I had plenty of pleasant dreams, so I slept late into the afternoon. My sleeping pattern, and my pleasant dreams, still won’t allow me to get up early.
Dreams are awesome, it’s like watching a television inside your head.
After getting up, I took my morning medicine and had a wash and dressed up.
Me and Mirette left at the same time, Mirette went to her own home, and I went to see my parents.
I took a bus to my parents’ home. Once there, both mom and dad were home.
I had coffee, ate red grapes, goat cheese, vanilla buns, and cherry tomatoes.
Later the day I left and took a train to Helsinki, in order of visiting the World Village festival in my own terms. But what do you know, the festival was about to be closed as it was getting late.
I took a train back to my own home, once there it was late in the evening, and I was so exhausted that I didn’t feel like going to the gym.
It made me feel awful, I could practically hear the delusions making fun of me for not being able to keep my promises.
Nevertheless, I took a shower and went to bed in time.
I am increasingly worried about myself; I have minimal appetite, I don’t exercise, and all I ever consume is sugary coffee. I know that I would manage my depression and anxiety if I ate healthier and exercised more, but eating and exercising are the exact things that my depression and anxiety prevents me from doing.
I had a dream where I travelled to Lapland, it was a nice dream. In another dream, I studied in school in order to appease my mother. In another dream, I watched Transformers cartoons.
I woke up a little before six o’clock in the morning, and decided to sleep a bit later.
I received a phone call from my social worker, she asked me the name of my doctor. I gave her the name of the doctor at the municipal health center, and told her that I don’t know the name of my doctor at the psychiatric clinic; she said she can call there and ask.
I got up at noon, took my morning medicine, had a wash, and spent a long time rummaging through my clothing cupboard, and wondering what I should wear today.
All my favourite clothes are in desperate need of mending, including all my Dirndl dresses. And I still haven’t received a notification if the tank top has been mended already by the dressmaker.
I settled for a pair of simple black trousers, and a “In Memory of Rock ‘n Roll” shirt. I really should buy more black trousers, along with new nightshirts, brassieres, cycling shorts, and other basic clothes.
I decided to go to Pearl House immediately. I took a train to Pole, and took a bus because I didn’t feel like walking, even if the exercise would have been good for me.
Once there, I drank coffee, surfed on the Internet, and talked with the others.
Later the day when the house was closed, I didn’t feel like going to Girls’ House because I was getting hungry, so I decided to go back home and eat the first solid meal for about a week.
I took a tram to the city center, then a train home. I warmed a microwaveable lunch and ate it hurriedly. Then I hoovered the floor, and I was practically shaking with anger; my blood sugar was so low.
It’s not as if I couldn’t afford food, I just have a very lousy appetite and I don’t have a proper daily routine where to include a proper meal routine.
I went to the shopping mall to visit clothing and jewellery shops, and then I took a bus to Helsinki. I started feeling hungry again, so I went back home on a train.
Once there, I warmed some French fries in the oven, and after I finished my impromptu meal, I was so stuffed full that I threw up three times. After I stopped feeling sick, I actually felt better.
I took my evening medicine, and cleaned my teeth, that is, I flossed my interdentals, brushed the surface of my tongue, brushed my teeth, and used mouthwash. Then I washed my face, showered my underbelly, and dabbed lotion on my skin. Now I feel a lot better.
Today would have been a good day, if I hadn’t been so anxious.
Tomorrow I will receive the weekly allowance from the social office, and also the weekly allowance from my mother when I go visit her. I am going to buy healthy food, and only the necessary hygiene products.
As it is the last “payday” of the month, I need to buy three different brushes; toilet brush, toothbrush, and tongue brush, I always replace those on the first day of every month.
Along with that, I need to buy a couple of magic ink pens, first- class postage stamps, and next month’s birthday and name- day cards.
If the weather is fine, I will travel to my parents’ home on a bicycle.