The only surviving fuckboy screamed “You’re a murderer! An insane criminal!” but I heard hir say “You’re a pansexual doctor!”
Then it was night again and there was a riot, I ran into my three closest friends; Suavecita, Elyseé and Emjuso, and asked them to come over to my place for tea and donuts. The last surviving fuckboy pounded on my door, and we didn’t mind.
Gee whizz. Then I woke up, and when I realized it had been a dream all along, I had the weirdest smile on my face, and fell back asleep.
When I was half awake, I dreamed of my grandmother coming to my room to look for something. I asked hir to check the Greyhound bus timetables. When I realized it had been a dream, I wondered if I should ask my grandmother if zie had been in my room in the morning.
Later the morning I got up, took my morning medicine, had a wash and dressed up, and had breakfast with grandmother; porridge with blueberries, Karelian pies and sandwiches, and the first cup of coffee. I also took my vitamin supplements.
Later the day I went downstairs with my grandmother, I brought two boxes of summer clothes into hir apartment. Then zie sent me to the grocery shop, I bought a pound of Finnish potatoes (grandmother had told me to buy those that are sold in a paper sack, but I forgot and instead hand- picked eighteen  of them from the bin), four Pirkka bananas (grandmother told me to buy “Finnish bananas”, meaning the Finnish brand Pirkka), a pound of Finnish carrots (grandmother told me to buy apples, but I told hir I am not a big fan of apples, so zie told me to bring carrots), two liters of milk (“blue Pirkka milk” because grandmother cannot stomach any kind of other milk), a can of treacle, and rye bread.
Once back, grandmother had gone to the pharmacy. Zie has to take lots and lots of different pills and tablets of all shapes and sizes and colors.
I did some simple stretches and face muscle exercises, and made two cups of coffee. After that grandmother came home, zie told me that my body has changed ever since zie saw me last time during winter break when I visited hir. I haven’t noticed any change, but I still love my body.
I looked for some kind of moisture cream I could use, and rummaged through grandmother’s bathroom cabinet. I found disinfectant, the kind that is used to rub on small cuts and bruises, that had expired in 2007. I also found a small tube of Bevita that had expired last yet, and both of hir Bellavita lotions had expired too. I told grandmother about it, zie said it’s okay for me to throw them away but zie still uses Bellavita as hand cream. I know that grandmother is a scrimp n’ save kind of person.
Grandmother told me I should go for a walk, so I went. I should go for a walk or a bike ride each and every day, as long as it’s not raining too much, except during winter when the streets are slippery or covered in slushy snow. Good thing I am getting a new pair of heavy- duty boots next week.
I walked along the fields, to the direction of Pikonlinna. It was slightly warm and humid, and still rainy and dull, but the wild flowers looked amazingly beautiful and the air smelled of lilacs. The most common flowers were cow parsley which reminds me of baby’s breath (the flower, not an infant’s smelly breath), the lusciously yellow buttercups, and a fuchsia flower named “Dianthus deltoides”, or maiden pink, according to Wikipedia. In Finnish it is called “ketoneilikka” (keto = pasture, neilikka = carnation). I remember how they used to grow lush in Rautalampi, northern Savonia in east Finland. My mom told me not to pick them because they were protected.
Which reminds me, I had a dream about Rautalampi again. I walked along the yard and I realized that I wanted to walk along the pond to see if the spruce sapling, which my mother had planted there during our last visit, had grown into its full size. But instead, I went to the fire ant- infested outhouse.
Once back in grandmother’s home, zie was taking a nap and later started cooking lunch.
We had lunch together; boiled potatoes, hard-boiled eggs, pickled beetroot, mashed turnips, rye bread sandwich with cucumber slices, coffee and buns for dessert. Grandmother had minced meat sauce with hir meal, I am still a vegetarian.
I went for a walk again, this time I went to the local fitness center just to take a look at the surroundings. I asked the receptionist about the charge, it was seven (7) euros.
I went walkabout to the nearest graveyard and looked for children’s graves. I found one, a girl who had died in the 19th century when zie was 14 years old. I didn’t have enough time to look through every single one of the graves, not to mention that most of them were covered in moss and lichen, and besides I felt like invading their privacy and realized that I should respect the sorrow endured by those who have had to bury their children.
I went back to grandmother’s place, and later went to the fitness center.
I liked the gym because the woman about my age who was working as a cleaner, receptionist and also instructed me how to use the machines, was very nice to me.
The machines were more complicated than those in Myyrmäki gym, but they were modern and worked like a charm.
I walked on the treadmill for fifteen (15) minutes, and then used the exercise machines. I wonder why I felt so pained and out of breath, even if I have done the same exercises many times. Anyway, I noticed that I have very impressive biceps, like Rosie the Riveter. I still have a slight pudge on my stomach, but I don’t care. I love my body ♥
After I was done, I smelled of sweat but usually I don’t care about it because I like my own smells. But I must care about my hygiene, so I washed my armpits. I have learned that all deodorants are a health risk, so I won’t use them.
After leaving, I went to the small café in the fitness center because I wanted to buy a small treat. I was happy when I noticed that they have a jelly bean dispenser! You could buy a small container for three euros and fifty cents (3,50) and fill it with all kinds of flavors, I suspected that blackberry tasted the best.
Too bad the café was already closed, and the fitness center is going to be closed till July, but the next time I visit my grandmother (probably during the autumn during ruska) I will buy jelly beans.
I visited the nearest supermarket to buy two iced espressos.
It’s been raining the whole day. Curiously enough, I am happy about it; I love summer but I hate heat waves and direct sunshine. Note to self, buy sunscreen SPF 20. I love sunshine between 3 – 7 o’clock in the evenings when the shadows are long and it’s getting dusky. I also love rainy, dull and murky days.
I went back to grandmother’s, I smelled something scrumptious when I stepped in and noticed that grandmother was making pancakes! We had dinner together, rye bread sandwiches with lettuce and hard- boiled egg slices, and probiotic berry yoghurt with blueberries.
I spent the rest of the afternoon surfing on the Internet. I would love to watch American Horror Story, I should finish watching Murder House. I wish Freakshow would be shown on Netflix soon.
I asked my grandmother if I can eat pancakes for supper, zie said it was okay. I didn't use a fork and knife, I just sprinkled sugar on them, rolled them up and ate them without warming them.
For most of the day I have been bored, but now that I think about it, today has been a very nice day. I hope tomorrow will be a nice day, too. And once I return home, never again shall I complain about being bored because after all, my own home, my bachelorette pad, is the best place in the world and I still remember how happy I used to be when I moved in April 2014.