19th May 2011

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I have decided to give up dieting.

Why?

It's my mother who engraved the thought into my mind. Recently she has started complaining how much I have gained weight.

I am 169 cm/5,5 feet tall, and weigh 71 kg/156 lb (please don't mind if the measures are a bit wonky, I mainly use European methods of measuring). According to my mother, I am fat. According to BMI, I am a teeny bit overweight.

So, why did I decide to lose weight in the first place? Because I want to please others? I want to make sure that mommy loves me and I will get a lover by being all thin and pretty?
Nevertheless, if I weighed less I would still have a spotty face, saggy boobs, bad posture, big nose and gray eyes.
Why can't I realize that true love is NEVER determined by appearance?
And is beauty determined as being thin and fit?

Not to mention that dieting has a devastating effect on me; it makes me feel lousy about myself, feeling like I am a complete failure in every aspect of my life.

Anyway, It's kind of clear that if I continue living a life like this, I am determined to die from a heart attack at the age of 38; but that's fine by me. After all, I would rather live a short but happy life, rather than a long and unhappy one.
So, I won't give up chocolate, crisps, cupcakes, cookies and candy, and other goodies beginning with C. But I will also study and work hard, go for walks and bike rides and go to the gym.
If my mother won't like it, that's her tough luck.
  • Current Mood: determined determined
  • Current Music: Clint Mansell - Lux Aeterna
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