Yesterday evening I went to sleep, feeling like I was about to lose my mind. I was in tears and wished I wouldn't go crazy and end up in the mental ward.
I had dreams of school once again; these days I have had many dreams of having to go back to grade school or high school to complete some classes I have failed, and usually the dreams remind me of my days in school; being bullied or ignored, and having stress about studying.
This morning I felt better; I had received some birthday money from my father, he had promised me 100 euros but gave me 50 euros. I went to the mall, withdrew the money and bought some groceries and party food, then I went to Hennes&Mauritz and bought a black dress made of fake leather.
I will never stop wishing I had more money. I am sick of being always flat broke; every week when I receive my allowance, I buy enough groceries to last for a week (and usually they just don't last; I either buy too little food or then I eat too much).
Once home, I started setting up the party. I had bought cheezy poofs, candy and a carrot cake.
Elise never showed up, neither did Emmi or Pia. Suvi and Jamie came over and bought lots of presents; a Magical Mystery Tour coffee mug, BodyShop strawberry gift basket, SinCity incense, the original soundtrack for Rocky Horror Picture Show and some chocolate.
We hugged each other a lot, listened to music, talked, took some photos and ate the party food.
After they left, I took out some garbage, aired my apartment and hoovered the floor.