13th June 2011

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I had horrible nightmares; I was bullied in school very cruelly by my grade school bullies, and the rest of the dream was like the movie Carrie; I released Hell at the prom and continued destroying the whole city, but saved my family.
In another dream, my parents mourned me because I had committed suicide.

In the bleak light of the morning I got up and downed a jugful of water, because I was very thirsty. Then I went back to bed.

Today I wore a pair of pink pajama pants patterned with hearts and teddy bears, and a Cupcake Cult t- shirt with a picture of a zombie Pikachu on the front.

I spent the morning doing housework; washing clothes, folding linen, hoovering the floor, cleaning up the bathroom and trying to freshen the air in my apartment; it was very hot, damp and stuffy.

I went out to take a bag of old clothes to the recycling depot, including my scarcely used sport bras (I hated them because they were too tight and I had a hard time tugging them over my head, I want to purchase the kind of sport bras that resemble normal bras) and a t- shirt I once received from my ex- long time friend naggingfishwife, the one who booted me off her flist for joking about the tsunami in Japan. I was thinking of cutting it up and burning it, but thought that maybe some poor devil may need it.

After that, I went to my appointment at the family- planning clinic. I had booked it because I wanted to convince them I could have a sterilization surgery.

It took me a while to find the clinic, and once I found it, the nurse was late.
Anyway, she asked me a few questions, measured my blood pressure and my weight, then she sent me to the doctor who asked a few questions and then gave me a form to fill out and told me to call when I have filled it.

After the meeting, I took a bus to Helsinki. It was a chilly, rainy day and I was very happy about it. I have nothing against sunny days, but the heat wave was making me lose my mind.

Once in Helsinki, I went to S- Market and it took me a while to find the aisle where crisps are stacked, and then it took me a while to find vinegar crisps. I bought a bag of them and two chocolate bars.

I walked along Bulevardi, munching on the crisps, and visited DAY to see if they had cute dustbins for sale; I have to buy another dustbin as the old one's pedal is broken, and besides I want to furnish my home a bit so I wanted to buy a pretty one!
Too bad, they only sold dustbins made of wicker, and I don't like using anything earthy; I like anything that's bright colored plastic, retro or kitsch.

I have also decided that when it comes to things like plastic gloves, dish washing brushes, dishcloths and such, I am going to buy the colorful, decorative, exquisite ones.

I visited a few shops just for fun, then I went to K- Market and bought two cans of Estonian carrot juice, my favorite drink.

Once in Myyrmäki, I was a bit surprised to see that the time was already well over five p.m.! I had expected it to be somewhere between three and four. I visited the library to fetch my requests, then went to the shops looking for hygiene products and furnishing stuff.

Once home, I noticed I had received an invitation to my cousin Iina's confirmation party. According to my mother, we will not go there as the party falls on Midsummer's day, and my parents will go on a cruise then. I'd love to go there as I miss my relatives, and besides I know it will be fun, playing with their dogs, eating all the food and meeting the people I have missed so much.
I should also ask my dad to fix my bureau drawer, one of the, um, boards keeps falling off and no matter how I try to fit it back, it keeps falling off. I should ask my dad to bring some glue along.

I washed the dishes and ironed a shirt.

Tomorrow me and my bitch of a mother will go for a cruise to Tallinn. I will try not to troll her, but I think I will fail at that.
I sure love my mommy, but she is always looking at me with a steely glint in her eyes like a hawk on a hunt, criticizing my clothing, posture, diet and practically anything about me. I know that it's just what mothers do, but it makes me feel very bad about myself.
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