May 26th, 2015


(no subject)

Last night I felt very unhappy, and I still don't know why; I hadn't read any triggering fanfiction, I had eaten well and gone to the gym, I guess it was just the evening blues.

I went to bed without doing the evening routines, because I felt so melancholy I practically felt my heart ache.

I had a dream about the mental hospital again, it wasn't too bad but I had another dream where I ventured into a nightmarish forest, it was like Otherworld from the video game series Silent Hill. It was a dark night, it was raining and the trees looked barren and rusty and almost bloody, and there were skeletons with their flesh in ribbons and strange signposts with Cyrillic text.
In another dream I was riding my bicycle in a small, sunny town, but then the dream warped and I was riding my bicycle in a dark yard with old houses that looked broken and rusty, and the street was a strange angular spiral and the children playing turned into dusty skeletons.

In the morning I got up about at half past ten o'clock; I decided not to brush my teeth because I was afraid that the froth that forms from the toothpaste might make the eczema around my mouth worsen.
I took my morning medicine, washed my underbelly, rubbed basic lotion on my face and body and cortisone lotion on the eczema, dressed up, had a breakfast and took my vitamin supplements.

I went to Myyrmanni shopping center to return the empty Frezza Mocca bottles. I have decided that from now on, I will never buy Frezza Mocca again, I have become addicted to it and squandered and great big deal of my meager finances on it.

I made 1,60 euros and bought a big Fazer chocolate bar, and now I regret it. I don't even like chocolate as much as I used to, and I could have saved the money on something else.

Once home, I just puttered around until my doorbell rang; it was my ASPA worker Kaarina, this time zie didn't have a student with hir.

During the visit I managed to iron my laundry and wash the dishes while chitchatting with hir, I was really proud of myself. After zie left, I hoovered the floor. My apartment was really nice and clean.

I was getting bored and wondering what I should do before going to the hobby group that starts at four o'clock in the afternoon in Pähkinärinne.

I was thinking of going to Helsinki to visit two of my favorite UFF thrift shops that sell vintage clothes, the one on Fredrikinkatu and the one on Iso- Roobertinkatu. But I felt strongly gripped by the fear that someone would harass me as soon as I got out of my home; it's a fear that many women have to face, but then again, I feel more strongly about it due to my mental health.

I was feeling really frustrated and annoyed while I thought of where to take the bus or the train to Helsinki, and then I decided to visit my parents' house; I called my mother, zie was still at work, and said that it's fine. I called my dad, just to be sure, and zie said that zie and my brother were at the airport, they are going to travel to Tokyo.

I hopped onto my bicycle and rode to Raappavuori, I was amazed that it went so quickly and easily.
Once in my parents' home, I made coffee and did the facial muscle exercises.
About at ten minutes to four o'clock in the afternoon, I rode my bicycle to Pähkinärinne.

There were some new people, a young woman my age whose name was Pinja. Zie was in cosplay costume and wore a wig and a self- made cupcake pendant.
I drank coffee and ate a crepe with strawberry jam. Later the day we went outside to the nearby park where the others played football.

After the group ended, I offered to walk with Pinja to the bus stop because zie didn't know where it was, and waited for the bus with hir. When the bus came, I hugged hir and told hir to take care.

I rode my bicycle to Myyrmäki and visited the mall to look for new clothes.

Once home, it was half past seven o'clock in the afternoon. I had two sandwiches and a glass of milk for supper.

Tomorrow it will be my mother's name day. I will receive money, I have to go to the bank as soon as I have finished the morning routines. I don't need to buy anything else than a few cartons of milk, a bunch bananas, a couple of pairs of rubber gloves for housework, and half a dozen of chicken eggs from the grocery shop. I also need proper sunglasses and a pair of socks. I have decided not to buy Frezza Mocca anymore.
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    Idina Menzel - Let it go
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(no subject)

Food intake:
For breakfast I had a bowlful of organic, cocoa flavored just- add- water oatmeal porridge, a carrot, a satsuma, and a glass of milk.
Drank three cups of coffee with milk and sugar when visiting my parents.
Ate a crepe with strawberry jam and a cup of coffee with milk and artificial sweetener in the hobby group.
Had two rye bread sandwiches with cheese and cucumber slices, and a glass of milk.
Ate a big bar of Fazer chocolate during midday.

Money spending:
Bought the Fazer chocolate bar.

Rode my bicycle to Raappavuori, then to Pähkinärinne, then back to Myyrmäki.
Did the face muscle exercises in the afternoon and in the evening.
Did the exercises and stretches in the evening, along with the feet exercise.

In the morning I rubbed lotion on my face and body and washed my underbelly, and rubbed cortisone lotion on the eczema around my mouth.
In the evening I brushed my teeth, took a short shower and washed my underbelly, and also washed my butt, armpits, breasts, belly button and feet with soap. After shower I rubbed lotion on my face and body, and also rubbed cortisone lotion on my face.