In another dream it was a cold, rainy night, I was homeless and I had to break into a house to get food and warmth.
In another dream I was a homemaker, and my husband ran off and I was left with five kids, and I lost our house so we moved into a bus. The dream turned out to be quite nice, we lived a free, anarchistic life and had fun, it was like a novel by Jacqueline Wilson.
In another dream I was still studying in Helsinki business school, and I had to have an exam that I hadn’t studied for.
In the last dream I was in my late maternal grandparents’ home, feeling nostalgic. There was a youngish man who was dressed in an old soldier uniform, I thought he was probably one of the soldiers who used to fight in the war along with my grandfather. I thought the man was very sweet, until he said in a shy voice that he wanted me to take off my panties and moon into his face because he wanted to perform a rectal examination on me. Goddamn, even in my land of dreams men are disappointing. I angrily told the man to lay off, I had had a horrid day because of the exam I had taken on Friday.
Suddenly I woke up and realized that it was Friday, and I also remembered what had happened yesterday; I had went to Girls’ House, noticed it was closed, and went to see my mom.
I got up and took my morning medicine, and I felt a bit downcast after having such unhappy dreams. I didn’t feel like doing the morning routines, but then I remembered that today was a shower day marked into my calendar.
I brushed my teeth, washed my hair, and also soaped my body using one of the bars of soap that Schlitzie had sent me.
I wore a sunflower- yellow cotton blouse with a red flowery chiffon dress, and put a silver- plated heart pendant around my neck.
I managed to eat a healthy breakfast; a bowl of oatmeal porridge, a satsuma, a tomato, and a glass of milk. Sometimes I actually can’t help thinking how healthy and well I would be, if I ate the right mixture of foods and got enough nutrients. Even my mental health would be better, I wouldn’t always be fucked up in the head and depressed and frustrated. And perhaps it would help my delusions.
I called my mother and told her I am coming to pick up the monthly allowance she gives me every 15th day (but since 15th day was going to be Sunday, I would pick it up today). I decided to walk there, because I didn’t feel like waiting for the bus.
Once in my parents’ home, I felt like I was high on the endorphins caused by the physical exercise when I walked.
Mom gave me 80 euros, I drank a little coffee, and then I walked to Ärrä to load my travel card and then I took a bus to Myyrmäki, and went grocery shopping.
Once home, I put my groceries to their rightful places, and then I started thinking about what should I do for the rest of the day.
I decided to go to Helsinki and visit Kiasma, but I only managed to visit the shop in the museum.
I called my mom and asked her if it’s okay that I come visit her, she said it was fine. I took a bus to Martinlaakso and walked to my parents’ home, my dad was home from work.
I asked my mom for another 20 euros because I couldn’t afford all the groceries I had needed, she said it was okay and gave me a bill of 20 euros.
I went to Myyrmäki on a bus, visited Citymarket in Myyrmanni shopping center and bought more food. Once home, I put the groceries to their rightful places, surfed on the Internet, and then went back to the shopping center to buy a small bottle of basic lotion from the pharmacy. The skin between my nose and upper lip tends to get dry and flaky during winter when I have to blow my nose a lot, and that’s why I need proper lotion to treat it.
I also visited Hennes & Mauritz to try on an emerald green lace dress, I am going to buy it and wear it during Xmas.
For the rest of the evening, I watched American Horror Story: Asylum.