October 26th, 2011


(no subject)

Yesterday was the kind of day that I never want to have again.

In the morning I got up early and I did all the morning routines diligently, and I felt very chipper and refreshed. I also knew I would receive my weekly allowance today, it wasn't much but at least I could buy some food since my fridge was getting empty.

I logged into the online bank account, and what do you know, the money wasn't there. I knew my social worker had fucked it up again, like last week when she totally forgot to transfer the money and I had to apply for food stamps to fill up my fridge.

I tried calling her, but she hung up each time. I went to see her in the social office, she explained that now that the banks have started using the IBAN codes, it may take a longer time for the money to arrive.

I went back home, feeling down in the dumps. I had planned to go for a long and brisk walk today, but I had to stay at home and log in and out of the online bank service, choke back tears and besides I was feeling weak because of hunger.

The time was 4 p.m. when I received 83 euros. I felt only mildly happy, mostly I felt like "Oh whoop- de- fucking- doo, now let's go shopping" and went out.

First I went to the library to return a few books, then I went to the bank to withdraw my money, then I went back to the library to pay my fees, then I went to Citymarket and loaded my trolley with food that would keep hunger at bay until next week.

Once home, I was pissed off and tired, but I put the groceries onto their right places, ate a whole bag of vinegar crisps and fixed myself a few sandwiches.

It's quite ironic how during the day I felt weak with hunger, and suddenly I was so stuffed that my stomach felt like it could explode.

In the evening I felt a lot calmer when I reviewed the day; at least now I had food, and I knew that the money arrives at 4 p.m.
  • Current Music
    Jeff Bridges - Van Gogh in Hollywood

(no subject)

Aww, today was such an eventful day!

I had a lot of things to do today; when I first got out, I went to Citymarket and bought a Starbucks caramel latte drink, a spray- bottle of universal cleaner and a box of paper handkerchiefs.
Then I visited the rehab center to have two of my prescriptions renewed, I will pick them up next week.

I went for a walk, it's something I haven't done for a while. I haven't gone out only for leisure for a long time, usually only when I have some errands.

It was such a refreshing feeling to walk around in the crisp and chilly autumn air, the smell of rich earth everywhere and the golden leaves falling like angels.

I was thinking of going to Helsinki to visit Tennispalatsi art museum, as I had bought an annual pass last week.

I took a train from Louhela, that's when I realized that I had forgotten to bring my cellphone along as I had left it home for recharge. Well, no one calls me anyway, so I didn't mind.

Once in Helsinki, I went to Arnold's to have a little lunch. I had a bagel filled with cold- smoked salmon, cucumber slices and cream cheese, then I had two donuts; one cinnamon- sugar and one with pumpkin orange glazing in celebration of Halloween.

I also visited a few shops, and it was getting quite late when I finally ended up in the art museum.
There were two exhibitions; The Power of color- Works from the Collections of the State Tretyakov Gallery, and one of Akseli Gallen- Kallela. My favorite was Ad Astra.


After the visit, I started for home. The bus 452 has just left, so I decided to take the bus 453.

Once in Martinlaakso, I waited for almost half an hour for the next bus. The most annoying thing in waiting for a bus home is when you wait for half an hour, and the first bus to arrive doesn't go anywhere near your home. FUUUUUU-

Once I finally got home, I washed some laundry, fixed myself a few sandwiches and strolled through my Tumblr dashboard. Now I am afraid of dying.

No, really. I took the pills I am supposed to take in the evenings, then forgot about it, and in my immense wisdom I took the pills I was supposed to take tomorrow morning. Then I thought "Fuck it", and took the pills I was supposed to take tomorrow night.

I tried to make myself throw up, but nothing happened. I thought of going to the emergency ward, but then again, I don't think anything bad is going to happen except I am going to sleep very tight tonight.
  • Current Music
    The Beatles - Helter Skelter