And that’s why I feel confused: my neuroses and delusions used to be such a huge part of my everyday life, and now that I don’t have them anymore, well, I feel confused.
I feel as if I am a whole new person, someone different from the person I used to be before the ECT. But I also feel like I should just pick up the pieces and continue my daily life.
Perhaps I could start studying or go to work now? After all, autumn is coming and autumn is the time of change; after the ECT is over, I am going to start going to the gym and swimming pool three times a week, start saving money, give up chocolate and other sweets, stuff like that. I have been thinking about booking a beautician and having my nails done, my mom also promised that we will purchase furniture from IKEA after the ECT, or more like, after my parents come home from the States. They travel to the USA once a year.
Yesterday me and my best friend Suavecita had a fun day out, we went to our favourite restaurant Cholo for burritos and then to Café Picnic for dessert. I ordered a naked burrito with beans and veggies and cheese, and in the café I had a mint- flavoured hot cocoa.
We took part in a protest march, but I didn’t feel like staying long. I went back home, washed my backpack in the laundry, and took a long nap. In the evening I watched American Horror Story: Coven, Supernatural and Doctor Who on Netflix.
Today I went to see my parents. I walked all the way to Raappavuori, my parents weren’t home. I made a cup of coffee and ate whatever I could find from the kitchen.
Later the day mom came home, she brought cinnamon rolls. We talked about things and stuff and I ate most of the rolls, then I went home.
I took the bus 565 to Myyrmäki, hung around for a while talking on the phone with Suavecita, we made plans about going to Tallinn next month.
Once back home, I took a really impressive dump and brushed my teeth, I had forgotten to brush them in the morning.
I went outside to sit on the yard swing and write into my diary. Once back home, I looked into my fridge and decided to call my mom and ask her for a little grocery money, she promised to give me 20 euros.
I took the bus 574 to Raappavuori, went home to collect the money and then took the bus 421 to Helsinki and went to K- Market in Postitalo to buy a can of milk, a pound of tomatoes, a bunch of bananas, a can of orange juice, a dozen eggs and something else I can’t remember. It’s horrifying how expensive food is nowadays.
Once back home, I took my vitamin supplements with orange juice. Soon I have to take my medicine and go to sleep, but not yet.
Tomorrow I will have another ECT session. My ASPA worker Kaarina will come for a home visit at half past two o’clock in the afternoon.