August 25th, 2011


On the outside looking in

Yesterday was a good day, I guess. I was on the move all day, visited different places and enjoyed the time being. I felt cheerful, playful, mischievous, naughty, carefree, the kind of like Pippi Longstocking or Little My would feel when she's up to something. I decided to adopt a more positive way of thinking towards life.
I also felt a bit pissed off and angsty, but sometimes it just feels good to wallow in your own scum.

During the night I had to swallow four tranquillizers, and it still took me hours to fall asleep.

Result? This morning I got up at eleven, my legs felt shaky and I felt sleepy all day.

I wanted to visit different places, but I was about to fall asleep standing up, so I went back home and took a looooooong nap.

God, sometimes I just hate myself so much. When I look back at my life, all I see is a failure. I have always been the outsider, the wallflower, all the people I know either turn away from me or turn against me. But I don't mind, I'm already used to it.

Why should anyone give a fuck about me? I have never done anything on anyone's behalf, I have never been of use.
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