November 19th, 2011


(no subject)

If people actually stopped looking at my grotesque outer self, and instead looked inside me, straight into my soul, they would actually see Someone. And they would stop harassing, bullying, torturing and spitting at me.

(no subject)

I have been having a lot of sexual dreams about Team Fortress 2, the last dream was about me having a 69 with Demoman on my parents' bed. His balls tasted like salty chocolate.

I had set my alarm clock to ring at ten in the morning, so I could do all the morning routines before the counselors from Laturi come for a visit.

I managed to get up half an hour before the alarm clock rang, I was very happy about that and even if I say so about myself, I was proud of myself.
I took a shower, brushed my teeth and washed my face, anointed my body and dressed up, I was just about to start drying my hair when the doorbell rang.

The meeting was okay. Heidi suggested that we could continue these weekly meetings somewhere else, like in a coffee shop or art museum, because usually my apartment is in a such good condition so it doesn't need to be checked out.

After they left I looked at Ghost World images on Tumblr and waited for an inspiration to start doing housework.

The inspiration didn't come, instead the voices started harassing me as bad as ever, and soon I was bawling my eyes out until I curled up on my bed under my blanket and thought of the nasties and wrongs I have had to suffer from during my life.

I wanted to stay under the blanket until I die, but then I decided that the only way in life is forward; sure, life continued being as annoying as ever, but I had to go on.

I decided to go buy some chocolate and then go for a walk. And so I did; and noticed that I didn't feel so anguished as I would have felt. When I was back home, the feelings returned.

I continued doing housework; mainly I just washed laundry, I think I'll do the rest of the housework tomorrow.
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