I slept well, and had a dream about riding my bicycle in summer and feeling happy. It’s really frustrating to have those dreams, considering that my bicycle is a piece of crap and I can’t afford to fix it, and my dad always gets angry at me when I ask him to fix it. And besides, summers are so scorching hot that I sweat like a pig and get sunburned, and I never have enough blood sugar to ride my bicycle.
I got up at midday, took my morning medicine, washed my face and dressed up. Ever since I ran out of toothpaste, I have kind of lost my interest in having a wash every morning and evening.
Me and Elyseé left at the same time, she went home and I went to see my parents.
Once in the bus 571, I called my mom and asked her if I can come over, she said it was okay, and asked when I am coming. I told her I am already in the bus, and she made a noise that I couldn’t recognize whether it was a snort or a scoff.
Once at my parents’ home, mom was cleaning the bathroom and dad was reading a book.
I made coffee, ate a bit of dark chocolate that my father had bought, and ate a boxful of cherry tomatoes. I wondered how I was able to go to the gym today since I had already screwed up my blood sugar.
I decided to walk back to Myyrmäki, it was a lovely bright autumn day and the gorgeous colors made me feel happy.
I visited the Myyrmanni shopping center but I didn’t feel like staying long, I have visited that place plenty of times and I am getting sick of it.
Once back home, I washed three loads of laundry and managed to hoover and mop the visible part of the floor.
I went to the gym today, I walked on the treadmill for 20 minutes on the Manual setting and 4 minutes on the Cool Down setting. Then I tried most of the exercise machines, but I decided not to stay long. I could have stayed longer, but I just lost my interest.
Sometimes I think about things I could have accomplished, all the great memories I could have created, if I got over my “Naaahhh, I don’t wanna…” attitude.
Once back home, it was getting dark, but I decided to go visit my parents anyway, once again, I felt like time was going slow, and I didn’t feel like doing any more housework. I called my mom and asked her if I can come over, she said it was okay. Sometimes I wonder how she manages my constant visits.
I took the bus 571 to Raappavuori. Mom was surfing on the Internet and dad was having supper.
I made coffee, surfed on the Internet, talked to mom, and then took the bus 565 back to Myyrmäki.
Once home, it was too late to do housework, so I just took my evening medicine, surfed on the Internet, and later the evening I went to bed and took my laptop along.
I felt so bitter and jaded that I was actually amazed; do I really think like that? What happened to the happy little pixie I used to be?
I have tried to stay positive and optimistic, but sometimes I don’t feel like being a little tap- dancing ray of sunshine. I know that complaining is bad for your mental health, but sometimes I just need to blow out some steam. I should learn that negative things are a normal part of human life, just like positive things.
I hate it how I am always worried about my bodily health, mostly for the trivial sensations; today when I drank too much water, I felt like my blood was getting thinner in my veins and I felt a bubble in my throat.
I read from an article on Facebook that you should sleep on your left side because otherwise your gastric acid might enter your gullet from your stomach, and ever since I have tried to convince myself to sleep on my left side.
I wish I didn’t always feel the need to visit my parents every time I feel bad. I should learn to feel comfortable at my own apartment, it’s my home now.
Well, it’s good that I don’t feel like staying inside every single day, but I just hate it how I always feel sad about returning to my apartment, when I think about the desolation and loneliness inside it.