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27th Jul, 2016

Just before I woke up, I had a dream where I was in a beauty salon and treated myself with shea butter on my skin and hair serum in my hair.
I also had another dream about the summer cottage; right after the dream unfolded, I realized I was dreaming and called out to my parents; “You are here as well, because I dreamed you here!”
Another dream was pretty much like the relationship between River Song and Doctor Who; their timelines were crossing each other at random points, what was the first kiss for Doctor was the last one for River.
In the dream I was some sort of a female cyber- technic soldier, who met an intergalactic bounty hunter who was much like the humanized version of Lockdown from the cartoon Transformers: Animated and the DC Comics character Lobo. I recognized him immediately, telling him we were actually married, but he didn’t recognize me at first. Soon he warmed up to me and told me “You’re a pretty gal but I wouldn’t kiss you”, and I answered with a smirk “That’s not what you told me when you kissed me”.
When I woke up, I wondered why the last dream wasn’t as goofy and absurd as my dreams usually are. Then I wondered if there was some shea butter somewhere in the bathroom cabinet.

I got up early because I was feeling uncomfortable, it was still early but I simply didn’t feel like sleeping anymore. It seems as if my sleeping pattern has returned to “normal”. Or in this case it was because I would receive money today.
Right after taking my morning medicine, I logged in to my online bank account. Nope, I had received only the usual 80 euros, after paying the usage fees and bills, I was left with about 14 euros. Well, it’s better than nothing.
Sometimes, but only sometimes, I think I should give up my spendthrift ways and instead buy groceries. But then again, I already eat very little because of my extremely poor appetite, and I never feel like eating regular food like fruits and vegetables and sandwiches or regular meals.
Well, at least I save plenty of money considering how expensive healthy non- organic food is these days.

Now that I was awake early, I took a shower and brushed my teeth. I tried to do some simple stretches and exercises, but my delusions started acting up and I decided to give up, and by then I decided to go to the mall for some iced coffee.

Today I bought the following things; a silver- plated finger ring with a real piece of iridescent seashell on it, from Gina Tricot; a pair of purple and white Hello Kitty bangles, and a dark pink heart- shaped mirror with a handle and a picture of Little Myy, from Tokmanni; birthday cards for Emjuso, Mirette, Suomi and Weird Sister, from the stationery shop.

Once back home, I called my mother and asked hir if it’s okay that I come over. Zie said it was safe because my father had gone to work.

I walked to Troll Mountain, mom was home. Zie made me coffee, I helped hir do housework, and asked hir if zie can buy me a sports bra and a few pairs of socks. Zie told me we can go to the mall right away.

While walking to Mole Hill, mom told me zie is going to give me 20 euros on Friday. I asked if zie remembers that zie gave me 40 euros on Tuesday; zie asked about if I actually needed more money on Friday, I had to lie and tell hir that everything was okay and I didn’t need more money.
I know it was a blatant lie, I am constantly in a desperate need of more money but my mother would only chide me for not taking better care of my own finances.

We went to the mall, where mom bought me a simple black sports bra from Cubus, and then we went to Citymarket where zie bought me a package of three pairs of white cotton tube socks. I hate those kind of socks, they’re too plain and besides after seeing all kinds of weird stuff on the internet, I have some painful associations with them. And they weren’t proper sports socks anyway, but I couldn’t bring myself to decline because I was afraid of my mother getting mad and yelling at me.

I went to the library to read comic books where a couple of Finnish lesbians complained about their emotional issues with their mothers. I realized I have those issues as well.

I had received a notification about two packages in the mail; there was the tiny Disney Princess Tiana figurine, the limited edition Deadpool DVD in a metal case, and the two Scholl foot files, one for me and one for Mirette’s birthday gift. I am going to buy hir a housewarming gift as well.

Once back home, I tried to watch the aforementioned DVD but it didn’t work. I used the foot file to file my feet, and it actually worked.
I talked with my best friend Suavecita on the phone. Meanwhile, I found a sheet of ten first class postage stamps from my writing desk drawer, what a stroke of luck!
I wrapped up the present for Mirette, and then I set to work on the greeting cards; I wrote the sender’s address and the receiver’s address and my greetings on each of the cards, and put some pretty stickers on them.

I wish I could learn to stand up for myself and speak my mind, but I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I have caused enough hurt for a lifetime, no matter how polite and kind and respectful I thrive to be.
As they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

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kattidya
Mii- Mii the ever- loving 🌼💗‿💗🌼

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