July 2nd, 2015


(no subject)

Last night I came home late, and I didn't feel like doing the evening routines; eating a supper, having a wash, exercising or anything like that. I just put on my pajamas and flopped onto bed, and felt crippling guilt because of it.

This morning I managed to get up early, and do all the morning routines but simply forgot to exercise and stretch.

Later the day I went to visit my parents' home, they had gone for a vacation to Kokkola, a city in Finland, my father's grandmother lives there.

I had a therapy session at quarter past one o'clock in the afternoon (1:15 pm). I took the I train to Helsinki and walked to Kamppi, and considering that I had plenty of time, I visited Ruohonjuuri, my favorite eco- market. I love visiting that place even if I don't buy anything, simply for the good vibes. It always cheers me up and gives me hope.

I made it to the therapy session, even if my anxiety kicked in and I started thinking if the time on my calendar was right, but it was; at least Jaana, my therapist, didn't say that I had arrived at a wrong time.

Me and Jaana used to shake hands before and after every appointment, but Jaana told me that zie had received a notification that doctors, nurses, therapists and others are not encouraged to shake hands with patients, to prevent diseases and infections from spreading. And I am cool with that.

I sat neatly, straightened my back and smoothed the hem of my dress and looked at Jaana while talking. I have decided to pay more attention to, well, myself, wherever I am.

After the appointment, we made a new one on July 7th at three o'clock in the afternoon (3:00 pm).

I decided not to go back home yet, so I hung around the neighborhood and visited Yellow Submarine, a record shop. I was happy to find Björk's album Vurnicura, I decided to buy it later.

I also visited Kamppi shopping center and some shops on Aleksi, and felt pleasant.

I took the bus 453 to Raappavuori and walked through the forest to my parents' home. I made coffee, played Pokémon (and caught Articuno!).

I was thinking of taking the P train through the Ring Rail Line to the airport and back, but instead took the I train to Myyrmäki. I realized it was getting late, and I have plenty of time to experience it.

Once home, I had two sandwiches, a banana, and a glass of milk for supper. I took my evening medicine, brushed my teeth, and after I have finished the daily entries, I will take a shower, exercise and stretch a bit and then go to bed. In order to provide a good night's sleep and not to increase my mania, I will not watch Netflix, surf on Facebook and Tumblr, knit, read books, or anything like that.

I am being haunted by the girl I used to be. The girl who was sad but still found astounding beauty in everything around her. Nowadays I just feel so... frustrated, bothered, bitter, and jaded all the time.
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