16th November 2011

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Dear notxdeadxyet,

THANK YOU SO MUCH for the card that arrived today! It was absolutely gorgeous, I loved it!
It warms my heart that I have so much friends who care for me, even if we have never seen each other but knowing that they are there.

You are such a great kitty cat! Kiss kiss!
  • Current Mood: happy happy
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There's this little something I have been thinking of for a while.

During the first years of my illness, back then when I spent a lot of time in and out of the mental ward, I was in a bad shape. I didn't eat much, I spent all days sleeping and all nights surfing on the Internet, changed my panties once a week and didn't even feel like brushing my teeth.
And there's this one thing; due to my mental illness, I have paranoid thoughts; I view all people as potential attackers. Before I even used to think that if I saw a person smiling, I thought they were snickering because *I* was such a lousy person. That's how I started viewing other people as lousy.

Now that I'm in a pretty good condition, both physically and mentally, I feel like thanking all the people who have helped me become the person I am today; teachers, doctors, nurses, my family and friends, and yes, even the people who have caused my problems.
They have done their part in helping me, and I want to pay them back by helping someone.

I have learned to love all the people around me, and think of them as good persons who are potential friends. When I see a person smiling, I don't think they are snickering at me, but I feel happy because they are happy too.

And all the bad people who have made my life bad, well, do they hurt others because they want to? Or because it lessens their own pain? Whatever the reason is, I will forgive them.

Nowadays when I walk busy streets and see a world full of different people, I don't think "Ugh, people!". I rather think "Aww, people!"
And I want to be an angel on Earth; I want to help people reach their dreams and become the persons they want to be, as I was helped too. I hope it works.
  • Current Mood: good good
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Last night I had watched the movie Saved! with English subtitles (Cassandra Edelstein is my role model and teenage!Macaulay Culkin is a such a sweetheart) and after going to bed, I had read the comic album We Hate Tank Girl. I still love her as much as back in junior high.

I don't know what kind of dreams I had last night, but I woke up with my pussy wet and my ankles aching. No wait, now I remember; in one dream I was mourning the death of John Lennon and holding his broken eyeglasses, in another dream I was going to visit my grandma, I was packing my bags, in another dream I was kicked out of a Pentecostal girl school for yelling fruity phrases, don't exactly remember what, and before I woke up I had a dream that the RED Medic from Team Fortress 2 strapped me on his exam table and performed a very exquisite gynecological exam on me (and made me suck his shriveled dick).

The dreams made me feel a bit weirded out and out of place, but nevertheless, I swallowed my pills and took a pain killer for my achy ankles. I changed the bath towels into clean ones as every Wednesday, and spent most of the morning surfing on the Internet.

I took a shower, brushed my teeth and washed my face, dressed up, had a healthy breakfast and washed laundry.

After a while, I was off; I went to Citymarket and bought a chocolate bar, then I decided to go for a little urbane adventure. I took the bus 56 to Hakunila and then the bus 741K to Helsinki.
I got off at Hakaniemi, because I wanted to visit the UFF thrift store to see if they had some awesome clothes for sale.
Not much, so I took a subway train to the city center, visited Sokos to buy a new lip balm and Idea to buy a birthday card for kimya_dawson_.

It was completely dark when I took the bus 452 to Myyrmäki, I visited the library to retrieve my requests.

I also went to Hennes&Mauritz, and in the children's department I noticed that they had Little Twin Stars jewelry for sale! Aww! I'll buy some next week.

I also went to BodyShop and tested a little of Candied Ginger body lotion, I rubbed it on my hands and it made them smell a little.

Once home, I had received the Tideland DVD I had ordered and notxdeadxyet's card. I was so happy, and I had a nice evening!
  • Current Mood: hyper hyper
  • Current Music: The Kinks - Lola