July 25th, 2015


(no subject)

I got up pretty early because I got sick of having anxiety- causing dreams.
I should take up the habit of sitting on the edge of my bed before getting up on my feet, and then I rise on my tiptoes, stretch my arms above my head and smile as widely as I can.
This morning the dreams I had made me so anxious that I just sat on the edge of my bed, like that painting "Puberty" by Edvard Munch.

 photo Puberty_zpshflrpkku.jpg

The first thing to do was to replace the towels. I took my morning medicine, brushed my teeth, took a shower, dressed into a pink Dirndl dress and a grey shirt with The Ramones logo on it.
I had breakfast and took my vitamin supplements, I always take my medicine with water and my vitamin supplements with freshly squeezed orange juice.

I spent the morning reading the books I had lent from the library, I didn't even bother turning on my laptop.
I managed to hoover and mop the floor like every weekend, then I went to see my parents. I called my mother but she didn't answer, later I called her again and this time she answered. She said it's okay for me to come over.

I realized I have been neglecting my bicycle, so this time I went to Raappavuori on my bicycle. The back tire was full of air, but for some reason it kept on trembling and bouncing in a peculiar way when in motion. Not to mention that the physical exertion made me feel moody, it always happens when I get exhausted; the delusions start bothering me worse than usual.

I made it to Raappavuori. Mom was tidying the second bathroom (they have two bathrooms, one with a shower and a washing machine, and the smaller one has a broom closet), later the day she and dad went for a walk.

Later the day I rode my bicycle back to Myyrmäki, I visited the library and Myyrmanni shopping center on the way.
Once home, I was in a terribly angry mood because the physical exertion made me moody and the delusions got worse. That's the main reason why I avoid exercising and working out, it makes me feel awful. But I also think that if I exercised more, I could get used to the exertion and the delusions would cease. Without forgetting proper nutrition, sleep, liquids, and other building blocks of a healthy life.

Once back home, I managed to do a great big deal of housework; I took my mattress outside and beat it with a carpet beater, and the dust really flew. I also washed the covering of the mattress, or whatever it is called, in the washing machine, and I managed to get the stains (coffee, menstrual blood, hair dye, pollen) off. It was as white as snow, I couldn't help admiring it when I hung it on the clothesline in the drying room.

I also swabbed the kitchen counters and my working desk, scrubbed the toilet bowl and wash basin, and washed many loads of laundry.

Later the day I felt the need to go someplace, so I called my mom and asked her if I can come over, she said yes.
I decided to walk to Raappavuori, and for some reason I didn't feel agoraphobic or paranoid as I usually do when I leave my home. I felt calm and cheerful, and I remembered to breathe through my nose and hold my back straight.

Once in my parents' home, mom and dad were looking at maps, both Google Maps and paper maps, I asked dad about it and he said that they were planning another vacation in the USA.

I noticed that I had forgotten my diary home, but I didn't let it bother me.

I asked my dad if I can lend the window scrubber tomorrow, I desperately need to wash my windows since there is banana fly poop all over them, tiny brown pinpricks, and besides, I should wash my windows every summer, anyway.

I took the bus 530 to Myyrmäki. Usually when I get off the bus, I wave at the driver and thank them, out of politeness.

Once home, I took my evening medicine and brushed my teeth. I'm going to sleep on the sofa- bed tonight, since the mattress cover is still in the drying room. Tomorrow I might dress my bed in clean linen for the first time in about two months; which reminds me, I need new bed linen. IKEA has some nice ones, I looked at their online shop today. I might order one linen set next week.

I'll do the rest of the housework tomorrow. I need to hoover and mop the floor under the furniture, take the carpet out to dust it, mop the bathroom floor, wash the dishes, wash even more laundry, and arrange my closet and cupboards.
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My plans for Monday, June 27th - Sunday, August 2nd

Monday, June 27th:
I will have an appointment at the Myyrmäki health center, I will go to the dentist at ten past one o'clock in the afternoon; one of my fillings has chipped, and it will be fixed.
My ASPA worker will visit me at quarter to four o'clock in the afternoon.
I will do the rest of the housework.

Tuesday, June 28th:
Nothing special yet.

Wednesday, June 29th:
I will receive hundred euros. I will renew my Netflix, pay 25 dollars to Sugar Lips as a part of a commission, and withdraw the rest of the money. The first thing to do is to buy enough food to make do for a week, hygiene products from an eco- market, and I also need new underwear.
I'm going to ask my mom for extra money for tomorrow, and also because I am planning to go to the movies to see Mad Max: Fury Road, I have been planning to go see it for about a month now.

Thursday, June 30th:
I will go to Linnanmäki, a funfair, with ASPA workers and residents. We will meet in Pasila train station, in front of an eco- market at twenty- five past noon. Here's to hoping I will have a good time.

Friday, June 31st:
I will prepare for the housecleaning weekend, otherwise I don't have any special plans now.

Saturday, August 1st:
I will do housework, as usual.

Sunday, August 2nd:
I will do the rest of the housework, and then go see my parents.

(no subject)

Food intake:
For breakfast I had a bowl of instant oatmeal porridge, with a mugful of milk, two Finnish and tomato, and a clementine. Nutritional supplements (garlic oil capsule, omega 3, biotin, chrome, vitamin D, multivitamin) taken with a mugful of organic orange juice.
For snack I had two buttered rye bread sandwiches with tuna in sunflower oil, an avocado, an organic kiwi.
When visiting my parents, I drank five cups of coffee with milk and sugar, three glasses of orange juice, a handful of dark chocolate buttons, and a piece of goat cheese.

I rode my bicycle to Raappavuori and back, lifted 3 kg dumbbells for 15 times for each arm, walked to Raappavuori.

Mental health:
In the morning I felt a bit downcast after having bad dreams.
I felt calm and content for most of the day, except when I rode my bicycle to Raappavuori and back, my delusions became worse and made me feel moody.
I felt happy when I walked a different route to Raappavuori.