March 28th, 2011


Update from Sunday; was feeling too lazy to post this

I had a dream I was running from a savage bear, in another dream one of the boys from my junior high bullied me and no one helped.

My right arm is still stiff and achy, the painkillers don't seem to help. I better ask the doctor to prescribe me some more of them.

This morning I remembered to turn the clocks into daylight saving time. It didn't cause me any problem or jet lag.

Right after checking my e- mails I went to sleep on the sofa, wearing my dressing gown. I felt a little desperate, and knew I shouldn't go to sleep in the mornings before completing the routines.

By midday I got up, and started thinking if I should take a shower and dress up before I go meet my parents. I decided not to, I just dressed up and went out.

It was slightly cloudy outside, and it was moderately warm.

I called my mom and told her I am coming over, and asked her if I can take a shower at their place. Strangely enough, she agreed. I also asked her if she remembered that we were supposed to go buy a ceiling lamp for me, with an energy- sufficient bulb. She told me she will give me the money for both, and I should go buy it myself.

I took the bus 530 to Martinlaakso, both mom and dad were home. They were having lunch in their sleepwear, I hugged and kissed them both.

Mom gave me 25 euros for the lamp, I knew it would be enough for the lamp which costs 17 euros 95 cents but not the light bulb. I decided to trick my mother, I would buy food with the money (I was completely broke again) and buy the lamp next week with my own money. My mom won't know it, if she doesn't read this.

I drank some cocoa, mom told me she has started buying cocoa powder to motivate herself to drink more milk as it is very healthy.
I took a shower, I only washed my hair.

We went to visit my grandparents' grave site, I had decided to come along. After that they would give me a ride back to Myyrmäki, mom had to visit Citymarket to buy some cholesterol- lessening yoghurt drinks. I was a bit worried she would find out, but luckily I have learned to be stealthy like a ninja.

Once in Hietaniemi burial site, it was more sunnier but the wind blew really hard from the sea as it usually does in there. Once in the Veteran grove where my mom's father and mother are buried, we took the candle out of the lantern and took both the lantern and the holder with us, and threw the burned- out candle away.

When we were traveling back to Vantaa, mom and dad started recalling the memories when I was an infant and had leucemia; how I was from head to toe in tubes and bandages and I asked my father to pick me up and cradle me, and how guilty my father felt when he couldn't. I guess that's why I am such a fuck- up now.

Dad parked the car in the Myyrmanni parking lot, mom went to buy the yoghurt drinks while I visited the bathroom. I think my menses had begun a few days earlier, but it's too early and besides it's not blood, it's this weird dark brown discharge. I hope I am not ill or anything.

I went to see if I could buy the lamp and the light bulb, I had enough money for the lamp but 7 euros 5 cents didn't cover the cost of the lamp, so I went to Citymarket to buy food; tomatoes, rye bread, milk, chocolate and cocoa powder (I have decided to start drinking cocoa again so that I could drink more milk, it's healthy now that I don't get any protein from being a vegetarian). I should have bought Kleenexes, but I forgot.

Once home, I washed the dishes and did some laundry. Then I started thinking if I should go for a walk, I felt like it would be nice.
I hate it when I feel like I would go for a walk, it's always like "I'd like to go for a walk, no wait maybe not, oh I think I will go anyway, no maybe not".

I did a quick list of the pros and cons;

+ getting exercise and fresh air does good for me
+ proving myself I am not agoraphobic anymore

- getting a Creepy Moment
- it was a bit late; I like to be home after 7:30 p.m.

Lo, I went out anyway. I didn't regret it, even though I got another Creepy Moment, maybe it's because I didn't eat properly today and I skipped breakfast. Maybe that will motivate me eat more healthily in the future.

Once home, I washed some more laundry and took a warm shower while I brushed my teeth and washed my face, and soon got over the Creepy Moment.
  • Current Music
    Bobby Pickett - Monster mash