On Friday I went to see my mother, we made lunch together. Then we went to Myyrmäki together and she gave me a pair of knitting needles and bought me a ball of green knitting yarn. I’m going to start knitting squares and mom is going to sew them together to form a quilt and send them to Finnish Red Cross so they can give them to the poor.
I went to a beautician to have a manicure and pedicure, except that I didn’t have my nails painted. It made me feel good and made my hands and feet look beautiful.
I went to the movies to see Angry Birds: The Movie in 2D with English dubbing, with Outikka and Eleclya. We had fun together, me and Eleclya talked and laughed a lot and I got butter- flavoured popcorn spice all over my manicured nails. Once home, I washed my hands and polished my nails with the nail buffer I had bought from the Body Shop.
On Saturday I went to a street festival named Kallio Kukkii (“Kallio Blooms”; it’s a part of Helsinki where my maternal grandparents used to live) with Mirette.
There were food stands that sold ethnic food, and stands that sold second- hand clothes. I couldn’t afford anything at all, and it was really sad.
After the festival, I went home and watched Doctor Who on Netflix, knitted and drank coffee.
I wish I could give up coffee, I have become addicted to it.
On Sunday I slept all the way to the evening, and only got up to take my evening medicine and put on a clean nightie. Mom called me to tell me that dad is angry at me, but then again, he has been so ever since I can remember.
Sometimes I actually believe I was born to be a disappointment to my parents. I am not mathematically gifted boy who likes sports, as my father would have wanted, and I am not a pretty blonde Barbie doll who likes fashion and makeup, like my mom would have wanted.
On Monday I slept late, and didn’t bother with the morning routines.
I went to visit Girls’ House, but didn’t stay long because I wanted to go home and practice healthy living.
I am getting extremely worried about my physical health; I barely exercise at all, I eat very rarely and when I eat, I only eat chocolate and crisps and drink too much coffee. I also drink too much water every day, and I also sleep for most of the day.
It’s like a never- ending cycle; if I took better care of my physical health, my mental health would improve, but my mental health also prevents me from improving my physical health. Boo yah.
This morning I was terribly angry right after getting up from the bed, I didn’t know why, I think it’s my PMS.
I was supposed to go see my mother, but I slept all the way to noon and that’s when she had gone for her own errands. Nevertheless, I still didn’t feel like getting up when I thought of everything I had to after getting up; take my morning medicine, have a proper wash, dab four kinds of lotion on my atopic skin, do some stretches and exercises, dress up into clean clothes, cook and eat a decent breakfast, and by then it would be late afternoon.
I was supposed to go visit Klubitalo, a place for mentally challenged people, this was supposed to be some sort of an introduction visit.
I managed to take my morning medicine, but I threw up later. I dabbed basic lotion on my face and put on a t- shirt and a pair of pyjama pants.
I took the Ring Rail Line train to Stick City, and once in Klubitalo I was still in a terribly angry mood and the delusions bothered me.
My friend Laufey was there as well, they looked so beautiful and were friendly to me as usual.
We went to this small room where we sat around a table, and we were told about the history of Club Houses for mentally challenged people.
I mostly wrote into my diary and grumbled, and then I felt the tears start. I quickly excused myself and told them I am going to the bathroom, but right after I was out of the room I burst into tears.
I went next door to the ASPA office and rang the doorbell, but no one came to open. I sat in the staircase and wept, and then I went to the bus station, I caught the bus to Myyr York, and once home, I immediately felt better.
I surfed on the Internet for a while, and then I decided to go to Myöhätuuli youth group.
I caught the bus to Nut Hill, and went to Myöhätuuli. I had a good time, drank one mug of cocoa and one mug of coffee and ate BBQ- flavoured crisps, and then I walked halfway around the Sheep Lake.
I caught the bus to Helsinki, thinking of visiting some of my favourite thrift stores; there’s a chain of thrift stores named UFF in Finland, and sometimes they hold these “week sales” to make room for new stuff; on Monday, all clothes cost seven euros, on Tuesday and Wednesday, six euros, on Thursday and Friday, five euros… I think you got the point. After the sales I usually check out my two favorite UFFs, Freda and Iso- Roba, because they have vintage clothes which suit my weird style.
But instead, I decided to go to the natatorium instead because it was already getting a bit late. I took the train to Myyr York and once home, I collected my Speedo swimsuit, a towel, and a pump- action bottle of Aqualan Plus basic lotion.
I was still a bit angry and delusional, so I managed to swim only 75 meters. I didn’t feel like staying in the sauna for a long time.
Once back home, I managed to brush my teeth and take my evening medicine. I also had a proper wash and also managed to wash the dishes.
Tomorrow I will receive money. I will have plenty of bills to pay, and I need to renew my Netflix and Spotify subscription. I will also go visit my mother.
This week I need to buy a nail clipper, and a few small tubes of basic lotion from the pharmacy so I can keep them in my cosmetics bag and use it when I am out of my apartment.