4th March 2015

greyrainbow

I'm sorry I haven't updated for a while, it's just that I had a severe bout of depression and I am slowly trying to get things back together. Also, sorry if my writing is a bit off, my creative skills have been suffering.

It started last Tuesday, when Kaima came to see me ("Kaima" is a Finnish euphemism for "someone who has the same name as me", that's how I will refer to my worker from ASPA who incidentally has the same name as me. As you know, I use pseudonyms of people I know, simply to protect their identity) I was so devastatingly sleepy that after having lunch, it was like someone had turned the power switch off, I snoozed till evening until it was time to change into nighties and take my evening medicine.

I was also maudlin because I had watched this Chuck Jones cartoon The White Seal on YouTube, it's based on a novel by Rudyard Kipling; it's about a white seal named Kotic who saves hir kind from poachers and hunters. The film gave me a great big deal of *feels*, because animals are so close to my heart, especially seals and guinea pigs. The cartoon practically wrung my heart and I couldn't finish watching it.

I still don't feel like I am okay; I mean, everything is fine, I have a nice apartment to call home, a soft bed, working Internet connection, a cupboard full of pretty clothes, I still have my old teddy bear, my parents love me and they give me money when I am in need. But my brain chemistry just fucks things up every once in a while.

On Sunday when I went to see my parents, I cried. I don't cry too often nowadays, which is weird because when I was in grade school I used to cry a lot.
  • Current Mood: thoughtful thoughtful
  • Current Music: Gorillaz - Clint Eastwood