I didn’t feel like sleeping yet, so I had a little evening snack and worked on one of my novels. About at midnight I finally turned off my laptop and went to sleep.
I slept well, but I had unhappy dreams again; I had given birth to a baby boy, but he died almost immediately because I didn’t know how to take care of a baby.
In another dream I was playing the survival horror PlayStation game Silent Hill 2, it scared me big time.
I also had some pornographic dreams that made me feel uneasy, and an annoying dream where I went out and forgot my keys and phone inside.
I also had a nice dream where I created a Spotify playlist for songs that made me happy, and another dream where it was winter and summer at the same time; it was a hot and sunny day, but the green grass was covered by slushy snow that was fun to trample with bare feet.
I got up early, about at half past four o’clock in the morning. I tried to find a comfortable position, but I simply didn’t feel like having any more sleep because I already felt chipper.
Besides, I had received money today, it feels like Xmas every week.
I took my morning medicine, brushed my teeth, washed my face and underbelly, anointed my skin with basic lotion, and while in my underwear I turned on my laptop, went to a site named RelakSoma which consists of instructions for how to stretch every part of your body. I have decided to do stretches every morning between having a wash and dressing up.
Some of the stretches felt painful, some didn't feel like anything at all, and some I decided to skip because my limbs don't bend that way.
I dressed up into a stripy shirt and a brown Dirndl dress with rainbow- striped stockings and put on some pretty jewelry. If I had had ginger hair on twin plaits, I would have looked like Pippi Longstocking.
I had breakfast and took my nutritional supplements. Oatmeal porridge isn’t too glamorous, but it doesn’t taste too bad, and at least it’s very healthy.
Yesterday evening I had attempted to count how many supplement pills I still had left and whether I need to buy new ones. They don't come in cheap, especially the veganese ones.
I checked the balance of my account; I had received money, but I also had to pay a bill and the fees for using a cash machine.
It was too early to go to the bank, but when Myyrmanni shopping center was opened at eight o’clock in the morning, I decided to go grocery shopping and pay with my Visa Electron.
I went to the pharmacy to buy a small tube of Bepanthen, a special kind of skin lotion that is used on small wounds and such so they heal faster, but it also makes a nifty lip balm.
My lips are terribly dry and chapped and I cannot use any kind of other lip balm. I would love to use organic products, but I might get an allergic reaction from plant- based skincare products.
I went to Citymarket to buy some basic groceries, bread and butter and milk and vegetables and fruits. Fortunately I could afford them.
Once back home, I put my stuffs to their rightful places and rubbed some of the Bepanthen on my lips and on the skin under my nose. I hope it heals soon.
I remember having a nice dream where I created a Spotify playlist consisting of happy songs, so I created one. I listened to music and surfed on the Internet.
When it was ten o’clock in the morning, I went to the bank to withdraw the rest of the money and bought a roll of garbage bags from Tokmanni. I also visited Hennes & Mauritz and bought a pair of gilded earrings that look like small padlocks, those that kids use to keep their diaries safe. One pair is dangling and one pair is stud.
Later the day I went to see my mother, she had agreed to give me 20 euros. I took the bus 335 to Raappavuori, once in my parents’ home mom gave me 20 euros, complained about how I should get a job, and I still helped her with pumping her bicycle tires full of air.
I walked to Vantaankoski train station and stopped by a charity shop container to stash a bag of stuff there (a pair of Suavecita's old trousers, a simple pink plastic cup, and my old nightshirt that smells like gasoline) and took the I train to Helsinki.
Once in downtown Helsinki, I took the subway to Kamppi and visited Ruohonjuuri to buy a package of sponges for cleaning. I also visited Aprilli, a shop that sells costume party equipment. I bought a pair of sunglasses, pink with black tiger stripes, with UV protection. I might also have to buy more of them so when one pair breaks or gets misplaced, I already have another.
I took a subway to Kaisaniemi and visited Euron Kauppa, and bought a red and white Hello Kitty shoulder bag, a small shiny sand- filled plush dragon that I named Smaug, a 3D picture of butterflies and puppies, a roll of sandwich bags, and something else that I probably don’t remember right now.
Last time I visited that shop, I heard the radio playing the song Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley. It’s a very nice and danceable song, actually.
I walked to the city center and took the P train to Myyrmäki. Once back home, I was in a happy and cheerful mood, but soon I realized that it was actually mania.
I took some tranquillizers, meditated a bit and then took a cool shower to calm myself down. I felt like there was an ocean inside me, it was stormy and the waves were high but they still illuminated the sunlight.
I had buttered rye bread and three boiled eggs for supper, and also some milk.
Tomorrow I will have a therapy appointment at two o’clock in the afternoon, fortunately because I feel like I want to talk to someone who understands. I might also go to the swim hall, and this time I could actually try to swim at least 100 meters.
It will also be the first day of October.