January 26th, 2016


(no subject)

Yesterday evening I made the decision to start taking my evening medicine at nine o’clock in the evenings, not eight o’clock as I usually do. It’s because after taking my evening medicine, I start feeling sleepy and go to bed, and I don’t want the day to end too early.

I managed to take my mattress out to dust it, and dressed my bed into the My Little Pony duvet set. It didn’t feel as comfy as cotton, but it felt nice and smooth enough, like satin.
I also managed to have a good supper and do the evening routines, brush my teeth and wash the dishes.

When I went to bed, I decided to read a book for a while. I wish I didn’t find it so hard to concentrate on reading, otherwise I would read tons of books about different subjects. It’s just that I am extremely sensitive to different sensations, if I read fiction that depicts touchy subjects like intolerance and oppression, I get triggered. And if I read a book depicting food, I get craving for something savoury.

I had a dream about a psychiatric hospital, getting lost, visiting the holiday resort in Kuortti, trying to make it to a Greyhound bus back home, visiting Martinlaakso and collecting all kinds of cute and sweet memorabilia, and something about Doctor Who. When I woke up, I felt like I had had a horrid nightmare.
I woke up to a terrible headache, I felt like someone was poking the side of my head with a nail. It’s been only two days since I took a shower, and I already felt grubby. I knew today would be a shower day, but I felt so miserable that I wouldn’t have even got up from bed if I didn’t know that I would get free coffee when I go see my mom.

I got up, took my morning medicine, put on clothes, and turned on my laptop to look at the timetables on the Internet.
I called my mom and told her I am coming over. I had missed the last bus and had to wait a long time until the next arrives.
The temperature was above zero outside, and it had rained ordinary water and the snow had melted into slush. I speculated that the temperature might drop below zero again, the slush would freeze and it would be hard walking outside.

Once in my parents’ home, mom had arrived a moment earlier.
Mom brewed us coffee, and sent me to the grocery shop to buy milk. I was in a terribly angry mood, not for any specific reason at all, not because of my mom or the lack of coffee, simply because I always feel angry because I have to fight with my delusions. I always give the kind of impression that I am very sweet and kind, when actually I am very bitter. Fortunately I don’t show that side to others.

Later the afternoon when mom went to the grocery shop, I decided to leave. I took the bus 574 to Myyrmäki and went to Myyrmanni shopping center and then to the library to spend time, until it was time to go to the youth group in Myöhätuuli.
I caught the bus 571 to Pähkinärinne. It was four o’clock in the afternoon, and it wasn’t too dark yet but dusk was falling.

Once in the hobby group, the others were making bars of soap. It reminded me of Fight Club.
I drank a cup of cocoa and also a cup of coffee, wrote into my diary and talked with the others. I wasn’t all that interested in making soap.
Now that I think about it, when I attend these hobby groups I should also take part in the hobbies. Usually I go there simply to drink the free coffee and write into my diary.

Later when I decided to leave, I decided that if the first bus to arrive to the bus stop is one that travels to Myyrmäki, I will go back home. If it’s a bus that goes to Helsinki, I will go downtown for a little business.
I took the bus 322 to Helsinki, and the tram 10 to Iso- Roba. I went to the local thrift shop to look for bedcovers; I found one that I had already had my eye on, it was made from colourful crocheted squares.
I asked the shop assistant to put it aside for me, I am going to pick it up tomorrow. I also found a pair of earrings and a cute blouse I could buy tomorrow, they don’t cost too much. And besides, I get 10 percent discount because I own a membership card to the UFF thrift stores.
I took the same tram back downtown, and caught the P train to Myyrmäki.

I went home, and before I could even notice it, it was time to take my evening medicine, take a shower and brush my teeth, and put on jammies. I don’t feel like washing the dishes this evening.

I don’t know the reason behind it, but I always feel unhappy in the evenings, just before bed time. I don’t know if it’s fatigue or low blood sugar.

I took my laptop along when I went to bed, and I actually feel happy. I looked at a friend’s Instagram photos, and wished I could have as colorful life as her.

Tomorrow will be a blessed day, I will receive money. My bank account is about nine euros below zero because of the usage fees.
The first thing to do is to go to the bank to withdraw the money, and then go to Citymarket to buy a sufficient amount of groceries to serve me for a week. Right now I need salt, milk, cucumber, cheese, and I also need to go to the thrift shop to retrieve the bedcover.
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