This may sound a bit shallow, but I have a tendency to judge (well, it may be a bit harsh word but that's the only word I can think up right now) people by their inner beauty; when I was in junior high, I was friends with a bullied girl named Mari who was, well, not pretty. She was a bit overweight, had wiry hair and more pimples than I had at that time, and she was such a sweet and polite girl that I always viewed her as pretty. Then again, there was another girl whose name I have forgotten, she was a bully and used to skip classes as much as she could, and only came to school to bully me. She was very, very pretty, like an angel doll, but she was such a nasty skank that I always viewed her as ugly.
I hope you don't take my "I hate myself and I want to die" posts too seriously; I don't have such low self- esteem and I don't plan to kill myself, it's just that after thinking too much and analyzing everything too seriously I just get all angsty- wangsty.
I wish I could start loving myself, not be selfish but have a good self- esteem.
After all, for us feminist gals the best kind of revolution is to start loving your body.
Let's see, the things I like about myself...
Well, I am very talented in prosaic writing. I like my appearance, I may not be beautiful but I rather look sweet like an elf, in a Björk- ish way. I like my weird sense of humor and my imagination, it makes my life tolerable. I like the fact that I am able to think sensibly and not swallow everything I am told, I am very opinionated whether it comes to religious or political views. I love every single hair on my legs. I love my cute little pussy. I love my friends, they make me happy when the world kicks my ass.
Last night I couldn't get any sleep, even though I had taken my pills. I stayed up all the way to two a.m., and when I got up to putter around in my apartment, I felt the need to go back to bed, and once back in bed I wanted to putter around.
But for some reason or other, I fell asleep and had dreams of incest and tentacles, and woke up with a sopping wet pussy. I also had a dream of being convicted of witchcraft, but I escaped on my broomstick and cackled maniacally.
After getting up in the morning I had a terrible need to pee. I hate it when I want to sleep and have to get up because my bladder is on a rampage.
When I peeked outside through the curtains, there was such a thick mist outside that I was reminded of Silent Hill.
When I took a shower, I used peeling cream and hair conditioner and after that I made a beauty mask. While waiting for the mask to dry I washed the dishes that had stood on my counter for a week, you wouldn't believe how relieved I was after the task!
I also washed a load of laundry, after that I went to meet my parents.
I took the bus 45 to Martinlaakso. Only mom was home, dad was at work and my brother Sami was visiting a friend to help him install his computer.
I did the usual things, drank a few cups of cocoa, talked to my mom, nerded on the Internet on my parents' laptop and took a short nap. For some reason, when I take a nap at my home I feel wretched for wasting my time, and when I take a nap at my parents' place I feel like I deserve it.
I started to feel bored, so I hugged and kissed my mom goodbye and told her to say hello to dad from me.
I walked around for a little while before going to the bus stop, I was thinking of going to Sello shopping center in Leppävaara to hang around but it was getting late, so I took the bus 53 to Myyrmäki, hung around in the shopping center and then went home.
Once home, I did the rest of the housework, washed two loads of laundry and cleaned up the bathroom. Now I'm ready for another week!
I know that Halloween isn't over yet, but I am already making plans for Christmas. Well, that's just me.
I used to have a bit mixed feelings about Christmas; on the negative side, I am not one for Christian/American cultural- imperialist holidays, even if Christmas is of Pagan origins. I used to hate seeing all the happy people spending time together when I was one unhappy loser, and how my parents always quarreled and I couldn't afford presents.
Now I think Christmas is the best time of the year, a little bit of light in the darkest time of the year. I love everything about it; spending time with my friends and family, decorating the tree, baking ginger snaps and plum tarts, eating lots of delicious food, anticipating the Christmas Eve, going to my grandparents' grave to light up candles, cleaning up my apartment properly, buying and wrapping up presents and giving them to my loved ones and seeing the delighted sight on their faces when they receive gifts given by me.
I would love to send presents to every single person on my flist whose address I have, but it's just that I have almost 50 users on my address book and I could never afford sending gifts to all of them, even if they deserve it. So I'm only sending cards, I hope they'll do.