17th October 2015

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Yesterday evening I was feeling moody, anxious, and like I was drowning in *feels*, both fandom and IRL, and I had to down three Ketipinors before I fell asleep.
Too bad because I had to get up early today to go meet the physiotherapist in the psychiatric clinic, the appointment was at half past ten o’clock in the morning (10:30 am). Due to the chill pills I had taken, I was still drowsy.
I got up at ten o’clock, dressed up, washed the sleep off my eyes and dabbed some lotion on my face, and still felt sleepy.
Before going to the clinic, I went to Myyrmanni shopping mall and popped to Citymarket to buy a bar of Fazer milk chocolate, and a tube of Cloetta chocolate buttons with caramel center.

Once in the clinic, I visited the bathroom and looked into the mirror; my eyelashes were still crusty with sleep, my hair was tangled, and the skin between my nose and upper lip was reddened and flaky. I was glad that I didn’t have to meet my former nurse Kirsi, she always made fun of me for my clothes, hair, jewellery, the state of my skin and practically everything about me, and made me feel like shit.

I had forgotten about the last appointment I had with the physiotherapist, because the electroshock treatment wiped out some of my memories. But anyway, the physiotherapist was very sweet, encouraging and understanding, but she seemed to have memory problems of her own when I told her that my fitness center membership has expired and I cannot afford healthy food with my meager finances, and a moment later she asked me if I have visited to the fitness center lately and if I have remembered to eat healthily.
I tried to speak as clearly as I could, but I kept on fumbling for words. I guess I was still a bit drowsy.

We decided not to make a new appointment, I headed back home to surf on the Internet.

I received an e- mail from momsie, she told me that she was going for a cruise arranged by the Finnish Red Cross volunteer group she belongs to, and she would be back home on Sunday.

I took the bus 571 to Raappavuori, once there I made coffee, surfed on the Internet, and went back home on the bus 574.

Once back home, I spent most of the day surfing on the Internet.
I took my evening medicine, and noticed that I had forgotten to take my morning medicine, once again, mainly because I had to leave in a hurry.
  • Current Mood: uncomfortable uncomfortable
  • Current Music: Gnarls Barkley - Crazy
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This time I remembered to take my morning medicine, and I also took a shower and brushed my teeth and put on some jewellery. I also made breakfast.
I’m not sure what the reason behind it is, but my appetite has plummeted. I don’t feel like eating, and I rarely feel hungry. I better consult a doctor about it.

I knew I should have tidied up my apartment as it was Saturday again, but I had kind of lost the track of it considering that I didn’t tidy it up last Saturday when I came home from my grandmother’s. I still managed to replace towels and bed sheets, and roll up the carpet and put it to the balcony.

I was thinking about what to do today; should I do housework, should I return bottles, should I go visit my parents? I did the same thing any twenty- something does when facing trouble; I took a nap.

When I got up, I felt better, calmer. It was half past three o’clock in the afternoon, and I decided to go visit my parents.
My mom was away for the weekend, I called my dad and told him I am coming over and returning the cardigan I once borrowed from mom, he said it was okay.

I took the bus 574 to Raappavuori. Dad was watching TV and drinking soda, I put the cardigan on mom’s bed and made coffee. Now that I think about it, I should give up coffee altogether.
I ate a handful of cherry tomatoes, and a peanut butter sandwich. I told my dad about my visit to grandmother’s, who is also his mother. I also helped him to turn on the dishwasher.

When I was about to leave, dad gave me 20 euros! He said he feels a bit guilty because he rarely gives me money. I hugged and kissed him, thanked him and told him to take care.

I walked to the Martinlaakso bus station and took the bus 565 to Myyrmäki. It was about six o’clock in the evening, and the shops were about to be closed. I decided to go spend the money tomorrow.

Once back home, it was getting late. I was thinking of sitting on a bench in my home yard and writing into my diary, but I didn’t have much to write about and besides, I needed to pee.

At eight o’clock in the evening I took my medicine and brushed my teeth. I also scrubbed the toilet bowl.

Tomorrow I am going to tidy up my apartment like every weekend; I need to hoover and mop the floor, take out the recycling, take the carpet out to dust it, wash a few loads of laundry, scrub the bathroom, swab the writing desk and kitchen counter, and keep the balcony door and kitchen window open to let fresh air in.
I might also go visit my parents, my mom will be home about after midday. I should also do some purchases now that I have got the money.
  • Current Mood: hot hot
  • Current Music: Scissor Sisters - I don't feel like dancing
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