of mishap, I didn't know if it was fire, water, or gas based.

Once back home, I felt blue. I even cried some actual tears, but I think it was more because of my PMS.

Tomorrow I will go to a museum with Mirette.

Gotta get down on Tuesday

I was already up and awake when my HoivaOnni worker came for the weekly appointment at ten past noon. I was still so sleepy that I couldn't wash the dishes or iron the laundry. I managed to have a nice talk with them, anyway.

After they left, I took a shower and brushed my teeth. I have been thinking of starting to use homemade toothpaste, I have already found some nifty recipes on Pinterest; all I need is coconut oil, sea salt, and baking soda.

Later the day I traveled to Twinkle cafe. Mella wasn't there today, they were visiting another happening, but my mother arrived later and gave me the weekly allowance and the rest of the monthly allowance. I gave her one of the quilt squares I had knitted.

Later the day I left, and went to downtown. I went to Hennes & Mauritz and bought a green striped dress and a crop top- styled blouse made of red fleece with an embroidered red rose with a green stem, and with a zipper on the collar.

I also visited a museum shop, and bought two postcards with a hand- drawn baby seal. One will be taped to my collage wall, and another shall be sent to a friend.

I traveled to my hometown. On my way there, Suavecita called me and asked me to come visit Rige. Eleclya was there as well.

Once there, we had coffee and crisps and Karelian pies and sour fruit Skittles, and the others played a vampire- themed comical board game. I sat in the living room, cuddling Rosmu the beagle, and writing into my diary.

Later the day I left and went to the nearest Lidl to buy fresh fruits and vegetables; oranges, kiwifruits, tomatoes, and avocados. I forgot to buy apples.
I went to visit a stationery shop, on my way there I ran into Eleclya and Suavecita, they were heading home. We hung out for a while, and then I went to the stationery shop to buy three Jiffy bags.

I went back home, spent the rest of the evening angsting to myself, and then I went to bed.
I had nice dreams about sunny cities and flowery riverbanks.

I got up later than Mirette. I took my morning medicine and took a shower.

Later the day we left, and traveled to Girls' House. Once there, I gave Tiia back the blanket and the cake bowl they had borrowed me. We also decided to take part into this sleepover camp in Girls' House before Midsummer.

I drank a cup of cocoa, and got a free lavender cookie. It tasted heavenly.

Later the day I left, and went back home. Once there, I started working out, and then I had to stop because I had forgotten to do stretches, so I did stretches and then I continued working out.

I worked out by this manual; calves, thighs, butt, waist, and by the time I got to shoulders (or actually, getting rid of armpit fat) I was so out of breath and sweaty and besides, the delusions were bothering me so much that I decided to quit.

I have decided that when I get new gym clothes, I will go to the gym every day; on Mondays, I will work out, and on other days, I will walk on the treadmill. The thing is, I own only one pair of track pants and only one pair of gym shirt, I need to buy more.

Tomorrow my HoivaOnni worker will visit me at ten minutes past noon. I will wash the dishes and iron the laundry. After that, I will go to the Twinkle cafe, and at some part of the day, I have to go see my mother so she can give me the weekly allowance, along with the rest of the monthly allowance. I am going to buy fresh fruits and vegetables.
Monday, May 21st:
I will go visit Girls' House with Mirette. I will take along the cake bowl and the quilt Tiia borrowed for me, and give them back.

Tuesday, May 22nd:
My HoivaOnni worker will visit me today at ten past noon. I will wash the dishes and iron the laundry during the visit.
I will go to Twinkle café, after that I will go to a happening with Mella.
In the evening I will go visit my mother, she will give me the weekly allowance and the rest of the monthly allowance; 60 euros altogether.

Wednesday, May 23rd:
I will go to the health center to inquire, whether the meatbag under my chin is fat, muscle, or a thyroid gland.
I will visit a few art museums. I will also mail a birthday card to a friend.

Thursday, May 24th:
I will quit using the cortisone lotion for two weeks.
I will go to a youth group at the local church.
I will mail a birthday card to a friend.

Friday, May 25th:
I will receive money.
I will have a proper, medical pedicure at a foot specialist near my home.
After that, I will go grocery shopping and buy a week's worth of food. Along with that, I am going to buy birthday cards for my friends who were born in June, and hygiene products for the next month; toothbrush, toilet brush, and two pairs of gloves for washing dishes, and another for doing general housework.

Saturday, May 26th:
I will go to the World Village festival with my friends.
As for the rest of the day, I will do housework.

Sunday, May 27th:
Me and Mirette will go to movies to see Avengers: Infinity War.

Cherry blossoms

Me and Mirette had a sleepover at my home.
Our mutual friend Suavecita came to visit us in the afternoon, we went to this rockabilly- themed happening in the nearby diner. It's much like Wowsville from the movie Ghost World, except much cooler.

We had sweet potato fries, and then me and Mirette traveled to Helsinki and went to Volcano City, there was a spring festival in the cherry tree park. Most of the blossoms had already withered, but we had a good time nonetheless.

Actually, our mutual friend Tiia asked us to join them and their friends. They gave us this amazing fruit salad, and we also got free chocolate confections from a food stand, and we got to pet plenty of cute dogs.

After the happening, me and Mirette and Marjut went to a local play park, we had a good time there as well. I found a wooden block from next to the merry-go-round, and decided to keep it as a reminder from this amazing day.

Me and Mirette traveled back to my home for a sleepover.

Tomorrow I will go visit my parents.

Daylight come and me want go shopping

Last night I had another dream of the holiday resort, I was desperately trying to make my way back home again.

I woke up early, about at ten past four o’clock in the morning, and continued sleeping.

I got up at ten o’clock, took my morning medicine, and remembered that I had run out of coffee. I was thinking of taking a shower, but remembered that I had run out of shampoo.

Later the day I went to see my mother at the shopping mall, she gave me half of the monthly allowance. I also withdrew my weekly allowance, and went to the supermarket to buy a week’s worth of food, a box of coffee grounds, ten boxes of paper tissues, three boxes of household paper, and three boxes of toilet paper. I looked very comical, one shopping and three boxes of paper rolls in each hand, trying to make my way back home.

Once back home, I put my shopping to their rightful places, and had lunch and coffee.

Later the day I traveled to Helsinki, and went to a Marimekko shop to buy two big purses; in one of them, I am going to keep my hygiene products like lip balm, comb, and a tin of Nivea crème, and in another, I am going to keep extra panty- liners, sanitary pads, band- aids, and hair bands.

I went to a book shop and bought a key chain that was in discount, then I went to a clothing shop and bought two pieces of jewelry for a friend who has their birthday this month.

Mirette contacted me through Messenger, we agreed to meet each other in the lobby of one of our favorite museums, after they arrived we went to a local grocery shop. Mirette bought ice tea, I bought shampoo.

We traveled to my home for a sleepover. Mirette made pizza for supper, I washed two loads of laundry and took the boxes of paper rolls to the downstairs storage room, and also took a shower using the new shampoo.

Our friends Suavecita called me, they asked if they can visit me tomorrow when they go to a happening. I said it’s alright.

Tomorrow Suavecita will visit us, and then we will go to the aforementioned happening. Along with that, we will go to Volcano City, there will be a happening named Hanami in a cherry tree park.

Freaky dreams

Last night I had a dream where I visited one of my childhood holiday resorts with Mirette and Rige. In the dream, I kept on asking the counselors about how we are going to get back home, and they told me that either we have to ride our bicycles there, or scrounge up enough cash to buy omnibus tickets.
In the same dream, I befriended two Tumblr artists. They had bred some sort of animals that would hatch out of pinkish- purple jelly- like eggs, and they asked me to bring them to their home from the holiday resort. Me being a good person, I agreed. But it turned out to be a bit hard because the eggs were supposed to incubate in plastic boxes filled with water. I accidentally tipped the boxes over, and had to fill them again with water, hoping that they wouldn’t find out.
The dream went on; it was a wintery night, and I had wrap myself in random scraps of clothing. I was trying to run back home, but for some reason, I ran through my parents’ apartment, and thought about taking a bus back home.
In another dream, I was reading the original version of the novel Push! by Sapphire.
I woke up to a physical feeling, that someone was petting my feet. At some point, I picked the crusty sleep out of my eyelashes and wiped my fingers on the wall next to my bed, and it showed up in my dream.
In another dream, I listened to a radio, and it said, “It’s five minutes past five o’clock in the evening”, and I believed it.

I got up at midday, took my morning medicine, and made some coffee. I took a shower by just letting the cool water run all over myself, I had run out of shampoo so I couldn’t wash my hair. I am going to buy more tomorrow.

I have decided to take a cool- down shower every day during the heat wave, because it makes me feel better and motivates me to take better care of my hygiene.

I was thinking of wearing my hair on a pony- tail, but it shows off my double chin that I certainly didn’t have when I first started wearing my hair on a pony tail regularly about ten years ago.

I did a little bit of this and that, and then I got bored. I went to visit the local shopping mall, and then the local library which was just opened after the renovation. I also visited the local art museum.

I traveled to Quarry Town and went to the church, there was a youth group. I got two packets of rye bread, ate Pringles and sinfully delicious double Belgian chocolate bars, and drank coffee.

Later the day I traveled back to my hometown, and went to the shopping mall once again. I visited the supermarket to plan what I could buy tomorrow.

Once back home, I was in a generally happy mood. I don’t know the reason between my mood swings, whether it is nutritional, hormonal, or that I am simply exhausted.

I took my evening medicine at eight o’clock in the evening, when I usually take them at nine o’clock in the evening.

Soon I started feeling bad again. I guess it was because of the heat wave, or because I had consumed too much sugar, or because I had not exercised today, but anyway, I was in a bad mood and the delusions bothered me.

I made myself two cucumber sandwiches, and ate an orange, wishing they would balance my blood sugar. Now I don’t feel angry, but I feel like panicking. Later I started feeling calmer, but also anxious that the bad feeling might return.

I didn’t go to the gym after all, I will go on Monday. And I should also take up the habit of going to the gym to walk on the treadmill every day, but I need to buy at least three pairs of sports leggings and tank tops to wear, I own only one pair of gym clothes.

Tomorrow I will receive money, both the weekly allowance from my financial worker and the monthly allowance from my mother. I have to pay half of my library fees, and then I will buy a week’s worth of food, and stock up on hygiene products, mainly paper stuff like toilet paper, household paper, and nose- blowing paper.
In the afternoon, me and Mirette will go to a museum, there will be a show about Barbie dolls during the years. Along with that, I have to go shopping; I will buy two birthday cards for friends and gifts for another friend, proper covers for my passport, two big cosmetic bags, and a new purse for money.

On Saturday me and Mirette will go to this park with plenty of blossoming cherry trees, there will be a Hanami party. As for the rest of the day, I will do housework.

On Sunday I will go visit my parents. I have to take the window- washing equipment and give them back to my father.

Why do I feel this way?

Last night I had a dream where I went to see my granny, traveled on a train, and watched the second season of The Good Place on Netflix. I wish Netflix would already add the second season, I desperately want to see it.

I woke up early, but slept a bit later. I was glad that I didn’t have to do anything special today until evening, so I could sleep as late as I could.

When I got up, I had lunch for breakfast, because basically it was lunch time.

Later the day I suddenly decided to stop hanging around at home, and went to visit Helsinki.

I traveled to an art museum in Espoo, and checked out the art shows. Then I traveled to Helsinki, but the art museum I was going to visit had some sort of a private happening, and that’s why the museum was closed from visitors.

I traveled to Pasture Cape and went to an eco- shop to look for stuff I could buy later. Then I traveled to downtown Helsinki, and visited a few of my favorite shops.

Later the day I traveled to eastern Helsinki, and chilled out for a while before going to the library, there was going to be a knitting & novel reading group.
In the group, the librarian read novels by an old- timey Finnish author. I managed to finish knitting one quilt square, and decided to start knitting another after I get a pair of new knitting needles because my old ones were slightly twisted out of shape. My mother promised to buy me new ones.

After I left, I traveled back to my hometown and went to the shopping mall to look at stuff I could buy later. Then I went back home, and for some reason or other, I felt unhappy. I didn’t understand why, nothing bad had happened today. I guess it was exhaustion, but I couldn’t understand why it made me feel almost devastated.

Tomorrow I will go to the youth group in the local church, I might go to a couple of museums as well. I have to go to the gym as well, not because I have to but because of my well- being.

Another ordinary day.

Last night I woke up early, about at three o’clock. I had a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach, it felt like my bowels had twisted themselves into a knot. I also let out some heinous farts.

I kept on falling asleep and waking back up again, and I had dreams of celebrating the first of May in Helsinki at the 1990’s.

I got up at eleven o’clock, took my morning medicine, brushed my teeth, had a wash, and got dressed. I had coffee and oatmeal porridge for breakfast.

Later the day I traveled to eastern Helsinki, I was going to a manicure. I had chosen the place because it was affordable.

After the manicure, I traveled to Twinkle café. Mella was there, and so was another regular visitor.
I drank cocoa, and ate a few Karelian pies and two lemon crème muffins, but didn’t even touch the donuts. I am trying to limit my sugar intake, and I want to live healthily.

Later the day I traveled to downtown, and went window- shopping.

I traveled back home, and spent the rest of the evening watching The Good Place on Netflix, tried to find stuff to give away to charity, and knitted.

Tomorrow I will go to a library in Helsinki, there will be a knitting & novel reading group. I might visit a few art museums before that.

Yet another ordinary day.

Last night I had plenty of dreams, most of them were nice but turned a bit distressing.

I got up at midday, took my morning medicine, had a wash, and got dressed.
Right after that, I called my mother and asked her if I can come over, she said yes.
I left immediately, I didn’t even have coffee.

I traveled to my parents’ home. Mom gave me 40 euros, and we had coffee together. I ate a satsuma, tomato, and two carrots, and drank orange juice, and didn’t even touch the donuts or the salmiakki- chocolate waffle bites.

Later the day I traveled back to my hometown, and went to the supermarket in the shopping mall to buy a pair of vinyl gloves for doing housework, a box of household paper, a roll of biodegradable waste bags, a lip balm, and three packages of baking paper. I usually stock up on hygiene products, both personal and domestic, so I won’t run out of them too soon.

Once back home, I had lunch.
My HoivaOnni worker came for the weekly appointment. I ironed the laundry, and washed the dishes during the visit. I didn’t have much dishes to wash, but I had plenty of clothes to iron.
After that, I put on my gym clothes, and when we left at the same time, I took out the trash. We made a new appointment on next week’s Tuesday at ten minutes past noon (12:10 pm).

I went to the gym, and started doing stretches. I couldn’t manage staying in one position for 30 seconds because it was hurting me. This time I also started working out from head to toe, not from toe to head; first I exercised my arms, then I exercised to get rid of armpit fat, skipped breasts and waist, and when it was time to exercise my thighs, I was so achy and stiff and tired that I didn’t feel like exercising anymore. Of course, I could have gone to the dressing room to calm myself, but I decided to leave right away.

Once back home, I took a shower and washed my hair.

I went back to the shopping mall for some last- minute shopping. I bought a pump- action bottle of hand wash, and two gifts for my friend Siren, and a package for mailing said gifts.

I ran into Laufey and their fiancé in the supermarket, we greeted each other.
I bought myself an ice cream and went to the library to eat it. At some point, I have to pay for the Doctor Who DVD I borrowed and lost, so I can continue using the library services.

Once back home, I knitted the quilt squares, watched The Good Place on Netflix, and soon I started feeling the evening anxiety once again.

Tomorrow I will go to the manicure in eastern Helsinki, and then I will go to Twinkle café. In the evening, I will go to a free concert near my home.

I feel like I am not trying hard enough. Sure, I ate plenty of fresh fruit today, bought useful things, went to the gym, did housework, took a shower, socialized, and stuff like that, but now I feel rotten because I didn’t brush my teeth. It’s tough living with depression and anxiety.
Monday, May 14th:
I will meet my mother at the shopping mall, she will give me the weekly allowance. I will mail a card to a friend.
At twenty minutes to three o'clock in the afternoon (2:40 pm), my HoivaOnni worker will come for the weekly appointment. I will wash the dishes and iron the laundry during the visit.
After the visit, I will go to the gym. I will do stretches and work out.
As for the rest of the day, I will continue doing housework; I have to take out the recycling and mop the floor.

Tuesday, May 15th:
I will have my nails done at a manicurist in eastern Helsinki. After that, I will go to Twinkle cafe.
In the afternoon, I will go to this free concert in the neighborhood.

Wednesday, May 16th:
I will go to the knitting & novel reading group in a library in Helsinki.
I don't know what to do for most of the day, I will probably go visit art museums.

Thursday, May 17th:
I will go to the gym.
In the evening, I will go to the youth group in the local church.

Friday, May 18th:
I will receive the weekly allowance from my financial worker, and also half of the monthly allowance from my mother.
I will order myself a new pencil case from Globe Hope, and buy a decent amount of groceries and two nighties.
I will also go to a history museum with Mirette.

Saturday, May 19th:
Me and Mirette will go to Volcano Town, there will be a happening in the cherry tree park.
Once back home, I will do the weekly housework.

Sunday, May 20th:
I will go visit my parents, and call my granny. If the weather is fine, I will either walk or ride my bicycle there and back. I will call my granny during the visit.

Happy Mother's day, everyone!

I have had nightmares for the past week. This time I dreamed of being bullied by a class of teenage girls, I had my revenge by killing them, but they came back from the dead and sued me for killing them. I have those kind of dreams very often, where I am bullied by people and when I have my revenge, I end up being blamed for being the actual bad person.
The rest of the dreams were nice; I was traveling in Scotland with my best friend Suavecita, and sang the folk song “Well hello Patsy Fagan”, while they explained that the song is actually Irish. In the same dream, I played an RPG and chose between being a British chav, American soccer mom, and a Scottish pirate.
In another dream I was walking along a street where the Doctor Who episode about the bitch fight of Canary Wharf had filmed.
In another dream, I was visiting my granny.
I also had one of my most recurrent dreams; a passenger plane crashed near my childhood home.

I got up a little before noon, took my morning medicine, had a wash, and got dressed. I also managed to force myself to eat a decent breakfast.
Later the day I traveled to Helsinki and went to the museum where me and Aurinko were supposed to meet and go to the aquarium. They never arrived, so I left and traveled to my parents’ home.

When I walked down the road to my parents’ home, I noticed how beautiful everything was; the sun shone, the warm air was soft on my skin, the birds twittered, and the flowers smelled lovely. It felt like I had croaked and gone to Heaven.

Once at my parents’ home, my brother was there as well. I wished my mumsie a happy mother’s day, drank coffee and orange juice and ate green grapes, feta cheese, a tomato, a satsuma. I didn’t eat the Mother’s day cake because I have stopped eating too much treats. The only treat I allowed for myself, was an oatmeal cookie.

I recharged my smartphone, and watched The Good Place on Netflix. I was planning to leave when my smartphone is 100 percent recharged, but decided to leave at 80 percent.
I traveled back to my hometown, and went to the shopping center. I bought two name- day cards for my friends from the stationery shop, and then I went to the supermarket and bought two rolls of plastic trash bags, a roll- on deodorant for sensitive skin, and a lip balm. At least they are useful.

I went back home, ate tomato- lentil soup for dinner, washed the windows, hoovered the floor.

I was feeling kind of speedy, manic, and hyperactive, so I took my evening medicine. Then I started feeling anxious and panicky, like my heart was exploding.

Tomorrow I will go visit my mother, she will give me the weekly allowance. I will go shopping for useful things, and then my HoivaOnni worker will visit me at 2:40 pm. After that, I will go to the gym and do stretches and work out. As for the rest of the day, I will do housework.

eep

I feel like I am wasting my time. Days go past and become memories, and all I ever do is guzzle coffee and fiddle with my smartphone.
The only things preventing me from fulfilling my dreams and living my best life, is too much anxiety and too little money.
I’ll be 30 years old at the end of this year, and I have never succeeded.

On Friday I got up and logged in to the online bank account. Yep, there it was, the measly income. I immediately went to the cash machine to withdraw it, and went to the dressmaker to pick up my mended clothes. I paid for them, and left three other articles of clothing to be mended.
Then I went shopping to the supermarket and bought only the necessary amount of food.
I went home feeling a bit downcast and morose, now that all the money was gone and I could barely afford the bare minimum.

Once back home, I put my shopping to their rightful places. I had lunch, and felt weird; like I was lost somewhere between my past and future, like Sylvia Plath felt about the fig tree.
I decided to take a nap, at least it would help me calm down.

I got up after five hours, and decided to head to eastern Helsinki. On my way there, I bought a cinnamon roll, and a bottle of organic cocoa made with coconut milk. They tasted good, and actually made me feel guilty for wasting my measly income, and fattening myself.

I went to a shopping mall and visited a few clothing and jewelry and cosmetic shops, and then I went back home.

Today I woke up after having a nightmare, I had gone to a toy department in the local supermarket, and two little girls bullied me. I had my revenge by biting the other girl’s hand, and her mother berated me for it. I had another nightmare where I was running through a nightmarish forest.

I got up in the morning, took my morning medicine, took a shower and got dressed.
I didn’t bother with breakfast.

I went to see my mom, she gave me money for visiting the aquarium tomorrow. My parents were heading out for errands, so I left pretty quickly and traveled back home.
Once there, I ate lunch and brushed my teeth. I also replaced the towels, took the sheets off my bed, and took the blanket, pillow, and mattress to the balcony.
I left again, and took out the trash.

I went to visit Helsinki, and bought a new deodorant on my way there. It’s roll- on and smells like sweet talcum powder.

Once in Helsinki, I went to visit a photography museum. I had a good time there, and didn’t have any delusions at all, and forgot about my problems.

I traveled to my home town, and visited the shopping mall.
I met my mother there, she invited me to a café. My dad was there as well, he seemed to be happy to see me. He also gave me 20 euros.
I had an iced coffee, and shared a pastry with my mother.

I went back to the shopping mall and bought a big box of panty- liners, and some fruit juices and a small jar of blueberries.
Now that I think about it, I should do something about my spendthrift ways. I seem to be tempted to waste all the money I have, but it’s because buying stuff makes me feel happy, and I always try to hang on to whatever keeps me happy.

I went back home, and continued to feel weird for the rest of the day. Nevertheless, I managed to wash the windows, wash a load of dishes, and also wash two loads of laundry. I also hoovered the floor.

In the evening I read articles about the video game Silent Hill 2 on the game’s wikia article, and listened to music. I also read an article about a serial killer on Wikipedia, and it triggered me so badly that I felt weird for the rest of the evening.
If I had read that article during my horror movie period in 2005 – 2007, I wouldn’t have minded. I have become more sensitive these days.

Tomorrow I will go visit the aquarium with a friend, and then I will go to my parents’ home for Mother’s day. I will also call my granny.

Beautiful days

On Tuesday I went to the Twinkle café, it was open for a longer time. There was Mella, and my mother, and the usual visitors. My mom gave me the weekly allowance, and I gave her the quilt squares I had knitted. Mella had remembered to buy cocoa powder for me, so I made some cocoa.
I had such a good time there, and after I left, I went to an eco- market downtown and bought laundry detergent, universal cleaning spray, and dish- washing liquid.
I didn’t feel like going to the library in Ore Town, there was a knitting & novel reading group, but I was too tired to go there, and also too tired to go to the gym. Sometimes it’s better to admit that you don’t feel like doing something, rather than forcing yourself to do it.

On Wednesday I went to see my friend Rige. We had coffee and croissants, and then we went for a walk in the forest and the hill near the neighborhood. We had taken Rosmu the beagle along, but she is getting old and is a bit tired and achy, so after a while of walking, we had to turn back and take her home.
Once back at Rige’s home, we had more coffee and talked a bit, and then I went back home.
Later the day I traveled to eastern Helsinki, and went to this mini- mall with a beauty shop that does the most affordable manicures, only 15 euros! I have decided to start going there every month, when my nails need to be clipped. I can actually clip my own nails, I own two nail clippers, but I always cut them too short so that my fingers become sore.
I made myself an appointment next Tuesday at one o’clock in the afternoon.
Once back home, I didn’t feel like going to the gym, but I managed to go shopping to the nearest supermarket and buy new insoles for my sneakers, and some groceries.

This morning I woke up after having a nightmare, where vines started growing around me and encased me. I fell back asleep again, and had nicer dreams.
I got up at six o’clock in the morning, took my meds and drank coffee. I took a nap, and got up at eleven o’clock.
I took a shower and brushed my teeth, and put on a pretty pink dress. I wanted to put on jewelry, but decided not to because I was heading to the gym later today.
I took out the trash, and fetched the laundry from the drying room downstairs.
I went to see my parents, I decided to walk there. It’s Ascension day which is an official holiday in Finland, and I usually go visit my parents on holidays.
I noticed some discarded shopping carts in the proximity of the shopping mall, so I returned them. One shopper passing by stopped to thank me.
I noticed that all the shops were open, not only the supermarkets but also the smaller ones like the stationery shop, clothing shops, toy shop, and jewelry shop.
I walked to my parents’ home, once there my mom answered the door.
I drank coffee and orange juice, and ate chocolate- salmiakki waffle bites, feta cheese, oatmeal cookies, and green grapes.
Later the day I left, and borrowed my father’s equipment for washing the windows.
I decided to travel back home on a bus to protect the equipment.
Once there, I made some coffee, put on my gym clothes, and went to the gym.
I couldn’t manage to do all the stretches, but I managed to work out properly. I actually felt the effect in my muscles.
After that, I went to the supermarket to plan what to buy tomorrow, and met my friend Rige. We talked for a while, and then I went home.

Tomorrow I will receive the weekly allowance. I will fetch the mended clothes from the dressmaker, and bring another three clothes for mending. Then I will go grocery shopping.
I will buy just enough food till next Friday, and I also have to save enough cash to pay for the ticket to an aquarium that me and Aurinko are going to visit on Sunday.
In the evening I will go to the gym and do stretches, posture exercise, and the “30 Day Abs Challenge” exercises, and then I will walk on the treadmill for an hour on the Manual setting and watch Big Mouth on the Netflix application on my smartphone.

On Saturday I will wash the windows of my apartment, and then I will go to the gym and do the same stretches, posture exercises, the ab challenge, and walk on the treadmill for an hour.

On Sunday, me and Aurinko will go to the aquarium, after that I will go to my parents’ home to celebrate Mother’s day. After that I will go to the gym again, and work out like on all the other days.

I feel weird right now. Like, hysterical and freaked out and hyperactive. I feel the usual way in the evenings, after I have come home from the gym. I don’t understand why, I thought exercise was supposed to make you feel better.
I also feel weird physically, I feel like my muscles are hard as wood, and I have felt faint and wobbly and almost fallen over a couple of times in my apartment. I guess it takes a while before I get used to exercising.

Suddenly I have got lots of pimples on my bosom, neck, shoulders, and shoulder blades. I don’t know why.

The most ordinary day.

Mirette came to visit me last night, we had a sleepover.

I slept well. I had a dream where I met my beloved pet guinea pig, and got to hold him in my hands and pet his soft fur and listen to him purring. Sometimes I miss him so much it hurts, and it’s very sad when you think about the fact that there might not be an afterlife, that I never get to see him again.

This morning I got up about at ten o’clock, even if I was awake earlier. I took my morning medicine, drank coffee, cooked a bowl of oatmeal porridge for breakfast, took a shower and washed my hair, got dressed, brushed my teeth, right in this order.

I went out for errands; I mailed two formal letters, bought a new pair of sunglasses, went to the local pharmacy to pick up my prescribed medicine, and then I traveled east and went to the passport office to get rid of my expired passport.

Once back home, I had lunch.

My HoivaOnni worker came for the weekly appointment, Mirette left soon after. I washed the dishes and ironed the laundry.

We agreed to have a new appointment at the same time next week. I left at the same time with the worker, and went to the gym.

I did some stretches, and then I worked out according to the advice on Pinterest. After I was done, I was breathing heavily and sweating, and I barely felt the burn in my muscles. But then again, I am just a beginner, it might take a while before I see, feel, and hear the effect.

Once back home, I put on my bathrobe, washed my gym gear along with a load of laundry, and washed two soup bowls I had set to soak in the kitchen basin because they had some crumbs of food stuck in them.
I had tomato- lentil soup for dinner.
I started doing spring cleaning; that is, looking for stuff to give away to charity.

I took my evening medicine, and then I went to bed. I looked for pins about exercising and working out on Pinterest.

I don’t feel anxious or panicky or depressed, but I feel out of focus and hyperactive. I guess I should cut down the coffee consumption.

Now I’ll just wait until the medicines start to kick in, and then I’ll go to sleep.

Tomorrow will be a busy day; I will go to Twinkle café, my mom will be there as well. She will give me the weekly allowance.
After the café, I will go to a library in Helsinki for the knitting & novel reading group, then I will go to the gym and do stretches and posture exercise, and after that, I will walk on the treadmill for an hour.
I will buy enough food to serve me until Friday. I must also stock up on hygiene products and buy greeting cards, and a new binder for all my papers.
Monday, May 7th:
My HoivaOnni worker will visit me at 2:40 pm. I will wash the dishes and iron the laundry during the visit.
After that, I will go to the gym. I will do stretches and exercises for all my body parts; calves, thighs, butt, waist, breasts, and arms. I also have to remember to do the posture exercises.

Tuesday, May 8th:
I will go to Twinkle cafe. My mom will be there as well, she will give me the weekly allowance.
I will mail a birthday card to a friend, and a name- day card to another friend's child.
In the evening I will go to a library in Helsinki, there will be a knitting & novel reading group.
After that, I will go to the local gym, do stretches and posture exercise, and then I will walk on the treadmill for an hour while watching Netflix, or listening to Spotify.
Once back at home, I will wash the dishes and hoover the floor.

Wednesday, May 9th:
I will mail my mother her Mother's Day card.
I don't have anything special to do, so I will probably visit a few museums, and then I will go to the gym to do stretches and posture exercise, and walk on the treadmill for an hour, whole watching Netflic or listening to Spotify.
Once back at home, I will wash the dishes and hoover the floor.

Thursday, May 10th:
Today is Ascension day, and it is a holiday in Finland. It means that all the libraries and art museums will be closed.
I will go visit my parents, and spend most of the day there.
I will go to the local gym, and do stretches and exercises.
I will also mail a birthday card to a friend.
Once back home, I will wash the dishes and hoover the floor.

Friday, May 11th:
I will receive money today.
I will go to a nail studio to have a manicure at two o'clock in the afternoon.
I will go grocery shopping and buy a week's worth of food and hygiene products,
In the evening I will go to the gym, do stretches and posture exercises, and walk on the treadmill for an hour while watching Netflix or listening to Spotify.
Once back home, I will wash the dishes and hoover the floor.

Saturday, May 12th:
I will do housework; hoover and mop the floor, including from under the furniture, swab the kitchen counter and other tables and desks, and also replace the towels and bed sheets and wash them.
In the evening, I will go to the gym, do stretches and posture exercises, and walk on the treadmill for an hour, while watching Netflix or listening to Spotify.
Once back at home, I will wash the dishes and hoover the floor.

Sunday, May 13th:
Happy birthday, gaia_child!
I will go visit an aquarium in Helsinki with Aurelia.
As It will be Mother's day in Finland, and as usual on Sundays, I will go visit my parents.
I will call my granny.
I will go to the gym and do stretches and posture exercises, and walk on the treadmill for an hour, and watch Netflix or listen to Spotify. Once back at home, I will wash the dishes, and iron the floor.

Back home!

Last night I had a dream of visiting a LiveJournal museum. I don't think LJ is old enough to belong into a museum, but it was a nice dream nonetheless.

I woke up early in the morning. Granny had gone to the lake shore to listen to a cuckoo, and I slept as late as I could.

I got up, took my morning medicine, got dressed, and ate rice porridge and frozen blueberries for breakfast, and drank cocoa.

I wanted to take a nap, but granny ushered me to go out for a walk. It was hot and sunny outside, and I was still in a bad mood.

Once back at granny's home, I had lunch, and granny gave me a tenner.

Later the day, I hugged her good- bye and told her I love her. I hope I will be able to visit her during Midsummer, even if only for a few days.

Granny went to a poetry happening in the church, and I stayed all by myself for a while and packed my stuff.

I left a bit early and went to the bus station. The bus arrived a few minutes late, but I got aboard and traveled to Helsinki. I spent the trip picking the dead skin off my lips, fiddling with my smartphone, and looking at the beautiful spring landscapes sliding by. I also ate the Karelian pies that granny had given to me as a sustenance for the trip.

Once in Helsinki, I grabbed my suitcase and went to the supermarket to buy a mint- flavored espresso and a bottle of orange juice.

I traveled home, once there I sorted out my mail. I had received a cute card from Jolanda.

I quickly unloaded my suitcase, washed two loads of laundry, hung the underwear on the drying rack in my balcony, and took the other clothes to the drying room. I took out the trash, and took my suitcase to the storage room.
I filled out some forms, dealt my pills into my Dosett, and noticed that I am running out of Dormix and Ketipinor. I have to pick them up from the pharmacy tomorrow, I also have to mail two letters to the financial worker.

Tomorrow I will go out for errands; I will mail two formal letters, pick up my medicine refills, and go east to have my old passport safely demolished.
My HoivaOnni worker will visit me at twenty to three o'clock in the afternoon (2:40 pm). I will wash the dishes and iron the laundry during the visit.
After that I will go to the gym to work out.

A chilly grey day

Last night I noticed that I had forgotten to take my evening medicine. I took them right away, and watched Emo: The Musical on Netflix.

I had even more pornographic dreams, and I also had dreams where I had traveled to my parents’ home, and forgotten all my stuff at granny’s home.

Granny had gone to visit the health center. I spent the entire morning dreaming my dreamy little dreams, and had to get up at ten o’clock in the morning when granny came home.

I got up, took my morning medicine, ate oatmeal porridge and coffee for breakfast. I had a wash and got dressed.

Later the day I went for a short walk in the natural park, and then I went back to granny’s home.

I had lunch, and tuned in to the online bank account to see if I had received money. I had, so I ordered myself a return bus ticket to Helsinki, and renewed my Microsoft Word subscription.
I spent the entire afternoon taking a nap on the sofa. I was in a bad mood because granny told me to get up, so I went to sleep on the bed.

I got up later, and went to the pharmacy to buy a pump- action bottle of basic lotion, and a tube of cortisone lotion, and a lip balm.

I hung around at the town center. It was a calm and still, chilly and grey day.
I went back to granny’s home.

I did some simple stretches and exercises, and took some photos with my smartphone.

In the evening I hung around in my underwear, washed my feet, and put cortisone lotion on my arms and legs.
I took my evening medicine with cocoa, brushed my teeth and washed my face. Soon I am off to bed.

Tomorrow I will help granny do housework, and in the afternoon we will go to the sauna. I need to have a proper wash and make myself look representable before leaving for my own home.
As for most of the day, I will probably keep on knitting the quilt squares.

Mango ice cream

Sheesh, I had even more pornographic dreams last night! I have had them every night now that I am visiting my granny. I don’t know what is causing it, and I don’t want to know.

I got up today at ten o’clock, granny had gone grocery shopping.

I ate oatmeal porridge for breakfast, and had coffee. Then I had a proper wash.
Granny had bought me a proper toothbrush, the one I had bought in a bulk package was so wide that it made my gums bleed every time I used it. Thank you, granny!

Me and granny went for a walk on the hills, it was so beautiful out there.
There were bumblebees buzzing, and swans tooting. The sun shone and it was so serene.

Once back at granny’s home, we had afternoon coffee and then granny told me we are going to the sauna because we both needed a shower. I agreed, my hair was greasy again.

I gave myself a good scrubbing, and felt good about myself and my body all day. Especially when I did some simple stretches and exercises.
I have decided that the year 2018 will be dedicated to straightening my posture, and making flattening my stomach. Right now, the line around my navel is 100 centimeters / 39,3 inches, it looks a bit ridiculous because from all the other parts of my body I am very petite and slim, it makes my proportions seem a bit off.
And also, it’s a health risk when fat gathers into your stomach. I want it to be shrunk to

Once I return from granny’s home, I am going to start a proper fitness regime. I will do stretches and face-, neck-, hand- and foot exercises every day, and go to the gym on Mondays and Thursdays to do the sculpting exercises I have saved on Pinterest. On every other day, I will go there to walk on the treadmill for an hour.
I simply have to exercise, for many reasons; I would sleep better, I would have a better metabolism, I wouldn’t be so depressed and anxious anymore, and I would feel better about my body if it was slimmer and sleeker.

I went to the local art museum. Most of the works of art were contemporary metal sculptures.
I also visited the library to borrow a book for granny. It was written by a painter & writer who is my childhood favorite, the one who inspired me to start writing by myself.

Once back home, we had dinner. Later the day we had mango- flavored ice cream, I also drank a mug of cocoa.

I spent the rest of the day inside, doing a little bit of this and that.

Today I am in a better mood than yesterday, mainly because I have felt so good about myself and my body. But as usual in the evenings, I start feeling worse.

In the evening I took my medicine, brushed my teeth and had a wash.

Tomorrow I will receive money. I will order myself a bus ticket back to my own home, and I will also renew my Microsoft Word subscription.
I will visit the local pharmacy to buy some prescribed lotion, a pump- action bottle of basic lotion I can use at my granny’s home, and at least two tubes of cortisone lotion I have to use because of my skin condition.
I might also go for a walk, and do the usual exercises.

Sometimes I feel like I am not even doing the bare minimum of taking care of myself. I barely manage to have a wash twice a day, eat healthy meals, and exercise. I can no longer blame my depression and anxiety, because actually it's the fact that I enjoy fiddling my smartphone and drinking coffee more than taking proper care of myself.

Death Note

Last night I started watching the movie Death Note on Netflix. I think my favorite character was the death god Ryuk, and I also liked that during the end credits they showed short clips of the movie being filmed.

I had even more sexual dreams. I considered writing a fanfiction out of it.

I got up at half past noon, took my morning medicine, got dressed, and washed my face. I had coffee.
I didn’t bother with having a proper wash, and it made me ashamed of myself. I cannot even do the bare minimum to take care of myself.

During the day- time, I went out for a walk. I walked through the natural park, mailed a name- day card to a friend’s kid, and visited the library and the art museum.

Once back at granny’s home, I had dinner with granny, watched the rest of the movie Death Note, and read the books I had borrowed from the library.

Tomorrow I will do the same things, and probably something else.
I’m getting bored.
Before I woke up, I had some extremely pornographic dreams that I woke up feeling a bit uneasy. I also had a dream where I considered moving into an all- female commune right in the upstairs of my favorite eco- market, but also thought that I didn't want to lose my current apartment that I have learned to love.

I got up about at half past eleven o'clock when granny asked me if I am going to get up today. She always wakes up early because of her pains, and she had already gone for a walk and made pancakes for breakfast.

I went to the kitchen in my nightie, and took my morning medicine. Usually when I'm at my own home, in the mornings, I take my medicine, brush my teeth, and get dressed before breakfast.

I had pancakes and coffee for breakfast, granny had also made some lemon curd. It tasted like the lemon meringue cake in Espresso House.

I had a proper wash, and put on clothes and jewelry.

I went for a walk, even if it was a bit rainy and windy outside. I walked through the natural park, and even if I tried to enjoy the nature, I was in a terribly bad mood and kept on grumbling harsh words to myself, because the physical exertion combined with my everyday delusions took a toll on my well- being. Now that I think about it, I should have walked slower and focused on the nature.

I mailed three name- day cards to my friends who have their name- days this week.

Once back at my granny's home, I had blue cheese soup and potato stew for lunch.

I had afternoon coffee, and a piece of lemon meringue cake that granny had made.

As for most of the day, I did a little bit of this and that; watched Netflix, knitted, wrote into my diary, surfed on the Internet, watched TV with granny, did some face-, neck- and hand muscle exercises.

In the evening I made some cocoa and ate the lemon curd, and took my evening medicine.

Tomorrow I will go for a longer walk, and I will also go visit the library to borrow some books, and also go visit the local art museum. I also have to mail another name- day card.

Hello, May! ^_^

Updating from granny's home :3

Last night I had dreams about the amusement park I visited yesterday, going on a cruise, and traveling to Soviet Union. I know that Soviet Union doesn't exist anymore, but dreams are dreams.
It’s so amazing when you think about it, when you dream about amazing adventures and wake up in the safety of your own bed.

I woke up early, and got up early. I took my morning medicine, emptied my MoonCup, took a shower, and put on neat clothes. I also brushed my teeth.
I didn’t bother with having breakfast.

I received a name- day gift in the mail today, a lovely pink glittery plastic seashell necklace! I immediately knew it was from Zoya, they had promised to send it to me.

I spent most of the noon doing housework. I washed the dishes, ironed the clothes, and after Mirette and Elysion went to visit Pinky, I hoovered and mopped the floor. It proved out to be a bit troublesome; if I had concentrated hard enough, I would have done it better.

I took out the trash, and fetched the laundry from the drying room.

Later the day I packed the rest of my luggage, and traveled to Helsinki.
I watched Dr. Sandra Lee’s pimple popping videos while waiting for the bus to arrive.

Once on the bus, I started feeling hungry. I knew I should have eaten breakfast and lunch. I promised myself I would eat more from now on.

During the journey to granny’s hometown, I watched The Good Place on Netflix. Once there, it was still sunny, and there were people already celebrating Mayday.

Once at granny’s home, I gave her the greeting cards; the name- day card and the Mother’s day card. She liked them both.
I had blue cheese soup and Karelian pies for supper, for dessert I had coffee with doughnuts and After Eight chocolates.

I had a headache and I also felt hot and bothered. I knew I would feel better tomorrow, after a good sleep.

Tomorrow will be the first of May, which is a boozing holiday in Finland. I will go for two long walks, first in the natural park and another on the hills, once back to granny’s home, I will watch Netflix and knit, and keep granny company.
Monday, April 30th:
I will take a shower and make myself look as presentable as possible.
I will do the rest of the housework.
My bus leaves at twenty minutes to four o'clock in the afternoon (3:40 pm), Elysion and Mirette will accompany me while waiting for the bus.

Tuesday, May 1st:
Considering that it will be an official boozing holiday, I will spend most of the day inside except when I go for a walk in the forest.

Wednesday, May 2nd:
I will go to the local art museum, and also for a long walk.

Thursday, May 3rd:
I will do the same things; go for a long walk, and then to the art museum.

Friday, May 4th:
May the fourth be with you!
I will receive money, so I will purchase a return bus ticket back to Helsinki.
I will also order a gift for a friend, and renew my Microsoft Word subscription.

Saturday, May 5th:
Revenge of the Fifth!
I will go to sauna with granny.

Sunday, May 6th:
I will travel back to my hometown.

Not pregnant!

Last night I had a dream where I was studying, and my parents peered over my shoulder waiting for the smallest mistake, just the way they used to do when I was in grade school.

I woke up very early, about at eight o’clock in the morning. I got up, took my morning medicine, had a wash, put the cortisone lotion on my skin, and got dressed. I drank coffee.

I got my period today.

Later the morning I called my mother and asked her if I can come over, she said I can.
I traveled to my parents’ home. Mom answered the door, dad was home as well.

I drank coffee and orange juice, ate a tomato and some feta cheese and goat cheese.
Dad gave me 20 euros as a name- day present, and later the day me and mom went to the city center where mom withdrew 40 euros for me.

I traveled back to my hometown, and went to the supermarket. I bought two vacuum bags, and two greeting cards. Then I went to the stationery shop and bought ten first- class postage stamps.

Once back home, Mirette and Elysion were both awake.
I tidied up, and put my clothes inside the vacuum bags and sucked the air out of them with a vacuum cleaner, and put the bags into my suitcase.

Later the day we left, me and Mirette traveled to Helsinki and went to the Ice Cream & Chocolate festival. At first it was a bit crowded, but after the shows on the stage it started clearing up, and we got plenty of samples of ice cream. My favorite was sweet & sour.
After that, we went to an amusement park that was recently opened for summer. I went to an aquarium gift shop, and found plenty of amazing things I wanted to buy. for myself and for my friends.
I can’t wait for autumn when I am going to visit the amusement park properly, and use all the rides.
We also ran into one of my friends on our way out, I stopped by to say hello to them.

Once back home, I recharged my smartphone, washed a load of laundry, and went to bed.

Tomorrow I will tidy up my apartment completely. I have to hoover and mop the floor from under the furniture and also from the bathroom, take out the recycling, and wash the dishes.
I also have to take a shower and brush my teeth and put on neat clothes.
I will take a long- distance bus to my granny’s home. I will be back on Sunday.

Eleclya's birthday party

Last night I had a dream where I played the first Silent Hill video game, and I aced it.
In another dream, me and my parents and my brother were travelling. It was a wintery night and then it was a summer day.

I woke up pretty early, and continued sleeping.

I got up about at eleven o’clock in the morning, took my morning medicine, washed my face, dabbed lotion on my skin, and got dressed.
I made some coffee.

I took out the trash, and fetched the laundry from the drying room downstairs. Then I scrubbed the bathroom, it was easier than I had thought.

Later the day me and Mirette traveled to Eleclya’s home, they had their 30th birthday party today. Suavecita and Odessa arrived later. Suavecita’s cousin Lita was supposed to arrive as well, but their child had become ill so they had to stay at home.
I gave Eleclya a birthday card, four old nighties, and a roll of baking paper.
I ate a peppermint candy cane that had been lying on the carpet for goddess knows how long, and managed to crack a filling on my left- side wisdom tooth. I was going to visit the dentist in June, anyway; there was another small part of a cracked filling on the right side of my upper jaw.
We had a good time, except the party turned out to be a bit too noisy and everyone started getting angry, so I decided to go back home.
I had a good time waiting for the bus, the sunshine was soft on my eyes, the air felt cool on my skin, and birds chirped happily. I felt like my soul was singing.

I traveled to my home town, and I met Elysion and Laufey at the shopping mall. I had visited the supermarket to plan what I was going to buy tomorrow.
We had agreed earlier this week that Elysion was coming over to my home for a sleepover during the weekend.
Once back at my home, I made us both tea, and washed the dishes.
I ate a clove of garlic and an avocado.

In the evening I took my meds, put on my nightie, and went to sleep on the sofa- bed. I was having the evening anxiety again.

Tomorrow I am going to the Ice Cream & Chocolate festival, after that I will go to a concert in an amusement park that has been recently opened for the summer. At some point I will go visit my parents because they will give me money; my mother will give me next week’s allowance and name- day money, and my father will give me name- day money as well.
I have to buy three pairs of leggings, two plastic vacuum bags (where you put your clothes or other textiles, suck the air out with a vacuum cleaner so that it flattens and you can store them in a small place. I need them for packing my clothes to my suitcase), ten first- class postage stamps, greeting cards, and a new folder where to put my papers and greeting cards and such.

Since last update?

I haven’t updated for three days now, and it feels like weeks.

I woke up when my mother called me, I asked her if she could come over to my home so she can give me the monthly allowance.

I got up, took my morning medicine, got dressed, and drank coffee.

Mom came over, gave me 40 euros and a chocolate bar, complained about the mess, and then she left.

I logged in to my online bank account to see if I had received money, yes I had. I paid the monthly fee for the gym membership, ordered a bus ticket to my granny’s home, and a ticket to the Ice Cream & Chocolate festival.

I wanted to renew my Microsoft Word and Netflix subscription, but it kept on saying “No can do, plz try again later” so I decided to use the money on something else.

I went out for errands; I went to the dressmaker and fetched the mended clothes, and gave them three clothes to be mended.

I went to the shopping mall and visited the supermarket to buy a Mother’s day card for my granny, and also a few liters of milk.
Then I went to a stationery shop and bought two name- day cards.

I went back home, put everything to their rightful places, took a shower, brushed my teeth, and put on fresh clothes.

I went back to the shopping mall and bought a smartphone recharger.

Later the day I decided to go to Helsinki. I visited a few shops, and then I went back home.

I had these weird bouts of anger, and soon I felt sad. I tried to repel the sadness by making myself a few cups of tea.

Later the evening, my friend Mirette came for a sleepover.

Tomorrow I will go to my friend Eleclya’s birthday party with Mirette, after that I have to do housework.

The daily deeds of 23.04.2018

Food intake:
🍉 A clove of garlic
🍉 A kiwifruit
🍉 Garam masala bean stew for lunch
🍉 Tomato & lentil soup for dinner
🍉 Three buttered rye bread sandwiches with cucumber slices for supper

Medication:
💊 Took my morning & evening medicine
💊 Had to take three chill pills

Housework:
🗑 Took out the recycling
🗑 Hoovered the floor
🗑 Washed the dishes
🗑 Ironedthe laundry

Good deeds:
💟 Held a door open for an elderly lady who used a Zimmer frame
💟 Clicked every single button on The Hunger Site

Counting my blessings:
🌻 Received lovely things in the mail
🌻 Did plenty of housework

Silent Hill is in my dreams

Once again, I stayed awake late into the night, but managed to go to sleep before it was midnight.

I had a dream where I played the video game Silent Hill: Homecoming, except that the main character was Murphy Pendleton from Silent Hill: Downpour, and the final boss was Incubus from the first Silent Hill game.

I woke up about at ten minutes past eight o’clock in the morning (8:10 am), but decided to sleep a bit later because I wanted to keep on dreaming, and my bed felt too nice to abandon it just yet. And besides, my nose and throat and my right shoulder already felt better, so I didn’t feel like I had to go to the health center.

I got up at midday, took my morning medicine, put on deodorant, washed my face, cleaned my teeth, got dressed, and made coffee.

I received mail today, for the first time in a month! (Now all my bills go to my financial worker, so I don’t have to worry about them, boo yah) There was a greeting card from my friend Lynne, and a notification about a package waiting to be picked up today after four o’clock in the afternoon (4:00 pm). I knew it was the Valentine’s day & Easter package from Zoya, my lovely awesome darling friend!

I warmed some frozen bean stew for lunch, and made some more coffee.

Later the day my HoivaOnni worker came for the weekly appointment. Mirette kept them company while I washed the dishes and ironed the laundry, and later the day Mirette left.

I was done with the dishes and laundry soon enough, so we spent the rest of the appointment just talking about our plans for the summer.

After they left, I took out the recycling; cardboard, paper, metal, and glass waste. Then I went to the shopping mall to do a little window- shopping before going to the post office to pick up my package. I was right, it was from Zoya!

Once back home, I opened the package, and practically bounced up and down with joy! There were three cute monkey plushies, two pairs of feminist- themed socks, a nifty pink carrier bag, a sterling silver chain bracelet with a gorilla- shaped pendant, lots of nummy chocolate, and an Easter and Valentine’s day greeting cards, and two stickers, one depicting a cute gorilla and another depicting the American Horror Story character Pepper the Pinhead.
I immediately nommed all the chocolate, except the chocolate- covered pineapple marshmallows, I might save them for Eleclya’s birthday party. I also put the stickers on my collage wall.
Thank you so much, my cutie darling Ramone!

I was planning to visit Helsinki, but decided to stay at home and do housework. I looked for stuff to give away to charity, and managed to find plenty.
I also hoovered the floor, along with the floor of my balcony, and made dinner.

I noticed that the lightbulb in my ceiling lamp was burned out, and I thought that I might replace the lamp with a plafond from IKEA. I am going to go visit the nearest IKEA tomorrow, after receiving the weekly allowance from my mother.

The only thing is that I don’t know how to remove the ceiling lamp, I tried to but it’s fastened to the socket in a peculiar way, and besides, I don’t want to get an electric shock again.
I have to call a repairer tomorrow and ask them to take the lamp off and fix the plafond on it.

Tomorrow I will go to the Twinkle cafe, I will give Mella a name- day card because later this week they will have their name- day.
After that, I will go visit my mother to collect the weekly allowance.
I will mail a friend the belonging they forgot at my home during my Easter party.
Monday, April 23rd:
As soon as I have finished my breakfast, I will go to the health center; the area between my nose and throat is sore, and my right shoulder hurts. I want to check if it is not anything serious, like inflammation or infection.
If everything is fine, I will go to the gym right after the appointment. I will do stretches and then I will work out.
My HoivaOnni worker will come for the weekly appointment at 2:40 pm. I will wash the dishes and iron the laundry during the appointment.
After that, I will go to Girls' House.
As for the rest of the day, I will do the household chores I didn't do during the weekend.

Tuesday, April 24th:
I will go to Twinkle cafe, and give Mella a name- day card.
At some point I will go visit my mother, she will give me the weekly allowance.
During my last home party at Easter, one of my friends forgot their winter cap to my home, so I will mail it to them.
I might go for a walk or bike ride, or go to the gym to walk on the treadmill for an hour.

Wednesday, April 25th:
I will go to a knitting & novel reading group in a library in Helsinki.
Before that, I might visit a couple of art museums, and go for a walk or a bike ride.

Thursday, April 26th:
I will go to the gym, and do stretches and exercises.
In the evening I will go to the youth group at church. If the weather is fine, I will ride my bicycle there and back.

Friday, April 27th:
I will receive my weekly allowance from my financial adviser.
I will purchase an omnibus ticket to my granny's home town and back, and also purchase a ticket to the Ice Cream & Chocolate Fair in Helsinki on Sunday.
I will also pay my gym membership fee, and also pay for my Spotify Premium and Netflix subscription.
I will go visit my mother to collect the rest of the monthly allowance.
I will buy first class postage stamps, greeting cards, a meagre amount of groceries, and a new smartphone recharger.
I will go for a bike ride or a walk.

Saturday, April 28th:
My friends Eleclya will have their birthday party today.

Sunday, April 29th:
I will go visit my parents. If the weather is alright I will ride my bicycle there and back, and I will also call my granny during the visit.
In the afternoon I will go to the Ice Cream and Chocolate Fair in Helsinki.
After that, I will do all the housework I can before going to see my granny.

Lots of nice days in a row

As you can see, I stayed awake late into the midnight. I made plans for the next month, and wrote plenty of lists.
I also kept farting a lot, so I had to keep the window open the whole night, but it wasn’t that bad to wake up to birdsong and fresh spring morning air.

I had many dreams about the different kind of aspects of afterlife.
In one of them, it was fluctuating between foggy remains of an old town into a hellish nightmare, like in the movie based on the survival horror video game series Silent Hill.
In another dream, it was like the paradise in The Good Place, and in another dream, it was like the realm of suicide- committers in the book Kneller’s Happy Campers, on which the movie Wristcutters: A Love Story is based; a bleak suburban town full of pizzerias that served stale, greasy pizza.
In another dream, I was lying on the backseat of my dad’s car, my dad was driving, and my mother was sitting next to him. It reminded me of the rosy golden days of my childhood when my dad drove our family to meet our relatives, and how safe and loved I felt, as long as my troublesome big brother wasn’t there as well.

I got up about a little before two o’clock in the afternoon. I took my morning medicine, made a little coffee, and then I took a shower.
I washed my face, hair, and body, and also used the peeling gel on my face.
I have taken up the habit of “introducing” my skin into the different lotions and stuff that I am going to use in my 12- step Korean skincare regime, so my skin won’t get inflamed or anything like that.

I called my mother and asked her if I can come over, she said yes.
I packed my belongings, and rode my bicycle to my parents’ home.

Once there, my mom answered the door. Both mom and dad were home.
Mom made some coffee. I also drank orange juice, and ate a couple of slices of a bun loaf, some goat cheese, and two tomatoes.
Later the day I made a simple dinner for myself, ramen noodles and frozen peas, and mom boiled a few eggs.

I called my granny and talked with her for a while, we agreed that I will travel to her home on the eve of Mayday.

Later the day I left and rode my bicycle to my own home. Once there, I put the posture belt around my shoulders under my shirt, made some coffee, and surfed on the internet.

I fetched the laundry from downstairs and folded them, washed the dishes, and hoovered the visible part of the floor.

My plans are clear for tomorrow; I will go to the health center right after finishing my breakfast. I have this weird pain in my nose and throat, and my right shoulder is achy. I want to check if it isn’t an infection or an inflammation.
IF I am alright, I will go to the gym right after the appointment. I will do stretches and exercises.
My HoivaOnni worker will come for the weekly appointment at twenty minutes to three o’clock in the afternoon (2:40 pm), I will wash the dishes and iron the laundry during the visit.
I will go to Girls’ House, and after that I will go back home and do all the housework I didn’t do during the weekend; take out the recycling, and mop the visible part of the floor.

The situation right now 🙂

🍀 I have been farting a lot these days, lots of long loud farts.

🌹 I have been picking on my face all day; rubbing my cheeks, scratching my eyebrows, picking the dead skin off my lips, and picking my nose.

🌟 I also banged my fingers painfully on my writing desk and kitchen counter. At least I am not as prone to accidents as my friend Eleclya! 😁

☙ At some point I should book an appointment for a manicure, it's been approximately a year since the last time. I should have a manicure and a neck & scalp massage once a month.

🌵 I have been thinking of nominating Wednesday as another housework day, when I take out the recycling and scrub the toilet bowl.

🌍 Sometimes I feel aware of my physical feelings, and then I usually do something that alleviates the feeling. Like today my apartment felt a bit hot and smelly, so I opened the window. My face felt itchy, so I put lotion on it.

🧙‍♀️ I have decided to purchase myself a new money purse, pencil case, cosmetic bag, and another cosmetic bag because I need two of them; one for stuff like a comb, lip balm, and a small mirror, and another for wet wipes, panty- liners, band- aids, and stuff. I need to buy durable Finnish design like Marimekko and Globe Hope.
My sleeping pattern has changed again now that the days are longer. I wake up about at three o'clock in the morning and feel so hale and hearty that I could run to Norway and back! And then I fall asleep in and wake up again at six, eight, and ten o'clock. I thinkit's awesome, I like being awake early but I don't like having to wake up early.

Last night I had a dream about my home town.
I got up after Mirette had got up as well, took my morning medicine, freshened up and put on clothes.

I took the sheets off my bed, replaced the towels, put my blankets and pillow and mattress to the balcony, and washed a couple of loads of laundry.

I made myself lunch, and some coffee.

Later in the afternoon, me and Mirette were invited to Riksu's BBQ party. We left immediately, I took out the trash.

We went to the local supermarket, I bought two corn husks and a can of pomegranate & raspberry juice. I wanted to buy watermelon juice, but it had been limited edition.

Once at Riksu's home, we sat on the swings beforeRiksu came home.

I would have had a good time if it wasn't for Riksu's gentleman friend who harassed us. I didn't know if he was drunk or mentally ill.

I left early, and went to the shopping mall and visited Hennes & Mauritz so I could distract myself.

Once back home, I washed more laundry, took a couple of tranquilizers, and later the day I went out for a walk.

I walked through the area with cottages, and then I walked through a forest, and went to the pharmacy to pick up my allergy pills, buy a small tube of Bevita, and order a box of my anti- psychotic medicine.

I also went to the supermarket and bought a box of butter, and a half a pound of gingerbread dough.

I met Laufey in the shopping mall, we said hello to each other.

I went back home and noticed that there were police officers and teenagers who were fighting.

Once back home, I washed more laundry and did a little bit of this and that before Mirette came home.

Tomorrow I will ride my bicycle to my parents' home and back, and call my granny during the visit.
Once back home, I will do housework; hoover and mop the floor, and take out the recycling.

Happy 4/20 everyone!

Last night I had a dream where it was twenty- one minutes past four o’clock in the afternoon (4:21 pm), and I noticed that I had missed my hairdresser’s appointment. I had to go see my mother to pick up my monthly allowance, and I didn’t know how to explain that I had missed the hairdresser when she noticed that my hair had not been cut.
Fortunately I woke up and realized it had been a dream all along, and felt a bit bewildered at how realistic the dream had been.

I slept all the way to my smartphone alarm, even if I was awake early. I decided to snooze for five minutes, and only after that I decided to get up.

I got up, took my morning medicine, got dressed, and went to the shopping mall to withdraw the cash. I wanted to go to the supermarket to buy a box of chocolate- covered raisins, but the cashier lines were so long that I decided not to.

I went to the hairdresser, and had the dry ends of my hair strands cut off, and my fringe shortened.

Right after that, I called my mother and told her I am coming over.
I traveled to my parents’ home, once there my mom answered the door.

She made us coffee, I also drank orange juice and ate a tomato and a couple of slices of a bun loaf.

We traveled to the city center, where she withdrew the cash for me. I traveled back to my home town, and went to the supermarket where I bought two black Frixion ink pens, and two blue ones, a big tube of grapefruit- scented facial peeling gel, four microwaveable meals, five cans of soup, three big cartons of milk, a cucumber, a box of kiwifruits, a bag of avocados, two packets of rye bread, a box of oatmeal porridge flakes, four lip balms, a chocolate egg, and a small box of chocolate- coated raisins.

I went back home, put everything to their rightful places, hoovered the floor, opened the windows to let fresh air in, bagged the trash… I also wrote into my diary, ate the chocolate delicacies, watched The Good Place on my smartphone Netflix app, and knitted.

Soon after Mirette came over, we chilled out for a while and then we went to Burger King. We both got mozzarella sticks, French fries, I got hot chocolate and Mirette got Fanta and a strawberry milkshake.

I mailed two birthday cards, then we traveled to Helsinki.

The first place where we went was a thrift store with a vintage department. There was a discount sale, all clothes two euros at maximum, 12 articles of clothing for 20 euros. I bought the approximate amount of clothes, including some nighties.

Then we went to two shopping malls, and then we traveled east and went to another shopping mall. We also went grocery shopping, Mirette bought some ingredients for her supper and I bought a carton of orange juice, and a box of dark grapes.

We traveled home, where I cut the price tags off the clothes I had bought, and put them into my laundry basket.
I took a long hot shower, and I still felt stiff. I felt like I was craving for something to eat or drink, but didn’t know what.

Tomorrow I will do housework, I also have to replace the towels and bed sheets.
In the evening, we will go to Riksu’s home for a BBQ.

I'm feeling strangely content.

I had a nightmare last night, probably serves me right for reading horror literature before bed time.

I had a dream where I was playing a survival panic video game, where all the German shepherd dogs turned into ravenous beasts and turned humans into were- dogs by mauling them. Suddenly the video game turned into real life, where me and other survivors sought refugee in an abandoned convenience store, but the dogs attacked us. I could practically feel them biting me, and then I woke up, gasping for breath.
It was about fifteen minutes past three o'clock in the morning, I decided to keep on sleeping.

In another nightmare, Jim Moriarty from BBC Sherlock locked all human beings into mental asylums. We were allowed books and TVs, and when I got the flu, a nurse took care of me, wiping my brow for me.

I was already awake when my smartphone rang, I didn't recognize the number but it was my own nurse from the psychiatric clinic, telling me that I was supposed to have an appointment today. I was bewildered, I didn't even remember anything like that! Nevertheless, I shot up from my bed, took my morning medicine, and dressed up.

I live about half a kilometer away from the clinic, so it wasn't a problem.
Once there, my nurse explained to me that we were supposed to discuss the continuation of my rehabilitation welfare. There was also the doctor, and a nurse student.

Anyway, we managed to get two- year extension for the welfare, and I apologized for forgetting the whole thing and being a bit grumpy.

I went back home, brewed a cup of coffee, and after drinking it, I fell on my bed and slept till half past two o'clock in the afternoon.

After getting up, I took a shower and washed my hair and face and body, and cleaned my teeth properly. After the shower, I put lotion on my skin and dressed into better clothes.

I warmed some frozen food for "lunch", made some coffee, called my mom, did a little bit of this and that and then I decided to go to Helsinki.
I had been planning to visit the modern art museum after the church group, but decided to go there right now so I wouldn't be out late.

I traveled to Helsinki, once there I wrote this petition about animal torture in India, and petted one of the petitioner's dog. Right next to the petition, there was this commercial happening where you could have a sample of freshly baked pancakes baked in almond- avocado oil. It tasted scrumptious, and didn't even burn my tongue.

Once in the museum, the art show was amazing, I had a good time there.

I traveled to Quarry City and went to the church. I had a good time there as well; there were nacho- flavored Doritos, Lindt chocolate eggs, popcorn, strawberry juice, and other nummy things.

After I left, I walked back to my home town on the other side of the train tracks.

I went to the shopping mall and visited a few shops, planning on what to buy tomorrow when I receive both my weekly allowance from the financial worker, and my mother will give me half of the weekly allowance.

I went back home, washed a load of laundry and went to the drying room downstairs to hang it, and then I went to my storage room to sort out my stuff and fetch a box of toilet paper.

I warmed some tomato- lentil soup for supper, and ate a clove of raw garlic. I have noticed that every time I eat a raw garlic clove, for about an hour later I smell farts around me, even if I don't have flatulence.

While waiting for the soup to cool down, I did the face muscle exercise routine. I have been thinking of starting to do face and neck muscle exercises before every meal, while waiting for the food to cool down. It's fun, helps me look better, and also feels very refreshing when I feel my blood circulating.

In the evening I took my meds, and soon I am off to bed.

Tomorrow I will have an appointment with my favorite hairdresser; I will have the dry ends of my hair strands cut off. After that, I will ride my bicycle over to my parents' home, so my mom can give me the weekly allowance.
After that I will go buy a week's worth of food and hygiene products.
My friend Mirette will come over to my home, we will go to Helsinki for some discreet shopping, and we will also go to a thrift store with a vintage department, there will be a discount sale.
After that, we will go to my home for a sleepover.

On Saturday, I will start doing housework; I have to replace my towels and bed sheets, and finally take out the recycling and mop the floor.
I will have a manicure at the nail studio at the local shopping mall.
In the evening, me and Mirette will go see the movie Tomb Raider.

On Sunday, I will ride my bicycle to my parents' home for the weekly visit, and I also have to call my granny once I am there. After that, I will go see the movie Pacific Rim.

My dreams are awesome!

I had even more awesome dreams last night.
In the first one, I lived in a very spacey 1970’s apartment.
In another dream, I traveled in time and space with the first Doctor Who and his granddaughter Susan.
In yet another dream, me and the eleventh Doctor Who moved into the detached house where my granny used to live. The Doctor told me that he wants to renovate the house for us to live in, and then he kissed me and asked me to marry him :3
In another dream, I went to this farm with lots of big wooden houses that were mostly abandoned. The farmer and his wife were nice people, they even adopted me as their niece.
In yet another dream, I was traveling on a bus that fell into a rapid river, but the bus driver saved me, and adopted me as her daughter. She introduced me to all of her friends who became my aunties, and they had lots of cats.

I woke up before midday, and thought about getting up already because I had lots of things to do before going to Twinkle café. I ended up sleeping all the way to one o’clock in the afternoon, and that’s when I got up.
I took my morning medicine, put deodorant in my armpits, and got dressed. I didn’t bother with having a proper wash or eating a decent breakfast, because it would have taken too much time.

I traveled to Twinkle café, I was a bit late but I didn’t mind. My mom was already there, she gave me the weekly allowance.

I drank lots of coffee, usually I don’t like the coffee served at Twinkle café but this time it tasted tolerable, considering that I hadn’t drank my morning coffee because I was out of milk.

Later the day, I traveled to the city center, visited a few clothing and jewelry shops, and then I traveled to my home town.

I went to the supermarket in the shopping mall and bought three big cartons of milk, a box of interdental brushes, two birthday cards, a small tin of Nivea crème, and then I went back home.

My blood sugar was so low that my knees were shaking and I felt angry, so I made a couple of sandwiches and warmed a can of tomato soup.

In the evening I took my meds, and decided to go to bed when I feel sleepy enough.

Tomorrow I will go to an art museum with my friend Mirette, after that I will go to a free concert with her and my best friend’s cousin Lita.

On Thursday I will go to the gym, and after that I will go to the youth group at the local church.

On Friday I will receive money, so I will buy a week’s worth of groceries.
I will go to a hairdresser to have the dry ends of my hair cut off, and then I will go visit my mother who will give me the monthly allowance. After that, I will go shopping with Mirette.

On Saturday I will go to a nail studio to have a manicure, and then I will go shopping again.

On Sunday I will go visit my parents, after that I will go to movies to see the new Pacific Rim.
Just before I woke up, I had plenty of nice dreams. I had had a dream about bathing in blood with Freddy Krueger in an abandoned mental ward, and another dream where I traveled the galaxy with Lobo, and a dream where I went to a fun arcade in Manse and won a pink bunny plushie, and a bottle of strawberry- flavored milk.

I got up at midday, and took my morning medicine. I brushed my teeth right after taking said medicine, and had a proper wash. I got dressed, and put on a necklace.

I ate a decent breakfast, and then I had some coffee.

Later the day my HoivaOnni worker, whom I shall lovingly call Cholla, came for the weekly appointment. I washed the dishes, and ironed the laundry during the visit.
Mirette, who had been on a sleepover at my home, left during the visit.
After the visit, me and Cholla agreed to have the next visit on next week’s Monday, at twenty to three o’clock in the afternoon (2:40 pm).

After the worker left, I started feeling a bit lost; I didn’t know what to do and where to go, so I took a nap.

I slept for about three hours, and when I got up, I felt great. I didn’t have any delusions.

I went to the shopping mall to spend time, and plan what to buy tomorrow.

I went back home, warmed some tomato- lentil soup for dinner, and soon it was time to take my evening medicine, brush my teeth, and go to sleep.

I stayed awake all the way to midnight, reading some of my favorite yaoi fanfics, and what do you know, I didn’t feel the slightest bit anxious!

Tomorrow I will go to Twinkle café, my mom will be there as well. She will give me the weekly allowance, after that I will go shopping for everyday products.

I love to ride my bicycle

Today I got up at midday, and noticed that I had a weird pain in my throat. It wasn't like I was getting the flu, it felt more like a muscle pain.

I took my morning medicine, brushed my teeth, and took a shower to get the seagull poop out of my hair. I also used my new face wash gel.

I put on a pair of sleek black trousers, and now I am thinking of getting a new pair from Hennes & Mauritz, because these are almost ten years old and by now they're getting rather grubby.

I didn't eat oatmeal porridge for breakfast, but I drank lots of coffee, ate a clove of garlic, and some baby carrots.

Later the day I went to see my dad. I sent him a text message and told him I am coming over about after three or four o'clock in the afternoon, he answered that it's okay.

After I left, I walk- pushed my bicycle all the way to my parents' home. It was a still, calm day, and the sky was enveloped by white clouds, not a breeze in the air. Nevertheless, there was a huge racket going on inside my head, the low blood sugar combined with physical exertion made the delusions bother me even worse than usual.

Once at my parents' home, dad answered the door. I gave him the bicycle key, and he went downstairs to tune it up.

I ate two sugary donuts, the rest of the feta cheese, the rest of the chocolate salmiakki waffle bites, and drank coffee and orange juice.

I called my granny and talked with her for a while about the latest weather and how have we been doing in the past, and granny told me about her youth and her favorite poetry.

Later the day, after dad had fixed the bicycle, I thanked him and hugged and kissed him goodbye and told him I would see him next week.

I rode my bicycle home, I had wanted to ride a longer way but it was getting chilly, the cold wind made my hands hurt so I rode my bicycle straight back home.

Once back home, I did housework until it was time to go to bed. As usually in the evenings, I had an anxiety attack, and felt like a cold fist squeezed my heart and my stomach was doing somersaults. Pretty soon I calmed down.

Tomorrow my HoivaOnni worker comes for the weekly appointment, I will wash the dishes and iron the laundry during the visit.

Sherlock Holmes is my homeboy!

I woke up pretty early in the morning; I had had a dream where I watched a cartoon movie about Sherlock Holmes.

I got up, took my morning medicine, went back to bed, but got up at midday instead of sleeping all day.

I managed to wash three loads of laundry, and take all of them downstairs to the drying room.
I also washed the dishes, scrubbed the toilet bowl, wiped the worst stains off the floor, kitchen counter, writing desk, and nightstand.

Later the day me and Mirette went to the grocery shop, I bought a cucumber and three bags of sugar.

We went for a walk around the neighborhood, Mirette took photos. We walked through a forest and stopped by a duck pond. And what do you know, a seagull pooped on my head! We both shared a hearty laugh, I wiped some of it off with a paper tissue.

Some people were walking their dogs, if one came to sniff us we petted it and chitchatted with the owners, they were really nice.

Once back home, I did a little bit of this and that, and then it was time to go to bed. I had a slight anxiety attack, but I can safely say that by now I am used to them.

Tomorrow I will walk- push my bicycle to my parents' home so my dad can tune it up. I will call my granny during the visit.
I also have to take a shower, and wash the seagull poop out of my hair.

Happy Saturday the 14th, everyone!



Pamela takes a well- deserved break now 😊

How did I end up in Sweden?

Last night I had a dream where I ended up in Sweden. I traveled on a subway to Stockholm through snowy country landscapes, clutching my teddy bear and feeling morose. Then I tried to scrounge up enough cash to buy a ticket for a cruise ship that would take me back home, and then I had to deal with men harassing me.
I have those dreams very often, the kind of dreams where I am far away from home, and try to find my way back.

I got up in the morning, took my meds, had a proper wash, got dressed, ate a decent breakfast, and logged in to my online bank account app on my smartphone to check out my account balance. I had received money, so I renamed my Finnish LiveJournal blog from “sweetkittytitty” to “ruusupuska” (rose bush) because it’s less sexual that way.

I went to the shopping mall and bought a week’s worth of groceries.
I went back home, put everything to their rightful places, and later the day my friends Suavecita and Eleclya came for a visit.
I warmed myself some “halloumi hot pot” for lunch.

We had a good time, we drank coffee and tea and cranberry juice, ate candy and donuts.

Later the day Suavecita’s cousin Lita came for a visit. They took a shower and recharged their smartphone, we talked a bit about this and that, and then they left.

I warmed some tomato- goat cheese soup for supper. Later the day I went out, mailed two birthday cards, and then I went to the pharmacy and bought three different kinds of prescribed medicine.

Tomorrow I will go to the gym to walk on the treadmill for an hour. I will do housework.

On Sunday I will take my bicycle to my parents’ home, so my dad can tune it up.

Happy Friday the 13th, everyone!



And remember to stay at home and be sweet and innocent, so Mama Pamela won't come after you! 😉

Amazing dreams all the way to afternoon

Last night I had such amazing dreams, that I ended up sleeping all the way to two o’clock in the afternoon.

I took my morning medicine, put deodorant into my armpits, and got dressed. I didn’t bother with breakfast, but about at three o’clock I warmed a frozen meal for myself.

Later the day I called my mother and asked her if I can come over, they said it’s alright. I went downstairs to the storage room and picked up my old sneakers, and then I went to the station.

I traveled to my parents’ home, once there, mom answered the door. I ate a tomato and some feta cheese, and drank coffee and orange juice.
Later the day, dad came home from work.

After I left, I walked to the church. I didn’t stay long at the youth group, just drank a cup of coffee and some orange juice, and ate a piece of candy.

Later the day I took a bus back to the city center, and went to the shopping mall to buy milk. I also visited a few shops, and went home in high spirits.

Once back home, I took a shower, washed two loads of laundry, and warmed some tomato- goat cheese soup in the microwave, and ate it.

I opened the kitchenette window and balcony door to let fresh air in.

Tomorrow will be a busy day; I will receive money, and I need to buy things like food, hygiene products, greeting cards, and stuff.

An ordinary day.

Today I got up at midday, took my morning medicine, had a proper wash, got dressed, and ate a decent breakfast.

I went to the gym and walked on the treadmill for an hour. I listened to Björk on my smartphone’s Spotify application, especially two of their latest solo albums, Vulnicura and Utopia.

After the gym visit, I went to the supermarket and bought a liter of the cheapest milk I found; I have decided to buy it from now on. I have been thinking of switching to organic coconut milk, but it’s too expensive.

I went back home, warmed myself a frozen meal for lunch and ate it, and busied myself until it was time to leave again.

I mailed a birthday card to a friend, and then I traveled to Helsinki. I went to a library, there was a knitting & novel reading group. I had a good time there, and after that I went to the nearest shopping mall and looked around in clothing and jewelry shops.

Once back home, it was getting so late that I decided to just take my evening medicine, put on my nightie, and go to bed.

Tomorrow I will go to the gym again, and then I will go to the youth group in the local church.

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kattidya
Mii- Mii the ever- loving 🌼💗‿💗🌼

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