6th February 2011

star

I think I'm living through another puberty, if you count how I feel about my sexual orientation.

As a child, I thought homosexuality was a sin as I was a believer then; actually my parents never talked to me about religious things, then again, things like religion and sex/sexuality have always been taboos in my family. They have had no problem warning me about drugs and violence, but my mother wasn't pleased when I asked her what things like "masturbation" and "papilloma virus" meant.

Later I started having little fantasies about having sex with females, then I started thinking if I am bisexual. As for now, I have started thinking if I might be a solid lesbian.

Actually, I am very strongly bisexual; I can imagine living in a sexual relationship with either a man or a woman. But it's just that I'd rather live with a woman, as I have really bad experiences about men. I know that not all men are chauvinist pigs, but all the men who have ever showed any interest in me are the ones who pinch my ass in a tram, dry hump me in a subway or ask about the colour of my pubic hair in a cashier line. I'm traumatized of men, so to say.

Anyway, in my opinion women are beautiful, amazing, wise and creative beings. They are so soft and enticing, and besides living with a woman in a sexual relationship would feel as if dating your own sister or best friend without the icky feeling of being incestual; you have someone who shares your feelings about how lovely cats are, how chocolate cures everything from a broken heart to premenstrual migraines and how thongs are worse than wiping your butt with newspaper.

As I have written many times, right now I am in love with this amazing woman, and it tears my heart apart knowing that she won't ever answer my feelings. Maybe I should put an ad in the personals; "22- year- old non- smoking bisexual lesbian feminist suffering from schizophrenia looking for the love of her life". Bah!