6th September 2015

writing

My plans for Monday, September 7th - Sunday, September 13th

Monday, September 7th:
I will have an appointment in the psychiatric clinic in Tikkurila at ten o'clock in the morning.
My ASPA worker Kaarina L. will visit me quarter to four o'clock in the afternoon.
I will go to Girls' House for the evening.
If I have been cured from the flu by today, I will go to the gym. I will work out as usual; walk on the treadmill on the Manual setting for 2 minutes, then 4 minutes on the Cool Down setting. Then I will use every available exercise machine, and lift dumbbells.

Tuesday, September 8th:
If I have been cured from the flu by today, I will go to the swim hall and then to the sauna.
In the afternoon I will go to the hobby group in Myöhätuuli.

Wednesday, September 9th:
I will take a shower and wash my hair.
I will do the weekly housework; hoover the floor, take out the recycling, and keep the kitchen window and balcony door open to let fresh air in.
I will also receive money today, so I will go to the bank to withdraw it and then go to Citymarket to buy enough groceries to serve me for a week.
I will go to the movies to see Inside Out, I will purchase a Premium ticket and a tub of butter- flavored popcorn.

Thursday, September 10th:
If I am healthy enough by now, I will go to the gym and work out as usual.
I will have a therapy appointment at half past noon.
I will have an appointment at the psychiatric clinic at two o'clock in the afternoon.
I will go to Girls' House for the rest of the afternoon.

Friday, September 11th:
If I am healthy enough by now, I will go to the swim hall.

Saturday, September 12th:
I will wash my hair.
I will do the weekly housework; hoover and mop the floor, dust the carpet, take out the recycling, change the bed sheets and towels and wash them, wipe the writing desk and kitchen counter and bathroom sink, scrub the toilet bowl and mop the bathroom floor.

Sunday, September 13th:
If I am healthy enough by now, I will go to the gym and work out as usual.
greyrainbow

Ever since the electroshock therapy ended, I have felt confused and depressed, as if I have been turned into completely different person.
I get these weird thoughts and random mental images all of a sudden that I don't recognize as sensible thoughts, I have lost many memories which is the side effect of electroshock therapy, and I also feel very indifferent about things that used to be important to me in the past.

It's so weird, electroshock therapy was supposed to cure my depression, but now I feel even worse than I was before the electroshock therapy began.

Sometimes I still wish I lived with my parents, I cannot cope with all this alone. Then again, my parents are always criticizing me, and they rarely show any love and affection towards me. Which is sad because I have a deep craving for love and affection.

Sometimes I feel like my friends are my true family, including the people whose job is to help me, like my therapist and own nurse.

Then again, I feel as if a rare kind of happiness is growing through this sorrow. I feel like I can overcome this.

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  • Current Mood: sad sad
  • Current Music: The Ramones - Zero Zero UFO
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fartedmedic

I had a dream where I skipped from the school I last studied in. It made me feel unhappy and disappointed with myself that I couldn’t carry out my mother’s wish to get a degree.
Sometimes I think I hate having dreams; they either make me feel confused, or unhappy, or if they are happy and cheerful, they make me feel unhappy because they aren’t true. I really don’t see why humans have dreams when they sleep, they are completely unnecessary.

This morning I got up about at half past eight o’clock, took my morning medicine, took a shower and washed my hair, wore my prettiest outfit; a purple Tyrolean dress with tiny white flower pattern and a matching purple- and- orange striped shirt, and some cute jewelry.
I made breakfast, oatmeal porridge with organic honey and a glass of milk, and took my nutritional supplements.
I visited my parents’ home today. I would have wanted to walk to Raappavuori, but as I was still down with the flu I decided to take a bus, because exhausting myself physically wouldn’t help me get better.

Once in my parents’ home, I sorted out their mail, made a cup of coffee with milk and sugar, wrote into my diary, and then went to Helsinki on a bus.

Once in Helsinki, I went to Kiasma, the modern art museum, and checked out every single one of the exhibitions. After that I went to my favorite shops to look for stuff I am going to buy next week when I receive the weekly allowance; given my tight budget, I really need to make plans, and besides I need to buy lots of stuff this autumn; new underwear (I have only three brassieres), warm clothes for the oncoming winter, and I also need to pay the owner of Horror Shop for the piercing jewelry (we agreed for a partial payment) and besides, food is expensive these days.

I went back to Martinlaakso on the train and walked to Raappavuori, made another cup of coffee and took the bus to Helsinki. I went to Helsinki for a specific reason, I wanted to buy a bag of Haribo coke bottle jelly candies from a snack dispenser, just to taste them.

Once in Helsinki, I bought a bag of the aforementioned candies from a snack dispenser at the subway station, they were alright.
I went to Ateneum, another art museum. There was an interesting exhibition about the Northern mythology.
I was planning to go to National Museum, but I was getting tired so I went to Myyrmäki on a train.

I visited Cubus, a clothing shop in Myyrmanni shopping mall, and fitted a brassiere I intent to buy next week. I only have three proper brassieres, so I desperately need to buy new ones. It’s really sad that very few shops sell brassieres that fit me, and those shops that sell size large brassieres are very expensive. Fortunately Cubus sells some pretty brassieres in my size, and for an affordable prize.

Once back home, I made myself toast with scrambled eggs and drank milk.
I took the carpet out to dust it, and looked through my drawers and cupboards for stuff I could give away to charity.

In the evening I took a warm shower, and hoped I would have tea to soothe my sore throat. I am going to buy some next week when I receive money.

Tomorrow my alarm clock will wake me up at half past seven o’clock in the morning, I have to make myself look proper and have a proper breakfast before catching the bus to Tikkurila; I will have an appointment at the psychiatric clinic at ten o’clock in the morning.
After the appointment, I will go to Helsinki and visit Amos Anderson art museum, the only art museum in the metropolitan area that’s open on Mondays.
Once back home, I have to finish the housework; I will scrub the bathroom, and I have to look through my drawers and cupboards and storage boxes to find stuff I can give away to charity.
My ASPA worker will visit me at quarter to four o’clock in the afternoon, after that I will go to Girls’ House.

I am actually feeling a bit better now, I have managed to get a grip of myself.
  • Current Mood: sleepy sleepy
  • Current Music: The Honey Sisters - Cry-baby
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