29th April 2011

star

As an update to my earlier post in which I shared the memories of being bullied, here's a little more:

I have been thinking of changing my name, I can't stand my name anymore. It reminds me of those hard times when someone in my class mentioned "Miia", and everyone started making puking sounds and being all: "Eww! Yuck! Gross! Blah!" Practically every school I attended, used to think that my Christian name was synonymous to anything gross and disgusting.

I have never actually been told I was hated, except when I had already graduated from grade school; I was riding my bicycle near a small forest area near the school, when I heard some snooty girls hiding in the woods singing a Finnish nursery rhyme with changed lyrics: "Sleeping Beauty is in the castle, in the castle, in the castle, that's why we all hate Miia, we all hate Miia, we all hate Miia...

I have never actually been a victim of physical violence, if you don't count when Abridisak pushed me down, when my woolly cap was ripped from my head and when my friend bit, punched, kicked, strangled or pinched me... Oh, I give up.
star

Usually my days are the same; I get up in the morning when I don't feel sleepy anymore, do all the routines in a scrupulous order, go window shopping or to the library, or art museums when I am able to get free entrance, then I return home and laze my ass off writing my diary, eating chocolate, surfing on the Internet...
It has started to feel boring, as in, repetitious. I could do something better because I don't want my mom to think that I am a no- lifer, but then again, what else should I do? I enjoy my life and I am not harming anyone. And if I want to change my daily life, I am the one able to do that. So, boo- yah!

This morning I woke up (I don't know why I always write that, I mean I don't get up the minute I wake up, I want to lay and dream for a while before I get up) got up exceptionally early; at six o'clock.

I use this new shampoo, Pantene Pro V Lightweight. It sure is lightweight, it doesn't make my hair as fluffy as the other shampoos I have been using; actually now my hairs are really fine and thin and matted down. Le sigh. Well, at least I am able to wash my hair, I mean, when I ran out of shampoo and money at the same time last week. I only showered my hair with water, but it didn't make it any cleaner.
I also use this new Lumene facial cream, which contains some sort of cornflower juice, it smells of apples and beer and only a small dab can smear my whole face white, and it feels cooling on my skin.

Today is Friday, and tomorrow is my name day and day after tomorrow is Mayday.
Friday is my Sabbath day; I dedicate it to having fnu! So I decided to go to the shopping mall Jumbo in Pakkala.

I took out the garbage, went to Citymarket to buy two chocolate bars and then took the bus 51 to Pakkala.

Once there, I had to scurry to the bathroom which had just been renovated. They had plastered pictures on walls of the bathroom stalls, depicting smiley families. I was quite nervous to pee under their eyes. I also noticed droplets of blood on my pantyliner; like rowan berries against snow; I knew that I could expect a full gush of blood tomorrow.

I visited the usual shops, SinCity (they sold edible dildos made of strawberry- flavored jelly) and Hennes&Mauritz.
When I visited Hennes&Mauritz in early spring, I noticed they sold all kinds of lovely clothes; too bad I couldn't afford them. I jotted them down on a shopping list and made a vow to buy them later when I start receiving more welfare. Le sigh, I still haven't received it and meanwhile the clothes are being removed from the range. Life for me ain't been no crystal stair.

When I was back at the bus stop, I noticed that the last bus 51 had just left, the next bus would be 519 and it would go to Itäkeskus. The next 51 would arrive a minute after.

Once home, I watched the movie Encounters of a Third Kind and spent the evening surfing on Wikipedia.

I made some interesting notes about the Christian theology that will, for sure, start a flame war:
If a person, such as a native African, has never heard of Jesus or any other part of Christianity, can he still be condemned to Hell?
If God plans our lives before we even were born, does He actually plan a life to end up in Hell?
And most of all, if God loves all his children, why does he condemn some of us in Hell even though it breaks his heart? Why can't He just save us all?
And if our good deeds and works won't save us, what's the point in doing good?

It was midnight when I went to bed, feeling a lot smarter.
  • Current Mood: accomplished accomplished
  • Current Music: Electric Six - Gay bar