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Health & wellness fair

Last night I slept on the inflatable mattress. It was nice enough.

I was awake before Eleclya and Mirette, but I continued sleeping till noon when they were already up. Then I got up, took my morning medicine, got dressed and put on a necklace, and then I went to the shops to buy milk. Suavecita came over when I left, and when I came back, I made myself a bowl of oatmeal porridge.

We all went together to a fair about mental and physical health, I had bought a ticket last week. I had a good time, but it also made me a bit sad to see all the lovely products I could never afford, such as awesome unicorn- patterned gym leggings, a pillow that makes your posture better, and stuff. It also made me think that I care too little about my mental and physical health.

After the fair, I walked to a fitness center further away to ensure that I know where it is resides. There is a charity happening next week; for every kilometer you walk on a treadmill, a euro will be donated to a charity against child sex trafficking.
Fortunately it wasn’t a long walk there, I was sure I wouldn’t get lost.

I traveled to Helsinki on a bus, and then took a train back to my home town.

Once back home, I made myself prettier and tidied up a bit. I took out the trash and fetched my laundry from the drying room.

I made coffee, wrote into my diary, pondered about things and stuff, and farted a lot.

Later Eleclya and Mirette came for a sleepover.

Tomorrow I will go visit my parents. I will walk there and back.
I will call my granny, and my dad will give me the weekly allowance.
In the evening, me and Mirette will go to the same funfair, there’s going to be a fireworks show. After that, I will go to Mirette’s home for a sleepover.

Another fun day :)

Yesterday I spent most of the day inside, watching walkthrough videos of the video game Silent Hill: Downpour on YouTube. Suavecita came to visit us, we had a good time together. They and Eleclya went to see the movie The Nun.
I only went out to buy a jug of milk and two pieces of fruit.

Last night I had many delightful dreams, one of them was about shopping on a small corner shop that sold stuff from Etsy.com. I also dreamed of Christmas preparations.

I got up before my alarm clock rang, took my morning medicine, and put on clothes, and then I changed them into another pair of clothes. I didn’t bother with having a proper wash because I would go to the sauna today, I didn’t even bother to brush my teeth.

I called my mother and asked her if I can come over to collect the allowance, she said yes. I took a bus there because I didn’t have enough spoons for walking.

Once at my parents’ home, my mom answered the door and my brother was there as well.
Mom gave me 60 euros. I drank two cups of coffee.

I took another bus back to my home town. At the bus stop, I talked with a lovely old lady who gave me a Jehovah’s Witness tract, and an elderly gentleman who picked the trash off the streets.

Once at my home town, I went to the psychiatric center where I had an appointment with my doctor at half past one o’clock in the afternoon.
We talked about my wellbeing, and they gave me a phone number where I can book an appointment with the doctor at the health center. Too bad you can only call the number at 9 am. – noon, so I have to call them on Monday.

I went to the shopping mall. I wanted to buy a pair of knitting needles made of birchwood, but they didn’t have them in the size I wanted them. I bought three pairs of white sports socks, and a new necklace; a white bunny wearing a pink ballet dress.
I went to the ATM machine to withdraw cash, and then I went to the newsagent and bought four prepaid movie tickets.

I bought a bagel with cold- smoked salmon, so as to raise my blood sugar, and nommed on it on my way back home. It was a bright, chilly day.

I went back to my own home, put everything to their rightful places, and made some coffee.

Mirette came for a sleepover, we went to the sauna together.

Once at the sauna, we talked about our reoccurring dreams and the schools we have attended, and then I washed my hair and armpits. After the sauna, once we went back to my home, I used the 12- step Korean skincare regiment. I decided to do it in the shower room in the sauna from now on, it’s less messy that way when I have to rinse the face wash and scrub cream off.

I anointed my skin with basic lotion and got dressed into the same clothes I had worn today, except I replaced the Ramones shirt with a stripy blouse.

Odessa came to visit us, they brought some ketchup- flavored Pringles and a fancy box of assorted chocolates.

I decided that next year I am going to purchase two metal bunk beds, one for the corner where I sleep in, and another for where my sofa- bed currently is, so I can house sleepover visitors. When you count the sofa and the inflatable mattress, I can house seven visitors!

Me and Mirette traveled to Helsinki and went to an amusement park. First we went to a burger joint and bought French fries, and then we went to buy a ticket to all the rides.
On the first ride, I felt like I was going to die. On another ride, my hamstrings cramped because I thought I was going to die. On another ride, I had to keep my mouth shut because I thought I was going to puke. On the fourth ride, I had to keep my eyes closed because I was scared. Then we went to another ride, and another, and yet another, and then we decided to leave.

We walked a long way to the train station, we could have taken the bus or the tram but we were still feeling the motion sickness.

Once back at my home, I took my evening medicine and went to sleep on the inflatable mattress.

Tomorrow me and a few of my closest friends are going to a festival about physical & mental health and wellbeing.

On Sunday, I will go visit my parents and call my granny. I will receive the weekly allowance from my father. Me and Mirette will go downtown to watch a fireworks show.

A better day :)

Last night I had another dream where I was geocaching and bicycling around the neighborhood. This time I didn’t wake up disappointed, instead I woke up surprised about how realistic the dream had felt.

I woke up early, about at half past eight o’clock in the morning, and continued sleeping.

Later I got up, took my morning medicine and brushed my teeth. I had a proper wash and put lotion on my skin. I got dressed and ate a decent breakfast.

About at noon I called my mother and asked her if I can come over, she said yes. I left at the same time with Eleclya who was going to their own errands.

I walked all the way to my parents’ home, it was a lovely, balmy weather. My brother answered the door.
Mom gave me 20 euros and made coffee. I drank orange juice and ate a few cinnamon rolls.

I walked to the train station and traveled downtown. I walked all the way Girls’ House, Mirette arrived later. We had a good time together.

Later I left and took a tram to Pole City. I went to Twinkle café, Mella was very happy to see me.
When the café was closed, I helped Mella tidy up.

I traveled to the city center and visited a clothing & accessory shop to buy a Capricorn necklace. Then I went to a café and ordered a slice of lemon meringue- raspberry cake with whipped cream.
I went to a few shops and then I traveled to my home town on a train. I visited another café and ate a Halloween donut, and then I went to the supermarket and bought a tube of face scrub and a small box of salmakki drops.

I stopped by the mailbox and sent an “I’m sorry for your loss” card to a friend who recently lost their mother. Then I went back home, and put all my new belongings to their rightful places.

I took my evening medicine.
I took out the recycling, and decided that I am going to start collecting plastic waste as well.

Tomorrow I will have an appointment with the physical therapist at two o’clock in the afternoon.
In the evening, I will go to a knitting & novel reading group; which reminds me, I should get a new pair of knitting needles.

Yeah I got something to say...

Last night I had a dream where I went bicycling and geocaching around the neighborhood and had a good time. It was a beautiful sunny day, and I was happy. I was disappointed when I woke up and realized I was just lying in my bed like a dead fish instead of being outside and living my best life; I knew that if I go outside, I am rattled with anxiety and my delusions make me feel so bad that I start muttering harsh words under my breath.
I also had a dream where I was bullied by my junior high classmates.

I got up about at noon. I knew I should have brushed my teeth right away to get rid of the bacteria that has been building up in my mouth during the night, but I didn’t feel like doing it.
I drank coffee, and later when Eleclya had gotten up as well, I put on clothes.

I received a phone call from my financial worker who told me that I am in danger of losing my apartment and having my welfare cut off because I allowed Eleclya to live in the same apartment as me. But they should know that I did it out of the kindness of my heart; otherwise, Eleclya would have ended up in the gutter, or having to move in to the backwoods with their nagging mother.

At some point, my water supply got cut off. I called the maintenance company and asked why, they told me there had been a leak in the pipes and they were currently fixing it. Soon the water started running again.

I didn’t bother with taking a shower, brushing my teeth, eating a decent breakfast, or going to the gym.

I spent most of the day inside, except when I took out the trash.
Eleclya washed the dishes and hoovered the floor.

In the afternoon, my care worker came for the weekly appointment. I managed to iron the laundry.
We agreed to have another appointment next week at 2:20 pm.

After they left, I went out and took two bags of old clothes and stuff to the charity shop container.
I also went to the shopping mall. I bought a card for a friend whose mother died recently, and also a jiffy bag so I can send another friend a Halloween gift package.

I went back home, and spent the rest of the day eating all the savory things I could find from the kitchen, and generally hating myself.
I tried to watch a walkthrough video of Silent Hill: Downpour on YouTube, but it made me frightened.

I feel like I am rotting inside. All I ever do is drink coffee and fiddle with my smartphone, instead of just going out and living my best life.
Sometimes I wonder why I am not screaming in horror all the time, especially when you think that this is the only life I am ever going to get; and I have already wasted most of it.
Sometimes I also wonder why I still haven’t realized how amazing my life is; I went to movies with friends twice last weekend and had a good time.
Sometimes I also can’t help wondering if I am lazy or just limited on energy.

I feel like there’s something simple, something ridiculously easy I should do in order to feel better, but it’s not within my reach, or I am just too ignorant to get it.
🍂Monday, October 15th:🍂
I will go to the gym straight after breakfast. I will do stretches and exercises to work out all my body parts.
My HoivaOnni worker will visit me at twenty minutes to three o'clock in the afternoon (2:40 pm). I will wash the dishes and iron the laundry during the appointment.
I will visit an art museum that is opened on Mondays.

🍁Tuesday, October 16th:🍁
I will visit my mother, she will give me the weekly allowance.
I will go to the Girls' House café with Mirette.
Once back at my home town, I will go to the gym to walk on the treadmill for an hour.

🍄Wednesday, October 17th:🍄
I will have an appointment with the physical therapist at the psychiatric clinic at two o'clock in the afternoon (2:00 pm).
After that, I will go to the gym and walk on the treadmill for an hour.
In the evening, I will go to a library in Helsinki; there will be a knitting & novel reading group.

🌾Thursday, October 18th:🌾
As soon as I am awake, I will go to the gym and work out like on Mondays.
I will go to the youth group at the local church.

🌜Friday, October 19th:🌛
I will receive money. The first thing to do is to pay a commission to a friend.
I will have an appointment with my doctor at the psychiatric center at half past one o'clock in the afternoon (1:30 pm). I will talk to them about tweaking my prescribed medicines, and my shoulder pain, and getting me an appointment for having my blood sampled for cholesterol, blood sugar, thyroid hormone, and hemoglobin.
I will go visit my mother, she will give me half of the monthly allowance.
I will buy groceries, and a packet of four prepaid movie tickets.
Mirette will come over to my home for the sleepover. We will go to sauna together.
In the evening, we will go to an amusement park. I will go to all rides, including the roller coaster, except those where you go upside town. I cannot stomach them ^^;

🎃Saturday, October 20th:🎃
I will go to the I Love Me! fair with Mirette and Suavecita.
Once back home, I will do housework.

👽Sunday, October 21st:👽
I will go see my parents. I will walk there and back, and call my granny during the visit.
I will receive the weekly allowance from my father.

14th Oct, 2018

About at midnight, I had an epiphany. Hating and constantly belittling myself won’t help me become a better, stronger, kinder, or wiser person.
Considering that I grew up as a girl in a patriarchal society, I have a lot to unlearn.

I didn’t sleep last night, I don’t know if it was caused by the excitement of the day, but at least I didn’t feel the evening anxiety.
I decided to stay awake through the night, there was no way I was getting any sleeping done.

I had to barricade myself to the bathroom so I didn’t have to hear Eleclya snore, or hear them complain when the music Mirette listened to seeped through their headphones. Eleclya seems to turn into a vampire when they’re sleeping.
I took along my laptop and diary, and a can of chocolate pudding. I surfed on the Internet, clicked all the donation buttons on GreaterGood, posted some of my favorite Doctor Who moodboards into my blog.

My right shoulder has been hurting a lot for the past two months, and I don’t know why.

About at three o’clock in the morning, I went to sleep on my wobbly inflatable mattress.

I got up at ten o’clock in the morning, took my morning medicine and brushed my teeth, and then I went back to bed.

I got up at noon, got dressed and put on some jewelry.

I called my mother and asked her if I can come over, she said yes.
I left immediately, and walked a long way to my parents’ home.

Mom had prepared shrimp risotto, it tasted good. I also ate two slices of a tomato, drank coffee and ate a slice of cake.
I received 40 euros from my parents.

Mom was in a bad mood.
Dad gave me a lift back home. Once there, Eleclya was still sleeping and Mirette had gone grocery shopping.

Later Mirette came over.
We packed Mirette’s sleepover stuff and their luggage from the cruise, and took a bus to Mirette’s home.

We traveled downtown and went to movies to see Johnny English Strikes Again. I enjoyed the movie very much, it was funny and fast- paced, and I enjoyed seeing British and Scottish landscapes and culture.

After the movie, me and Mirette went aboard a subway and ran into another friend. I had to get off the next stop, I went to a grocery shop and bought a salmiakki- chocolate bar just to taste it.

I traveled to my home town on a train, once there I went to the supermarket and bought butter, milk, and garlic, and also a “Congratulations for the Baby Girl!” card for a friend who recently became a father of a baby girl.

Once back at my own home, I took my evening medicine and went to sleep.

New moodboard by drwhoboards@tumblr.com


Mickey Smith, Rose Tyler & 1990's popular culture 

What a nice day!

Last night I had a dream where me and two of my closest friends, Eleclya and Suavecita, lived in a commune in eastern Helsinki. We went to a thrift store where I spotted a traditional Mexican dress, and I asked Suavecita if it’s cultural appropriation if I buy one and wear it; Suavecita has Mexican roots from their mother's side.
In the dream, every time we wanted to go grocery shopping, we had to break into another person’s apartment and go through the back wall of their cupboard.
In another dream, I lost my shirt and bra and had to cover both of my nipples by holding a baseball bat horizontally in front of myself. It somehow reminded me of the original Tank Girl comics.
I also had a dream about driving around in a marketplace on a plastic children's car, the ones that have pedals.

I woke up very early, about at 1:46 a.m. after staying awake to chat with a friend on Messenger, and fell back asleep. Then I woke up about at half past seven o’clock in the morning, got up and went to the bathroom to take my morning medicine, put on clean underwear and slather deodorant into my armpits. Then I went back to bed.

I got up at ten o’clock in the morning, and drank a cup of coffee to freshen up. I brushed my teeth, washed my face, got dressed into a dark green stretchy velvet dress, and cooked a bowl of cinnamon roll- flavored oatmeal porridge for breakfast, and ate a handful of cherry tomatoes.
I washed two loads of laundry and went downstairs to hang them in the drying room, and then I took my suitcase and the inflatable mattress to the storage room downstairs.

About at noon, Eleclya and Mirette came home from their cruise to Stockholm.
We had a good time drinking coffee and eating candy,
I ordered myself a ticket to a wellness & health fair next week. There had been a discount, four for the price of two, but it had expired.

We left Eleclya to sleep off their sleep debt, and went to the bus stop. We were heading to an urban film festival in Shire Town.
It was the most loveliest autumn weather; just enough humid without being clammy, just enough cloudy without being dark, and the streets were dry and the autumn leaves were gorgeous.

We traveled to Shire Town on a bus. It took us a while to find the theater (damn you, Google Maps!), but once we did, we got good places.
The theater was in a house with a library and a hangout for young people, it was some sort of a culture center.

The movie was a document by a Finnish feminist gangsta rapper, nicknamed Mercedes Bentso, about dealing with domestic violence, drug addiction, and being a female rap artist in a male- dominated field. The movie was raw and cruel, but still beautiful and touching, and it gave me hope in conquering my own problems.

About when three quarters of the movie was over, it paused for a while. The movie was streamed from Vimeo, and some technical troubles occurred. Nevertheless, we stayed through the movie.
After the movie, me and Mirette took friendship selfies with the artist, I hugged them and told them that they are definitely someone to look up to, a strong survivor, and I also told them that they deserve to be healthy, happy, safe, and loved.
I also hugged their mother and told her that she has raised an absolutely lovely person.

We hung around at the culture center for a while, and then we visited the hangout for young people. There was a huge box of small plastic toys, and we got to take some along; I chose the Princess from Super Mario.

Then we visited a playpark and a thrift store. I bought a tin where I can keep my jewelry, and I also planned to buy new curtains, bed linen, and a gift for Zoya.

We traveled to Mirette’s home, where they picked up some of their sleepover stuff.
After we left, I mailed three birthday cards, and we visited a grocery shop to buy orange juice and pizza ingredients.

We took the same bus back to my home town. When we passed by Shire Town, there were people shouting and cursing and police sirens wailing. To put it this way, most Finnish lower- class suburbs are full of culture and arts and pleasant to visit in broad daylight, but during the night, they take a scarier turn.

I didn’t make it to the wellness fair, but I didn’t mind because there was going to be another next year, and I had had a nice day nonetheless.

Once there, I took my evening medicine, and had to take off my clothes and underwear because my panty liner was about to come apart and my breasts were itching.

Later that evening, I started feeling dizzy so I took a hot shower to calm myself. During that time, Eleclya and Odessa came over.

I felt rather uncomfortable, trying to sleep naked on an inflatable mattress.

Later that day, Odessa went to their own home. I decided to stay awake until I have finished writing my blog entries.

It was quarter past nine o’clock in the evening when I started writing, and my internal clock said it’s midnight.

I spent some pleasant moments looking through Emojipedia and comparing different emojis.

Tomorrow I will go visit my parents, my mother will give me the weekly allowance. I will walk to my parents’ house and back, and once there I will call my granny.
In the evening, me and Mirette will go see the movie Johnny English Strikes Again.

Back home again! ^_^

Last night I found it hard to get sleep because my knee joints had a weird pressure- like pain in them, and I had to point and bend and twist my legs in unnatural positions in order to ease the pain. I don't know what caused it, but usually the reason is that I have taken one or two Ketipinor pills too many. It has happened before.

I had weird dreams about traveling in space and time and different dimensions, about succeeding in geocaching, and the usual erotic nightmares.

I got up at nine o'clock in the morning, took my morning medicine, had oatmeal porridge and coffee for breakfast, got dressed, and went back to sleep.

I went for a walk today just to pass time, it seemed to move slower than usual.

I received money today, so I paid the last part of a commission to Sugar Lips and then I renewed my Netflix subscription.

I went to the bathroom to take a dump, and threw up three times.

Later that day, it was time to leave. Granny tried to give me some of her old stuff like a black mathroska scarf, but I had to decline because my suitcase was already bulging with stuff; well, mainly unfolded clothes.
I hugged and kissed granny goodbye and told her to take care, and I also thanked her for taking care of me and told her I love her. She was very happy, and gave me a tenner.

The omnibus arrived a bit late, but I didn't mind. Once in the bus, I had a good time writing into my diary, fiddling with my smartphone, and looking at the gorgeous autumnal landscapes.
I also listened to plenty of music on Spotify.

Once in Helsinki, I grabbed my suitcase and went to the train station.
I caught a train back home, and once there, Suavecita opened the door for me. They had been staying at my apartment so they could let me in (I borrowed my keys to Mirette, who had had a sleepover at my home with Suavecita and Eleclya, so they could make it to a happening early in the morning last weekend).

This time Suavecita was the one who had the flu, it has been going around; me and Eleclya have both had it.
I unpacked my stuff, and then it was time to go to the sauna.

My lower back was stiff and achy, it happens sometimes like the pressure in my knee joints.

Once in the sauna, it took me a time to figure out how to turn the showers on and off. I washed my hair, and nicked a bit of Eleclya's chocolate- scented body wash.
I didn't bother staying long in the sauna, so I used the 12- step Korean skincare regiment. It was a bit sloppy, so I decided to do it at my own home after sauna every Friday. And at some point, I should purchase the face serum and oil- based face wash.

I went back home, shaved my armpits and put deodorant on them, dabbed lotion on my skin, and got dressed into a pair of pajama pants and a stripy long- sleeved shirt.

Later that day, Suavecita went to their own home. I told them to take care, get better soon, and give my love to Jofa and Fantom, their two precious doggies.

I went to the shopping mall, and visited the stationery shop to buy ten postage stamps and three birthday cards. I also went to the supermarket and bought a box of salty licorice buns, a proper box for storing biodegradable waste, and a packet of paper bags.

I went back home and put my shopping to their rightful places. I had washed all the clothes I had worn at granny's home, and took them downstairs to the drying room. Then I washed all the bed linen and towels, and after that, I washed all the underwear I had worn during my journey at granny's. It was getting late, but I didn't have any clean underwear left, so it was necessary.

Tomorrow I have to be awake early, because I will go to a fair about health and wellness. After that, I will go to Shire Town with Mirette, there will be a free movie festival where one of our friend's (they are a feminist gangsta rapper) movie will be shown.
After that, I will go see my parents.

On Sunday, me and Mirette will go to movies to see Johnny English Strikes Again.
Why do I still hate myself, even if I have no reason to hate myself?

I have been doing fine at granny's home.
I would like to go walkabout in the beautiful nature, but it seems like every time I go outside alone I get anxious and start panicking.
It's really a shame, because I would really love to go outside and enjoy my time being.

I have realised that I will never recover, I will just continue being anxious and depressed until I die.

8th Oct, 2018

Last night I felt a bit unhappy and chilly. A visit to the sauna would have cheered me up.
I had nice dreams, nonetheless.
When it was nine o’clock in the morning, granny asked me if I was going to get up at all. I got up with a groan and went to the breakfast table in my nighties. I ate two Karelian pies and drank a cup of coffee. I didn’t bother with having a wash or brushing my teeth, I just got dressed.

I went to the library and borrowed four books; two of them I had already read from cover to cover, and the rest I had read tentatively. I wish I could read something I have never read before, but I have a hard time trying to concentrate.

I went for a walk with granny. I tried to walk as slowly as her, because she is old and her legs don’t work as well as mine. I tried to concentrate on the beautiful landscapes, and to forget my worries.

Once back at granny’s home, we had afternoon coffee with apple pie.

After that, we watched TV, I did some stretches and exercises such as jumping jacks to make my blood flow and heart beat faster. It gave me such a good feeling, I should exercise more often.

I watched a bit of Sierra Burgess is a Loser on Netflix, I still don’t have enough spoons to watch it all the way from beginning to end. It’s just that it reminds me of my time in grade school, about all the bullying and loneliness and trying to earn top grades to avoid being slapped about by my dad, and how all the cool kids made fun of me.

I helped granny cook dinner. I noticed that I am always very clumsy when I try to work in the kitchen, but fortunately granny never blows her fuse or isn’t the slightest bit of angry at me.

Granny gave me some of her old trinkets; a flying dove made of clay, two vases, and a 1970’s wooden bowl from Russia. I was very grateful for them.

I know that sooner or later granny is going to die, so I better enjoy these days as well as I can.

I was reading the book The growing pains of Adrian Mole, and I just reached the part where Adrian celebrates Christmas. It made me think of the Christmas this year, and my 30th birthday. My mother told me a few months ago that we are not going to have the usual family Christmas party, considering how bleak Christmas feels now that both me and my brother have grown up. And sadly, I have to agree with her.

In the evening, I started feeling cold and unhappy. Just the idea that I have to brush my teeth this evening made me feel powerless, but when I actually brushed my teeth right after taking my evening medicine, it didn’t feel like anything at all. At least I know now that my teeth won’t rot out of my mouth.

Tomorrow I am going to visit the local art museum, and this time I am going to stay as long as I can if I am not rattled by my anxiety.

6th Oct, 2018

Last night I had a dream about an alternative timeline where I had stayed at my parents’ home instead of going to visit my granny, and at the same time I was aware of what could have happened at granny’s home, as if I was experiencing two of my timelines at the same time.
I also had a dream of the Doctor Who episode which name I don’t remember, the one where Rose ended up in Pete’s World and the tenth Doctor met Donna Noble. I also dreamed of the episodes Silence in the Library and Forest of the Dead.

I woke up early but continued sleeping. Granny had gone grocery shopping, when she returned I decided to get up. It was only ten minutes past ten o’clock in the morning, while my internal clock was about two o’clock in the afternoon.

I took my morning medicine, had blueberry soup and apple pie for breakfast with coffee, had a proper wash and brushed my teeth, put lotion on my skin and got dressed.
I wore my recently bought Dirndl dress, the one with a dark green skirt with tiny white flowers and purple bodice. I noticed my bust straining against the buttons, I guess I have gained a bit weight because it wasn’t as tight as when I wore it the first time.
I will take the dress to the dressmaker to be widened around the bodice, and the hem needs to be neatened as well, and the buttons are haphazardly sewn on so I will ask them to cut the buttons off and sew them back on.
I had asked the dressmaker if I can get some discount if I provide matching pieces of fabric so the dresses can be widened, and they said yes.
I need to buy brown, pink, purple, and white cotton cloth.

Later that day, we had lunch; macaroni, tuna, lingonberry jam, beetroot salad, and another salad.

We went for an hour- long walk on the hill, the autumnal landscapes were so breathtakingly beautiful I almost swooned. We talked about lots of stuff.
It was a lovely weather as well, the sun shone and it wasn’t too hot or too cold. Granny pointed out where she had been picking mushrooms and berries.

Once back at granny’s home, we had afternoon coffee and home- baked apple pie.

Granny gave me another pair of knitting needles. I was very grateful because they take less room in my backpack, and they’re also easier to use.
I gave granny a birthday card, because she has her 82nd birthday on next week’s Saturday. She was very grateful and happy for it.
I put Bemetson on my itchy scalp.

Later that day we went to the sauna. I washed my armpits and rinsed my hair, and stayed in the sauna for a while. Granny didn’t come because if she stays in the sauna for a long time, she starts to feel faint.

After the sauna, I put deodorant into my armpits and put lotion on my skin.

For dinner, we had the same food we had had for lunch. For dessert, we had vanilla ice cream and lingonberry jam.

I spent the rest of the day knitting, and watching The Good Place on Netflix.

In the evening, I took my medicine, brushed my teeth, had a wash, put lotion on my skin, and went to sleep.

Tomorrow I will do the same things; go for a long walk, and knit as much as I can.

5th Oct, 2018

Last night I had funny dreams.

I woke up when my mail slot clattered, I wondered who was delivering mail this early. Then I got up and looked at my smartphone alarm, it was almost noon so I guess I had overslept.

I took my morning medicine, took a shower and washed my hair. Then I washed my face and dabbed lotion on my skin, and brushed my teeth. I put on a pair of corduroy trousers and a striped blouse.

I had received money from my financial worker. The first thing to do was to renew my Spotify Premium subscription, and then I ordered omnibus tickets to my granny's home town and back, and remembered to reserve a seat as well on both journeys.
Then I ordered a Halloween party frock from Wish.com, a black dress with a Halloween pumpkin pattern.

I spent the rest of the day sipping coffee, and then I left.

I took a bus to Helsinki, and met Mirette at the subway station. We went to Starbucks, but my debit card didn't work so I couldn't complete my order.

I boarded the omnibus to my granny's home town. The journey was pleasant, I saw the sun setting and painting the sky with colors, and the frost floating above the wheat fields.

Once I arrived, it was already dark. I called granny and asked her to throw me the keys, and she did.

Once at granny's home, I took my evening medicine. I had blueberry soup, Karelian pies, apple pie, and cherry tomatoes for supper.

I put my stuffs to their rightful places. I brushed my teeth, washed my face, put basic lotion on my skin, put on my nightie, and went to sleep.

4th Oct, 2018

Last night I had one of my most re- occurring dream; I was attending school, it was either junior high or high school, and I was bullied by the other students and the teachers didn’t help me.
I am still bothered by the bad memories from my junior high. It’s not like I am not willing to let go of my past, it’s just that my past is not willing to let go of me.

I got up relatively early, after ten o’clock in the morning. I took my morning medicine, had a wash, got dressed, and drank coffee.
I have stopped using underarm deodorant and shaving my armpits until the eczema is gone.

Later that day, I called my mother and asked her if I can come over to collect the allowance, she said I can.
I wanted to take a bus to my parents’ home, but the buses weren’t moving due to the massive worker’s strike. So instead, I walked there.
I was bothered by the delusions, and my nose ran like a tap.

Once at my parents’ home, mom gave me 40 euros. I drank some orange juice and coffee.

I walked back to my home town, once there I went to the shopping mall. I went to an accessory shop and bought a simple Queen Elsa wallet from the kids’ department, I am going to use it as my money purse. Then I went to a stationery shop and bought a birthday card for my granny, she will have her birthday on next week’s Saturday.
Then I went to the pharmacy and picked up some prescribed medicine; a bottle of cortisone solution for my itchy scalp. I also bought a box of interdental brushes, and a tongue cleaner; I am going to take them along to granny’s home so I can use them there, and buy new ones for myself once I return.
I went to the supermarket and bought two canisters of milk.

Once back home, I put my shopping to their rightful places, made some coffee, watched The Good Place on Netflix, knitted, wrote into my diary, and rubbed the cortisone solution on my scalp.

Later that evening I left again. I went to the shopping mall and bought a pair of sturdy pink shoe laces, because the original laces in my shoes are about to snap. I also bought a biodegradable bamboo toothbrush to use at granny’s home, and a roll of plastic trash bags that raises funds to the Pink Ribbon challenge.

I took a train to Quarry City, because I didn’t feel like walking. I could have walked, but then again, I should avoid wasting energy because of the flu I have right now.

The youth group was nice enough. I got to eat salmiakki candies, chocolate, and crisps.

I stayed for an hour, and then I returned to my home town. I went to the supermarket and bought a bag of sweet potato fries.

Once back home, I wanted to brew a cup of coffee and managed to break the coffee maker; I took it out of the cupboard and accidentally dropped it on the floor, and two plastic parts that were already loose got broken off.
Oh well, I can drink iced coffee.

At eight o’clock in the evening, I took my evening medicine and washed a load of laundry. I forgot to choose the quick program, so I had to wait for three hours until the washing program was finished. By then the usual evening anxiety had passed.
I hung my underwear on the drying rack, and took the clothes to the drying room.

3rd Oct, 2018

Last night I had unhappy dreams about unhappy memories from my past, like a parade of unhappy anniversaries. I felt relieved, but still sad after I woke up.

Eleclya was already awake before I got up. I took my morning medicine, had a wash, put lotion on my skin, got dressed, and drank coffee.

Later that day, me and Eleclya went to a bread line in my home town, it was held in Pentecostal parish. It wasn’t as bad as I had thought, at least we got free food, and the people were nice to us.

Once back home, I put the groceries into their rightful places, made some coffee and ate two vegan burgers.

Later that day I went to visit a library in Helsinki, there was a knitting & novel reading group. I made it there barely on time.
The librarian read novels written by Finnish women. I managed to finish one quilt square.

Suavecita messaged me and asked if I want to accompany them next week’s Saturday; there is an urban movie festival in Shire Town, and one of our favorite artist, a Finnish feminist rapper is going to show a movie directed by them. I said yes, and messaged Mirette to come as well. We also agreed to go see the movie Johnny English Strikes Again on Sunday.

After the group, I shook hands with the librarian and thanked them, wished everyone a nice evening, and traveled back home.

I went to the pharmacy, and asked if the prescription for Bemetson solution is still valid. I was told no, but they sent a request to the health center for renewing it, and told me that I will be sent a text message once it is renewed. I desperately need the solution because my scalp has started itching again.

I went to the supermarket to see if they already have Halloween greeting cards for sale. They didn’t, but they already have started selling Christmas cards.

I noticed that the pinky toe on my left foot hurt a lot, it felt like it was twisted in an unnatural way. Once I got back home, the first thing to do was to take off my shoe and sock. And what do you know, a random string from the sock had gotten wound up around my pinky toe. I disentangled it and put the sock back on.

Tomorrow I will visit my mother, she will give me some money for the journey to my granny’s home. After that, I will go shopping.
I will visit the Museum of Natural Science, and then visit the Children’s Museum. Then I will go to the local church for the youth group.
Once back home, I will wash laundry so I will have clean underwear for the journey to granny’s home.

On Friday, I will receive money. The first thing to do is to order omnibus tickets to granny’s home town and back, and remember to reserve a bus seat as well on both of the journeys.
The next thing to do is to pay a commission to a friend, and then order a Halloween party dress from Wish.
As for the rest of the day, I will make sure things are in order at my home.
My omnibus leaves from Helsinki at twenty past six o’clock in the evening. Mirette promised to keep me company before it leaves.

On Saturday, I will go for a long walk, and then visit the library and borrow some books to read during the visit. I will also visit the local art museum.
In the afternoon, me and granny will go to the sauna.

On Sunday, I will go for another long walk. I will also try to knit as many quilt squares as I can.

A nice day :3

Last night I had a dream where I got into a fight with one of my friends. It was a bad dream, and I woke up feeling unhappy.
I also had a dream where I was in a concert by Björk, and I mauled this tween girl in sweet Lolita clothes because they said that Björk is a lousy singer.
In another dream, I was in a loving relationship with Roger Delgado. In another, I dreamed of the eternal summer in my soul, and the happy days long gone.

The plumber rang my doorbell at nine o’clock in the morning. I let them in and went back to bed, and later let them back in because they had been out to pick up a new pipe for the wash basin in the bathroom.

I got up a couple of hours after the plumber had finished the job and left. I took my morning medicine, washed my face, and got dressed.
I still didn’t bother with brushing my teeth because I didn’t want to leave my flu bugs into my new toothbrush.

I called my mother and agreed to meet her at the shopping mall, where she would give me the weekly allowance.

Right after getting the allowance, I went to the supermarket and bought two bottles of peppermint- flavored iced espresso. I really should consider kicking the habit, all I ever get is a massive diarrhea and a runny stomach.

I took a train to downtown. When I walked along the road to Twinkle café, I didn’t meet the man who always tries to pick a fight with me. Or perhaps he is hitting on me, with men you never know.

Once at Twinkle café, Mella was there and so was another counselor. Mirette and Raija arrived later.

I ate a rye bread sandwich with cucumber and cheese, three mazarine pastries, one cream cracker, and three cinnamon rolls. I only had to take a dump about three times.

Later that day, I took a tram to the city center and went to visit Body Shop, they already had Xmas stuff for sale. I also visited a Finnish design shop, looking for a new purse.
I also visited three of my favorite clothing and jewelry shops, and then I traveled back home on a train.

I went to the shopping mall and visited the supermarket to buy a big canister of milk, a pound of sugar, a packet of rye bread, and a ball of knitting yarn with yellow and different shades of purple.

Once back home, I put my shopping to their rightful places.

I had to slather cortisone lotion into my armpits, because the skin has gotten red and flaky. I guess it is because of the strongly scented deodorant, and the fact that I shave my armpits every time there is the slightest bit of stubble.

In the evening, I took my medicine and started watching Sierra Burgess is a Loser on Netflix.

Tomorrow I will go to a library in Helsinki, there will be a novel reading & knitting group. I might also go to a bread line with Eleclya.

A busy day!

I woke up when Eleclya left, they were heading to an appointment early in the morning. I continued sleeping and had many dreams.
In one of them, I accidentally sharted my pants.
In another, I was in a shopping mall looking for a new backpack.
In yet another, I was traveling the world as a vagabond with a younger sister, and we were befriended by a sentient Hello Kitty plushie and Transformers toys who acted as our guides.
In another, I went to visit the town where my granny used to live.
In another, I had sex with every man I met, and I was castigated for it. I got mad and said, “So it’s perfectly fine for men to have sex with everything that moves?!”
In another, I got sent to the Victorian era by a Weeping Angel, and I befriended Sherlock Holmes and John Watson. In the dream I had amazing parkour skills, even Moriarty was impressed.

I was disappointed when I woke up, because I had felt safe in my dream world.

I got up at noon, took my morning medicine, and noticed that my period was over.
Eleclya came back later. I drank coffee, ate the sweet potato fries that Eleclya had made, and took a shower.
I washed my hair and used the 12- step Korean skincare regiment. I put lotion on my skin and prescribed lotion on my eczema, and got dressed.

I made a couple of phone calls. I called the maintenance company and asked them to reserve a turn at using the sauna; I got it on Fridays at quarter past five o’clock in the evenings (5:15 pm). I also asked them to send a plumber to fix the leaky pipes in the bathroom, they promised to visit me tomorrow at nine o’clock in the morning.

I called my physical therapist and asked them to cancel next week’s appointment, they said it’s fine and that we could have the next appointment at two o’clock in the afternoon instead of one o’clock like we had agreed.

I took out the trash and went to the drying room to fetch my laundry.

In the afternoon, the care worker came for the weekly appointment. I talked with them but didn’t bother with washing the dishes or ironing the laundry.

After the visit, we left at the same time. I went to the mailbox to send a few greeting cards, and then I went to the municipal service point to recharge my travel card.

I traveled to Rock City and went to Girls’ House.

After I left, I was thinking of going to a thrift store but it was closed, so I visited another. I didn’t find any interesting clothes, but I found a Marimekko nightie. It was a tad bit expensive (27 euros and 95 cents), so I might buy it when they have the discount again.
I had a craving for something sweet, so I bought a cinnamon roll from a corner store. I really should do something to get rid of my cravings.

I took a subway to Cross City and took a bus back home. Now I regret that too, I should have just taken the commuter train.

Once back home, I took my meds and went to bed. I took my laptop along and watched Doctor Who on Netflix, mainly the episodes Time of the Angels and Flesh and Stone.

Tomorrow the plumber will visit me at nine o’clock in the morning.
I will go visit my mother to pick up the weekly allowance, then I will go to Twinkle café. After that, I need to do some discreet shopping.

Wednesday will be amazing, because it’s both October 3rd and Wednesday; if you have seen the movie Mean Girls, you know what I am talking about.
I will go to a knitting & novel reading group in a library in Helsinki.

On Thursday, I will to go see my mother because she promised to give me money for the journey to my granny’s home.
In the evening I will attend the youth group at the local church.
I will also wash laundry, so I will have clean clothes when I go visit granny.

On Friday, I will receive money. I will renew my Spotify Premium and Netflix subscription, and order bus tickets to granny’s home town and back.
My bus leaves at 6:20 in the evening, Mirette will keep me company before I leave.

On Saturday, I will go to sauna with granny. I will also visit the local art museum, and knit a lot.

On Sunday, I will go for a long walk around the neighborhood, and spend the rest of the day knitting.
Monday, October 1st:
The first thing to do is to take a shower, wash my hair, and use the Korean 12- step skincare routine.
My care worker will come over for the weekly appointment at twenty minutes to three o’clock in the afternoon (2:40 pm). I will wash the dishes and iron the laundry during the visit.
I have to take out the trash, take the inflatable mattress back to the storage room, mail a few greeting cards, and visit the municipal service point to recharge my travel card, and fetch the laundry from the drying room.
I have to call my physical therapist and ask hir to cancel next week’s appointment, because I will be visiting my granny at that time.
I also have to call the maintenance company and ask them to send a plumber to fix the leaky pipes in the bathroom, and also ask them about reserving a turn for the sauna (most Finnish apartment houses have a common sauna, but you have to ask the maintenance company to reserve a regular turn in using them).

Tuesday, October 2nd:
I will go visit my mother, she will give me the weekly allowance.
After that, I will go to Twinkle café.

Wednesday, October 3rd:
I will go visit a few museums.
I will go to a knitting & novel reading group in a library in eastern Helsinki.

Thursday, October 4th:
I will go visit my mother, she promised to give me money for the journey to my granny’s home.
I have to wash laundry, so I will have clean clothes for the journey.
In the evening I will go to the youth group at the local church.

Friday, October 5th:
The first thing to do is to take a shower, brush my teeth, and put on clean clothes, so I will look representable in front of granny.
I will pack the rest of the stuff I need for the journey.
I will receive money. I will order omnibus tickets to my granny’s home town and back.
As for the rest of the money, I have to buy a toothbrush and some sustenance for the trip, such as a stuffed bagel, something to drink, and something sweet like candy or cookies.
My omnibus leaves at twenty past six o’clock in the evening (6:20 pm), Mirette will keep my company before I board the bus.

Saturday, October 6th:
I will go to sauna with granny.
Along with that, I will go for a walk and visit the local art museum.

Sunday, October 7th:
I will go for a long walk, and try to knit as many quilt squares as I can.

Sleepover

Last night I had mostly pleasant dreams.
I got up in the morning, took my morning medicine, emptied my MoonCup, had a proper wash (but I didn’t brush my teeth because I didn’t want to get flu bugs all my over toothbrush), and got dressed into a flowery fleece dress.

Later that day, I went to see my parents. I called my mother and asked her if I can come over, she said yes.

I took a bus to my parents’ home, once there my mom answered the door. Dad was home as well.

I gave my mom one of the knitted quilt squares, and the rest of the knitting yarn.
She cooked salmon soup for lunch.

Later that day I traveled back home and went shopping. I visited the pharmacy to buy a box of painkillers, and then I went to the supermarket and bought three boxes of panty liners, two boxes of paper tissues, a bottle of face toner, and a box of butter.

Once back home, I washed a load of laundry.
Eleclya and Suavecita came over later, they had been out for pizza and thrift store prowling.
Later they went out to play Pokémon Go, there was a raid at the gym.

They returned later, and Eleclya acted like a cat on crack and tried to punch me and then grope me, like zie mostly does. I had to take a tranquilizer to calm my nerves.
I made myself a couple of sandwiches and drank a cup of cranberry lemonade. Soon I felt my blood sugar balancing out, it felt good.

Eleclya and Suavecita went out again, they were going to visit another raid and Suavecita was going to go back to hir own home.

Tomorrow the first thing to do is to take a shower; my hair is in desperate need of washing. I will also use the 12- step Korean skincare regiment.
I have to call my physical therapist and ask hir to cancel next week’s appointment, because I will be visiting my granny at that time. I also have to call the apartment service and ask them to send a plumber to fix the pipes in the bathroom, they seem to be leaking. I also have to ask them to reserve me a turn at using the sauna; most Finnish apartment houses have saunas reserved for the tenants, but you have to ask the people in charge for your regular turn.
I will go visit the municipal service point to use the voucher for recharging my travel card, and then I will mail a couple of greeting cards.
My care worker will visit me at twenty minutes to three o’clock in the afternoon (2:40 pm). I will wash the dishes and iron the laundry during the visit.

29th Sep, 2018

It seems like I have been completely cured of the evening anxiety. I used to have it every single evening about at bed time, but now I don’t have it anymore.
I still have the flu, though.

I stayed awake during the night between Wednesday and Thursday, watching the YouTube walkthrough video of Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back. After that, I watched Stephen King’s It on Netflix. I went to sleep at three o’clock in the morning.

I spent the entire Thursday resting, so I wouldn’t make my flu worse. I watched the YouTube walkthrough video of Silent Hill: Downpour. I couldn’t continue watching it because it was too frightening, not to mention that I got frustrated because the player just made the character wander through the same places instead of doing progress, and also the video kept lagging and sometimes the audio went out.

In the evening, Eleclya’s adoptive mother came to visit me. She brought Eleclya’s old winter coats and other stuff.

On Friday, I received money. I paid a friend for a commission, renewed my gym membership fee, and my Microsoft Word subscription. I couldn’t renew my Spotify Premium fee, because I couldn’t find the link for paying it.

I went to the supermarket and bought food and hygiene products, fortunately I could afford them all.

Later that day I went to see my mother. I took a bus instead of walking, because I have to avoid wasting my energy now that I’m sick.
My mom was okay with me visiting her. We drank coffee together, and then I left.

I took a bus back to my home town, and did some discreet shopping.

This morning I woke up to a tremendous coughing fit. I was surprised I didn’t cough up blood.
I went to the bathroom, emptied my MoonCup, and took my morning medicine.
I took a shower and washed my hair.

I decided to spend most of the day resting, so I wouldn’t waste my energy.

Later that day, Suavecita came for a sleepover.

26th Sep, 2018

I don’t remember what kind of dreams I had last night, but I remember that they weren’t too nice.
I got up begrudgingly in the morning when my smartphone alarm clock woke me up after seven o’clock in the morning. I took my morning medicine, took a depression shower, got dressed, and went back to bed.
I was supposed to have an appointment with a doctor at ten minutes to nine o’clock in the morning, and an appointment with a dentist at five past eleven o’clock in the morning, but I decided to pass on them because I was too sleepy. As I always say, I have to have my appointments in the afternoon, or not at all. And considering that I was bogged down by the flu, I couldn’t have made it there anyway.

About at noon I got up, slathered lotion on my face, and drank coffee. As soon as Eleclya got up, zie asked me if I had been at the appointments. I said no, and zie started complaining at me.

Later that day Suavecita came over, zie complained about the missed appointments as well. Eleclya and Suavecita were heading to a bread line with Rige, zie was also going to visit me later today.

After they had left, my care worker came over for the weekly appointment. I ironed a huge pile of laundry, but didn’t bother with washing the dishes. Usually I wash stuff that is rarely washed, like the household scissors and the plastic mug where I keep my toothbrush, during the appointments. But I am not going to use them when I go visit my granny, and besides, Eleclya will wash the dishes anyway.
The worker told me zie is going to call me next month, so we can agree on the next appointment. Zie also called the psychiatric clinic for me, and let me talk through hir phone. I asked the receptionist to set up an appointment with the doctor for me, and preferably after half past one o’clock in the afternoon; because, as you know, I find it hard to go to appointments that are early in the mornings.

I started a load of laundry in the washer, and then me and the care worker left at the same time. I went to the dressmaker, paid for the mended green and purple Dirndl dress that had had a cleavage and a smallish tear on the waist to be sewn shut. I also left three clothes to be mended; one long yellow sleeveless summer dress that had a missing button, one 1980’s Marimekko day dress that had a tear, and one “little old lady” tartan skirt that had the pesky lining to be cut off.

When I am going to pick up the mended clothes, I will bring another three clothes that need mending. After every single one of them is mended, I will bring the ones that have to be widened or narrowed.

I went straight back home, where Eleclya and Suavecita were waiting for me. They had brought plenty of food from the bread line, and also bought some from the local supermarket.
They went to visit the post office, Eleclya had to pick up a package zie had ordered.

Later that day, Lita and hir son came to visit me. I made tea for Lita, and hir son ate dinner. Lita gave a bath to hir son.

Later Suavecita and Eleclya came over, and then Rige. We all had a good time; I made coffee, we are plenty of treats, Eleclya and Suavecita played Pokémon Go.
Later Suavecita, Lita and hir son left. Rige stayed for a longer time.

In the evening I took my medicine, and went to bed. Eleclya and Rige acted like cats on crack, and it triggered my bad memories when I was bullied by my friends. It ruined the whole day for me.

Tomorrow I will probably spend the entire day preparing for the journey to my granny’s home. I have to tidy up my home, look for stuff to give away to charity, and pack my stuff.

On Friday, I will receive money. The first thing to do is to order bus tickets to granny’s home town and back, pay for my Microsoft Office and Spotify Premium subscription, and pay my monthly gym membership fee. After that, I will buy food to eat at granny’s home (avocadoes and garlic) and some sustenance for the journey (a stuffed bagel and something to drink).
My omnibus leaves at twenty minutes past six o’clock in the evening, I will take a bus to the omnibus station because I don’t feel like lugging my suitcase and other stuff to the train station.

On Saturday, I will go for a long walk and visit the local art museum, and then me and granny will go to the sauna.

On Sunday, I will go for another long walk.

25th Sep, 2018

Last night I had a dream about the Doctor Who episodes Forest of the Dead and Husbands of River Song.

I woke up early and noticed that there was a housefly buzzing around my head. I threw my counterpane over my head, and continued sleeping.

I got up, took my morning medicine, took a shower and washed my hair, got dressed, and drank my morning coffee.
I went to the supermarket and bought two big canisters of milk. Then I went back home, where Eleclya was already up and enjoying hir morning tea.

Later that day, I went to Twinkle café. I took a train to Helsinki, and I was in a surprisingly jolly mood when I walked down the street.
I went to the café, where Mella was already waiting for me.
Later another visitor and hir daughter arrived, and then Mirette arrived as well.
Other visitors came and went, one of them gave me two travel- size bottles of shampoo and hair conditioner. I ate so many treats and drank so much cocoa that I threw up in the bathroom. Otherwise, I had a good time.

I left in the afternoon, and traveled to my parents’ home. I called my mother on the way there and asked her if I can come over, she said yes.

I walked through the forest near my childhood home, and let out some farts when I was sure that no one was hearing. I have had many dreams where I am geocaching near that forest.

Once at my parents’ home, mom answered the door. I had to dash to the bathroom because of an acute bout of diarrhea.
Mom gave me the weekly allowance and half of the monthly allowance.
I drank orange juice and ate feta cheese.
I gave mom another of the quilt squares I had knitted.

Later that evening I took a bus to my home town, and went to the shopping mall. First I went to a clothing shop and bought three pairs of ankle socks, and a bottle of sweet floral body mist; I am planning to use it as an air freshener every time I take a dump in a public toilet.

I went to the stationery shop and bought a light blue Frixion ink pen, and three light blue ink refills.

Then I went to the supermarket and bought three pairs of black Sloggi underpants, a pump- action bottle of hand disinfectant, a spool of knitting yarn, two bags of sweet potato fries, and something else I already forgot.

I went back home, put all my new belongings to their rightful places, and later that evening I went back to the supermarket because I had forgotten to buy bread.

I didn’t have the general anxiety I have when I went to bed.

I definitely have the flu right now; my nose runs, my throat is sore, my head aches, my muscles hurt, and my salivary glands are swollen. At least I don’t have the general spaced out feeling I have when I am bogged down with the flu.

I have the flu again :c

Last night I had weird dreams. One of them was my most reoccurring one; I had enrolled in college and managed to attend each one of the classes, and for some reason I was able to get up naturally every morning without an alarm clock. I knew the dream was too good to be true.
I also dreamed of the Harry Potter franchise, and visiting Hennes & Mauritz, and attending a Halloween party.

I woke up with a sore throat. I hoped I wouldn’t get the flu, but then again, every time I decide to start working out and exercising more, I catch a cold.

I got up at noon, took my morning medicine, took a shower, and used the skincare regiment. I noticed that rubbing face scrub on dry skin works better than rubbing it on wet skin.
I have been thinking of taking a shower every morning, to motivate myself to take better care of myself. I have also stopped taking “depression showers”; sitting on the bathroom floor and letting the scalding hot water run over me; it makes my skin itch on the same places it already itches, and I never feel like putting lotion on it after it.

I had a hard time finding proper clothes to wear today.
I spent most of the day inside, drinking coffee and doing a little bit of this and that.

Sometimes I feel like I am effectively wasting my time; I could have done many things today, but I simply didn’t feel like doing them. At least I managed to fetch my laundry from the drying room, and sort it out to those to be ironed and those that went straight to the cupboard.
But what could I have done?
Watched something else on Netflix, rather than The Good Place and Emo: The Musical on repeat.
Knitted more.
Worked on my novels.
Gone to visit the new art museum downtown?

I received mail today; a voucher for recharging my travel card, sent by the social worker. I’m glad zie had agreed in sending one for me, otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to

Later that evening I went to the gym.
Right after I got changed into my gym clothes, I started having delusions; they were flashbacks to the gym class in my junior high.
I did stretches and posture exercises. I managed to stay in some positions longer than others, and I also found it hard to breathe properly.
Usually when I work out my body parts, I start from the bottom to top; from my calves to my arms. This time I started on my arms and worked my way down; I had done the first waist exercises, when I was so tired and ragged that I couldn’t do anything anymore.

I went to the shopping mall and bought a bag of sugar, and something to drink.

My legs were wobbly, my eyesight was blurred, my throat was still sore, and I felt panicky and hysterical and manic and like my delusions were worse than usual. I felt practically murderous. I don’t know what I did wrong; should I have kept longer pauses, should I have breathed in a different manner, should I have eaten properly?
But at least I managed to go there and do it, despite my raging PMS.

Once back home, I felt better after the initial shaking feeling passed.

In the evening, I took my medicine, brushed my teeth, washed my face, put lotion on my skin, put on my nightie and went to bed.
I noticed that I felt happy and content, I didn’t have the anxiety I usually have in the evenings. Tomorrow I am going to the gym again right after the Twinkle café visit, so I can walk on the treadmill for an hour.

23rd Sep, 2018

I don’t remember what kind of dreams I had last night.

I got up before noon, took my morning medicine, took a shower and washed my hair. I got dressed into the dark green lace dress I have normally and formally wore as a Christmas dress, but this time, Eleclya wanted me to look presentable when we went to see hir mother.

It was a sunny day, except the wind blew pretty hard.
We had to hurry to make it to the bus stop, and then we noticed that the bus didn’t leave until in ten minutes.

Once at Mallard’s home, Eleclya rang the doorbell. We could hear Hipsu barking inside, and right after we were let in, Mallard started complaining.

Hipsu tried to bite me when I tried to pet it. Zie doesn’t seem to like me much.

Suavecita arrived later.
We ate lunch cooked by Mallard; boiled potatoes and carrots, fried mushrooms and onions, salad, and fried salmon.
Mallard complained all the time about Eleclya, and I felt really sorry for them both. It seems like Mallard is not doing fine on her own, as well.

Later that day, Eleclya and Suavecita went out to play Pokémon: GO! and to take Hipsu out for walk.

After they returned, Suavecita drove us to the shopping mall. I stayed in the car while they went shopping for groceries.

We went to visit Suavecita’s uncle, who lives a short walk away from Suavecita’s home. We had to pick up Suavecita’s cousin’s child and drop hir off at hir grandmother.

We ended up staying for a while. Suavecita and Eleclya played Pokémon, and I petted the dog.

After we left, Suavecita drove hir cousin’s child to hir grandmother, and then zie drove us to my home town.

Once back at my home, I took my evening medicine and went to bed before the anxiety settled in.

Tomorrow I won’t have anything special to do.

Shopping with mother :)

Last night I had a dream about the Weeping Angels from Doctor Who. I also had a dream about the Planet of the Apes and Transformers movies.

I got up before noon and texted my mother, asking her what time were we supposed to go shopping today? She answered, at noon. So I got an excuse to sleep a bit later.

I took my morning medicine, got dressed, and washed my face. Then I went to the nearest shopping mall, and met my mother at our regular meeting place.
We went to the supermarket where she bought me a pair of simple black lace- up shoes to wear during autumn.
Then we went to a clothing shop where she bought a pair of reddish- purple corduroy trousers for me.

We went out for ice creams, I got a mint chocolate popsicle. Then she gave my father’s weekly allowance. I went back to the same supermarket and bought milk, coffee grounds, and sweet potato fries.

Once at home, I put all the belongings to their rightful places. I washed three loads of laundry, took out the recycling, watched The Good Place on Netflix, knitted, and stuff like that, just to avoid boredom.
I noticed that I get exhausted very easily. All the exercise I did today, was walking up and down the stairs. My physical therapist told me that exhaustion from physical exertion is a good sign, that my body is working.

It has been extremely windy today, and it has rained on and off. At times there has been cloudy, and sometimes sunshine.

I spent the rest of the day inside, doing a little bit of this and that. I ate plenty of food, drank plenty of coffee, surfed on the Internet, knitted, and now I feel like I have wasted my time.

In the evening I started having the regular anxiety.

Tomorrow me and Eleclya are going to visit hir adoptive mother. Suavecita will be there as well.

Got to get down on Friday

I had many weird dreams.
I felt relieved when I woke up, but I had a hard time trying to sleep on my right side because my right shoulder was still hurting.

I got up, took my morning medicine, had a wash and dabbed lotion on my skin.
I cooked some cinnamon roll- flavored instant porridge for breakfast, and ate a clove of garlic.

I had received money, so I paid a commission to Sugar Lips, and then I went outside for errands.

I went to the ATM machine and withdrew cash, and went to the dressmaker and brought my purple- and- green Dirndl dress to be mended; it had a cleavage that was supposed to be sewn shut. I paid for the blue, flowered Dirndl dress that had a broken zipper.

I took a train to Helsinki and caught a bus to Pasture Cape. I went to the beautician and sat down to eat a pot of chocolate pudding.
The beautician was a very kind and sweet person. Zie filed my nails, cut my cuticles, scrubbed the dead skin cells off, and rubbed lotion on my cuticles and hands.
We agreed to have the next appointment on November 23rd. We shook hands and hugged each other before I left.

I went to the new shopping center that has been opened recently. I hung around for a while, and then I took a train back home.

Once there, Eleclya boiled potatoes for dinner. I washed a load of laundry, made the daily donations on Greater Good, knitted, arranged the kitchen, and looked for stuff to give away.

I guess my period is due soon, because everything pisses me off.
My evening anxiety has also gotten worse.
Right now, I feel like I have tons of problems, and none of those problems can be solved.

Tomorrow I will go shopping with my mother; she will buy me a pair of new shoes for the autumn, and also a pair of trousers. She will also give me the weekly allowance from my father.

On Sunday, me and Eleclya and Suavecita will go visit Mallard.

A nice day :3

I had set my alarm clock to ring at 11:45 am, but I was already awake before that.
I got up, took my morning medicine, washed my face, got dressed, ate breakfast, and then I left.

I was in a pretty good mood. I had an appointment with the physical therapist at the psychiatric center at one o’clock in the afternoon.
Mostly we just talked about exercise, nutrition, and other stuff concerning living a healthy life, and then we agreed to have the next three appointments over the course of the next month.

After the appointment, I went to the library and tried to call my mother, but it said “The number you have chosen cannot be reached”. I was mystified, so I caught a bus to my parents’ home and rang the doorbell.
Mom answered the door, I explained why I had come over without announcing it, and she looked about as mystified.

Anyway, she gave me half of the monthly allowance, we had coffee and cinnamon rolls together, and watched a bit of the Buster Keaton movie The Goat.

After the visit, I walked back to my home town. I went to the supermarket and bought a package of cinnamon roll- flavored oatmeal porridge flakes, and another package of gingerbread- flavored flakes. I also bought two pairs of black Sloggi underpants, three pump- action bottles of hand wash, a small jar of face lotion, and something else I forgot.

I also went to the pharmacy to buy a packet of painkillers for Eleclya.

Once back home, I put my shopping to their rightful places. I washed my hair and changed my clothes because they were sweaty.

I was thinking of heading to the youth group at the church, but instead, I decided to head to Helsinki.
I caught a bus, then a subway to the city center. On the way there, I ate a cinnamon roll and a salty peanut chocolate bar.

On the subway, I accidentally farted and then I burped.

Once at the city center, I went to an art shop and bought a card for a friend who recently celebrated hir 10- year wedding anniversary.

I went to a café and ordered a slice of key lime pie. Then I went to McDonald’s and ordered big fries.

I missed the train, so I caught a bus back to my home town.

Once back home, I became anxious almost immediately. I felt like all the nice things that had happened today didn’t matter. I tried to think that all this wouldn’t matter in five years, and I would feel better tomorrow.

Sigh.

My week so far

On Monday, I had a dream where I dressed as Deadpool in a Dirndl dress. I don’t remember if it was a cosplay convention or a Halloween party, but the Deadpool costume was actually a body stocking. When I ate something, I had to feed it through the eye- hole of the stocking.

I got up early, about at half past eight o’clock in the morning (8:30 am). I brushed my teeth, had a proper wash, got dressed, and ate a decent breakfast; oatmeal porridge and three apples.

I went to the gym. I did stretches, and posture yoga. Then I exercised my body parts; calves, thighs, and butt; I was about to do tummy exercises, but by then I was so ragged and exhausted and tired and achy that I decided to quit. I should really consider resting between the exercises, and not believing the myth that pain and soreness is a good sign.

I went back home.
Later that day, the care worker came for the weekly appointment. I spent the first half of an hour talking with hir, and the next half washing the dishes and ironing the laundry.
We made a new appointment on next week’s Wednesday at twenty minutes past two o’clock in the afternoon (2:20 pm).

I did some of my favorite hobbies; I watched The Good Place on Netflix, wrote into my diary, and knitted the quilt squares.
As usual in the evening, I felt anxious to the point of feeling devastated.

On Tuesday morning I got up and didn’t bother with morning routines at all. I just took my morning medicine, rubbed basic lotion on my face, got dressed, and drank one small cup of coffee because there wasn’t much milk left.

I traveled to the train station in Pole City, and met Mirette there. We went to Twinkle café together, and had a good time. I drank plenty of cocoa, ate four healthy sandwiches, and some treats.

Mirette left earlier because zie went to Girls’ House.
As for me, I left a bit later and traveled to my parents’ home because my mother was going to give me the weekly allowance.

After she gave it to me, I traveled to downtown on a bus and took a subway to Pasture Cape, and went to the nearest thrift store. I wanted to buy three articles of clothing straight from the 1960’s – 1970’s; a shirt, a miniskirt, and an apron.
I was sad to notice they were not in their usual places, but after a while of snooping around at the clothing racks, I spotted them. I bought every single one of them, and traveled back home.

I was feeling really gassy, but fortunately I have learned to fart silently.
Once at my home town, I went to the supermarket in the shopping mall and bought two bags of sweet potato fries, two big jugs of milk, and a box of butter.

Once back home, I continued feeling miserable.

Last night I had five of my most re- occurring dreams; I was visiting the summer cottage with my family; witnessed a plane crash; visited my grade school yard; lost my shoes; got lost and tried to find a bus to take me back home.

I didn’t get up until at half past one o’clock in the afternoon (1:30 pm), when Eleclya was going to visit a bread line with Suavecita.

They both arrived later, and brought plenty of food. I made some coffee for them, and they spent most of the time playing Pokémon: GO! on their smartphones.

I was still feeling gassy, and not even a little.

Tomorrow I will have an appointment with the physiotherapist at the psychiatric center at one o’clock in the afternoon (1:00 pm). I have to eat a decent breakfast before that.
After that, I will go visit my mother, she will give me the monthly allowance.
I will do some discreet shopping, and then I will go to the youth group at the local church.

On Friday I will receive more money. I will pay a commission to a friend; fetch a mended dress from the dressmaker and bring another to be mended; then I will visit a manicurist, I have an appointment at half past three o’clock in the afternoon (3:30 pm).

On Saturday, I will do the weekly housework; scrub the toilet bowl, take out the recycling, and replace the towels and bed sheets.

On Sunday, I will go visit my parents; if the weather is alright, I will walk there and back. I will give my mother one of the knitted quilt squares, and my father will give me the weekly allowance, and I will also call my granny.

18th Sep, 2018

I know that it’s impossible to feel happy and cheerful, positive and optimistic all the time, but why do I have to feel depressed and anxious, sad and angry, and pessimistic and negative all the time? Why can’t I feel content and normal most of the time? Am I doing something wrong? Is it my medication or diet, or do I drink too much coffee?

Even on Monday, when I got up early, brushed my teeth, ate a decent breakfast, went to the gym, did housework, and did all my favorite hobbies like knitting and writing. And I still felt worse than usual.

I started to feel angry for no reason at all. The angry feeling would have been easier to understand if I had had a reason for said anger, but I didn’t.
It couldn’t have been low blood sugar, because I have eaten well today.
I took a tranquillizer, and it made me feel like I was wading around in soggy oatmeal.

I have this fear that everything I eat or drink affects and physical health in some way.

Someone would tell me that I should go out and do things rather than stay inside and feel sorry about myself, but even if I went outside and had fun, at some point I would still have to return inside my home.
I suffer from depression, and if I go to the gym or art museum, I will be depressed there. There is just no way to detach my mind from my brain.
And even if I am happy when I go to the gym or art museum, I still have to return back home. And I will be depressed again.

I am mainly worried about my future; will I be able to get a degree and a job? Will I lose my housing benefit and apartment, because I gave shelter to a friend who would otherwise have ended up on the streets? Will I ever find my one true love, and if I do, how can I know it’s true? Will I end up crippled, sick, homeless, raped? Will I be tortured for an eternity after I die?

Monday, September 17th:
I will have an appointment with my care worker at my home at twenty minutes to three o'clock in the afternoon (2:40 pm).
I will wash the dishes and iron the laundry during the appointment.
After that, I will go to the gym and work out.

Tuesday, September 18th:
Me and Mirette will go to the Twinkle café together.
My mother will give me the weekly allowance, I will buy a new smartphone recharger and four articles of clothing from a charity shop; a cardigan, a shirt, and two skirts.

Wednesday, September 19th:
I will go visit a couple of art museums.

Thursday, September 20th:
I have an appointment with my physical therapist at the psychiatric center at one o'clock in the afternoon (1:00 pm).
After the appointment, I will go visit my mother to collect the first half of my monthly allowance.
I will go shopping for groceries and other important things.
In the evening, I will go to the church youth group.

Friday, September 21st:
I will receive money.
I will pay a commission to a friend, fetch my mended dress from the dressmaker, and bring another to be mended.
I will have an appointment with a beautician at half past three o'clock in the afternoon (3:30 pm), I will have my nails done.

Saturday, September 22nd:
I will do the usual housework; take out the recycling, replace the towels and bed sheets and wash them, tidy up the bathroom.

Sunday, September 23rd:
I will go visit my parents, and call my granny. My dad will give me the weekly allowance.

Daily deeds

Food intake:
🍰 About half a litre of orange juice
🍰 A glass of milk
🍰 Seven buttered slices of rye bread
🍰 Four buttered Karelian pies
🍰 A clove of garlic
🍰 A bar of milk chocolate
🍰 About a bucketful of coffee with milk and sugar
🍰 Mint and chocolate- flavored hard candy

Money usage:
💱 A big bar of chocolate
💱 A box of panty liners
💱 A pound of sugar
💱 Two packets of sweet potato fries
💱 A toothbrush
💱 A box of coffee grounds

Housework:
🗑 Fetched the laundry from the drying room

Medicine:
💊 Took my morning medicine at half past eleven
💊 Took my evening medicine at half past seven
💊 Took extra tranquilizers

What I learned:
🍎 Always ask someone to step aside when walking past them
🍎 It's better to do the hygiene routines properly than regret not doing them

Good deeds:
❤ Mailed a birthday card to a friend
❤ Clicked all the donation buttons on Greater Good

Life is alright, but the world is bad

Last night I had a dream where I was geocaching near my parents’ home, and accidentally broke my smartphone when I tried taking a photo of a gorgeous landscape.
In another dream, I moved into a new apartment that had plenty of potted plants and a dishwasher.

I woke up early, and tried to snooze longer. For some reason, keeping my eyes shut and my arm slung over my head made me feel uncomfortable.

I got up at noon, took my morning medicine, got dressed, and fetched my clothes from the drying room. I didn’t bother with having a proper wash or eating a decent breakfast.

Later that day, I went to see my parents. I called my mother and asked her if I can come over, and she said yes.
I caught a bus to my parents’ home. I didn’t feel like walking because it would rain, and I hadn’t eaten a breakfast so I didn’t have much energy.

Once at my parents’ home, my mom answered the door. She gave me two notebooks she had bought from their journey to the USA, I gave her one of the quilt squares I had knitted. My dad gave me 20 euros.
I drank coffee and orange juice.

Later that afternoon, I caught a bus back to my home town. Once there, I went to the supermarket and bought a pound of sugar, a bag of coffee grounds, a toothbrush, two bags of sweet potato fries, and a box of panty liners. I had enough money left, so I went to the grocery shop and bought a big bar of chocolate.

Once back home, Eleclya was there. I put everything to their rightful places, and did a little bit of this and that.

Later that day, Suavecita called Eleclya and asked if zie can come over, we both said it’s alright.

Suavecita came to visit us, zie brought Karelian pies. We drank coffee, and ate treats. Eleclya and Suavecita played Pokémon GO.

I downloaded the LiveJournal and Geocaching apps on my smartphone.

I broke another smartphone recharger.

I tried calling my granny, she answered and said that she was at a bus station and she couldn’t talk to me right now.

Later that evening Suavecita went to hir own home.

I feel uncomfortable right now. Earlier the evening I had hypomania, so I took a few tranquilizers. They made me feel like my blood pressure was so low that I was about to faint.
At first I felt like there was a hurricane in my brain, and now I feel like my brains are made of porridge.

I hope I feel better after a good night’s sleep.

Stuffs I need to buy next week :D

From the supermarket:
💌 4 plastic canvas bags
💌 3 small jars of face cream

From the stationery shop:
🎀 Pink ink cartridges
🎀 Blue ink pen
🎀 Blue ink cartridge
🎀 10 postage stamps

From the utility shop:
🍑 2 smartphone chargers

From the pharmacy:
🌸 Something to stop me from farting
🌸 Small bottle of face serum

From LUSH:
🐷 Shampoo bar
🐷 A tin for storing shampoo bars

From an art shop:
💟 A card for a friend who has their 10th wedding anniversary this month

From a cosmetics shop:
🍓 Oil- based facial cleaner

From a draper's:
☮️ A length of pink cotton cloth
☮️ A length of white cotton cloth

From a thrift store:
👒 A brown shirt with small red rosebuds
👒 A yellow and red miniskirt
👒 An orange and brown apron
👒 A white cardigan

A normal day

When I woke up this morning, I looked at my smartphone clock. It was half past six already, even if my internal clock was eleven o’clock last night. I had gone to sleep pretty late, after I had been out and about all day.

Eleclya came home from Rige’s BBQ party at ten o’clock in the morning, zie had been awake all night. Zie went to sleep on hir own bed, and I continued sleeping till noon.

After I got up, I took my morning medicine and brewed some coffee. Then I took a shower, washed my hair and wondered why my armpits itched so much.
I shaved my armpits, cut my toenails, put on deodorant and basic lotion, and got dressed. I had to wear a pair of trousers today, because I had run out of clean leggings; I usually wear leggings when I wear a dress or a skirt. I should really consider buying new ones, the old ones are getting stretched out and they have plenty of holes in them.

I washed two loads of laundry, took out the recycling, scrubbed the toilet bowl, took the laundry downstairs to the drying room, and went to the supermarket to buy two packets of rye bread. That is all the housework I did today.

I don’t like going outside, my delusions always start bothering me. Not to mention it rains a lot these days, and I hate getting caught in it.

After eight o’clock in the evening, I took my evening medicine, brushed my teeth, had a wash, and dabbed lotion on my skin. I even used the ice cube treatment for my breasts.

Hopefully I will be happier tomorrow, when I go visit my parents. Today I have been literally a bit under the weather.

A day nice enough :)

Before I woke up, I had one of my most re- occurring dreams; I dreamed that I perfectly screwed up today’s errands. I kept on waking up and looking at my smartphone clock, and worrying how am I going to get up in time. I knew I should have got up, but the waves of dreams kept on washing over me, and I just continued sleeping.
Fortunately, I woke up when my doorbell rang at noon. I knew it was the plumber, so I got up and let hir in.
The plumber fixed the pipes in the bathroom basin, and now it works well again.

I took my morning medicine, made coffee, had a wash, and got dressed. I didn’t bother with brushing my teeth or eating a decent breakfast.

I received money today. I paid a commission to a friend, and then I went to the ATM machine and withdrew the rest of the money.

I took a train downtown, and texted Mirette on the way, telling hir that I was on my way there.
I wrote into my diary, but my black magic ink pen ran out of ink. Once at downtown, I went to the nearest stationery shop and bought three black ink cartridges, or whatever they are called. I asked the shop assistant to show me how to put one inside the pencil, it’s pretty easy.

I met Mirette at the subway station, we went to a hobby shop where Mirette bought paintbrushes and paint. I was inspired to buy some stuff as well, for making earrings and necklaces.

We went to a charity shop on the same street. There was a discount; all clothes cost five euros at maximum, and you could get five articles of clothing for twenty euros. I bought three dresses, a nightie, and a skirt.

After that, we took a subway to Pasture Cape and went to another charity shop. I found plenty of amazing clothes, but I decided to save my money. I will buy the amazing clothes next week.

We took a tram to the amusement park, and went to a burger joint where we had French fries.
We had wanted to go to a free ride, but it was closed because of the strong wind.
Instead, we went to another free ride, and then we left.

We took the same bus to Pole City, and then departed. I took a train back home.

Once there, I washed a load of laundry; I had run out of clean brassieres and underpants, and besides, I had new clothes to wash.
Eleclya went to Rige’s BBQ party with Odessa. I took my evening medicine, and cooked some oatmeal porridge for supper, and then went to bed.

Tomorrow I will probably just do housework all day. I might also visit the amusement park again for the free rides.

An ordinary Tuesday

I had even more weird dreams last night. In one of them, it was late autumn and my sneakers fell apart and I had to use juice boxes as shoe replacements, and my mother was angry at me because of that.
I woke up early, and continued sleeping. I woke up later when Eleclya left, zie had an appointment early this morning.
I got up about at eleven o’clock in the morning, when Eleclya came back. I took my morning medicine, and didn’t bother with morning routines.

Later that day, I traveled to Pole City and went to the Twinkle café. As usual when I walked along the street leading to the cafe, the same man who had bothered me every time I walked there, came up to me and tried to strike up a conversation, but I breezed on by. I knew he was up to no good.

Once at the Twinkle café, I had a good time and kept on knitting as much as I could. I finished one of the quilt squares, and then I started knitting a new one.
There were the usual visitors, and some new ones. I made a healthy sandwich, ate a few cinnamon rolls, and drank cocoa.

After the group, I took the same tram with Mella. I got off at the city center and took a train back home.

Once at home, it started raining hard. I was glad that I had made it home before the rain, and also that the terrible heat wave is finally over, and that the air and nature freshen again.

I knew I should have gone to the gym, but it was getting late and I had already taken my evening medicine at eight o’clock in the evening.

Later that evening, Suavecita called Eleclya and they talked about their plans for this week.

Tomorrow my care worker will visit me at ten minutes past two o’clock in the afternoon. I will wash the dishes and iron the laundry during the visit.
After that, me and Eleclya will go over to Rige’s home for coffee, and then I will go to the gym. I will do stretches, and then I will walk on the treadmill for an hour.
At some point, I should visit an art museum or two.
Last night I had weird dreams. I was traveling in Helsinki with my mother and brother, I ended up interrupting a theater show, and Jacqueline Wilson was writing a novel about it. In another dream, I was in a group formed by abandoned, homeless children, and aided by the Decepticons from Transformers. In another dream, I lived with my dad in the same apartment me and my family used to live in before we moved into the apartment where my parents currently live. This time, the backyard had turned into a vast lake.
I woke up and felt my breasts. They usually feel like jelly, but this time they felt like cotton candy. I guess the cold treatment is working; I have taken up the habit of rubbing an ice cube against both of my breasts once a day, that way my breasts will be firmer. I should consider doing it twice a day, during my morning wash and evening wash, and using one ice cube for each breast.

I got up, took my morning medicine, and drank some coffee. Then I took a shower and used the 12- step Korean skin care regiment, dabbed lotion on my skin, and got dressed.

I had oatmeal porridge and assorted fruits and vegetables for “breakfast”. Mind you, it was 1:41 pm in the afternoon.

I went out for errands, and took my blue Dirndl dress with white flowers to the dressmaker to have it mended; the zipper was broken, and I wanted it to be replaced with a new one.
Then I went to the pharmacy to recycle some expired medicine.
I went to the shopping mall to hang out. I planned what to buy on next Friday, and I also knew I should buy food.

Once back home, Eleclya had gone out for errands. I started knitting a new quilt square, and watched The Good Place on Netflix.

In the evening, I took my evening medicine, brushed my teeth, and used the ice cube treatment.
I also did the daily abdominal muscle exercises, tomorrow I am doing the arm- toning exercises as well.

I started feeling anxious, like I usually do at bed time. I felt like my heart was lurching, and like I was carrying the pain of all humankind on my shoulders. I tried eating something to help it.

Tomorrow I am going to the Twinkle café, after that I have to visit a library to use the printer.

At some point I should pay my library fees; I still owe them 40 euros for misplacing one of the Doctor Who DVDs I once lent. 

Tags:

Monday, September 10th:
I will take one of my dresses to my favorite dressmaker for mending.
I will go to the gym and work out; stretches, posture exercise, and then work out all my body parts; calves, thighs, butt, waist, back, breasts, arms.

Tuesday, September 11th:
I will go to Twinkle café.

Wednesday, September 12th:
My care worker will visit me at one o'clock in the afternoon. I will wash the dishes and iron the laundry during the visit.
After that, I will go to a couple of art museums.

Thursday, September 13th:
I will go to a funfair with my closest friends, there will be a horror- themed happening.

Friday, September 14th:
I will receive money. I will pay a commission to a friend, and then I will buy a week's worth of groceries.
My favorite thrift stores have a discount sale, all clothes cost five euros at maximum. I will buy the best clothes from the vintage selection, and my friend Mirette will come along.

Saturday, September 15th:
I will start doing the weekly housework.

Sunday, September 16th:
I will call my granny. 

New moodboard by drwhoboards@tumblr.com


Tenth Doctor & lemon desserts 

I think I might have iron deficiency.

After my last period ended, I have still felt angry and sad even if I have nothing to be angry or sad about. I have also felt fatigued, and like I have lost all interest in anything.
I have horrid PMS, about a week before the carnage in my panties, I feel sad and angry for no reason at all.

And I guess it is only natural, considering that I have lost my appetite and I barely feel hungry, despite not having had a solid meal for a while. All I ever do is drink coffee and eat chocolate.

Also, my nose, eyelids, lips, and hands itch violently, and my eyes feel gunky.

I have decided that when I receive my weekly allowance on Friday, I will go to the pharmacy to buy iron supplement pills. I also need to buy something that helps my constant farting.

Why do I still feel this way?

Last Friday, the Fantastic 4 (me, Mirette, Suvicita, Eleclya) went to a happening downtown; there were stands selling food and trinkets, free concerts, an art show, stuff like that. We had a good time, after that we all went over to my place for a sleepover.

On Sunday, me and Eleclya and Suvicita went to visit Eleclya's adoptive mother. She gave us plums and apples from her own garden and served us a bountiful lunch, but she kept on complaining all the time. She is a fitness fanatic, but seems to believe that all people are able to cook their own meals, work out every day, save money, and stuff like that.

Today I managed to get up before my alarm clock rang, I had also had nice dreams.
My neck ached a lot.
I took my morning medicine, washed the gunky sleep out of my eyes, dabbed lotion on my face and deodorant on my armpits, and got dressed.

Once at the social office, we just talked. Right now, I am not sure if my allowance will cut off or if I will lose my apartment.

I went to the supermarket to buy a big bar of chocolate, then I traveled to downtown and went to Twinkle café.

I had a good time, even if I ate so much treats that my stomach got upset, and I had to take a dump about five times.

After the group, me and Mella traveled to the city center. I visited a few of my favorite shops, including I caught a bus back home, once there it was too late to go to the gym so I decided to stay at home. I took my evening medicine. My neck and shoulders still hurt.

Tomorrow I will go to the gym right after I have finished my morning routines. I will do stretches and posture exercises, and then I will walk on the treadmill for an hour.
I might go visit an art museum during the day. I also have to go out for errands; take out the trash, take a few bags of second- hand stuff to a charity shop container, take the inflatable mattress back to the storage room, and take some expired prescription medicine to the pharmacy, and purchase a sixpack of basic lotion and order a batch of my anti- psychotic medicine. 

Unhappy days

I have been a bit unhappy for a while, ever since the Sunday a couple of weeks ago; but then again, it was just my PMS.
Now my menses are over, and I am still unhappy. I guess it's my fault, since I don't exercise at all and my nutrition consists mainly of junk food and coffee.
It takes such huge effort to become mentally and physically healthy, but I guess I could always try.

I have started exercising every day; on Mondays and Thursdays, I go to the gym to do stretches and exercises, and on other days, I go there to walk on the treadmill for an hour and watch Netflix or YouTube, or listen to Spotify on my smartphone.

It really sucks that Netflix deleted The Good Place from its selection, that show was practically my lifeline. Let's just hope it will be added back soon, along with the second season.

Today I received a cute post card from Lynne, I also mailed hir a post card a while ago.

Tomorrow I will have an appointment with my social worker at one o'clock in the afternoon, after that I will go to Twinkle café, and then I will go to the gym. This time I try to do stretches and posture exercises, and then I will walk on the treadmill for an hour.

On Wednesday, I won't have anything special to do; I will go to the gym again, and perhaps visit an art museum.

On Thursday, I will go to the gym to work out, and then I will go to the youth group at the local church.

On Friday, I will receive money. I will have an appointment with a hairdresser to have the dry ends of my hair cut off. I will also buy a week's worth of groceries.
If I have enough money after that, I will go to movies.

On Saturday, I will take part in a sponsored charity walk.

On Sunday, I will go to the gym.
Monday, September 3rd:
I will go out for errands; I will return some expired medicine to the pharmacy, take a few bags of useless stuff to a charity shop, and take the trash to the recycling.
My care worker will visit me at 2:40 pm. I will wash the dishes and iron the laundry during the visit.
After the visit, I will go to the gym to work out.

Tuesday, September 4th:
I will have an appointment at the social office at 1:00 pm.
After that, I will go to the Twinkle cafe.
After that, I will go to the gym to walk on the treadmill for an hour.

Wednesday, September 5th:
I will go to an art museum downtown.
I will go to the gym to walk on the treadmill for an hour.

Thursday, September 6th:
I will go to the gym to work out.
In the evening, I will go to the youth group at the church.

Friday, September 7th:
I will receive the weekly allowance from my financial worker.
I will have an appointment with the hairdresser at 2:00 pm.
I will buy a week's worth of groceries.
If I have enough money after that, I will go to movies to see either Blackkklansman, Happytime Murders, or A Moment in the Reeds.
If not, I will go to the gym to walk on the treadmill for an hour.

Saturday, September 8th:
I will start doing the weekly housework, I also have to replace the towels and bed sheets.
I will go to the local church, there will be a sponsored charity walk.

Sunday, September 9th:
I will continue doing housework, and then I will go to the gym to walk on the treadmill for an hour. 

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kattidya
Mii- Mii the ever- loving 🌼💗‿💗🌼

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