11th August 2011

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This may not come as a surprise for you, but I had been thinking of going on a diet again.

I don't know where I got this crazy idea; the cause seems to be a smaller affair than the result. It's just that most of my dresses and skirts seem to be too tight for me, and once I managed to break the zipper of my prettiest lolita dress I was generally cursing myself.
I know I have gotten a bit rounder after eating two chocolate bars a day for two years, but by no means I am fat; I have never been fat, as a teenager I was very thin and now I am a bit curvy and round. And besides, people are supposed to change as they grow older! Very rarely people stay in their youth measures as they grow.

Why should I go on a diet?
To fit into my prettiest clothes? (Which are usually manufactured in Asian countries, after Asian standards where people are naturally thin and short...)
To find a lover? (As if all boys would be drooling after supermodels...)
To please my mother who has poked my stomach and nagged me many times? (Well, I can never please everyone...)
To have self- esteem and love myself? (Never in my life have I had self- esteem, and I wouldn't love myself even if I was a superstar...)

Big is beautiful? Thin is in?
Life is too short for celery sticks and self- hatred?
If the standard of beauty gets any thinner, no one will fit it?

Why should I give up cupcakes, chocolate, crisps and cookies and other things that make me happy?
Why should I start hating myself instead of trying to crush the patriarchy?
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