You deserve to be healthy, safe, loved, and very happy
31st January 2011
What would you think of these situations?
On Saturday evening I was waiting for the bus to Helsinki, when a man who was obviously on cocaine and holding a woman who looked like a high- class whore, and asked me in a drawling voice: "Hi there missy, what bus are you waiting for?" I quickly left and decided to walk to the next stop, and I heard him shouting to his escort: "Well look at that, I just ask a simple question and people just leave!"
I usually don't answer when strange people ask me questions like that, because it's not their business. And you might know how it goes; if a man who is obviously not right in his head comes up to a woman during a dark Saturday evening in a public place like a bus stop and they don't know each other, the woman is supposed to think that he is up to no good.
This afternoon I went for a little walk past the apartment buildings next to my house. I passed a chunky young man who was unloading suitcases from a car trunk, and he said something like: "That's nice stuff".
The man had squinted eyes and a child- like attire, despite being at least in his twenties. Judging from that, and the way he acted, he was obviously a plain retard. It's not his fault his parents didn't abort him when they were given the change.
Have you heard about the Chinese retard? His parents named him Sum Ting Wong.
On Sunday morning, approximately at quarter to four, I woke up when a drunken party group rang my doorbell twice. I didn't get any sleep after that. I hate those kind of people who don't respect others privacy or feelings. Just because you want to have fun, you have no right to make the life of someone else less fun. Or what would you think if me and my toadies rang your doorbell just because we had drunk a little more than we were allowed?
Yesterday I visited my parents, and started thinking that I don't want to visit them ever again.
Right after I had taken off my boots, my mom ordered me to peel potatoes and started questioning me about my life, health, studies and all that. If she is not bitching about my life, she is bitching about hers. You have gained more weight since I last saw you! Have you been over- indulging yourself in chocolate again? When are you going to join the gym? You should know that if you continue stuffing your face like that, your arteries will clog up and you will die a slow and painful death! When are you going to finish your studies? When I was your age, I worked from nine to five and attended night school in the evenings! Do you understand how much I have had to toil and suffer in my life?
After dad came home from the gym, I asked him if he could order the Ghost World DVD now as he had promised. He was in a grumpy mood and kept on complaining how he doesn't remember ever ordering anything from Amazon.com, despite he has ordered one book (Love, Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli) and two CDs (The New Starlight Express and the German version) for me. I bet he has started suffering from dementia in his late fifties. I had to help him with the ordering, as he didn't know what the English phrase "Proceed to checkout" means. Nevertheless, he managed to order the DVD for me. I don't know when it arrives, soon I hope.
The one thing that bothers me is what my dad told me about non- European DVDs, they might not work on my DVD player. Oh what the hell, I have lots of non- European DVDs (such as the 1986 Transformers Suvi ordered for me from the same shop) and they all work like a charm, better than my Finnish DVDs I might add.
Mom gave me some money, so when I left I went to Citymarket and bought tomatoes, toilet paper, chocolate, rye bread, toast and a new toothbrush. I hate relying on my parents and the social office, but I guess that no one is truly independent. And besides, this is only a phase in my life, I'm sure that later when I have finished my studies and got a job, I will manage on my own.
Today I had a dream I was watching an amateur theater production of Starlight Express.
After breakfast, I went down the Kitler hill to Myyrmanni, and visited Citymarket to buy chocolate. Then I visited the library to return some items, and picked up some requests. I went for a short walk before returning home.
I did some housework, hoovered the floor, aired the apartment and ironed some clothes. I really like doing housework here and there in my home.
Later the day I decided to go out once again, for two perfect reasons; I wanted to see the sun go down, and I also had to visit the shopping center to look for a new bathrobe.
The sun was setting, it illuminated the sky with a soft peachy pink glow, and it made the sky look bluer than ever.
I visited Seppälä, but they didn't have bathrobes for sale anymore. The bathrobes in Anttila were too expensive, but from Citymarket I found the sweetest bathrobe ever! It cost 20 euros, I'm going to buy it on Friday. I also need to buy hair dye, my dirty blonde roots are starting to show.
I was all jazzed up and I had the feeling I wanted to visit someplace, but I had already visited the library and the mall and it was too late to go to Helsinki, so I reluctantly went back home.
I guess my life is getting back to normal. That is, if my life has ever been normal.
I'm going to read all the Dykes To Watch Out For comic albums by Alison Bechdel.
There's this thing I have been worried about for a long time...
I would love to exercise, such as go for walks or bike rides or go to the gym. The only problem is that physical exertion makes me feel awful. It is said that physical exhaustion is good exhaustion when it comes from sports and other exercise. It gets the serotonin moving in your brains, makes you feel better, brighter and happier and refreshed. It also provides you with a healthy appetite, a good night's sleep and you may succeed better in studying and working and be in a good mood.
As for me, if I only take the garbage out I feel basically rotten and frustrated, almost to the point of being murderous (I'm not kidding or exaggerating). If I go for a walk, my feet start hurting, I feel uncomfortable when my clothes get damp from the sweat and sometimes my stomach starts to hurt because the exercise gets your bowels moving; for me it means that I may shit my pants.
I know it's because I haven't exercised for a long time. If I got off my ass and started going to the gym and taking walks and bike rides regularly, I would soon notice that my tolerance grows and soon I would have no trace of a runny stomach or pained feet.
And also- as for my mental ailment- when I feel physical exhaustion, the voices I hear start harassing me even worse. It's not nice at all.
My original journal was selma5678. I created it out of the blue, as I was desperate to create my very own journal and all of the rad usernames like teenage_zombie and kangaroo_girl were all taken.
At the end of the year 2006 I created this journal, mind, I would have liked to rename my journal but I didn't know shit about how to rename it. I kind of miss my old journal as it contains many fond memories, and I hope it won't be deleted and purged just because of the lack of updates.
As for this journal, I named it after I read a little about Indian mythology; "kattidya" is a Poltergeist spirit that takes the shape of an ayah, a female servant. If it pesters you or someone you know, you must have the courage to look into its twisted face and say "Be gone, and never return!" and it will go away and never bother you again.