10th July 2011

happysun

What an absolutely glorious day today was!

It begun a bit miserably, as my mornings usually do; I had had happy dreams and I was disappointed to wake up.
I was in a bus station/candy shop/movie theater at night, climbing on the walls and spinning around, while the others looked at me bewildered.
In another dream, me and my parents were sunbathing on Kitler hill, it was a weird kind of season; at first it was a sunny noon that predicted a thunderstorm, then it turned into a winter evening when the sun is setting and the sky is turning pearly pink, with the most perfectly shaped snowflakes flurrying from the sky.
In another dream, I was walking in Myyrmäki, it was the kind of lovely winter evening as in my last dream, the streets were slushy and I moved forward by slipping on the wet snow, I rushed forward like Blurr on speed and I was eating carrots and peppermint- chocolate ice cream balls.

When I woke up, I realized I was hugging my blanket and pushing my teddy bear against the wall with my forehead.

I was feeling cruddy; my boobs felt bloated as if they were about to explode. A definitive sign of menstruation. And also, I was sweating terribly, these huge beads of sweat kept on dripping from under my skin flabs.

I don't know why, but I hated to look at the grey linoleum floor. I had taken the carpets to the balcony to have them aired before I dusted them, and the bare floor was making me anxious for whatever reason. It somehow reminded me of Silent Hill, especially the Straight Jacket monsters. Crazy, huh?

I took a shower, used conditioner and peeling cream, dressed up and wiped the sweat off with pieces of household paper. I didn't bother with breakfast; I had gotten money, don't ask me how, and I was going to buy chocolate.

My parents are on a vacation, they are traveling from town to town here in Finland. Mom had called me yesterday evening, telling me they were in Lapland and asked me to go to their apartment to sort out their mail.

I took a bus to Martinlaakso, I didn't bother riding a bicycle as I would probably be low on blood sugar due to not eating a breakfast and such physical exertion would be too much.

Once home, I sorted out my parents' mail, then I started thinking what I should do for the rest of the day.

I decided to walk around in the neighborhood, go to the local K- Market to buy two chocolate bars and then take a bus to Helsinki.

I was feeling crappy as usual when I go outside, especially on a scalding hot day like today; I felt like I could never experience happiness (oh my!), because my illness stands out like a fortress between me and my whole being, and the world around me.
The sun was shining and everyone was tanning, the air smelled of flowers and the gentle murmur of the urban area was like music to my ears, and I felt like I was not supposed to enjoy it. The world seemed to be unwelcoming, if it had been a person it was glaring at me and giving me cold shoulders, ordering me to go back to my apartment to brood. But yet I had the gall to walk around and at least try to enjoy my life!

Once I was traveling to Helsinki on a bus, I felt a bit happier. It seems like through the windows of the bus, the world seems a better place.

In Helsinki, I looked at some paintings done on the wooden walls dividing the construction site from the sidewalk, they were really beautiful! It was such a lovely day, everyone was having fun, like heaven had descended onto earth.

I went to Kiasma, took a while to look at the paintings and read catalogs about the art shows before, then I visited Tennispalatsi art museum; only the shop because I didn't have the membership card yet, then I visited the Museum of Cultures.

I felt very refreshed, and most of all, happier than an hour and half ago. Today was enough to prove me that I can be happy, I just have to do what I have to and find the happiness in everyday life.

The bus I was supposed to travel on back to Myyrmäki passed me right before my eyes, and I couldn't help but just laugh like crazy. I took a train, called Suvi and we had a roaring good time recalling our funniest junior high memories.

I got off at Malminkartano and walked home. I did the rest of the housework; beat the carpets, mopped the floor, cleaned up the bathroom. I'm supposed to wash the dishes, let's see if I can do it today.
  • Current Mood: happy happy
  • Current Music: Jeff Bridges - Van Gogh in Hollywood