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Geez, what kind of dreams I had last night! My sleeping pattern has changed again; I sleep all the way to the late afternoon and have all kinds of freaky dreams that completely screw up my sense of reality, no matter how entertaining they are.

As I mentioned in my last entry, I had a sleepover at Mirette’s home. I woke up pretty early but I continued sleeping all the way to early afternoon.

Later the day when both me and Mirette were up and awake, I packed my stuff and left.
I took a subway to Crossing and then the bus %&= to Mole Hill.
Once home, I took my morning medicine; mind you, it was about half past three o’clock in the afternoon (3:30 pm) but I was already feelingthe effects of not taking the medicine right after waking up.

I spent most of the afternoon hanging out completely nekked, and feeling bored. I still had plenty of housework to do; clean out the fridge, the smell was getting horrid; hoover the floor, there was dust and sand and little flecks of paper and cardboard all over it; take the trash and recycling out, they were starting to smell; wash the dishes, before the big honkin’ piles of dirty dishes would get more honkin’; take the mattress out and dust it and dress my bed into clean sheets before going to sleep; and lo, I didn’t bother doing any of them.

I took off the clothes I had been wearing for three days straight, along with underwear, and hung around naked.
My doorbell rang, I quickly threw on a bathrobe and went to answer the door. There was a person in worker’s overalls who delivered me three packages I had ordered from an online shop; one was the queen- sized inflatable bed (for my sleepovers; that way I can house two more people in my home, along with two on the sofa- bed), one was the steam cleaner (it kind of looks like an electric mop, it cleanses and disinfects with the power of steam, you won’t need tons of bacteria- infested rag mops or poisonous chemicals) and one was two bar stools (I’m going to ask my older brother to assemble the stools and use them when I need, for example, change a lightbulb or fix the curtains).

Later the day I called my mother and asked hir if zie can give me the weekly allowance today, and also a little extra because I had to pay two bills this week, those that social office won’t pay, and besides, my bank account had gone 20 euros and 99 cents below zero because of the usage fees. It will leave me with less than 20 euros, and that won’t do. Fortunately my darling mother promised to help me out; I felt a bit awkward asking for money, but zie didn’t seem to mind because zie seems to be already used to it.

I put on some fresh clothes, a pink zombie girl shirt and a pair of sleek black trousers, and went to the library to read lesbian comics.
Soon my mother called me and told me to see hir in Myyrmanni shopping center in ten minutes. 
Mom gave me 40 euros, and then we hung around for a moment and walked through the shopping center and talked about this and that, and then zie went home and I went to S- Market. I popped into a book shop on the way and bought a second hand book with coloured pictures of Finnish animals, plants, insects and such. I used to have the exact same book at my own childhood home, I simply loved reading it and learning about Finnish nature; lately I have been longing for the same kind of book. I’m glad I found it.

I went to S- Market in Iso- Myyri shopping center and bought a design carrier bag, with a pattern of blueberries. I am going to use it as a container for my recyclable trash; I have two plastic bins for household waste and biodegradable waste, and three carrier bags for paper, carton, and metal. I use glass products very rarely, so I don’t have a different container for them.
I went to Citymarket in Myyrmanni shopping center and bought another design carrier bag, and two rolls of plastic trash bags with drawstrings. They are very nifty.

I was thinking of buying something else, but I didn’t want to waste my money because I had agreed to go shopping with Mirette tomorrow. Fortunately I still had money left when I came home.

Once back home, I took out the trash and assembled the steam cleaner.

Tomorrow I will receive money, the usual 80 euros. I have to pay the monthly membership payment for the gym (about 20 euros), and a partial payment for the stuff I have ordered online (about 25 euros), and like I mentioned, my bank account is 21 euros below zero. That leaves me with about 14 euros.
Here’s to hoping that my social worker will fuck up again and pay me more than a hundred euros. That way I can pay the bills, stock up my kitchen, and go shopping with my friends.

It’s getting late, the clock is half past nine o’clock in the evening. I should go to bed soon.
I should take the mattress out and dust it before making my bed, but it’s getting too late and I don’t want to disturb my neighbours’ tranquil summer evening.
My sofa- bed is cluttered with stuff, I could easily take them off and put them to their proper places and make my bed there.
I have been thinking of sleeping on the sofa- bed till I return from my grandmother’s on the first Saturday of August; it’s going to be one of those sheet- changing weekends anyway, I change them between two weeks.
I feel crummy if I haven’t done the weekly housework by Tuesday. I also feel crummy about the fact that the Late Winds youth group has been cancelled till autumn; I forgot my scarf to their office, and I won’t be able to pick it up until then. It’s really quite annoying that all the hobby groups and hang- outs are closed during summer, that’s when young people would have the time to go there.

While writing this, I managed to take my evening medicine, and take off my trousers. Right now I am waiting for my medication to kick in, eating my favourite chocolate and scratching my nose because it itches like hell.

If I had to write down how I feel right now, I feel very vulnerable and paranoid, like I could hear every single person in this world think bad thoughts about me.
I wonder why I care so much about what bad things people might think about me; as long as they keep the thoughts in their heads, they won’t hurt me. But I guess it’s just the chemical imbalance of my brains that causes my depression and anxiety.

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kattidya
Mii- Mii the ever- loving 🌼💗‿💗🌼

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