Mii- Mii the ever- loving 🌼💗‿💗🌼 (kattidya) wrote,
Mii- Mii the ever- loving 🌼💗‿💗🌼

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Oh doctor, where art thou?

Last night I had a dream where I died of leukemia when I was a toddler; I spent my last night sleeping between my parents on their bed and come morning I was dead.
In another dream, I was the age I am now, and I was carrying my dead toddler form on my arms. I was wearing a pink frilly dress and a straw hat and white lace gloves, and I was looking for a resting place where I could bury myself.

In another dream, an attention- starved kitty cat hung onto me with her nails, and I tried to shake her off because I am allergic to cats.

I woke up early and continued sleeping. I slept past the writing group and the hobby group and got up at half past three o’clock in the afternoon. I took my morning medicine and biotin supplement, got dressed, and put some cream on my face.

I took a train and then a bus downtown and went to Twinkle café. There was Mirette, Mella, Raija, Angie and her dog.
I ate cookies and sandwiches and drank cocoa.

Later that day I walked to the train station and took a train to my parents’ hometown. I went walkabout in the neighborhood where I grew up, wondering how modern the place has become. I walked around so much because I should exercise more often.

I went to see my parents. My mother answered the door, and my father was also home. Mom gave me the weekly allowance.
I ate a tomato and drank coffee and orange juice.

Later that day I caught a bus back home and went to an ATM machine to deposit the allowance to my bank account so I could pay for my Netflix subscription.

I went back home, took my evening medicine and sprayed Nasonex into my nostrils.

My mood started getting worse; I started punching myself and arguing with the voices to the point where I was screaming my head off. I tried calling the national crisis helpline, but no one answered. I called the health service, and I was told I called the wrong one because this was the one from downtown instead of the one in my hometown. I called the social worker helpline, and I was told to call an ambulance.

I called an ambulance. It took about an hour and half to arrive, they asked some questions, and took me to the hospital. I talked with a nurse, and then I was supposed to sit in the waiting room until the doctor was supposed to interview me.

There was a drunken man who had slit his wrists. I gave him his jacket when he accidentally left it on the couch and talked to his girlfriend about manicures.

My mood started getting better and calmer now that I had taken an Oxamin tablet, and soon the delusions stopped bothering me. Come morning, I took a bus back home and I was happy that today I would be awake early.

Once back home, I had a horrid need to pee. I took my morning medicine and biotin supplement, made oatmeal porridge for breakfast, and put basic lotion on my body.
I brushed my teeth and did the skincare routine. I got dressed into clean clothes.
I went downstairs to the drying room and fetched my laundry.

I took a long nap to sleep off my sleep debt. I got up at five o’clock in the evening, and it took me a while of coaxing and convincing to get up.

I had missed plenty of errands I was supposed to run today; I was supposed to mail a few greeting cards, renew a prescription, visit the library, recharge my travel card, and go to the knitting group in a library.

I had received money today. I went to the shopping mall and recharged my travel card and used the rest of the money to buy treats. Now I regret it, I didn’t even feel like eating those treats so why did I buy them?

I went back home and made coffee. I watched Keeping up Appearances on DailyMotion, The Good Place and Riverdale on Netflix, and Carrie: The Musical on YouTube.

In the evening I started having the furious anxiety again; I took two Oxamin tablets, and now I am waiting for them to affect me. I felt like I was back in junior high, and all my classmates were making fun of me. I don’t understand why, but then again, my mental troubles and bad memories are something I cannot control.

Now I feel fine, but I also feel like I should already be asleep. But I cannot sleep because I don’t feel like sleeping.

Once it is a proper time to get up, I will take a shower and wash my hair, mail a few greeting cards, visit the library for the charitable purposes and for the knitting group, visit the psychiatric center to renew my anti- psychotic medicine prescription, visit the pharmacy to pick up more medicine, and then I will go to the youth group at the local church. I might also go visit a couple of museums.

On Friday, I will receive the weekly allowance. I will buy another batch of biotin supplement from the health shop, second- hand duvet covers from a thrift store, clothes from a shop that will be closing soon, and in the evening, I will go to movies to see the musical Cats.

On Saturday, me and my friends will go see another friend in the hospital where I went today, and in the evening, we will go to a free concert; one of our favorite bands, The Shrieks, will be playing there.

On Sunday, I will go see my parents. I will go to the library, and then I will walk to my parents’ home and back. My father will give me the weekly allowance, and I will call my granny.
Tags: anxiety, hospital, real life, shopping, sleepless nights
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