17th September 2011


I really love autumn. I kind of miss the sunny and warm days of summer, but I know I wasn't able to enjoy them.
I love the contrast between the overall grayness and the bright colors of leaves, the rich smell of decomposing earth, the rain, and the thought of Halloween and Christmas coming soon.

I had dreams of being bullied in grade school, they were really anguishing.

Today, about at noon, Linda and another counselor from Laturi came for a visit as every Saturday. I gave them an update of my life and after they left, I had a breakfast; yes, I like to sleep late and usually I have my breakfast at one p.m.

I decided to go see my parents; they would leave for a trip to Florida tomorrow, so I wouldn't be able to visit them then.

I called my mom and told her I am coming over, and took the bus 53 to Martinlaakso.

Only mom was home, she was packing her luggage and dad was at work.
I drank a few cups of cocoa, talked to my mom and left early because I had a lot of housework to do. It's halfway of the month, so I would have another of those major clean- up weekends again.

I took a bus to Myyrmäki, once home I opened the balcony door to let some fresh air in, hoovered and mopped the floor, wiped all the desks and tables clean, dusted my art objects, changed the bedsheets and towels, hoovered my mattress and sofa, took the carpets out to dust them and washed the laundry. Tomorrow I will clean up the bathroom and wash the dishes.

I have started wearing makeup again, only a dab of glitter on my cheekbones and black eyeliner, but it makes me look cute. I have also decided to make a facial mask every Sunday morning, when I used to do it on Saturdays.

I have been thinking of dying my hair reddish purple, I'll buy hair dye next week.
  • Current Mood: okay okay
  • Current Music: Hit Girls - Bad Reputation

I have a small bruise on my right upper arm, it's fading now.

I try to write my diary as much as possible everyday. Now that I think about it, I don't even know what's the point in writing a diary, but it's a comforting thought that my life won't be forgotten.

There are days when I want nothing else than just to kill and fuck, I have wanted to do that ever since I was a kid. I have never killed or fucked anyone, and I hate the idea of doing it. I believe in the sanctity of life and besides I live in celibacy; that is, I don't even have anyone to fuck.

I want to be kind, gentle and loving, and use my bitchy attitude only when defending myself. I want to treat others the way I want to be treated, but I don't have much people around to be treated.

"Sometimes the world is dark and cold
And no matter what I'm told
I'm scared and I'm alone,
And I'm 22 years old
Will you hold my hand?
  • Current Mood: melancholy melancholy
  • Current Music: Björk - Five years