23rd February 2011

star

I feel bored out of my mind.

I had terribly morbid dreams of being bullied in junior high. I guess the bad memories will haunt me for the rest of my life, no matter how happy I will be.
And most of all, I remember how once I was called "a cow" by one of my school mates, and the teacher agreed with him, I am a cow because I always rat my school mates out.
Once I was told that I am the bully because I always bully my teachers by telling them how everyone is always bullying me.
Life is hard, so why don't you just grow a thicker skin?
It's your own fault, you asked for it!
Boys will be boys!
Nah, they just have a crush on you and want to get your attention!

Sometimes I really feel like tearing my hair, screaming and pounding my head against a wall.

This morning I woke up with a terrible pain in my back, and it still hurts.

Grandma is always nagging about my health and such, and she won't let me take showers in the mornings as it's better to take them in the evenings or something like that. And I prefer showering in the mornings as it's better to look fresh before the activities of the day.

She is always talking about her childhood, the time of war when everything was so hard and food and clothes were scarce and so on.

I wish I was at home. No, I wish I was at HOME, where my parents live. I wish I had someone to tell me not to be afraid, take good care of me and love me just the way I am. I am sick and tired of being so lonely all the time!
  • Current Mood: sad sad
  • Current Music: The Beatles - Fool on the hill