2nd June 2015


I hate having PMS, my hormones fuck up my mental health and I get angry and moody, and the delusions bother me to the point where I almost have a panic attack or a psychosis.
When I feel frustrated and moody, I feel the need to lash out at people and generally be nasty, and that's what makes me feel bad about myself because I thrive to be as gentle and kind as possible.

My neck still hurts, and it hurts so bad I can barely do anything; I could, but the pain makes me so frustrated and unmotivated that I don't feel like doing anything.

Last night I had one of my most reoccurring dreams; Myyrmäki, Louhela, Martinlaakso and Raappavuori were completely renovated, old buildings were torn down and new ones were built, the asphalt roads were renewed and trees were cut. It was like Mad Max; there were dirt roads and futuristic buildings.
Then I had the usual erotic nightmare.

In the morning I got up, took my morning medicine, brushed my teeth and washed my hair. I wore one of my favorite outfits. I didn't feel like exercising or having a breakfast because I felt the wanderlust again, so I went out.

I have noticed that it feels a bit unnatural for me to go out without a hoodie and scarf, I guess it's just that I feel the need to cover myself so I won't be sexually assaulted.

I went to Myyrmanni shopping center and visited Citymarket to buy a box of three bars of Sunlight soap, and a bar of Fazer milk chocolate with roasted & salted cashews, and also bought a Frezza Latte from discount at Ärrä.

I went for an urbane adventure; I took the bus 56 to Mellunmäki, then the subway to Kamppi and by then I felt so bummed out that I decided to go back home. I took the bus 39 to Myyrmäki, went back home to surf on the Internet.

Later the day I went to the hobby group in Pähkinärinne, I took the bus 55 there; we baked Karelian pies and played Uno.

I took the bus 51 to Myyrmäki, once home I called my mom to complain about my PMS and neck pain.

In the evening I took a hot shower and let the spray land on the crick on my neck in order to soothe the pain. As a result, now my upper back is stiff but at least my neck doesn't hurt so much.

Tomorrow I will receive money, so the first thing to do is to pay a bill and then go to the bank as soon as I can, to withdraw the rest of the money. I will buy the necessary food and hygiene, and also favor sugar- free products.
Later the day I will have an appointment with my nurse Saija at two o'clock in the afternoon (2:00 pm). I have been thinking of going to the movies to see Mad Max: Fury Road, that is, if I have money left.
  • Current Mood: morose morose
  • Current Music: Bitch Alert - Sandy
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Food intake:
A handful of cherry tomatoes, a bar of salted cashew nut chocolate, two iced lattes, a Karelian pie, three cups of coffee with milk and artificial sweetener.
I have been thinking of trying to live on a sugar- free diet, or at least not consuming sugar so much. Sugar is like a drug, it gives you a happy rush and when you crash, you feel even worse.

I brushed my teeth in the morning, washed my hair, anointed my face and body with Aqualan L basic lotion.
In the evening I brushed my teeth, took a shower and washed my body, and used the same lotion on my face and body.
I have been thinking of starting to use only hypoallergenic body care products, because my skin is extremely sensitive.

I bought a box of three Sunlight soap bars, and a bar of Fazer milk chocolate with salted cashews. I bought two iced lattes.

I did the face muscle exercises at noon and in the evening, and I am actually feeling the effect.
  • Current Mood: accomplished accomplished
  • Current Music: Kimya Dawson - Chemistry

Counting my blessings

🍊 Feeling the effects of the face exercises
🌻 Going to the hobby group
🍉 Washing my hair, it looks adorable now
💎 Sunlight soap bars smell amazing
🐧 Talking to my mother
🌠 Discovering these amazing emojis on Copypastecharacter
🌏 Waking up to the breathtakingly beautiful sunshine
  • Current Mood: blessed
  • Current Music: Scissor Sisters - I don't feel like dancing