August 12th, 2015


(no subject)

I wish there was a reason why I am so miserable and depressed all the time.
Is it my diet?
Do I exercise too little?
Do I have a wrong kind of medication?
Is there something wrong with the water I drink, or the air I breathe?
Is it the heat wave?
Do I have some sort of physical illness like diabetes, or an allergy?

On Monday I am going to start the electro- convulsive therapy. Last time I received it, it was February 2007 and I was 18 years old. Here's to hoping that letting those blood- thirsty quacks fry my brain will make me happier; I think it will only make me even more manic, but I guess I can give it a try, if it prevents me from attempting suicide for the fourth time.

I have decided to cut all treats off my diet. No more chocolate, coffee, ice cream, including the buns and pies baked by my beloved mother. It's going to be tough, but it's going to be worth it. If I crave for something sweet, I can eat fruit like honeydew melon. And different berries are nature's own candy. And as for savory treats, I can replace them with cashew nuts and ripe avocados.

After the electrotherapy is over, I am going to start going to the gym and swimming pool again. I haven't done that for a while because the local fitness center has been on a summer break.

On Friday when I receive money, the first thing to do is to is to recharge my travel card, buy new underpants, and hygiene products from the eco- market.

I have an awful lot of pimples on my neck, I don't know why.

I'm starting to think that the lump in my breast is just an inflamed mammary gland. I have been lactating ever since I started anti- psychotic medication.

I have decided not to call helplines anymore, I need to learn to cope with my problems on my own. I shouldn't rely on other people so much.