17th June 2011

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Nowadays I seem to have only nightmares, or otherwise bad dreams. Except if I'm taking a nap, then I have dreams of sunny daisy fields and riding a bicycle.

I'm counting on the fact that after summer, I will go to the night school to take the last compulsory class before getting my diploma, then I will apply to a few vocational schools.
As you might know, I am a very unmotivated student and I'd rather sleep late and listen to music all day, so I think things won't go as smoothly as I think.
Well, I hope I will get a proper grade from the last compulsory class, be accepted to the school I like the most and then start working as a librarian. I wish it was that easy.

This morning I felt pretty bad, I felt like going back to sleep but instead I took a shower, brushed my teeth and dressed up, hoping I would feel a bit pepped up, but alas, I didn't.

I had a proper breakfast, I can't remember when's the last time I ate something else than chocolate for breakfast.

I was feeling a bit sleepy so I took a nap. It was about half past eleven a.m. when I fell asleep, and I ended up sleeping all the way to half past four p.m..

I got up when I felt the need to pee, I hate it when I want to sleep and then I feel like my bladder is about to burst.

I made myself a couple of toast sandwiches with scrambled eggs, then I was thinking of going for a walk.
Yes, a walk. I haven't gone for walks for a long time, usually when I have to go somewhere farther than errands, I ride a bicycle or take a bus, I don't like walking as I usually end up slouching in a crooked way and end up sweaty, tired and my legs and back hurting. But I guess I should try getting used to it, even though I think there's no point in going for walks when I anyway end up in the same place I left.

First I went to Citymarket to buy a bar of chocolate, then I noticed I had some extra change left so I bought two bars.

It was scorching hot and humid outside, and the sky was clouded up. The kind of weather I hate the most.

I walked from one place to another, tried to keep my posture straight and enjoy the surroundings.
I think there's something wrong with me; years before I used to enjoy walking around, looking at the landscapes, but nowadays I feel like I have a different set of eyes so I can't really see anything special in the landscapes surrounding me. I hate it, but I guess I have to realize that I am growing up and becoming an adult, I have to forget enjoying life and start working to make a living.

Once home, I still felt as bad as in the morning. I listened through the entire New Starlight Express album, ironed clothes and folded them to the cupboard, swept the crumbs off the floor and avoided washing the dishes.
Tomorrow is another major clean- up weekend as always in the middle of the month. It's definitely something to look up to, after all in a certain mindset I enjoy doing housework, but I guess I will end up sleeping the whole weekend, except if Suvi and Jamie come for a visit.

I feel as if today was a complete waste. I wish I could see something to hold on to on every day, sometimes it's just so hard.

Sometimes I like to think that if today sucks, tomorrow will be better. I should hope so.
  • Current Mood: crappy crappy
  • Current Music: Starlight Express - Next time you fall in love