8th September 2011

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I'm not really sure where my life is going. I have plans to finish the last class in night school, apply for vocational school and if I'm accepted, start studying as a librarian and then get a job.

But right now I feel very unsure. I feel like I should be in my teen years, except I don't want those years back. In junior high school I suffered from terrible acne and I was bullied by friends and enemies alike, and had to go see a psychiatrist four times a week so I didn't have much time for having fun or educating myself. I guess that's why I am such a fuck up; especially after my freshman year in high school when the therapy ended and I looked towards the future, seeing strawberry fields and marshmallow pies and soon after I was diagnosed with schizophrenia and it made my life a living hell.

I hate my skin, especially on my face; I have dark rings around my eyes and a pale complexion with red blotches of acne and rash. I want to be prettier but I don't want to wear makeup. Dilemma. Maybe some Isadora Graffiti Nails nail polish?

I have decided to quit drinking milk, I mean the one that comes out of a cow's udders. I think it's unnatural, because no other mammal species drink milk from another animal. From now on, I'll buy oat milk, it's much more healthier. And besides I want to drink cocoa, it encourages me to drink milk and makes me yummy in my tummy every day.

I visited my parents yesterday, I have taken up this routine of visiting them every Wednesday evening. Dad is traveling to Stockholm for the weekend because of his job, and they both are traveling to Florida in a couple of weeks.

God, I hate my grandma so fucking much. She is the kind of a stuck- up Jesus freak who would, if given free reign, make me stop dying my hair and give up the kind of music and movies I like, stop being a vegetarian and so on. She complains about everything; how I am not supposed to go to bed hungry and how dying your hair causes brain damage and so on. I used to love her lots when I was a kid, but now I have realized that I hate her so effin' much.
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