You deserve to be healthy, safe, loved, and very happy
13th July 2011
Dreams of a Sleepless Night
Shadows peeking from the corners Monsters snoring under my bed I guess I am too cool to fall asleep?
Thoughts crossing my head Noises crackling, colors splattering There's a fistfight between the truth and the lie Going on in my head
I would rather chase waterfalls in my dreams Than lie awake in the cold cruel reality
Blessed Virgin Mary cradles, lulls me in my crib, voice as sweet as a glass of warm milk Dear Endymion, the archangel of the Seven Seas, Can't you see the wolves prowling around your bed? Hear my dearest child, you are too precious to die yet, To fall from the dark forest into the ocean Undulating dark and heavy Sleep my dear child, tomorrow wake up to the sunshine We'll dance and sing and laugh together Fall asleep into the embrace of darkness, The whole verdant universe watches you sleep
I have truly been questioning sleep lately. I think it's because of the heat wave, I find it hard to sleep when I feel like drowning in lava. No matter if I sleep naked and have only one blanket.
Usually when I don't get any sleep, I get up and arrange my stuff in better order, or just putter around my home.
I have to down about six tranquillizers before I finally fall asleep. Usually I don't remember falling asleep, I just wake up at six in the morning feeling bright and chipper.
Last night I finished my diary, so I started another. I'll take a photo of it later.
This morning I didn't bother with breakfast, I just ate chocolate. Yesterday I had bought fourteen chocolate bars from Citymarket; it cost me a pretty penny, but at least I won't run out of them.
I changed my towels, took a shower, used peeling cream on my face and hands and conditioner on my hair. I dressed up and after a while, I went out for some errands. Or more like, I went to the library to fetch my requests that I thought would be the book SCUM Manifesto by Valerie Solanas, but turned out to be the music album Unabomber! by Pelle Miljoona. I also lent a collection of short stories from different authors, it was about a zombie invasion in Finland.
I was thinking of going to Helsinki, I would visit Mereija, a shop that sells trashion clothes and jewelry. I was thinking of taking a train because the bus would take a long time to arrive, but then again, taking the bus would be easier because it goes straight past Mereija, and time would pass nicely when I read the Finnish stories about zombies.
I sat next to a suspicious- looking man, who surprisingly didn't say a thing to me. Before the bus arrived, behind me there was a man who was talking to these women; the man was babbling about Jesus, and the women stared at him like he was a dazzling rock star. The women had name plates on their cardigans; sister Patricia, sister Beatrice, sister Susanna and so on.
I got off the bus at Mannerheimintie, walked to Mereija and looked at the dresses. I had seen those 70's summer dresses in there, and I was dying to get one. I felt a bit disappointed when I realized that the dresses cost 146 euros, and I knew that even if I saved my money, when I could finally afford one it would be past the season.
I walked up the Linnanmäki hill, visited a souvenir shop and listened to some Global Journey albums.
I made a decision to visit both Linnanmäki and SeaLife next month; it would be better to do it at the end of summer as there wouldn't be so many visitors. I texted Suvi and asked her to come along, and then we could go have a pint of crowberry juice at a small cafe.
I walked down the hill and visited Kiasma shop; I was feeling hungry, so I took a bus back home and prepared some mac'n'cheese.
I still have to wash the two days old pile of dishes on the counter.
Sometimes I wish there was a change in my daily life; I am getting bored of sleeping late, eating irregular meals and basically just wandering around in Helsinki or lazing around in my apartment. I wish I had a day job or a studying place.
I have been thinking; after summer I will go to the night school and finish the last course, before I go to the vocational school I could go to work; there's this law in Finland that if you are on welfare, you can still do a little work and earn a little money along with your welfare.
It would be nice to have something important to do, earn a little extra money and get experience on my future occupation.