August 14th, 2015


(no subject)

I haven't updated for two days, and it already feels like a week.

Yesterday was another of those achy- pukey days when I had a splitting headache and threw up a lot. I have had those days about once a month ever since I moved into this apartment. At least I don't get the flu every month like I used to in my last apartment.

I met my therapist for the first time in a couple of months, zie had hir summer break. It was nice talking to hir, but I have also been thinking that I should apply myself more, truly put my heart into the therapy, because usually I just yammer on and on about what I have been doing. I should discuss my mental well- being more, and I should also write into my diary about my mental health.

Once I was back home, I was thinking of taking a shower, eating a snack, putting on decent clothes and going to see my mother, but as soon as I came in I flopped on my bed and slept till evening, when I took my evening medicine, put on a clean nightshirt and went to sleep.

I will start the electro- convulsive treatment on Monday, I'll have to see how my life turns out during that because I necessarily won't be able to attend my therapy or hobby group, or go to gym and swimming pool.
Last time I received ECT was in March 2007, when I was being treated in the hellhole named ward 3B in Kellokoski psychiatric hospital, I wrote into this journal about it.
As far as I can remember, it actually made me feel better but considering that I wasn't in a good condition (I barely ate anything, I didn't feel like chancing my clothes, and I slept all day because the medicine I took exhausted me) and as I said, the ward was a hellhole so I became depressed soon again.

As usual, I am really low on money but I still try to save a little; I have taken up the habit of putting loose change into my piggy bank, I have been thinking of starting to deposit a tenner each Wednesday, so I will have some money for the rest of the week; usually when I receive the weekly allowance on Wednesday, the money is quickly spent on necessary food and hygiene. It's almost impossible to live healthily with a budget, but I'll try to manage.