31st January 2016

writing

My plans Monday, February 1st - Monday, February 8th

Monday, February 1st:
I have to get up at nine o’clock in the morning when my smartphone alarm clock rings, so I can wash my hair, brush my teeth, and all around make myself representable. Then I will go to the Myyrmäki laboratory to give a blood sample.

At quarter past ten o’clock in the morning, I will have an appointment in the health center. It will be a regular routine check- up.

At half past two o’clock, my ASPA worker Kaarina will come for a weekly visit.

Between those two appointments, I will do the rest of the weekly housework, that is, wash the dishes, hoover and mop the floor under the furniture, and take the carpet out for dusting.

I will probably go to Girls’ House for the rest of the day.

Tuesday, February 2nd:
I will have an appointment in the psychiatric clinic at two o’clock in the afternoon.

I will go to the gym. I’m going to walk on the treadmill on Manual setting for 20 minutes, then on the Cool Down setting for 4 minutes. This time I will try increasing the speed, usually I walk about 5 km/3 miles an hour. Then I will use the exercise machines; I will try increasing the weight to 30 kg/66 lb and lift 30 times with each side of my body.

I will go to the hobby group in Myöhätuuli at four o'clock in the afternoon.

Wednesday, February 3rd:
As usual on Wednesdays, I will receive money. I have to:
❧ renew my monthly subscription for Netflix
❧ purchase a membership card for the swimming hall of Myyrmäki fitness center, and load 10 visits to the card
❧ purchase the theater ticket I had ordered
❧ buy 15 Valentine's day cards, and six birthday cards
❧ buy a new duvet set and a pillow

I will go to the swim hall and at least try to swim at most 200 metres/656 feet, that is, two times to the end and back.

I will also do the mid- week housework; scrub the toilet bowl and hoover the floor.

Thursday, February 4th:
I will go to the weekly hobby group in the ASPA office, this time there’ll be knitting and crocheting. I will bring my “project” along.

I will also go to Arnold's Coffee and Bakery Shop with Pinky, and then me, her, Elisa and Lauski are going to the swim hall. I will wash my hair there.

Friday, February 5th:
Another gym day.

Saturday, February 6th:
I have to do the weekly housework, along with that I need to replace the bedsheets.
I will go to the swim hall.

Sunday, February 7th:
Another hair- wash day. I will do more housework, and visit my parents.

Monday, February 8th:
I will go to the gym. I need to renew my Cipralex prescription.
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My nose itches.

Yesterday I tried to tidy up my home, like every weekend. I felt terribly angry and moody and delirious- oh wait, that’s how I usually feel, but this time it felt worse. I guess it’s because of my PMS, except it felt even worse. Even if I had taken my medicine, had a proper breakfast and went to the gym.
To be honest, I was scared about how angry I felt. I wasn’t scared about the delusions; I was scared about the anger it caused. I have been taught to associate anger with evilness, and it took me years to learn that anger, like all feelings, whether positive or negative, are necessary.
In the evening, about at eight o’clock, I gave up and went to bed.

I have suffered from depression & schitzo- affective for a decade now.
I still remember December 2005 when I was a sophomore in Hämeenkylä high school, and had to tell my homeroom teacher that I can’t come to the annual Xmas party in the aforementioned school because my delusions and panic attacks prevented it.
Nowadays I can attend parties and meet my friends and such, but I can barely take care of myself because of my delusions. I am writing this because of my frustration; I could barely commit myself to tidying up my apartment properly because I felt so out of focus.

I had pretty nice dreams, and slept very well except in the morning I woke up feeling a bit uncomfortable, no matter how I twisted my arms and legs I still couldn’t find a proper reclining position.

I got up at midday, took my morning medicine, put on my purple Dirndl dress and a pink Zombie Girl shirt.
I scrolled through Tumblr and Facebook, and didn’t bother with morning routines.

I decided to go see my parents straight away, at least I would get coffee & sympathy.
I caught the bus 571 to Raappavuori, on my way there I called my mother and told her I am coming over. She said it’s okay.

Once in my parents’ home, I drank some coffee, ate an avocado and some cashew nuts.
Mom combed my hair and told me I look pretty, and she said that my hair has grown so long that soon it can be braided. I joked that meanwhile I can braid my leg hair.
I was feeling good, usually when I go visit my parents I don’t really feel like anything, but this time I felt good. It was amazing. My mom was happy, my dad was happy, I was happy.

Later the day I went back home, and continued doing housework. I washed two loads of laundry, then I scrubbed the stains on the bathroom floor with a cream cleaner, and then I had to scrub the cleaner off the bathroom floor with a floor mop.

Well hello, I felt my good ole friend PMS returning. I decided to go for a walk before the dusk fell, and I left the balcony door and kitchen window open to let fresh air in.
The temperature was well above zero, it was raining slightly, and I stomped my way to Martinlaakso with my nose full of snot, but managed to calm down.

I remembered that I needed to buy some more groceries, so I decided to visit Alepa in Martinkeskus, the old shopping center. I bought a bag of avocados and a litre of milk, and wondered why I was buying more fod, considering my poor appetite.
I also bought two iced espressos, and a bar of Marabou chocolate. They didn’t have Marabou Japp, the one with fudge bits, but I think Marabou is good as well.
I used to love Fazer chocolate, back then when I lived in Kitlerinrinne I used to eat two bars a day, but nowadays I prefer Marabou. It’s softer and the taste is milder.

I took the bus 565 to Myyrmäki and visited Myyrmanni shopping center just before it would be closed for the day. I went to the stationery shop and bought a new notebook and two pens with purple ink that can be erased, I had two of them and they were out of ink by now.
I also bought 1st class postage stamps, approximately twenty of them. In February, there will be plenty of birthdays and also Valentine’s day, so I need to send a gazillion cards.

Once back home, I felt a bit nauseous after drinking six bottles of iced espresso, so I went to the bathroom to barf, and felt better after that. Weirdly enough, I didn’t even feel the delusional any more.

I took out the recyclable waste, carton and paper and metal; then I took my newly bought notebooks to my own storage room downstairs. I had bought about ten new ones in the past month, but I didn’t feel like taking them to the storage room right away.
Then I washed a third load of laundry, and considering that the drying rack was already full, I took them to the drying room downstairs.
I also swabbed my writing desk, marked some important dates into my new calendar, and wrapped up a gift for Carol Anne. A while ago she messaged me that she has posted off my Valentine’s day package, I should post her a package as well but I always find some other stuff to send her before I manage to send the rest of them, tee hee. I love her so much.

I set my smartphone to ring at nine o’clock tomorrow morning, I have an appointment in the health center at quarter past ten o’clock and I need to take a shower and brush my teeth before that, make myself look presentable. Tomorrow is a hair- wash day as well.
The appointment will be a routine check- up. I have to ask them to prescribe me some lotion for the itchy eczema on my right wrist, and talk about nutrition and exercising and other health stuff like that.

My ASPA worker Kaarina will visit me at half past two o’clock in the afternoon. Between those two appointments, I should do the rest of the housework; swab the kitchen counter, re- arrange my artefacts, hoover and mop the floor from under the furniture, take the carpet out for dusting, and I can wash the dishes while Kaarina is visiting me.

As for the rest of the day, I will probably go to Girls’ House.
  • Current Mood: sore sore
  • Current Music: Green Day - American idiot
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Counting my blessings:
I felt strangely happy when visiting my parents. Usually I feel happy when visiting them, but this time I felt happier than usual.
I managed to do housework, even a little but it’s better than nothing
I went for a walk after a long while
There was a slight sunshine today

Exercise:
I went for a walk.
Doing housework counts as exercising?

Food intake:
Four tomatoes in the morning
Cheese slices in the evening
Coffee with milk and sugar when visiting my parents
Six iced espressos, two of them vanilla- flavoured
Bar of Marabou milk chocolate
Handful of cashew nuts
Avocado, sprinkled with salt

Hygiene:
I brushed my teeth in the evening, and took a warm shower.

Money usage:
Bag of avocados, a carton of milk, a new notebook, two purple ink pens, twenty postage stamps.