You deserve to be healthy, safe, loved, and very happy
22nd March 2011
I am a little depressed now, I think it's because the clusterfuck in my brain caused by the serotonin amounts tipping over because of the increased light and warmth now that it is spring. God, I wish I could have a life so that I wouldn't be depressed just because of the weather.
I might not update until I'm in a better mood.
I'm glad that the social office pays for my health care, if I lived in the States I would be worse, or dead already.
Today was not too eventful, but neither was yesterday. I felt a bit depressed in the morning, so I napped all day and went to sleep at half past five p.m.
This morning I was so sad and mad that I couldn't do anything else than take my meds and dress up, I didn't bother having breakfast as there wasn't anything else than porridge in my apartment, and I didn't bother having a wash or taking a shower, it was too much bother and besides my arm was hurting. Luckily I received some money today, so I'm not exactly at the bottom of my barrel.
I had a meeting with my (temporary) nurse at 2 p.m. What a relief, I have been waiting for someone to talk to. Before that I visited the mall and withdrew 100 euros from my account and bought a chocolate bar from Citymarket. I wanted to go to BR Toys and buy a Zhu Zhu hamster plushie, the one that's named "Squeaks", she's gray in fur colour and has colourful flowers on its ear, but they were out of the gray ones and I didn't want pink, white or brown one.
I visited the library to retrieve my requests, the book Push by Sapphire (the original English version, I had read the Finnish translation first) and Whip it! by Shauna Cross. I also got the albums Poodle Hat by Weird Al Yankovic, the soundtrack for the Drew Barrymore film Whip it! and an album by a Finnish humorist Jope Ruonansuu, whom I have started adoring. I like Finnish humor like Kummeli, even though it tends to be a bit chauvinistic at times.
I went to see my nurse for the last time, she told me that my new own nurse who will also be permanent, is named Satu. I can't remember her last name, but we will have our next meeting in April 26th at 2 p.m.
I told her about the dreams I have been having about the summer cottage. First when I started having the dreams almost three years ago, they were about a burial site in a meadow where my mother's late family members were buried, then about the village itself, then I have been having dreams of going to the attic of the cottage and fetching something; the dream is never completed, as I find myself thinking: "Why should I go there? I will wake up anyway."
Today I also had a dream I was shoplifting clothes and candy in Citymarket, before I could slip away my brother arrived- he had been turned into a bloodsucking vampire- and told me that if I continued living frivolously, he will bite me and turn me into another vampire. Luckily my mother arrived in time and stopped him. The dream had kind of an erotic feeling in it. Geez! I mean, what would Freud say about that? My mother saves me from a vampire resembling my brother? Like the one about a young boy who had a dream of saving a princess who looked like his mother, from a dragon who looked like his father?
After I left, I took a bus to Helsinki despite feeling a Creepy Moment coming on. I went to Kiasma Shop and bought an Anna Sui journal. I should have visited the BR Toys shops in Helsinki to find the Zhu Zhu plushie I was looking for, but I didn't feel like doing so because of the Creepy Moment. I took a bus back to Myyrmäki and went shopping for groceries. I bought milk, rye bread, white bread, sandwich spread, tangerines, tomatoes, a whole watermelon, and probably something else.
Right now the Creepy Moment is gone, and I might have a wash later this evening. Tomorrow I am going to the puppet theater.