It’s kind of worrisome when you think about it, that I would rather sleep all day because I don’t think my life is interesting enough, or because I don’t think I can face another day. Or simply because I cannot have coffee.
I heard disco music through my heavy sleep, I guess it’s because there is a park nearby where teenagers blast music. Sometimes I get worried about them, are they having a bad time at home with their parents since they want to stay out late, or are their parents drunk or stoned to not to care of them?
I got up in the evening, took my morning medicine, freshened up and threw on some clothes. I called my mother and asked her if I can come over to pick up the weekly allowance, she said it’s alright.
I travelled to my parents’ home, both mom and dad were there. Mom gave me 80 euros, I drank a cup of coffee, and then I left.
I took a bus back to Hometown, and then I went grocery shopping. I decided to buy only half of the necessary groceries because I wasn’t strong enough to carry a week’s worth of groceries and I didn’t have enough carrier bags anyway, and I wouldn’t eat that much for the rest of the day, and I would receive more money tomorrow so I could buy the rest of the groceries.
I bought avocadoes, apples, tomatoes, and I could have bought kiwifruits but the supermarket didn’t seem to have them in their selection. I also bought vitaminized milk, two packages of nutrient- rich margarine, two boxes of coffee grounds, and two four- packages of these shots that are made of mashed fruits and vegetables, they are kind of supplements for your daily veg & fruit intake. I am going to drink one per day.
I also bought four gifts for Zoya, one from the supermarket and three from Hennes & Mauritz, I am sending her a very big and cute Halloween gift package.
Once back home, I put everything to their rightful places, and decided to go for a walk in the forest next to my home. I had a good time, I should go for walks more often.
I have noticed that the colder the air, the fresher it smells. Autumn is coming, and nature looks ever so beautiful on her dying breath.
Once back home, I didn’t bother with having a wash, I just took my meds and went to bed.
I had weird dreams last night. I got up at eleven o’clock, took my morning medicine and drank the first coffee.
I took a shower and cleaned my teeth, and felt very fresh and good.
I logged in to my online bank account, and noticed that I had finally received money from the social office. I ordered a new necklace from Etsy, a pink glittery transparent heart.
Me and my friend Mella had agreed to meet at one o’clock in the afternoon in the Pearl House at Pole City, I was glad that I was awake early enough.
I arrived a bit early, Mella was already there. We drank coffee and talked a bit, and I updated my blogs on the common computer.
Later the day I started thinking about what I should do for the rest of the day. I decided to leave and travelled to the city center, and bought a new dress that was in discount at Indian Bazaar. I have had my eye on that dress for a long time; it’s lovely bubblegum pink with colorful flowery embroideries at the neckline and the hemline.
I travelled back home, made some coffee, and started feeling as if I was misplaced between my past and future. It’s like that Sylvia Plath story about sitting in a fig tree; all the figs represented choices that I could make, and they were equally wonderful, but if I chose one, I would lose the others. I never knew that everyday choices would be that dramatic.
I decided not to go to Late Winds today, instead I washed a load of laundry, and then I went to the gym. I should catch up on household activities, and I also need to buy more nightshirts.
First I went to the stationery shop to buy this month’s birthday and name- day cards, and a new notebook. It’s one of those small and thick ones.
I walked on the treadmill for exactly an hour while watching the BBC Sherlock episode The Lying Detective on my Netflix app.
I popped to the library on my way home, and picked up some DVDs
Once back home, I started working on the greeting cards; I wrote the sender’s and receiver’s address, greetings and signatures, and waited for the ink to dry out so I could put postage stamps and also some cute stickers on them.
A little before nine o’clock in the evening I felt like I could have brushed my teeth and had a wash, but decided to wait until it’s nine o’clock and I can take my evening medicine and have a wash.
I wonder why I can take my morning medicine at whatever time after getting up from the bed, but I always take my evening medicine at nine o’clock sharp.
And of course, I didn’t bother with the evening routines, I just took my medicine and went to bed.
I felt really bad, and I didn’t understand why. I seemed calm on the outside, and on the inside I felt like I was having a full- blown panic attack. Do I drink too much coffee? Is it because of my blood sugar, thyroid gland, nutrition, or do I exercise too little? I wish there was a simple solution that could be fixed.
I know that life isn’t supposed to be hundred percent happy all the time, but I am just so sick and tired of feeling depressed and anxious most of the time.
I have a weird feeling in my throat, it hurts every time I swallow. It feels like the muscles on the front of my throat are achy and stiff, it doesn’t feel like it’s infected or anything like that.
I have gotten a dash of acne again, mainly whiteheads on my jawline and earlobes and neck. I know they will disappear as soon as they have appeared.
I also have a shit ton of blackheads on my bosom, on every pore there is a blackhead.
Tomorrow I will go to the gym to work out, after that I will go to a knitting group in a library in Helsinki.