October 5th, 2011


(no subject)

I haven't felt too good these days, mainly because of the voices I have been hearing.
They are mostly memories from school bullying, sexual harassing or other unpleasant encounters I have had with other people.

I don't have suicidal tendencies anymore, but sometimes I just feel like I want to just pass away. Sometimes I wish I had never been born, or that I would have been born as a completely different person, someone who doesn't hear voices nor spend nights lying awake and thinking of the secret of the universe, or something else as fucked up.

Nevertheless, I think today was such a nice day, on and off. I had dreams of living in Heaven, and in the morning before I got up I felt so comfortable in my bed; it's so weird how in the evenings my bed feels like sleeping on a block of wood, and in the mornings it feels like lying on a lily pad. It would be better if it was the other way around.

This morning the voices were especially bad, they made me cry to the point where I was boo hoo hooing out loud.

It got better, I think. After finishing the morning routines, I decided to go for a little urbane adventure.

It was a sunny day, despite a bit chilly, it made me happy along with the fact that I had more money than I had expected.

I took the bus 53 to Koivukylä, visited the local supermarket to buy a little candy and then took the bus 623 to Helsinki.

Once in Helsinki, I went to Kiasma shop to set aside a diary I am going to go buy after two weeks, then I went to Idea in Forum shopping mall and bought birthday cards for fuzzy_ninja, michichu2 and Cally.

I took the bus 452K to Myyrmäki, once home I washed laundry, hoovered the floor, made dinner and called my mom. I think my life is good, despite all the coincidences.
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