19th March 2011

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I hate it when the closest of my online friends has started acting very coldly towards me. Why the hell? I am not perfect, why ruin a perfectly good relationship just because I am a bit of a cunt sometimes?

I hate the fact it is snowing, I had to wear a quilted jacket while yesterday I wore a miniskirt.

I hate that my stupid arm is aching and it will never be able to function properly; it will be stiff as a Viagra- induced cock for the rest of my life. Well, gives me a proper reason to live on welfare for the rest of my life now that I can't work on one arm.

I hate that I can't afford proper healthy food, I have been living on chocolate and tea for weeks now.

I hate that I can't exercise, the social office flat- out refused to pay for my gym membership and anyway physical exertion always makes me feel achy and shaky and frustrated.

I hate the pro- life Bible thumpers trying to interfere with other people's personal choices. If they're so pro- life, they should get one and stay out of mine.

I hate being so lonely. I wish I could already get a wife or a husband.

I hate it when I write a long, dignified entry and no one comments.

I hate it when I can't clean up my apartment with my busted arm. There's dust and dirty dishes and general grime everywhere and my apartment smells of rotten broccoli.

I hate it when I can't get a guinea pig, I am allergic to them.

I hate how YouTube won't work on my server; everytime I watch a video, I can hear the audio but not see the video.

I hate being so angry all the time.

I hate my tranquillizers; they make me devastatingly sleepy and weepy during daytime, but won't help me sleep in the evenings.

I hate being so broke all the time. Right now I need new boots, ceiling lamp, linen, dishes, food, clothes and some sex toys and I can't afford any of them.

I hate my cold pussy, it never reacts to stimuli unless I slash it with a circular saw.

I hate being harassed on streets. When do they learn that it's never the victim's fault and that they're only embarrassing themselves?

I hate my itchy nose.

I hate brushing my teeth, it's so tiresome and besides I can't do it with my left hand.
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I have been in a kind of a pissy mood these days, it's all because of spring. It's always the same; when the weather gets warmer and sunnier, the amount of serotonin in my brains tip over and I feel frustrated, melancholy, angry and rebellious.

Yesterday I wore the geisha skirt I have once posted a picture of, it was very warm and sunny.
I decided to take a bus to Jumbo, to look for clothes in Hennes&Mauritz and then for sex toys in SinCity, but then I remembered that I had to visit the health center to get the results of my blood sample.

To make a long story short, I got the results back and they were a- OK; blood sugar good, hemoglobin good, nutrients good. I couldn't believe it!

I will start receiving this welfare called takuueläke, I'm not exactly sure how it is translated but anyway, there's this new law in Finland that all financial aids will be given a 100 euro raise, to decrease poverty and bread lines. Or something like that, but anyway.
I asked Kaija, the social worker responsible for the peculiar account, if the extra money could not be divided to four week like my other welfare, but be paid monthly as an extra money; if I need a new pair of shoes, kitchen equipment or something like that.

Right now I need to buy a new pair of boots (not because they are shabby, but I have to buy a new pair of boots every spring), some new bed linen, plates and tumblers, clothes (mais oui), sex toys (they're good for my sexual and mental health). I also want to go to theater, to see Tiger Lillies: Freak Show and Vihan veli, and as you might know that theater tickets are quite expensive.

Which reminds me, next week I will go to see this puppet theater show in Toteemi, an art school for children where I used to go for weekly classes when I was little, they have theater shows and art exhibitions every once in a while. If you have been reading my old journal, you can read that I once went there to see this ethnic drum concert in spring 2006.
The show is named Marsu metsässä (A guinea pig in the woods), it's about this little guinea pig who notices that he's all alone in the big city; he decides to move into a forest, make friends with an owl and a rabbit and learns to avoid the fox, finds a nice hole to live in and some food, but how will he manage when winter comes? He can't grow a winter coat, fly to the south or hibernate (I haven't been spoiled of the story yet, but I hope he doesn't die...) The moral of the story is that all pet animals should be taken care of.
I called the person responsible for it yesterday and booked a ticket, the first show was booked full so I decided to go to the show held at nine in the morning. It's very early in my terms, but I guess it's worth it.

Anyway, back to Jumbo. I bought myself a chocolate sundae and a bag of vinegar crisps, then I took a bus back to Myyrmäki and rented the movie Whip It! By now I think that every movie that has Ellen Page is automatically made of awesome.

I was tired and frustrated, once home I took two tranquillizers. It made me sleepy and melancholy, I took a nap on the couch and woke up after eight, I went to bed.

My mom called me, then my grandma called me. I was feeling angry as hell, I decided that anyone who calls me next will have to suffer my wrath!

I had some freaky dreams that made me think that I should ask my doctor to prescribe me some Hypnocil (it's this fictive medication from the movie Freddy Vs. Jason that is supposed to prevent you from having dreams). I hate having dreams; the happy ones make me feel sad for not being as happy in real life; the sad ones make me feel sad; the weird ones make me confused about reality.

It was snowing today. I stayed inside, did some housework as much as I could with my achy arm, and mostly I was in a frustrated and angsty mood.

I went out, visited the pharmacist to buy a packet of 30 pain pills, then Citymarket to buy a bar of chocolate, a box of pantyliners and something else I can't remember right now, then I went to the library to fetch my request, the Kyllä isä osaa DVD box and paid my fees at the same time, and tumble and bumble, I managed to find tons of nice books and comic albums!

As for comics, I like Hellboy, Hothead Paisan, Dykes to watch out for, Ghost World, Nemi, Life is Hell, Bitchy Butch and so on. I detest Donald Duck, but I like Don Rosa's Uncle Scrooge comics the best.

I took the DVD Whip it! to the video renting, then I went back home.

I guess I'm okay.
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  • Current Music: The Baseballs - Bleeding love