29th December 2015


I slept pretty well, and I had one of the most usual dreams I have; I died and went to Afterlife. In this dream, afterlife turned out to be a bit bureaucratic; I was taken into a huge building where two clerks checked my file and noticed that I wasn’t supposed to pass on yet. Then we decided to go out for ice cream.
Then I had a dream where it was Halloween, it was nearing midnight and I ran about being worried where I could scrounge up enough cash for the Halloween party I was supposed to hold for my friends.
In another dream I studied in Hämeenkylä high school, where I actually studied in 2004 – 2005 before dropping out when I was taken to a mental ward.
I also had a dream about being in a mental ward, I tried explaining the nurses that I had accidentally stumbled into the ward after being lost, and I tried to explain as calmly and smartly as I could so they wouldn’t mistake me as mentally ill.

I woke up early, and it took me a while to realize that it wasn’t Halloween, I wasn’t in a mental ward or high school; I realized that my face was so dry it felt like a clay mask, and that I was so hungry I could feel the pain in my stomach radiate to my nipples.

I got up and put on a pair of mauve Daisy Duck pyjama pants and a black half- sleeve blouse with a cherry pattern. I didn’t bother with the morning routines.

I used my smartphone to log in to my online bank account, and what do you know, I had received money.
I turned on my laptop and paid for my Netflix subscription through PayPal. As usual, it said that the payment had failed, but still let me browse Netflix. Later I received an e- mail which told me that the payment had succeeded. It happens every month ~

I went to the bank to withdraw the rest of the money, then I went to the Salvation Army flea market to buy the vintage Marimekko dress I had had my eye on for a while.

I went to Myyrmanni shopping center to buy a new diary, and then I went to Citymarket to buy enough food to serve me for a week. To be honest, I really don’t see why I should buy so much food since I eat so little.
I also bought a new figurine; My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic water cutie named Blossomforth. I understand the “blossom” but I don’t understand the “forth” part of it.

I went home, and felt moody because my apartment was a mess; I still don’t feel like washing the dishes or taking out the recycling. The throw rug I keep under my chair was uneven, and I didn’t feel like straightening it.
My sofa- bed and the floor around it was cluttered with all kinds of stuff; the gifts I had wrapped up for my friends and also the wrapping papers, Scotch tape, package tags; the blue embroidered Dirndl dress I need to take to a dressmaker for mending; all kinds of

I surfed on Finnish Tumblr blogs, and felt better. I also liked the page “MUH men’s rights activism” on FaceBook, and felt even better.
I still didn’t feel like spending all day inside, so I called my mom and asked her if I can come over, since we had agreed that Tuesday were the days when I can visit. I thought about taking along my laptop so I could write, but decided to take my knitting.

I looked at the bus timetables. Every single one of the buses I take to Raappavuori had left a minute ago and the next ones would leave after 20 minutes. I noticed that the bus 574 would leave in ten minutes, so I had to hurry.

I made it to the bus, once in my parents’ home mom peeked from the bathroom and the first thing she said to me was to complain about my pyjama pants.

I knitted with mom and hoped she wouldn’t bring up the subject of my studies or working.
Mom asked about my knitting. I told her I am making a scarf; I am going to knit one square as long as it is wide, and then start knitting another. Mom said “You cannot make a scarf with only two squares, you know”. No shit Sherlock, I had meant to knit more than two squares.
(I accidentally wrote “no shirt Sherlock” first)

She went for a walk, I stayed in and as usual when I am alone, the delusions started bothering me. Just when I was almost yelling my head off, dad came home.
I hugged him and asked “Did you have a nice day at work?” and he said “No”.
I didn’t feel like spending the day with my depressive dad, so I decided to leave. I said “Bye bye dad, I’m going back home”, and he answered “Good”.

I decided to walk to Martinlaakso station, and take the bus 510 to Myyrmäki.
Once in Myyrmäki, I visited a few shops to find something to buy. I visited the toy shop BR Lelut, and found tons of gorgeous figurines I could buy, that is, if I could afford them.

I went back home, and started feeling ill; I felt faint, like my head was full of air, and the inside of my ears itched.
I took my evening medicine and realized that I had forgotten to take my medicine this morning. Oh well.

My vagina excretes an aroma that reminds me of warm bread, or the earth after rain. Usually I enjoy the aroma, but now it reminds me about how I should shower more often and also remember to change my panty liner.
  • Current Mood: angry angry
  • Current Music: Devo - Girl U want