I had had buttered flatbread with milk for supper, and I had taken my evening medicine, put on a clean nightie, and gone to bed; I hadn’t done housework or the evening routines, but I forgave myself.
I should realize that even the neurotypical people have hard days when they don’t feel like brushing their teeth or washing the dishes. But then again, I haven’t done that for almost a week now.
I slept quite well, but I woke up when it was still dark because I had a nightmare. I dreamed that I had been in a physical fight with a 15- year- old girl who looked like Nicki Minaj, whom I adore as a person.
Very often I have those kind of nightmares where I am being insulted or beaten up by other women. Usually it reminds me of my times in grade school where I got into fights, not because I was violent but because it was the only way for me to stand up for myself because the teachers didn’t bat an eye to help me.
I fell asleep again, and had nicer dreams. I had a dream about the cottage in Rautalampi, once again; those dreams have returned, and they’re much nicer these days. They’re not all “silent hill” anymore.
I didn’t feel like getting up because my bed felt so nice, but I also knew there was no point in sleeping all day. I was supposed to go see my mom, to get free coffee, and then go to the youth group, to get free cocoa.
I gathered all my energy and got up about at midday, took my morning medicine, put on clothes, and washed my face.
I called my mom and asked her if I can come over, she said yes. She also said she was going grocery shopping, and asked me if I want something. I asked for a small raspberry yoghurt chocolate bar, she said she already has one. Me and my mother both like raspberry yoghurt- filled chocolate.
I looked at the bus timetables and thought of taking the bus 565, but the bus 571 arrived first.
Once in Raappavuori, I asked mom if I can take a shower, she said yes and also advised me to use hair conditioner.
I took a shower, washed my hair (and used conditioner) and body, and that’s when the doorbell rang. I wondered if I should go answer it, but then again, I was covered in foam and it wasn’t my door I was answering. When I came out of the bathroom, mom was putting on her coat and told me not to answer the door, you never know if there’s a junkie or a drunkie or whatever there might be.
I used lotion on my skin, borrowed some face cream from my mother, and blow- dried my hair.
I drank coffee and orange juice, ate doughnuts and cherry tomatoes.
Mom came home, she made lunch and washed the dishes.
When I heard her cursing out loud in kitchen, I took it as a warning sign and decided to leave. By then she had calmed down and started knitting, she’s working on a Finnish Red Cross project where she knits blankets for the poor.
I kissed and hugged her, told her I love her (and she actually told me she loves me too) and told her to have a nice day and take care and say hello to dad once he comes back home from work.
I decided to walk to Myyrmäki, as it was such a blessed weather, there was a slight sunshine.
I also decided to visit the art museum, and then I went to a cash point to check out my balance. And what do you know, I had already received the weekly allowance I was supposed to receive tomorrow. I hoped this was the same kind of pleasant mistake that happened before Halloween, I had received 80 euros twice a week, so I better check my balance tomorrow as well.
My account had already been 3,99 € below zero because of the use charge, so I had less than 80 euros. I withdrew 70 euros, bought the necessary groceries, and also a My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic advent calendar.
Once back home, I put the groceries to their rightful places and drank a couple of iced lattes. Then I opened the first, um, I don’t know what the small “doors” on the cardboard advent calendars are called in English, but anywayz, I found a small note pad. It’s not big enough to use as a diary, but I might find something to use it for.
It was getting late so I decided not to surf on Facebook because of all the triggering material, so I wouldn’t cause myself a mania again. I decided to head to the shopping center.
I bought an iced latte, and just hung around feeling bored. I decided to commit a desperate act, that is, go to Helsinki even if it was past six o’clock already. I don’t usually go out after six o’clock in the evening, because I want to “calm down” before bedtime. And besides, now that dusk falls early, I’m afraid of the things that go bump in the night.
I took the bus 411 to Helsinki, and went to BodyShop to look for hair conditioner and face cream. Then I went to Ruohonjuuri and asked a shop assistant if I can use Urtekram Chamomile conditioner, originally meant for blonde hair, if I don’t have bleached hair. She said yes, I might buy it but I also want to buy something my not- blonde friends can use if they take a shower at my place.
I visited a supermarket in Kamppi shopping center to buy some crisps, they were out of salt & vinegar flavoured ones so I bought a bag of au naturel crisps. I also bought four boxes of biodegradable sanitary pads, because my period is soon due.
I took the P train to Myyrmäki, I thought I had forgotten to take my diary along but what do you know, it was in my backpack.
I called Elyseé and we talked about Xmas and our forthcoming birthdays, we agreed to go to Heidi’s Xmas party together with Suavecita.
Elyseé asked me if I wanted to come to Pinky’s place tomorrow with Emjuso, I said yes.
Once back home, I put the purchases to their rightful places, took my evening medicine, and started writing today’s entry. I should also continue updating my other blogs; DreamWidth, Blogspot, Wordpress, Tumblr, and also my Finnish ones.
I have decided to use my renegade journal ruusupuska as my Finnish journal.