February 6th, 2015


(no subject)

I haven't been feeling too well for the past few days; as you can remember, on Saturday I got this achy pukey day, and on Sunday my right eye was hurting, my mom told me it might be a pulled muscle, zie got something like that a couple of times in her life.

I went to the doctor when it got worse, and I was diagnosed with an illness called "herpes zoster", and now I have an awful rash all over my forehead and scalp and my right eye is swollen shut, I can't see anything with it but fortunately I can function with only my left eye.

Before I was diagnosed, I had the neurosis that a banana fly had laid eggs into my eye socket, or that I had gotten a leech into my eye from eating sushi. But this was proved wrong.

I got medication, pills and eye salve for it. I take pills three times a day and put eye salve into my right eye. I got more medication as well, but they are not in stock so it might take a week or two before I can actually buy it. Or actually, my mom pays for it since I can't afford it.

During some years I have received this paper form from the social office, I can use it to get prescription medicine for free. I guess the Finnish welfare system works better than in the USA.

My mom has visited me a couple of times, and it's always the same, zie curses and hollers and yells and complains and makes me feel awful. It always makes me feel upset when I have a some sort of problem and other people make a bigger fuss about it than me, especially my mom. I wish zie would act hir age.

I should have sent a friend a birthday card, bought late Christmas & birthday presents for friends, bought more Valentine's day cards and stamps for them, and also, me and Suvicita have planned to go to Tallinn on Valentine's day and I really don't want to miss that. I guess I'll go, no matter how bad I feel. I can still function pretty well aside from missing half of my eyesight and having a headache.

First the leukemia, then depression and schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, when I moved into Kilterinrinne I had a cold sore in my lip, broke my arm and used to have the flu about once a month, and now this. I guess being ill is a big part of my life.
  • Current Music
    Fleetwood Mac - Sweet little lies

(no subject)

I had a sad dream about two pet guinea pigs whose owner died, and the piggies realized that they had never been real pet animals, nothing but two plush toys. The other comforted the other by saying that despite not having real beating hearts, they were still loved. The dream made me feel really sad, it kind of reminded me of the story Velveteen Rabbit I read once.
I had some really nice and colorful dreams too, they made me feel happy.

In the morning when I woke up, I noticed that the sky was rusty brown, it meant it was still night. I slept until the sky turned pearly grey, then I got up, swallowed my pills and put eye salve into my right eye which was still swollen shut.

I called the health center but no one answered, then my mom called me and told me zie’s coming over later today. I quickly hid all the chocolate and unpaid bills and other controversial stuff so zie won’t throw a tantrum. I know my mother, zie can get very temperamental sometimes.

I spent most of the day inside in my pajamas, eating chocolate, doing some random odd jobs and waiting for my mom to show up.

I have noticed that I don’t crave for iced lattes anymore, I don’t hear voices as much as I used to do, and I feel generally calmer. It’s always the same when I get sick with a physical ailment.

My eye feels better now, it’s not swollen shut anymore.

Mom came over and zie raised hell about the large amount of banana flies in my apartment, zie cursed and yelled and hollered so much that I found it better to hide under my bed. Zie took out the garbage, washed the garbage bins and the carrier bags where I keep the recyclable garbage, sprayed my apartment with Baygon, wiped the kitchen counters, and berated me all the time; zie mentioned at least five times that I should take out the garbage and recycling more often, and at one point zie sighed wistfully; ”I feel as if I never raised you well enough to take better care of yourself”. I felt sorry for both myself and my mom.

Mom told me to take a shower and change into clean pajamas, so I took a quick shower but didn’t wash myself because I only use soap to wash my hands, not my body because I have taken up this habit of avoiding soap when washing my body; my skin is extremely sensitive, rinsing myself with water is enough. I have also decided not to use face wash, and I only use the kind of shampoo that has no sodium laureth sulfate. And besides, there was no point of irritating my skin even more now that I had herpes of some kind.

After I had stepped out of the shower, I anointed my body and face with lotion and dressed up.

My mom left, and I decided to leave too. I traveled to Helsinki and visited Hennes & Mauritz on Aleksanterinkatu to buy a cute shirt (gray with pink heart and the text "STAY SASSY") and a cute sweater (gray with pastel candy hearts with offensive sayings like "-AS IF-", "JEALOUS MUCH?", "CAN U NOT"), then I went home on the bus 39. I made a few phone calls on the way.

Once back home, my head started hurting; I feel this stabbing pain in a part of my head, under my right ear and on the right side of my neck, and my right eye started itching again.

Once back home, I took a warm shower, dressed into a clean pair of pajamas and went to bed.
  • Current Music
    The Chordettes - Mister Sandman
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