I had slept wearing a brassiere and my favorite shirt and panties, normally I don't sleep in panties except that I was on my period.
In the morning I had a weird feeling; I woke up, looked at the sunshine seeping through the curtains and the sliver of dreamy blue sky between the curtains, turned over and fell back asleep, had another dream and repeated the same routine. I don't know why, but it felt somehow peculiar.
I got up later and didn't bother with morning routines, just took my morning medicine, threw on some clothes and ate a banana. Of course, I regretted it later.
Later Elyseé phoned me, zie asked if we can have a sleepover during the weekend. I said yes, we had some laughs and I felt very happy.
I went to see my mom today. I called my parents' landline phone to make sure someone is home; my mom was there, I asked a bit shyly if I can come over without hir throwing a hissy fit, and zie said I can.
I took the bus 55 to Raappavuori, once in my parents' home, mom had just returned from the hairdresser's where zie had hir hair done with blonde highlights. I told hir I was glad I had such a beautiful mother, zie told me zie was glad zie had such a beautiful daughter, and I couldn't help but smile.
Mom swooned at my new shoes, I told hir Suvicita had bought them for me and I am paying hir back 20 euros a week. Mom told me that zie can help me with it; zie transferred 60 euros to my bank account, once I receive it (as we have our accounts in different banks, the money will probably arrive on Monday) I will transfer it to Suvicita's.
At first I was thinking of keeping the 60 euros but still paying Suvicita 20 euros a week, so it would be a win- win situation for both of us, and I wouldn't feel the slightest bit of remorse in my mother's behalf because zie would never know.
I know it's goes against my honesty and kindness and humbleness, but then again, I need money to buy groceries and pay my bills. And anyway, my mom demanded that I give her a receipt to prove that I have transferred the money, so I guess I will still be honest, kind and humble. Tee hee.
I drank coffee with milk and sugar by bucketfuls, ate a carrot, banana, plum tomatoes and some buttered oat bread, and when my mom announced zie is going grocery shopping, I decided to leave but managed to convince my mom to give me 15 euros.
I walked the sunny, dusty streets to the Martinlaakso train station, and felt my positive attitude returning. The breeze smelled of spring.
I took the bus 510 to Myyrmäki and went to Citymarket to buy stuffs; lip balm, hand lotion, hand soap, and a Pinkie Pie plush key ring (they were out of Rainbow Dashes) to attach to my panda backpack.
Once home, I sampled the lotion but I squeezed too much out of the bottle and smeared some of it on the hem of my navy blue Dirndl dress, and took it off and put it to the laundry basket. Later the day I decided to head to Myyrmanni shopping mall to return bottles and buy some treats, so I put on my pajama pants and off I was.
In the evening I managed to take a proper shower, brush my teeth and wash my face and anoint my face and body with lotion.
Now I'm sad again. I wish I could have done something more important today, like contacted a long- lost friend, taken a walk in a part of Helsinki I haven't ever been before, went to the library, written a poem, that is, done something unique that I have never been before. But then again, there'll be plenty of days in the eternal line of tomorrows. And if I can come up with an idea, what's preventing me from doing it?
Actually, things are not that bad, I am just a bit maudlin right now. I'm still clinging to the hope that it gets better, and now that the weather is getting warmer and the days are getting longer, I'm going to feel mentally better.