May 2nd, 2015


(no subject)

It's been a while since I last made a "real life" update. Not much has happened, I have been visiting my parents and celebrated Mayday with my friends.

I have decided to go for a sugar- free diet, I have also given up coffee.
I don't like chocolate anymore as much as I used to, I practically feel aversion towards it, and sweet milky coffee may taste sweet but the caffeine makes me feel awful. A life without candy, cookies, cupcakes and ice cream might feel horrid, but then again, it's junk food that makes me feel horrid.
There are some fruits that are like the candy of nature; grapes, bananas, watermelon, satsumas, and they contain natural sugar and are healthy.

All in all, I really should improve my diet because there's this saying, "Bowels are the second brain". I need to consider all health implications in order to fight my depression and anxiety, that includes exercise. I have been putting off going to the gym, I can't possibly go for walks in my old biker boots and not to mention my bike tires are flat and I don't own a bicycle pump. Or actually, I do own one, but it doesn't match with the valves or whatevs.

I should consider my finances, too. If I spent less money on treats, I could have more money towards everything else.

(no subject)

Yesterday evening I drank so much coffee that I couldn't sleep, there's another reason why I should give up coffee. I am never able to drink coffee in moderation because I am addicted to it. I always give myself a caffeine high, then I have to swallow tranquilizers in order to calm down.

I felt out of place, my tongue felt stiff and my hands were twitchy. I was on the verge of crying, not because I was genuinely sad but because I have a horrid PMS. My hormones always fuck up my already fucked up brain chemistry, and that's when my delusions get worse.

I stayed awake till three o'clock in the morning, finally fell asleep and got up at three o'clock in the afternoon. I didn't bother with the morning routines, just took my medicine and dressed up.

Later the day I went to see my parents so they could give me money for groceries, my mom gave me a fiver and my dad gave me 20 euros. It's usually my mom who helps me with my finances, dad usually gives me money on birthdays and such.

I drank a little coffee and hugged my mom, then I traveled back to Myyrmäki and went to Citymarket in Myyrmanni shopping mall. I bought bread and milk, and also some mint fondant filled chocolates and iced vanilla lattes.

Once home, I tried to distract myself by doing housework. Later the evening I brushed my moldy teeth and took a shower. I need to take better care of myself.

I hate it how emotional I am, how I react strongly to everything, and so on. I wish I could be stronger, but I don't know how to become stronger.
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